Why do so many people here use dating apps instead of meeting people organically?

[Babebytheshore85]

It just doesn't make sense to not go out. If you're using a dating app, you eventually have to meet that person. In addition, how do you know if they will like what they see or not? I often hear people meet the person they've interacted with on an app and realize they don't look anywhere as good as their picture and are extremely disappointed. If anything, I would think a dating app makes it harder for you because people only have surface level information to go off of so interactions are going to be more focused on looks then they may just may read your bio. Whereas in person what you see is what you get, you're not only focused on the person's but the entire package, so it's not just surface level.

Updates

1 y

Men face rejection more often than a woman would. So wouldn't the likelihood of rejection be more often on a dating app? Or is it easier for men to accept because it's a softer blow such as an unknown left swipe or no response?

[OlderAndWiser]

Many people misunderstand online dating.

I am married to a woman I met through a dating site: zoosk. com. She lived about 80 miles away from me and it is unlikely that I would have ever met her without the dating site. After we "met" online, we agreed to meet in person about a week later. From that point moving forward, our relationship was no different than if we had originally met in person. Yes, the first meeting could have gone badly, I really didn't know much about her, it was all superficial, and she could have looked differently than her photos online.

In contrast, I could have been "set up" on a first date by a mutual acquaintance ("Man, do I have the girl for you!") This is one of the traditional methods of getting a first date. And before I meet the girl, I really wouldn't know much about her, it would all be superficial, and I might not have seen a photo at all, or she could have looked differently than the photo I was shown.

I could have met a girl in a bar; another classic traditional way of getting a first date. Before our first date, yes, I saw her in person, but everything I know about her is superficial (except that she is the kind of girl who spends time in bars.)

Online dating allowed me to see and evaluate the potential of many women, to narrow that field down to a limited number, to filter out those with obvious deal breakers (like her being a smoker,) and increase my odds on finding a compatible potential partner. All of that, of course, depends on women being honest in their dating profiles. . . but I've had women in bars lie to me, and I've had mutual friends "stretch the truth" about the girl they think is perfect for me.

[Babebytheshore85]

I'm not sure if 70 is your age, but if it is, it makes sense why online dating works. Your generation isn't unhinged like this generation of people, and your generation takes a more traditional approach despite being online. Is what I've noticed

[slatyb]

People are the same from generation to generation. Circumstances change, and behavior changes to meet circumstances.

[Lliam]

Maybe because they are
1. lazy.
2. socially inept, have social anxiety or are paranoid from spending their lives on "devices" instead of interacting with people in person.
3. unwilling to keep trying when they get rejected by one or more people. They never heard the phrase "When at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
4. looking for unrealistically perfect looking and/or well off people from the millions of avatars around the world who are on-line use dating apps. They think they are "settling" if they pick a normal person who lives near them, which is the way people met partners before the internet. They basically have unrealistic opinions of themselves and live in a fantasy world where they dream of a Disney prince or princess falling in love with them.

[Babebytheshore85]

Everything you said is correct and I'm noticing this based on their comments that something isn't quite right in their brain 🤣. I hate to sound judgy but the comments are insane.. one guy said "where do I go to meet someone organically" the other said "there's no where to go in my city" I said go the next city over. Then he says ," I can't because I work a lot so I have to stay here and I think I only have one match in this world because I am so different and blah blah blah and I should maybe hire a wife". Then he kept commenting talking to himself so I just deleted his comment. He was obviously missing a couple screws

[Lliam]

Thanks for the MHO, Babe.

[Screenwriter]

As. you state: easier to get rejected by some anonymous person who's not in front of you saying "Thanks, but no thanks." Also costs far less in time and effort.

But when people put OUT the effort, I think they could be more selective and careful about choosing who to take a chance on in person.

Also, you know a heck of a lot more about a person who you meet in person than who you're nixing online.

The fact that you ARE taking your time to assess someone: how they dress, how they speak, their hygiene, their mannerisms -- this is a whole other aspect that cannot be evaluated except in person.

Someone might sound great online, but when you meet them in person it's a fail. Someone might not sound fabulous online, but in person they're warm and impressive.

Also, friends of friends who you've known in that context, might turn out to be good dating candidates. And you have a history of that person from your friends' knowledge of them. Invaluable! Also, you've interacted with them in person and have general knowledge about them. Also invaluable. You can get neither of those things online.

[Babebytheshore85]

I agree, I don't trust the online dating. They could be anyone and come up with any thing. There's a user on here now who men think is real but it's actually a man behind a woman's account. It is much better to meet people organically because like you said what you see is what you get and you can not only assess their looks but their personalities and intellect. Yet people Her I feel are insecure so they just stay online.

