Why do most guys prefer to use dating apps rather than meeting girls in person?

Question

I've noticed a theme among my social circle, and that is that most of the single guys use dating apps to meet women a lot, while the single girls either don't date or are more adamant about meeting someone in person (I'm one of the latter). I've been interested in a couple of the guys, but they always seem to prefer messaging girls they've never met over the possibility of interacting with girls they can actually see. I guess it's possible I'm irredeemably ugly (though I don't think so, as I've been called attractive fairly often), so I guess I'm just wondering why this is. Why do guys seem to prefer apps, and women don't as much?

CuriousJC · Accepted Answer

Why do most guys prefer to use dating apps rather than meeting girls in person?

I don't know if you ever heard of a rare case Social Tongue Twist Disorder. It's a mental illness that causes people who are social awkward and aren't used to talking in public such as dating events, parties, or places that involves a lot of people unless they have to. I'm socially awkward and I don't really talk to people unless we share something in common or have the same hobby or something that would cause a conversation that happened nobody can't start a conversation without a topic to talk about. It also goes the same way men and women in public. You see someone that you might be interested in but you don't know what to say or how to approach the person you want to get to know or meet. You can try approaching someone for introduction and greeting, but it's only a matter of time before your words get caught in your throat and your heart beating extremely fast like it's trying to jump out of your chest and run away. It's better to talk to people and me people through apps such as Instagram or Facebook or Skype, that way you don't have to make it weird on yourself to have a conversation and get to know someone until you feel comfortable around that person to be out in public.

They say on the Discovery Health Channel: In the early stages of love — lust and attraction — adrenaline and norepinephrine make the heart beat faster so you may find your pulse racing when just thinking about the object of your affection or whenever that person is near. Dopamine induces euphoria. Also Emotions have diverse effects on autonomic nervous function as illustrated by symptoms such as palpitations and hyperventilation. It is well documented that emotional processes result in changes in heart rate, heart rate variability and contractility. When you lock eyes with the person who makes your heart race — whether it's a new crush or the love of your life — your brain releases hormones such as dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine, which make your heart beat faster and stronger.

That's why I just meet people through online until I am comfortable to meet the person in real life or in person.

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

Because I believe it stems from fear of approach in public and the woman they have their eye on being out of their league would be my biggest guesses.

Online they have the option to swipe or message and may not have to worry about rejection less they match. Otherwise they will never know what happens. Could be an inactive account, a swipe for no, too many messages in that woman's box. Otherwise it is just a ghosting or direct rejection if there is a match.

Now as a man it is harder to do it because being rejected is never fun, but you get used to it in the long run the more you do it. However, women can be fucking nasty when they turn a guy down. I remember two instances in my earlier days when I found my balls and asked out women that I noticed while between my days and looked cute and cool.

Instance one, I remember asking her out after a simple and easy conversation. It was brief, but the look on her face still sticks with me. It looked like a cross between disgust and as if she wanted to run. She quickly countered back "I have a boyfriend." I took the rejection at face value, smiled and walked off, but I could feel my face burning with embarrassment and my heart beating like wild. I am positive she had no boyfriend, but that look was tough to deal with as it made me regret my decision asking and made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like I was lesser.

The second one was being rejected by a girl after I asked her out close by her friends. Her response loud enough to draw attention. "You want to go out with me?" Again, embarrassed and did my best to just look straight in her eyes and ignore the looks on her friend's faces. Took the L and walked away.

It's actually funny when women ask on apps or sites to be interesting and not boring, but they only open up with a "hi". Silence or no swipe is easier as a loss with an app than in public.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Not a guy, but I prefer meeting someone in the same geographic area as me.

Dating apps can give you a radius and you just have to confirm that the person is in fact geographically close and not job searching/applying to school anywhere outside of that radius in the next 1-2 years.

You can meet the perfect guy but if he's 100 miles away, it means that already you're faced with an obstacle and can't have that take out on a Tuesday night kind of relationship.

I wish more guys took time filling out their bios. Legit take a marketing course. You have to 'embody' the kind of guy that is attractive to the kind of girl you want.

