Why is it shallow if a woman wants to date fit guys?

Question

But its ok for a man to date hot blonde women with big breasts?  What twilight zone is this?

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

Because girls call guys shallow for this all the time and then try to take the high horse and say they are "above" such things as looks, when they really aren't, or are hiding it behind something else. Such as the same action being perceived as sexy or hostile depending exclusively on what the guy looks like. So when you admit it, it looks more like a case of throwing stones in a glass house, and your arguments about "women having to obsessively deal with their looks while men don't" start to fall through.

I feel like people are unable to see the criticism the other side gets and assume that because they do it anyway, they aren't criticized. Guys assume girls aren't criticized for liking looks. Girls assume guys don't face the same criticism. They both try to justify breaking their own moral code because "the other did it first", and then it's trading blows from there.

I generally advocate for a relatively strict policy of "your reaction shouldn't change if the genders were swapped."

I remember watching a behind the scenes of Captain America, where Hayley Atwell reached out to touch Chris Evans's abs. "It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I saw him without his shirt and just couldn't help but touch him." You can't tell me this wouldn't have been deemed groping had the genders been flipped. I'm less concerned about which one is right, and more concerned about just applying things without gender as a considering factor.

Especially concerning given the fact that, IIRC, dietary restrictions for actresses are illegal, but for Marvel it was standard contract that men had to work out a couple hours daily and eat only chicken and rice during the production period. In many cases they will dehydrate themselves leading into shoots because water weight hurts the look.

I mean I don't see anything wrong with appreciating someone who put this much effort into their body. Like, Tom Hiddleston and Chris Evans are a couple of my guy crushes. So there's nothing wrong with liking it, and don't let people shame you for it. I sincerely mean that.

The problem is when people are like "what happened to the real men of X time when they were all fit". They weren't. The Greeks and Romans considered men to be the ultimate beauty, and athletes dedicated to their physique were hired as body doubles so that famous figures could their heads sculpted on the body of an athlete. In fact, the "Rubenesque" look that came much later came from men acting as body doubles for women.

Now, if by "fit" you mean more "thin" and less "sculpted", then yeah that's totally different, and I don't think it's unreasonable. People have been primarily thin for 200,000 years of anatomically-modern humans. We've been obese for 40. We haven't been perfect in adapting to being attracted to these new physiques, but it's also only been the norm for 0.02% of our time on earth, and only in rich western and middle-eastern countries.

But that's the thing. A fit hollywood girl is generally just thin. A fit hollywood guy is more of a Marvel Chris.

I guess what I mean to say is that it's reasonable to seek out a Timothee Chalamet, it makes sense to appreciate a Jason Mamoa. But if you're going to expect a Jason Mamoa, that's a much harsher standard than a Jessica Alba. My advice would be to simply hold no higher of a standard than you yourself meet, and you should be good.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Who says that it's shallow? Everyone is entitled to their preference in romantic partners.

I went through a period of almost five years, beginning in my late 20s, when I gained weight. It had to with a new job and complete change in lifestyle. At that point, I didn't like myself. I didn't pursue girlfriends because I didn't want the kind of girl who would want me. I think it was Groucho Marx who said he wouldn't want to be in a club who would want someone like him as a member.

I finally got myself together again, lost weight, got back in shape, and started dating girls that I thought were attractive. In fact, I wound up virtually living with the best girlfriend I ever had for over a year. She was my physical ideal, as well as being hypersexual and orgasmic, and I liked everything about her. I grew to love her with my heart and soul and she loved me.

We wound up separating for reasons that are complicated but had nothing to do with cheating or anything mean. A lifetime together simply wasn't meant to be. But it was a peak time in my life and I will never forget her.

Two years later, I met my future wife. We've been married now for 25 years.

So don't be ashamed of having standards and preferences. You deserve a partner that you adore.

Cherry234 · Accepted Answer

It's totally fine to have a preference. If you like fit guys, then go for fit guys. I like guys that are taller than me and I don't want a guy that's shorter than me, like many women. It's not difficult to find at my height. Is it shallow? Maybe. But so what? Usually the people who call my preference and other people's preferences shallow are hypocrites.

