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I have intense feelings for two women. No I didn't cheat. I did NOT want this to happen, as I am demisexual and monogamous. How do I choose one woman?

Anonymous
My ex left one too many times, and I met the new woman on a dating app while my ex and I were (and are still technically) broken up.

My ex then later came crawling back to me (again) unexpectedly after trying to cheat and lying and disrespecting me. She has a history of Borderline behavior, and of not being a reliable or emotionally faithful partner.

I care about her, and I want her to be happy and healthy. I have no anger against her. I do not know if I still love her. I do not trust her. What is love without trust?

My ex became legitimatly suicidal (hospitalized) when I left HER (for once) after I caught her calling/flirting with a romantic interest she found online who lived the city over and (supposedly) did not have a car. Neither does she. She was doing this while sat on MY bed we JUST had screwed in. She lied to my face but I called her bluff.

The last thing she said to me that day was imply that I deserved to be cheated on. This is not the worst thing she has said to me.

My ex has a history of shitty and shifty behavior. I forgive, but I can't forget. If I stay with her, I feel I am going to get cucked worse eventually.

I'd be stupid for staying with her, but I feel "Trauma Bonded" to her because we lasted on and off over 3 years and I worry for her.

I met an amazing woman on a dating app and we recently hit it off hard. We were raised in the same religion and have similar values.

(I know she is not a catfish because she checks out. I know what to look for. I am not new to this.)

We FaceTimed and more, plus she isn't shy about meeting. At all. Even though she lives in another state, we both plan to bridge that gap soon.

It is very apparent to me and anyone that knows her story that she is a loyal woman of high morals.

At this point, I feel the pragmatic thing is to hold my cards and let things play out as they will.

But my conscious doesn't like this.

I know where I am leaning and I do not want to break my ex's heart. But I cannot live a lie.
I have intense feelings for two women. No I didn't cheat. I did NOT want this to happen, as I am demisexual and monogamous. How do I choose one woman?
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