[Screenwriter]

Well some people who ONLY deal with people online might have that issue: being insecure. I have enough real-life friends and am open to getting new ones. Good friends make your world!

[DishLady]

It seems easier to just use apps… to chat online rather than engage a person in front of you.

[Babebytheshore85]

How is that easier? Doesn't seem healthy

[DishLady]

I don't know. I’ve never used an app.

[Finchie40]

Because of convenience, even though I prefer meeting someone in public , but dating apps and internet aren’t bad if you meet someone that you connect well with.

[Avicenna]

Probably because it’s easier to swipe right 100 times than to approach 100 people and start a convo.

[Lionman95]

Simply spoken because I don´t know where to meet people in real life. In my social circles nearly all women are taken. I´m not in a situation where I can date at the office as we work arrangement that forbids dating at the office.

There are no places to meet single people as there are no single meets up over here and I´m not keen on going into drugstore or some supermarket trying to find a woman there. The other issue is because I´m not falling for a woman at first glance. I take time reading app profiles and thinking whether or not I have something in common so using dating apps is my go to at the moment.

For context: There´s a joke over here on social media. That guys should go to drug store to make a move on women as women are already to purchase stuff they don´t need so a man making a move on there might have a chance. That´s why I´m mentioning a drugstore.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Because it is trending, that alone is a good enough reason, regardless of any efficiency.

Because it is reassuring, it triggers a feeling of being in control. For those into long term relationships, dating apps concept taps into a very specific fantasy, it makes us feel that we have the power to choose THE one, rationally, based on a set list of attributes thought to be key to success. Less risks, more comfort. Success. In theory.

Because it works, for some, for those fitting in the wanted range, when they can appear, physically and socially, a certain way and as such hit enough the right buttons.

Because... There might be something else, but I ran out of reasons right now.

[slatyb]

So you meet some one somewhere. You have a good chat, then find out that you are religiously or politically incompatible, or there are other deal-breakers. Dating online you don't know if there will be chemistry until you meet, but at least you know the basics -- religion, age, desire or presence of children, smoking, 420, etc. If they have a written profile, you can also tell whether the are able to write two coherent paragraphs.

The best is to date someone you are already acquainted with -- someone you have met. Second best is to get a suggestion from a friend.

[Shiprex]

Dating apps aren't meant to bring people together for long term relationships. They're purpose is to make people want to use the app more and therefore earn the app more money. It's a commercial enterprise not a match making service. That kind of thing is better done with real people in real situations randomly.

[Babebytheshore85]

Exactly, and becareful there is a user here most likely a man preying on users and saying that she's

www.instagram.com/ath3nalynee

[Babebytheshore85]

This is why I alway reccomend people go out instead of online

[Shiprex]

Who is this?

[Shiprex]

Yeah I've been planning for an hour to get on my bike and go to the gym lol

[Babebytheshore85]

Arwen06 lol

[Shiprex]

And they're really a guy?

[Babebytheshore85]

@Shiprex yes , I messaged the real girl on Instagram. She said the picture the person posted is only available to her onlyfans subscribers. That particular picture being leaked tells her that it's a man because all her subscribers are male except for two butch lesbians. Butch lesbians aren't interested in enticing men. So it's definitely a man. I'd report the profile. This is the third profile I've seen doing this yet it's still up on this site.

[Shiprex]

@babebytheshore85
I get it. You're wasting your time reporting profiles on any social media profile especially Instagram. I've reported profiles for actual scamming and they're still posting. Facebook too with the block feature being just a blinker ibstead of a boot.

[Babebytheshore85]

@Shiprex I didn't report on Instagram. I reported here

[Babebytheshore85]

I talked to the girl on instagram because that creepy thing sent me a dm. Which I thought was odd

[Shiprex]

Things that get me about OF trolls is the dummies who'd pay for it whenthe real thibg is out there already thats infinitely better AND potentially worse but worthy of the effort and challenge 💯

[Babebytheshore85]

And the way they wrote was like a man too. This is why I really don't like to follow people because some take it as more than just a follow.

[Shiprex]

@babebytheshore85
I guess that's a risk of online interaction that ANY form of positivity from someone is taken out of proportion especially when they're of the opposite sex.

In answer to your update, it's easier to MARCH and wait to forget until THEY respond and then the race to complete begins. For guys the lack of success on apps is why they become apparently desperate as they know ANY girl has multiple options to choose from. It's demoralising so the only ones on there are the desperados hoping beyond reason for a sniff.
It also raises such ridiculous expectations if and when something happens and glacial movements turn into landslides of over the top behaviour.
Not for me tyvm.

[QuestionObsession]

It can start online but not stay just on text messages. A lot of voice calls, pics sharing and video calls can help knowing how the other person is.