They won't admit that they're shallow and like to pretend they aren't. Also, the people who get mad about other people's preferences are bitter and insecure. Date whoever you want to date. If you're not interested in someone, just politely reject that person. You don't owe anyone you're not attracted to an explanation. You have the right to go for what you want.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

I take it by your question that you are not an actual female or else women dating hot guys would not be an issue for you. Wanting to date hot guys and actually getting hot guys to date plain girls is the issue a lot of us have, the same as guys finding hot women willing to date them. That's just our lot in life - unless we had $20 million in the bank.  HOW ABOUT A DATE HANDSOME?

ManOnFire · Answer

I don't think that's shallow at all. It's only shallow if a woman who is overweight, flabby, or unattractive wants to date a fit man, but wants him to "accept her the way she is." And believe it or not these kinds of women are actually quite common.

MCheetah · Answer

This seems like something you made up. Because how many "fat acceptance" and "big is beautiful" and "body positivity" movements are there for loser insecure women? (I myself even like big women, but I hate that they try to shame men who aren't into them, and it comes off pathetic when they do.)

Women whine when men say they want a woman with big boobs and a fat ass, but then also say they won't date short men and a guy under six feet is a dealbreaker. Seems like women are the more shallow ones. You know, cause actual science backs it up? (The TL;DR is, "cause pregnancy.")

Why is it shallow if a woman wants to date fit guys?

TruthBringer · Answer

Who told you it's shallow? It's not shallow at all. You are very well in your right to have that preference ONLY IF you you live up to that standard yourself. Imagine (for the sake of argument) that a fat guy would refuse to date anyone who is remotely overweight, but wants that very fit girl with a big squat booty while he sits all with a controller in his hands. Now that would be deemed unacceptable, wouldn't it? Same thing goes for women. If you have standards for men you cannot live up to, then you are indeed shallow and unjustified in it. But if you yourself are in good shape and take your health and fitness seriously, who says you aren't allowed to have that? I myself am very fit and I refuse to date girls who are not. Hence why you see me with a girl who is very much in shape.

Imagine if you're under 5'5 and you refuse to day anyone who is under 6'0 regardless if they are still taller than you, then yes you are shallow. But wanting a fit dude when you yourself are in shape is not shallow at all. It's just those who are lazy who would complain about this

PenguinGuy · Answer

Yeah cause guys totally don't get called shallow for wanting to date thin girls (which is easier to be than being muscular as a guy by the way, I don't know why but women seem to think guys are just born with muscles and it's not a fucking slog for us to get them). It's either all shallow or it's not - stop shifting goalposts for either gender. "But it's okay for a man to date a blonde woman with big breasts" you are both strawmanning and being a hypocrite here. This is essentially what you've said - "It's not shallow to only want hot guys cause guys date hot women and say it's okay and that's bad" - despite the fact that EVERYONE says it's shallow - LIKE YOU JUST DID. Anyway, it's clear you have a lot of internalized latent sexism so I'll keep it simple. YES it's shallow to date fit guys. YES it's shallow to date hot girls with big boobs. NO, people don't say it's not shallow for guys to date them (as you literally just did). NO it's not okay to say one is shallow and imply the other isn't purely along gender lines (as you are trying to do).

AncientWisdom · Answer

It’s not shallow.
In my opinion people who get lazy and let themselves go are not worth my time.
As human beings in this day and age it’s much better to take care of yourself body and mind and don’t worry about the haters. That’s who calls people names for preferences, because they are mad they don’t fall into your preferences.
It’s ridiculous. Stupidity , sloth , overeating , neurosis’s of all kinds infest the modern world. I prefer to date FIT women as well. I go to the gym every single day except Sunday sometimes. Its a commitment to yourself. In my experience those who love them selves in a healthy way ROCK.
I am 55 years old and I’m told I look like I’m in my late 30s
No Ma’am it’s not shallow it’s called preference and there is nothing wrong with it.
Every human being that is able should be fit. All this depression and anxiety and other things people have would dissipate , and we could all realize our potential. Wouldn’t they be great.