Most guys try to cast the widest net and get nothing because they aren't attractive to any niche of girl. If you want a granola girl, be OK making a profile that would turn corporate girl away. If you want a conservative girl, flip off the feminists in your bio. You need to be attractive (and take a stance) to get the right girl to notice you. You don't need every girl, you just need one who is interested enough in You to stay.

Cathy7734 · Accepted Answer

Women can be so rude to guys who approach them, especially if they aren't good looking. At the college I go to I've heard of women reporting men who approached them saying they were stalkers or whatever. What guy wants to take a chance of getting reported or treated badly by approaching a woman? It's a lot safer to meet them online.

OpenClose · Answer

Let me reframe the question.

If you were expected to approach men, and expected them not to reciprocate this effort, and even be already on edge and suspicious when you approach them, which would you prefer?

1. Trying to come up with an excuse to approach them, since being attracted is not an acceptable excuse?
Have them judge you by your intro, but having to formulate it on the spot.
If things go sideways, it becomes a bit of a public scene.

2. Text them in an app built for this exact purpose, with time to think about what you are going to say. if they are interested, they message back. If not, you basically get ghosted.

Like, one of these is slightly easier than the other, and most girls are unwilling to do this themselves, so don't really get to judge how others are doing something for them.

But that being said, online dating is a dumpster fire. Mr or Mrs Hollywood is paired with everyone, and everyone else is compared to them. In person is probably more successful. But it is hard and risky to approach women in a time where women explicitly and often vocalize how much they don't want this, but expect it to happen anyway. We don't hear about the cute guy who flirted with you. We only hear about the creeps. So we have no evidence this is a positive experience for you. As far as I've been concerned, the best way to respect women is to leave them alone. But you'll die alone if you actually listen to that

AncientWisdom · Answer

Because nowadays if a unknown dude makes his move or his interest known , and he’s not what her perception of a good looking guy is to her , then Many females will make fun of these guys , or socially assassinate them by telling all who will listen he’s a creep. Possibly get him attacked by other males. There is know telling what a women will do. It’s safer to swim in shark infested waters. It’s a problem. There is a growing movement of these guys who hate , and I mean they hate women. It’s very disturbing and the number is growing. Marriage is less then half of what it was in the last decade , and child birth is down. Women are making a very uncomfortable bed for themselves to lay in. I have grand daughters I’m teaching them to know their worth but to be kind. In truth i I’ll worry about their future , and will they have to pay for the way females treat males today in the future.
I personally only talk to females I know. I stopped hiring them as well , it’s entirely to dangerous I don’t stop to help them change a flat , or get their vehicle going if they are broke down. It’s unfortunate but they’ve done this to themselves. I don’t hold doors. I ignore them. That seems safest these days. I would say that’s why gifts use dating apps. It’s safer then approaching unknown women , because they don’t know what reaction they will get.

DaveJord · Answer

So in todays world its more important than ever that if you as a women have an interest in a guy that you make it known and exert some initiative to make it known to him. If you are one of those ladies that believe in the traditional concept that the man should always make the first move then you are missing out.

With the advent of Feminism and "Me To" movement guys are less likely then ever to make a move on a lady that has shown no interest. We 2 to 3 complete generations of men that have been socially engineer to believe that women find unwanted approaches insulting and that men often misread signs and indicators from women and assume too much. So the art of subtlety is lost on most men these days, if men ever were ever subtle to begin with.

So any women on a dating site is literally advertising that she interested in finding or actively looking for a man. So there is a high degree of safety for man to take the initiative. So when it comes to real life circle of friends there is a higher risk of not only offending a women but aliening other people within the circle or being alienated by the circle. If she is a coworker then there is a risk of sexual harassments claims or creating or being accused of creating a uncomfortable or toxic environment for the women by making what could be perceived as unwanted addition or sexul advances.

The age of Chivalry is dead, and any women that beliefs a man should take the first initiative is subscribing to a traditionally defined gender roles that is inherently sexist. Women who put themselves on dating platforms have taking the initial step in advertising that they are available and actively seeking a man.

So do not blame men, this is a result of the success and achievements of the women and the feminist movement in general.

wtf636 · Answer

Because it's easier and cheaper.

