Is he playing me and trying to mess with my feelings or just nervous? What do you guys think (story is listed below)?

[Anonymous]

This guy I’ve been talking to for the past couple weeks has suddenly switched up. We met on social media through similar interests and didn’t know each other’s ages when we first started talking (M19.5, F23), this is said just for context. Anyways, we talk on the phone often & this past time, he tells me how much he likes me so much on the call (which was for hrs), talks about the future & then the next morning messages me “Hey, I think you’re really great girl, but I don’t think this is gonna work out. I’m sorry.”

We really like (d) each other and would talk all the time. He always says how lucky he is to be ‘a guy like him’ (nerdy, quieter, ‘not at his full potential’) talking to ‘a girl like me’(‘beautiful, kind, well liked, outgoing and a lot going for me’).

We got to know a lot about each other personally, likes dislikes, family things, life Philosophy questions, and we even talked about fun things we like to do together in the near future. He kept reiterating how awesome I was saying how refreshing it was talking to me, and I was saying the same about him.

This situation was alarming because a similar situation happened recently with him, when he said that he didn’t think we’re good for each other because “I’m a great girl & he has stuff he has to work on before he’d enter a relationship with me but he ‘wants to do this right’. We decided that will take things slower and still talk, but then he hits me with this statement out of nowhere. I can’t tell if he is feeling insecure, has emotional issues or if he’s playing mind games.

I never replied to the last message because I thought it was so rude that he’d say such a big statement to me like that over text especially if all was going well and we usually talk on the phone.
I really feel like it’s very indecent to text someone a message like that I have nowhere without explanation and after getting them hopeful for the future of the previous evening.
It’s been 3 days, and he just liked one of my instagram posts.

[LucasAA]

It looks like he does like you but he is overthinking stuff (guys do this all the time) If i was to have a guess i would say that he is on the "Am I worthy of her?" side of this or he could be going through some issues (Family, Friends... Who knows) and he is trying to find a way to deal with all at the same time. You can either give him some space so that he can deal with this or talk to him about this, put all the cards on the table in order tosolve this together, and have an mature and honest talk about how you guys are feeling about all of this and how you can maybe help eachother. Since you obviously know him much better you likely will know what will work better for you guys

Hope everything works for you, good day/night and stay safe! Good luck!
(Sorry if I made any grammar mistake, I am not a native speaker)

[Asker]

This was so helpful thank you! I think I’ll give him some space so he can both sort his feelings out and understand it’s not fair to me to go back and forth. With so many people playing games or being emotionally manipulative, it’s hard to tell who’s genuine and just over thinking these days. Maybe I’ll keep you posted on what happens haha thanks so much again! You have a goodnight too 💗

(Also, don’t worry, you had zero grammar mistakes and sounded like a native speaker to me!)

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can think of two possibilities off the top of my head.
1) He is being influenced by friends or family into not wanting to commit in any way.
2) He is trying to make you 'need' him by treating you nice one minute and like rubbish the next.

[Asker]

I agree. What do you think I should do next? It has now been 5 days without contact (we used to talk everyday). The last time we spoke was Sunday night and I left his message of read from Monday morning :/

[TommyMountainFigure]

It doesn't even matter who is right or wrong. When I get a gut feeling about someone, I always go with it and it has never led me far astray.. If your gut is telling you to get away from him.. I'd do that!

[kyleelyn199723]

No it sounds like he lost interest after not meeting you for a couple of weeks. Men get bored of texting back and fourth with no possible relationship forming because there was no in person connection. Do I think it’s stupid that he was talking about the future so quickly to you? Absolutely. But you need to really meet these people in person if you are considering relationships with them.

[Asker]

The night before his last text though, we were on the phone for hours and he was talking about how much he liked me and saying how he wants to meet in person. I don’t have any doubts about him liking me, but just wondering about if this behavior of someone who is emotionally unstable/manipulative or just really nervously overthinking.

We live really far away from each other (out of state) and only have been talking a couple weeks so that’s why we haven’t met.

[kyleelyn199723]

What I read is “I think you’re a great this, but I don’t think this is going to work out” that’s kind of an alarming statement

[kyleelyn199723]

You’re a great girl**

[Anonymous]

He seems indecisive.

[Asker]

Most definitely. Do you have a feeling why he might be?