I clearly am an undesirable woman, but I don’t get what I’m doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

Men don’t like me. They never have. When I was younger, it would happen some hit on me for sex, but that hasn’t happened in a long time. Sometimes a friend will tell me a male friend of hers who met me finds me attractive, but eventually, they never reach out. On the other hand, I do reach out and propose activities tho men I find attractive, but they are not even willing to give me a chance to get to know each other better and go for a coffee. I don’t think I’m completely ugly, even if I’m not pretty either. I have a good job, I read a lot and can have interesting conversations with my friends, I put effort in dressing well and being well kept (I do my hair, keep my nails in good order, have an healthy skin etc). I am very pale by nature and have a big nose, I think those are my least attractive features. My female friends are always puzzled at how it is possible that men don’t like me. My straight male friends on the other hand avoid seeing me alone, probably because they are scared I might be interested in them. They often say no and see me only in groups. Even if I’m not interested in them and have done nothing to make them think so. I smile a lot, like joking and laughing, have a normal voice pitch and no pronunciation problems (I heard those can be quite a turn off). I have a good career, am independent and have my own life and hobbies. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong - but there clearly is something I’m doing that is wrong if I come up as so repulsive to men

[little_bird1]

You are not alone. I think this is a typical case of "being too good for them", as cliche as it sounds, I know. But if I learned anything it's that men HATE feeling inferior. I don't know if it's biology or evolution or a social bullshit, but men are attracted to hot girls that will SUPPORT them. Meaning, girls that will follow them, clap hands on their intelligence and success, and reward them. They want to feel useful and to provide; not necessarily with money but more like drawing their swords for a lady in damsel, whatever that may be. It gives them sense of purpose and superiority.
If they feel like you are smarter and more successful then them and like you don't need them, then you are automatically not a girlfriend material - you are a competition. It's the ego thing. And they are not even aware of this. The saddest part is that they don't get that to girls like us, a simple "good morning, beautiful" text means more then any money or help or knowledge they can provide us with. But again, it's not you it's them, their ego. They are thinking in greater sense. That's why they don't even give it a shot, or do but get cold feet soon.

What you are doing wrong? You are going into wrong circles of people. You should by no means ever degrade yourself for a man's attention, you need to look at other men, men who are your equals or better in EVERY aspect (financially, education, intelligence, emotional maturity, looks, etc.). I know it's easier said then done because there are not many on the market. To most of us successful women these things don't matter, but you have to accept that it matters to them. It's a curse of beautiful, successful, rich women; we need to be picker then most. Because we are THAT valuable.
Usually men in their late 30's early 40's are your best bet. Engage in some intellectual activities that these men do and where you can find them (certainly not on Tinder or behind a bar). Also, I don't know how is your circle of friends, but you might need to change that, too. Basically, your goal is to get into a better, more intellectual circle of people, and things will naturally happen.

I am saying this from a big, fat experience, mine and of my beautiful, successful female friends. And as an extra advice, don't stress AT ALL about how nobody wants you or saying that you are undesirable. You ARE - but for those way bellow you, which is a good thing. It just means that your super, duper amazing man is yet to come! All of these small flies are just that, and you do not need to concern yourself with their opinions.

[DaveJord]

You're right about men wanting a women to be loving and supporting and emotionally available to him... but some of the rest like being intimidated by successful women or having to need to feel superior and all this intellectual equal stufff... well obviously nobody wants to be made to feel inferior, but thats not a man thing, that's a people thing.

But you have a piont, if your not a 7 to 10 in the looks department.. say a 5 or 6 ar best. Then yeah, you need to tailor your search to men that will make you happy... because being intelligent, and successful doesn't make you all that. Rich and successful men will date 9 to 10s who are bimbos.

But most good and average looking men just want someone to love and support them, and be emotionally available to them.

[DaveJord]

Start online dating... sometimes the only way to get better at something is to put in a lot of practice. And honestly you need to do some self reflection and really determine what it is you want from a relationship, not what you think you want. But again you got to get out there and practice your skills, build confidence and then determine what you did right, wrong or could have done better then make the right adjustments to become the best version of you.

Be confident, and over come any insecurities you have emotionally and sexually... guys find these things very unattractive. Know you will meet with rejection and disappointment, this is part of the natural process, but do not fear it, even very attractive people have to deal with it. But you have to stay engaged in the process and eventually you will start figuring out what you are really looking for and start filtering through the guys better and easier in order to start finding the right ones.

[SenileOldMan]

I wanna toot an old man's horn but those features like a big nose and pale skin, even with some acne here and there. I like them as an old man. I liked them, even more, when I got older. I liked black women a lot too with flat noses if people think I don't like black women now. Fuck you, judgmental idiots!

But anyway, you seem to use "repulsion" so hastily. There's apathy and repulsion. I think you should let your hair down and have some fun. Stop giving so much of a shit. Maybe you give too much of a shit based on what you want, but giving too much of a shit is blocking what you want. So have some fun! Fun time! Let's dance!

And you have some fun and you can have fun friends, and meet fun people, and I think you'll find a fun guy who likes a fun girl -- you! So have some fun already, dork face!

[SlothySlob]

Maybe you're right, maybe it's because they perceive you naturally repel men. Maybe it's because you're too successful and the majority of men would then feel like they're leaching off of you. Maybe you come across as "too good for them". Maybe, even with all your achievements and education, you have little to offer. Maybe it's just lady luck playing tricks on you. Or Loki, if you're into contemporary mainstream media.

Too many if's to really give you a proper answer.

[bamesjond0069]

"I have a good career, am independent and have my own life and hobbies." First off, stop with this stuff. Men don't care about this so if this is really all you have going for yourself its no surprise men don't like you.

Second, are you a big girl? Men do not like fat or even just larger women. Height and weight? Ill tell you if you seem too big or not.

[2021biguy]

You could put a picture on the "how do I look?" section, maybe that might help. Or try to meet more people, dating isn't easy in today's world, that's part of the problem and men are reluctant to ask women out, due to other things.

[SkipPerk]

How many men have you asked out? Can you simply ask out more of them?

[Citizenkirk]

Calling yourself undesirable is unkind to yourself and those around you so stop it

[rabbitzzz]

I am sorry your ego took a big hit. Its bad I know. Maybe its time to do something else like actually loving someone.

[awkward_author]

Maybe they're turned off by your lack of confidence?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked EVERY guy out? No? Then how can you say men don't like you. What you mean is then men you've asked out don't like you and that's not the same thing. Not every guy is going to like you.

[Jamie05rhs]

I can't give you any advice if I can't see what you look like.

[wowzao23]

your not undesirable you maybe just have insecurity issue

[steve17a]

Have you tried tinder or online dating like bumble?

[joeldalton]

How outgoing are you? Are you shy and reserved?