The reason you don't mind meeting someone in public is that it's much easier and cheaper for you to do so than the average man.

Say I go out. I see a woman I am attracted to. I have to go up to her, think of something to say, risk rejection, buy her a drink, gauge if she likes me or not, and even after all of that there are no guarantees. She could give me the number and ghost me, at least she got some free drinks.

And that is just one girl that I just spent a few hours on at least if it goes well. And maybe I don't end up liking her. To do that with multiple women in one night or several nights. That is a long expensive process filled with more no's than yes's, to put it simply.

Women don't have to do this, so they don't understand. You just go out looking nice, and men approach you. It doesn't happen that way for most men. Maybe the top %1 of attractive men would know what this is like. You also don't have to pay for every guys drinks that approached you.

With a dating app. I can sit on my couch and match with women I already know are at least attracted to me. Filter out the ones I'm not interested in, and schedule a date in a few messages with the ones I am. See how I met 10x women, in 1/4 the time, and I didn't even have to spend any money. It's a much better deal for the men.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Because in real life, she doesn't walk around with a datasheet next to her face, telling you her religious affiliations, number of children with a previous lover, hobbies, age, etc.

And you need to have a sixth sense to know if she's even truly single, before asking her these questions. Which you have to sweet talk her into answering, because if you offer her a form to fill out the same way a website does, she'll likely splash you with her drink and run to the cops. Or, she'll write nonsense and be a troll.

Unless you're a master of seduction, you'll have a devil of a time navigating all her nuances. Along with the added stress of being in a public place, surrounded by witnesses to your every move.

And that's just to find out if you think she's worth an extra minute of her time!

Apps have made everyone lazy. Just click, swipe, drop a message or what-not, and wait for results. From a pool you can narrow down much faster.

You're far less likely to meet some whack a doodle who seems okay - until you go to her place, and then she's worshipping ancient Talmudic demons and barking like a dog, and has 666 written everywhere.

You're also far less likely to have a detective show up at your door the next day and interrogate you about a bunch of nonsense you know nothing about.

You're also far less likely to have a bouncer throw you out on the street because he's jealous that the one barista and you get along.

On the other hand, you're also far less likely to meet a random children's speech therapist from Georgia who's slightly buzzed but so into you while dancing to karaoke that she almost kisses you.

Anonymous · Answer

Because somewhere back in the stone age someone decided it'd be cool to use an outside entity to find them a date. Ya' videotaped yourself and others looked at it. Hell, before that, there were newspapers and magazines!

Fast forward to the computer age, and it's the same difference, just digital.

Honestly, most use dating sites to hide their shallowness and discriminatory practices. No one knows who they are so they can be their true selves. Anonymity serves their deviance well.

That's it in a nutshell. Swipe left, swipe left, ghost, ignore. It's SO much easier when no one knows who you really are, and dating sites would go out of business if they were forced to verify that everyone was a real person, with I D. to prove it, and everyone's REAL name was posted, if nothing in the servers was overwritten, so proof could be obtained when people act like jerks... and they'd be banned from ALL dating sites.

Proposition another user for sex? Gone.
Send nude pics? Gone.
Ghost? Gone.
Post fake images? Gone.
Solicit for monetary gain? Gone.
Send a seen or porn link? Gone.
Try to scam? Gone and prosecute.

Never gonna happen. There's too much money in it.

Meeting someone in person at least verifies that they're an actual REAL person, but that's about it. After that, ANYTHING is still in play. They'll still practice shallowness and discrimination, ignore, and scam.

The conundrum is to get someone to chat or meet without seeing the other and these days, that's NEVER gonna happen. People need to SEE! Most are hating classifiers, (to discriminate), and it's all about how someone will look on their arm to their closest, or if they'll make beautiful babies, or if they're made of money.

GOOD LUCK, LOL!

JSmuve · Answer

I'm not sure your social circle is representative of the entire global population, but I'll humour you anyways.