Finchie40 · Answer

Only shallow to insecure jealous people , everyone has their own preferences and what they like and are into , if I can’t get hard for a girl I am not going to fuck her , I hate to sound shallow but that’s just how it goes , if I like a girl and she thinks I am ugly and didn’t like me that’s fine, shit happens move on to the next We can’t force someone to like us it takes 2 to tango , I see beautiful girls a lot that I would love to fuck but only if they find me beautiful as well and we have great connection and chemistry , that’s all that matters , just be cause someone looks beautiful on the outside it doesn’t mean they are beautiful in the inside

Datboi65 · Answer

I don't think it's shallow. Matter of fact, I would go further to say that they should ONLY go after fit guys, so it can be a source of motivation for others to work out. However, women do this all the time. The problem is when you have a type, and then you don't meet THEIR standards. Imagine a 6'2 guy who has a lean physique with great asthetics and a decent amount of muscle mass that you are into, but then he rejects you because you're 15 pounds overweight. Now, I don't know you. I don't know your build, that was just an example. Women would rather come up with terms like "fatphobia" rather than do the work that needs to be done to be in shape. I don't give a damn about Blondes, I actually think they are overrated. I think all phenotypes are attractive, as long as you put in some damn work. Simple as that.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

Because many women that are into fit men aren’t even fit themselves. I date someone that is personally fit as I am fit myself and there’s no way any unfit person would be able to keep up with our lifestyles

Kathryn19087 · Answer

Personally I cannot date a guy who isn’t fit or at least into hitting the gym as much as possible. BUT I apply this standard to myself as well. I myself am a very active girl. So I just naturally will be more attracted to someone who’s into fitness. I used to be overweight and now I’m very thin, so I had to incorporate a lot of discipline and motivation into my schedule. For me it’s a must in order for us to be compatible. I don’t think it’s shallow as long as you yourself are also doing the things you want in a potential partner.

InYourHead · Answer

You can fuck who you want when you want for whatever reason you want. If you want fat guys, then fuck fat guys, if you want fit guys then fuck fit guys, if you want your boyfriend to pick guys for you to fuck so he can watch then do that. There's no shame or shallowness in any of that.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know if I'd call them shallow. If finding a fit/muscular man is their #1 priority then they're shallow, but just really liking the idea of being with a fit/muscular guy isn't terrible. I'll be honest, my boyfriend's muscles were a huge reason that initially attracted me to him and I still absolutely love them. If that was all he had I absolutely wouldn't date him. But that doesn't mean I don't love that he has them! Maybe it's a little shallow, but I don't think me loving his muscles is bad or wrong

TonyV · Answer

Well you see the biggest difference is, from my experience guys will date anything from a 4 and up, women will seem to think they deserve only 8 and up.
Being blonde with big, possible fake boobs dosent compare to fit guy with abs.

Blonde and big boibs is fairly average, the girl you described even tho she looks good could just be a 5 or 6

MJtheCoach · Answer

Because it’s called different biology men in the human species are designed to look beautiful that’s why girls have push-up bras make up hair extensions eyeliner‘s make up that makes them more attractive and etc.

men have to look hot naturally without any boost because we have nothing and second of all you seem to be extremely overweight.

For men to have a nice body they need to work on every muscle individually for a girl to have a nice body she needs a flat stomach and a big ass where she could get by right diet and just cardio and small deadlifts.

Girls date guys for other reasons not because of their looks in even though they might say they do.

Seem like you’re an idiot you haven’t figured it out yet.

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

As a blonde with biggies, I feel attacked 😆

To answer your question: from my perspective, we tend to be super picky but don't like it when they're picky about us. Like, your preference is fit men and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, let's say you start talking to a fit guy and he doesn't like your body type, how do you feel?

MrBadd · Answer

The people who call you shallow because of your preferences are only mad because they don’t fit them. A fit guy will be glad you only go for fit guys because that’s him, a fat guy will be mad because he’s disqualified. But really everyone prefers a fit attractive man/woman, even if they pretend otherwise.

rebeliouse · Answer

probably its the same reason about the double standards in society that a guy can be promiscuous and its seen as badge or honor yet when a woman is promiscuous she is see (wrongly in my eyes) by society as a slut etc.

society has been manipulating people for years its about time everyone got educated got some common sense thought for themselves and actually figured things out them selves and not follow some bulshit society norms generated by the few in power to control people like religion does.

ItsyBitsySpider · Answer

Regardless of anyone's shape, size, weight, looks most people have preferences and that is okay.

There is a big difference to just not being attracted to someone Vs going out of your way to make them feel bad because your not attracted to someone.

If you're overweight, you're allowed to find fit people attractive, if that's your type and vise versa.

Just don't be a dick about it if you don't find someone attractive.

Avicenna · Answer

This is actually a subset of hypergamy. People in general prefer more physically attractive partners, regardless of their own fitness level. But it's up to you to decide what your dealbreakers are, no one else's opinion matters on that. So many people are overweight these days that not everyone can have a fit partner anway.

