1. No self-respecting man is going to invest in another man's child. Why should I take care of another man's genetic offspring if I can get with a childless woman who can bare MY own children? Another man's child will never become mine. Not genetically nor lawfully nor socially. The onyl time I would consider taking care of another person's child is if I have to take care of my nephews or nieces because something happened to my siblings. Other than that, not my seed = not my responsibility.
2. 100% responsbility, but 0% authority. Way too many ex-step fathers or step fathers warn about the mother getting in the way of them disciplining the child. When it comes to punishing or teaching the child she says "don't talk to MY child like that!". But when it comes to paying their bills, all of a sudden they become "our child". Miss me with that bs.
3. She is most likely dating for financial help. Single mothers are notorious for this. They settle for a a dude they would never have given the time of day when they were childless, but they do now because they have no choice as they've become the bottom of the barrel within the sexual market. Or in other words, low-hanging fruit. Alpha fucks beta bucks, no thanks.
4. Emotional Baggage & Baby daddy drama. No self-respecting man who can get with a childless woman will bother with this. She probably still has feelings for the guy as well.
5. The children will grow up not respecting the step father. How many step fathers have to complain about the "you're not my dad!" rebellious phase whenever they are being disciplined or are told not to do something?
6. If they guy is a deadbead, that means that either there is something wrong with the woman that he chose to leave or she has a bad judgment skills that got her to bare a child of a bad man. Both scenarios reflect poorly on the woman. The only thing that would not be reflecting poorly is when she happens to be widowed. But then again, all the points above apply.
So in the end, I will be responsible for a kid or kids that is/are not mine and whom I cannot discipline, yet I am expected to invest everything in them. Yeah, miss me with that shit. I would rather remain single than to have that kind of degrading lifestyle. Not that I have to because I have no issues getting with young, childless women as I am right now.
First off... No one WANTS a single parent in general as their partner. Most people would prefer someone who comes without a child and an ex in the picture. It's just extra baggage.
I have my own reasons, which seem to rub people the wrong way, but here is how I think of it. As a man that has been out here dating quite a bit.
Did she leave him? Why? Outside of abuse, cheating, or a major drug problem, I don't really accept the "We grew apart, or I was young". Either you married a man, said your vows, had his child, and then decided he wasn't good enough and left, now you are looking for a new man to take care of YOUR child. Can't stick to a commitment and little regard for what is best for the child.
OR she had a child before marrying this man, she viewed a child as less of a commitment than marriage, in general irresponsible and not viewing having a child with the gravity that it really should be viewed with. Again wants another man to take care of the mistake that she made.
More than one child from more than one man? Instant delete. Out of here. She's for the streets.
Now if the father died, or left her for some ridiculous reason, I can't really blame a woman for that. BUT that also doesn't mean that I have to date her because I feel sorry for her. This would be the only instance I would accept, and she would have to be pretty damn perfect. But the truth is, this rarely the case, and more often the first few scenarios.
I am the type that has worked hard to build myself up in my career to find the woman that I want to build a family with. My own family, not trying to work around someone else's children and ex. Most men that have worked to get themselves to this point, don't want to deal with a woman that already comes with her own family. He wants his own legacy, like you want your own child.
Why would I invest twice as much time and effort in someone who can't appreciate me and is always going to put me as a dead-last priority in her life (unless she's a sh*tty mother, which is also a red flag). I would not only need to win over and impress her, but also her kids as well, no matter how obnoxious they are, and she's never going to have any time for me or put in the attention in order to build a relationship because being a parent in itself is a full-time job, as well as her actually having a full-time job, most likely.
There is literally no incentives to dating a single parent. That's like buying a used car for twice the cost of a new one and having to take it to the auto shop every single week. Who would want to do that? Besides another single parent, that is.
"I AM the motherf*cking table!" She says. "Uh huh," as you walk away, retaining your self-respect.LMAO!
I'm 63, so for the time being, I will pretend I am 35. I won't give a firm no or a firm yes. If I was drawn to the woman she and I are going to have a come to Jesus talk. I want to know EVERYTHING about why she is now single. I think I have a good highly developed BS detector. So if it goes off I'm gone. If SHE cheated, I'm gone. If SHE has two or three mental issues that are listed in the DSM, I'm gone. If however, she is a nice stable person that was screwed over by her ex, I will consider staying, but I am going to have a full background check made on her, the ex, and BOTH of their families. I know a guy that a few years ago walked his stepdaughter down the aisle. All of those kids call him daddy. In this case, the biological father had died. When it comes to dating single moms there are so many different dynamics at play that in my opinion it's not possible to give an answer!
With a single mother, you already get to guage what kind of mother she is if you decide to settle down and have kids together...
I think for me, at least in the past, I wouldn't date someone with more than one kid because ultimately I knew I wanted to have kids of my own.
I was also aware of how soon they would introduce me to a kid. If they were quick to introduce me to someone, it would typically send red flags because I also didn't want to be a revolving door figure to that kid.
I have before. As long as the kids are not stuck in the middle between mom & dads arguments kids were never an issue to me. Granted there will always be some drama that pops up once in a while, that can't be helped, but constantly fighting and using the kids is a pretty big red flag for me.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Date her sure. Father her kid (s) not a chance. I won't pick up the slack of another man only for the kid to still love their father just because he cream pied their mother once upon a time.
Now if I meet a single mom in an adult context and she says she just wants to casually date but her kids are her business alone I would consider it.
In fact I am doing it right now and this woman is amazing but not amazing enough for me to help raise her kid.
It would really depend on the relationship with the father. Either he is completely out of the picture or they have all their custody issues and such amicably sorted out. I don’t want to be hearing about or dealing with their squabbles.
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Anonymous(25-29)
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