Is it normal to feel less excited in a stable relationship?

[Anonymous]

So I'm 26, dating this guy who's also 26. We met a few months ago and hit it off immediately. Began dating exclusively after like 2 weeks of knowing each other and he ended up staying the night at my place TWICE before we ever even kissed.
So it was a but of an unconventional start.
Since then, we've spent a lot of time together and he makes me feel more wanted and that I'm more worth his time than anyone else I've dated ever has.
I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with him and the relationship already feels very safe and the communication is great.

BUT I'm noticing that I'm almost a little bored and I think it's because I'm used to dating either traumatic men or just guys that don't make any time for me and kinda hover that over me. I feel like now that I feel safe and like he wants me, it's unsettling?

Absolutely no intentions of leaving this guy. He's wonderful, the sex is great and we have a similar sense of humor. It's just an odd observation I've made and wonder if anyone else relates?

Updates

+1 y

Also to clarify, I am and have been in therapy for this and various other things.
Its like I've been conditioned to being anxious in every relationship and I'm finally not in this one and it's wonderful. And also confusing.

[Anonymous]

I got bored dating a guy once but I realized why when I went on a self healing journey.

Boredom is a sign of lack. Somewhere there is a lack happening.

Here's my story...
I dated a guy who made me feel wanted, desired and more loved than any love I was receiving at the time. I had never been treated so well by a guy before, so I loved it. As time went on, I found myself getting bored. I thought maybe I'm used to drama or toxicity but that wasn't it at all for me. I learned that although my partner is wonderful, I did not have that same desire back that he had for me. Sure, I liked him but I was more into how he treated me because he made me feel much better about myself. I felt like, I liked someone because they liked me and I had never had someone like me so much. So it was like a high, but if I walked into a room of people, would I pick him out of other guys upon first glance... no. But he would pick me and that's how I knew the desirability wasn't mutual. There was a lack for me.

This may not be your issue but there's a reason why you're getting bored. You just haven't figured it out yet.

[Anonymous]

I get you. Healthy relationships are actually “boring” bc we’re used to the drama and unpredictability of toxic relationships, but then again it’s kinda like drugs. You get super high on it then it drops and when the argument/drama starts again you get another high after you make up - but once you quit taking drugs you realize just how mundane and monotone day to day life is.

Since you’re going to therapy you should definitely bring this up with your therapist and ask for suggestions on how to spice things up in your relationship (without being toxic)

[DaveJord]

Yeah, its not odd. You just feeling a little insecure about being in relationship, and I guess there's less adventure in it... but at the same time the benefits totally out weight any sense of loss.

You probably feeling that way because all the other guys played games like that, making you think they were not interested or that you were unimportant to them... but don't over think that with this guy. Enjoy it as long as you can, as if everyday is your last together, because honestly it could be. That will bring everything back into focus.

[Anonymous]

There are only 2 things that make a woman unhappy:

1) Getting what she wants.
2) Not getting what she wants.

Get in a relationship at your own peril. In this culture there are no mariagable or relationship material women. They can no longer pair bond due to high body counts.

[Asker]

I don't know if you realize back to back abusive relationships kind of skew your ability to feel normal in non abusive relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I realise this. But even in general with non abusive previous relationships, often the same still holds true in this culture.

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you think you may have a pathological need for drama or abuse?

[Asker]

I do feel like I've been in consistently shifty relationships to the point where it felt normal and having someone who is consistently kind to me and wants to see me a lot is confusing even though I greatly appreciate it

[OlderAndWiser]

Thegreat thing about lousy relationships is that you really don't owe much to your partner and youdon't need to feel like a failure when it collapses. Being in a good relationship places higher expectations on you. Scary, isn't it?

[Asker]

It is very scary. And rewarding. And then scary again. A whole lot more to lose for sure.

[OlderAndWiser]

Good luck. Talk to your boyfriend about this and he will be there for you.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are already in therapy so you know there is work to be done. Yes after the honeymoon period in a relationship the vibe shifts. But you said you feel safe and he’s into you. When you feel bored, what do you think could bring back some romance and thrills?

[Asker]

It IS there. I think I worded this badly. I feel very happy and into him and love seeing him. Just feeling less anxious about about relationship when I'm so used to that is hard to bypass because I feel like I associate it with excitement

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh then it’s all good. In fact if you are honest and tell him you are grateful he’s giving you excitement minus the anxiety he will feel great. Keep on keeping on them

[Anonymous]

Don't know why girls are always looking for excitement and drama. They say they want a committed relationship but complain about not being treated like sh*t

[Asker]

After you've been treated like shit consistently by everyone else, it's very confusing to not be finally.

[Opinion Owner]

A guy in a committed relationship is supposed to care for you, make you feel safe, want to please you. Girls seem to want the opposite even if they say they don't.

[Asker]

That sounds like a you problem. Most non abused people seek healthy relationships

[Opinion Owner]

Look in the mirror babe. You're projecting. Guess you have issues. Normal people are happy to be with someone who doesn't treat them like crap.

[DanielBlack1904120]

give it time if it doesn't stop feeling like that it's not going to, than you have to be honest with him

[boobliker]

it should still be there for the first year may be more you need more lust sexy dress and things

[KingofCups]

Honestly you get bored with monogamy. Stability is boring. New people are exciting.

[Excel47]

Think only of positive outcome, don't let your previous relationship ruin the present one.

[SiberFox]

Good guys are boring.

[emperor90]

I mean it depends on why are u bored

[Asker]

I guess I mean I don't feel as anxious (which I associate with being excited) when I get to see him because I don't feel like it's being withheld from me. And it's hard to recalibrate your brain into recognizing that's what healthy is. Someone being mutually interested