JasM0 · Answer

We all are entitled to our preferences. Are they double standards? Yes. If they are the only reason why you’re with someone, is it shallow? Yes. Should there be consequences for poor choices? Absolutely.

Should we focus on the choices that others make? Absolutely not.

Cheers

Anonymous · Answer

That’s what I want to know. SOME Guys (around my age and where I live) will have this whole build a girl list like “big boobs, big ass, skinny, short, blue eyes” etc and they’ll get mad af if I say one thing I want from a guy, even if it’s a personality trait. “I want a loyal guy” “HOW DARE YOU” It’s so dumb. People can have preferences for sure, and you can wanna date whoever, it’s only shallow if it’s a whole list of physical things that you can’t even offer. Like I’ll never “only date” a rich guy with an 8 pack, a big dick, 6 foot 5, etc and no one else, because that’s just unrealistic for me. Not saying people should settle, just be realistic and at least don’t be rude to people who aren’t your preference. I prefer brunettes but I don’t go around talking shit about blondes.

VanillaSalt · Answer

You know what the problem with people is… first y’all worry too much what others think. Second people are completely unable to simplify life. They have to have a set of goals and circumstances. What if you happen to find a guy you like and he looks awesome? What if the fucker puts on 50 lbs cause he changes jobs or he gets sick you don’t wanna date him? So god damn stupid we gotta have hot rather then gotta not be unhealthy.

RedStiletto88 · Answer

Who wants to date a guy who is a slob or doesn’t care enough to bother taking care of himself?  I’m not interested in playing mommy to someone who let himself go.

Buntyp · Answer

It's shallow? I wasn't at all aware of that. Why is that? Can you provide more information on this? Does it mean that regardless of how much I like someone, that I should reject him because someone else regards it as shallow, or not, or this or that?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No one is complaining about women wanting to date guys with sexy bodies.

The criticism is about women overlooking other serious character flaws because of the hot body. (And getting played. Or worse, possibly abused.)

No man here has any issue with any fit, muscular man getting a woman. They worked hard. They deserve it. Respect to them.

whosDmann · Answer

Shallow on both ends!! In the real world amongst the ordinary peeps , not everyone will be chiseled, gorgeous, hot.. now I'm not saying there are not very pretty folks out there in shape and don't do shit to look like that... sorry to say those people aren't very humble... believe it or not but pretty folks get a few unseen perks that a... not so pretty person would get!! That's just being real.. 💯😏

Anonymous · Answer

It's not! I just get tired of hearing you b****es complain when the attractive, fit guys f***s you and kicks you to the curb. Take some responsibility for your choices lol.

Grow up! I want someone who looks like Scarlet Johansson and has a heart of gold. I'm just smart enough to know she doesn't exist. And so should you lol

desidoll · Answer

It is not shallow if you are fit yourself. Likewise, men who demand for fit women.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Everyone has a different taste.  For me, I don’t care much. If I love a person I love them with their extra kgs.  It would even be great to cuddle with a fluffy person.

Alisa158 · Answer

Everyone has the right to choose, don't care what other people think about your problems, the most important thing is to confidently express everything you want to know, I will definitely not date unhealthy men.

Hypnos0929 · Answer

I wouldn't call it shallow if she's not being a "body positivity for me" person. There's a lot of women who will only date the "peak" of men but if a man makes any remarks about them they'll throw a tantrum.
In short date who you want. Idgaf.

northerngal · Answer

Not shallow at all... if it is then I guess I am shallow as well. I enjoy eyecandy myself. Sure I like a guy with other attributes too but I also enjoy a guy who looks hot in and out of his clothes too.

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Preferences are preferences, regardless of which gender has them. If that's what you want then that's up to you.

I think limiting your dating pool potentially means missing out on some great people, but that's your choice and no one else's.

Subarugirl · Answer

Wanting to date someone who is in shape and takes care of their body is not shallow.

Grubhub · Answer

Blondes aren’t close to being my preference. I like women with black hair particularly Latina. But she could also be white, black Middle East whatever. I think I had every girl look at me besides maybe Indian. Haven’t been associated with a lot of them.

My ideal blonde is a somewhat tall, fit with a phat ass. ❤️

JDAC2209199 · Answer

It's not its just a preference and peoples preferences are ever changing without them even realising a lot of the time but if that's what you want and you can get it why not.