If these guys prefer dating apps, it's probably because they're being offered a large selection of single women presumably looking to meet guys. In theory it's quite perfect because it takes away all of the work of trying to find a single woman in person. You said it yourself; in your social circle there are single women who just don't want to date. So if a guy wanted to, in person, find a woman who wants to date him, he'd have to weed through all of the single-but-not-interested women. And that assumes he actually has places to meet single women. After a certain age, most guys don't. Where's he going to do it? He's forced into the awkward world of day-game, which means approaching random women on the street or other locations, which just comes across as desperate and unsettling; we all know how wary women are of random men approaching them.

So dating apps tend to be the "safe" place for guys. Ironically, I imagine most women are like you and want to meet someone in person, which means those apps are criminally underused by women and overused by men, to the point where women can get lots of attention and men none.

RawIronhide · Answer

In person I have to do all the work. Women don't understand how difficult it is to cold approach
Y'all kinda just sit back and wait for the attention.
You don't understand how incredibly draining it can be for a guy to approach you after being rejected when my self esteem is shot and I'm not sure what to say. It's extremely hard on us. And if we don't y'all are just like "oh well he doesn't like me, maybe he's gay" like no the dude is traumatized and girls are never willing to meet you half way or pick up the slack they jast wait for the assholes with LOADS of confidence then they're shoked when that same dude drops them like leftover meatloaf.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

First, I highly doubt that you are ugly! Second, I’m pretty cute, and I’ve never used a dating app, and I def notice guys here on campus will approach me and they are cute, pleasant, and polite then they ask me what dating app I’m on, I smile, kinda brush my hair over one ear with a finger (IOW definitely flirty) and I say “oh, I’m not on any” they just end the conversation! WTF? Dude, I was giving you ALL the signals, just ask me out! But they don’t! I have NO idea why some cute guys have no problem asking girls out, and some refuse to. Maybe it has something to do with the age you got your first smartphone! I had a phone at age 12, but it was limited to only text family and had no other functionality! Same with most of my friends at school. So we actually learned how to interact socially with others, including boys! Who knows what the answer is, but that would be a good subject for my master’s thesis (when I get there).

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Could be a couple of reasons. 1) They're after hook-ups and find it easier through the apps to find people who fulfil that need, or 2) are tired of/afraid of in person rejection/being labelled a creep, so prefer to go with the security that if you've matched with someone on an app, it's a clear indicator that they're interested.

As much as I'm sure women think they are being clear expressing interest in someone in person, it really isn't unless that guy is used to getting those signals, whereas a match on an app is a clear indicator as they wouldn't have swiped if they didn't want to start talking.

If they're after a serious relationship, doubt any of them would be against meeting someone in real life, so if you're interested in one of them, just be crystal clear in your intentions rather than dropping hints.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because online dating seems easier and it reduces the risk of communication problems because one cab longer think about what to say.
I would actually prefer offline dating if I knew how to date and if I knew where to get to know single women.
Most of the women I knew/being in contact with are either married or taken, some are single but with them the attraction isn't mutually.
Another reason for dating online is there simply no place that comes to my mind where one could meet a single woman for sure.

Realworldanalysis · Answer

For two main reason.

1. Most men are scared just like women of rejection and prefer to get rejected in secret than in an area where people can judge them.

2. Too many women ghost and don't reply to text when men do approach and meet them face to face. The reason being women crave attention about as much as men crave sex. Thus, rather than wasting time on a girl and putting their eggs in one basket, men have decided to use dating apps to talk to multiple girls and improve their chances of getting a date.

globetrotter22 · Answer

Lots of things have changed recently. The pandemic obviously forced people on apps.
But approaching women can be intimidating for guys. I can tell you almost every guy who has done this for at least a few years has had at least of horrible stories. They have had women laugh at them and/or mock them. We have had jealous boyfriend get all hostile despite having no idea the girl was taken while politely approaching her. We have had women give us the “get away you creep” attitude. We also got the whole metoo crap telling us not to ever take a risk to make a woman feel uncomfortable Etc.

Of course those incidents don’t always happen. But they have happened enough for some guys.