TheBootyChest · Answer

I think it's fine if she likes a particular type of guy.  Just like I want to date a skinny girl with small breasts.

Berethor · Answer

Why you care about being called shallow?

FreyaRed · Answer

I'm blond but have small breast, however I prefer fit guys. Who really cares about "shallowness" opinion of some guys who project their inability to find partners on preferences of others?

Ninani · Answer

Both are considered shallow and both can do whatever they want.

laggingdak · Answer

Why is it shallow for men to wanna date hot women? If you just thought of 100 reasons then it’s the same thing as why it’s shallow for women to wanna date fit girls. You see it 247 how everyone saying girls are not perfect and men expect girls to be perfect but it isn’t true. A men just wants girl who isn’t fat takes care of herself and is called shallow for it. There are girls who won’t date a guy who’s too short or a guy who doesn’t have abs even if he’s in really good shape

Mehzmeh · Answer

Don’t you love double standards? I don’t see what’s wrong with a female only liking what she likes. Like I only date a certain type of female. And I am not mad at a female only dating a certain type at all.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Because some women who have this standard are fat themselves. Have whatever standards you want, just don't complain when others have different ones.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not shallow at all, you can date your preference freely. However, women publicly say they want a tall, handsome guy, but if a man says he will not date fat girls, everyone shames him as a pig.
I stay fit and rejected a fat girl once, she started name-calling.

loveslongnails · Answer

Who said it's shallow to want that - anyone who matters or has a functional brain? What I've found to be shallow, and hypocritical, are girls/guys who are unfit that want to date ONLY girls/guys who ARE fit !! Huh?

AimeeKyle · Answer

Looking for someone fit isn’t shallow, it is just one of many trait of the individual. It could actually be looked at as being a way of life. Everyone has their own preferences. Go for what you want and don’t worry about what others think.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

It's ok for you to have a preference for fit men. It's not any more shallow than anyone else's body preferences. Haters gonna hate

Anonymous · Answer

I find it weird that men call it shallow whilst in the same breath describing their ideal girlfriend based off of the same exact preferences. Like if you don't fit the bill just say that but to act as if you're so high and mighty and women shouldn't want what they want because YOU don't look like that... it's hypocritical and embarrassing.

slatyb · Answer

Who says it's shallow? People tend to seek their equals in intelligence, emotional maturity, ambition, and fitness.

molonski2 · Answer

As long as she's in decent nik herself its fine , no fit person is going to go out with a Pom Poy doughnut eater.

SaraSmithishere · Answer

I mean, are you fit as well?  I go to the gym a few times a week and I’ve ever worked with a personal trainer, and yes, I DO want a fit man because we’d live a solid ale lifestyle.

genericname85 · Answer

It's both shallow. Just with girls we point it out more, cause they tend to claim they aren't shallow, while men are usually honest.

SupremeWarlord · Answer

It's not, because that's what turns you on apparently, and it's not shallow to be physically attracted to your partner, we use our bodies to do things after all.

Curmudgeon · Answer

It isn't at all. BUT - men *are demonized* for having their preferences in mass media and "popular" (sic) culture today.

Juxtapose · Answer

Yes it is shallow, because I don't have those ridiculous standards and no guy I know has ridiculous standards like that.

I just want a woman who can get my dick hard and doesn't make me want to shoot myself.

YesICan · Answer

"But its ok for a man to date hot blonde women with big breasts?" Says who? That's just a straw-man argument, It's shallow both ways. We are all (Vast majority) inherently shallow creatures.

Lookingforthetruth · Answer

It is not shallow. In fact men have no problem if a woman only wants to date fit guys.

The problem is that women often get pump and dump and then go on a bitch fest that they can't find a decent guy to date them.

Gingerguy33 · Answer

You do you if you like skinny guys date skinny guys it don’t matter to me live your life the way you want

ananias55 · Answer

I couldn't care less what you like. Just don't judge me over what I like.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Who said it was shallow? Just like guys, women also have preferences and we need to respect them.

VikingWarLord · Answer

It's shallow if she's not fit herself, and overweight land-whale.

Why is it shallow if a woman wants to date fit guys?

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Why do guys "date" women they find "cute" but not pretty enough for something long term?

Why is it shallow if a woman wants to date fit guys?

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Why do guys "date" women they find "cute" but not pretty enough for something long term?

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