VikingWarLord · Answer

You usually don't wanna SHIT WHERE YOU EAT type of thing. We can find chics 5 to 10+ miles away in another city so you don't have to see her azz if there's no chemistry or the sex ain't great. Plus there are more opportunities to meet hotter biitches than the ones in your immediate social circle. Most of the biitches in my area tend to be 4s, 5s and 6s. I think I only saw a 7 out of 10 one time at Wal-Mart but she was with another female (probably her sister or something), outside that, I wouldn't try to Day-Game or Night-Game in public unless there were hotter options. Whereas on dating apps like Tinder, it's like shooting fish into a barrel, you're bound to find hot AND HORNY biitches easy if you set your radius for location within 50 miles.

AS TO YOUR COMMENT ABOUT BEING UGLY, send me a DM and I'll be straight up, brutally honest if that's your problem, it may just very well be if no dudes are hittin your azz up in real life. You may be too 'average' for them.

magiusX26 · Answer

am more introverted. then there is the numbers game aspect to dating that we do have to deal with. walking through a public plwce such as a shopping mall (assuming every woman seen is available amd of age) you may have 60 to 200 people to try to approach in an hour or so (maybe a bit more) versus online with maybe 500 or so women available that you can "approach" within either and hour (rapid blind swiping) or at your leisure with both having close to same odds of getting maybe 1 or more to even notice us if we are lucky. and with the online way you also get to offer additional info as they view you through things like bio but maybe not your physical voice versus, only your looks and maybe your voice when in person. which one would you choose?

Anonymous · Answer

Making a move on a girl face to face and getting rejected is awkward if you don’t have the confidence to handle it. Whereas messaging a girl online who you’ve never met and will most likely never bump into anyway and getting ignored is much less awkward.

Even texting a girl you know and then having to see them again next time you see them where ever you usually would can be more awkward than being ignored by a girl you never met/will meet. Plus there’s the whole thing about not wanting to ruin friendships if things go wrong, which is even more important if that’s your main social circle because sometimes things can get ugly, and other friends might get involved. It’s a “don’t shit where you eat” thing.

Personally I’ve never had a problem with either, but I also never had the internet as a kid, I wasn’t socialising online at all. A lot of guys today did, the younger they are the more likely it is and the more you see this lack of confidence.

Anonymous · Answer

Because from what I've experienced lately, most women I would be interested in are already in relationships. Those who are single either want to be single at the moment, don't find me attractive or don't find anyone attractive and they are not open to going out. I'm very busy at the moment with a job, teaching courses after work and going to the gym that I don't have many opportunities to meet women, I don't want to pester women in work environments to go out with me because we have other properties to talk about. When I go to the gym, I want to work on myself and that's why women go there too, not for dating.

That's why I use dating apps. Expectations are clear from the start. Presumably we both want the same thing: a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Because apps are more economic.
The average man goes through 20~40 women a year, just to find the 5~10 percent with whom he can possibly get with.

Now imagine having to pay for a meal for 20~40 women a year, because otherwise they will automatically dismiss you as broke and/or cheap.
That's utterly unfeasible.

Women have made dating game a numbers game for men, and these are the consequences.
You are a #16 whatever on his list, and he simply cannot afford to spend any more money or time on you.

That's why.

scott5 · Answer

I would love to meet someone in person, I really would. But dating apps are my best option right now. I've been trying to find somewhere to go to meet girls. Thinking about going to some local clubs with my buddies. I have a very small friend group who have our usual things to do. I was homeschooled my whole life and never went to college, straight to working so never met girls through school thus don't even have a ton of acquaintances my age. I also have had very little luck on dating apps despite dating a girl off of one for 4 months last year. In about a year of being on dating apps I've had only around 20 matches and I'm constantly trying to improve my profile. Hope I can find somewhere to go out and meet girls soon

Anonymous · Answer

I can only speak for myself, but I wouldn't say "prefer", but it does have advantages (if it worked like it was supposed to). First, a lot of women say they wouldn't like to be approached by a random stranger. I live in a small town, don't get out much and there's nothing to do (especially with Covid), so where exactly am I supposed to meet and find single women? Plus you have that advantage online in that there they are, you know right way without even having to speak to them (don't have to risk rejection of any kind - it's not just you women that don't like it), and you already know some basics, if they are single and looking to begin with, and some basic details (can save a lot of time also). Unfortunately very few people take it seriously (ghosting etc), but if it worked like it was supposed to.

Why do most guys prefer to use dating apps rather than meeting girls in person?

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