Also, meeting in person too soon means, the girl could be putting on an act, feigning her true behaviour to look good etc.. because even in general people put on an act and are diplomatic and guarded when meeting anyone new. On their best behaviour, so to speak. And it always shed with time.

If you take you time online before meeting in real, a guy can allow enough time for a lot of that shedding to happen and know if she is even worth meeting in person or not.

Besides, women don't feel the pressure to make an impression if it goes on for a while just online before meeting.


Staying online for a while before meeting in person is a good filter to know if a woman is really worth the trouble.

[dragoblack]

Because with an app, we can tell who is single and looking. offline, we go through a series of eggshell conversations, just to find out that information and we waste more time, just to find out they are already with someone, not into the opposite sex, not looking for a relationship, doesn't see us that way, is actually underaged while looking late 20s ,... etc.
with offline we get constantly tested and deal with manipulation tactics. Offline the people we find attractive are usually busy and don't have time to talk or are hanging out with friends and don't want to deal with being courted. Online just makes it a higher chance of a genuine interaction, than offline with a stranger who just plays nice not to be rude.
There's plenty of reasons to look online rather than offline.

[Pohjolan]

For starters because its becoming mainstream. A fisher goes where the fish are.

Moreover MeToo. There is no creep shaming on Tinder for being on Tinder.

Some women though don't like that they don't have much plausible deniability being on a dating app.

Of course you can say that you are just looking while being in the sausage section of a store but everyone knows why you are there.

And some guys don't like that other dudes have better lures and get way more fish than what they do.

That doesn't mean that meeting organically is a bad thing but the dating market is currently a wild west.

The old code of conduct is out and a new one has not been established.

[new-person]

It is the world we live in. The world changes with every generation. Depending on how old you are you can see in person meeting is going down and online meeting go's up. Now just about all business do not have applications in the store/office they tell you to go on-line. Before you had to go in person to apply now not at all. Now a days you meet on line and then if you pass the screening you meet in person to develop and establish the relationship. That is for everything now jobs, dating ext.

[snowboarder720]

I met my current wife from a dating app. It was how people dated during COVID-19. Meeting someone in real life is way better in my honest opinion but much harder to establish a connection. When you meet someone online you build that connection first and then you meet them which makes it a little easier to talk to them in real life when you meet for the first time.
It really depends on what the person wants in a relationship when they meet.

[aceleon]

You do realize that when we get rejected publicly it might turn into an humiliation or worse arrest for harassment right?

At social Media girls feels safer i guess and it is more time saving.

Though i really don't like the internet thing, i have to be face to face.

[Sunrising]

My view is with online dating you can like the person mentally before you meet When you meet normally you might like them physically but you don't know what they're like mentally.

I've only ever been online with GAG's, so I've only dated normally.

[Nikolakoala5]

Have you tried to meet anyone in person recently most people use apps due to shyness and also lack of social life I'd say but I've spoken to plenty of guys that say they won't approach a woman in public just incase it doesn't go well and goes down hill most woman (me being one of them) I dont like being bothered when im out and about and doing my own thing, neither does my male partner tbh. We met on an app ✌️

[Anonymous]

Not getting matched work is an easier way to get rejected than mustering up courage and navigating inconsistent social rules to be rejected to your face and risk judgement.

The same guy one woman finds charming, another might label a creep.

Women ofc face other social pressures and judgements as well as physical harm when approaching men.

Lesbian and gay people simply are not as concentrated in population and then approaching straight people can lead to social judgement and violence.

[WonderingManII]

I hate superficial dating apps. But in my own life, online dating was the only option for me. Because I couldn't meet anyone at work, and I was rejected from Church. And when I was in School, I was rejected by my peers. So online dating made more sense. But it didn't work for me, so now days I don't even try.

[genericname85]

cause especially for men, approaching women in public has been very clearly labeled predatory, creepy and unacceptable by todays women. so what are the options for them? the only way you can approach a woman without risking a sexual assault charge is if she thinks you're hot as fuck, which you don't know before talking to her, cause you can't read her mind.

[Anonymous]

it makes perfect sense why people use dating apps ofc i can't speak for everyone or myself but most people who use dating apps probably had want a cheap fling to put it nicely i mean think you dont know the person you won't have to worry about seeing them unless you want to

[LiamJHayden]

I don't but I'm very extroverted and live in a county with a population of over three million. If someone is more shy and/or lives in a more rural area I can understand wanting to expand the potential beyond the people he or she has known since childhood.

[itsannalee]

Dating app are just to waste their free time or even just hookups app.
Personally I don’t think people on dating apps are really want to look for partners.

[Babebytheshore85]

I agree , I don't feel people on dating apps are people to be taken seriously. a lot of times there is something wrong with them is why they're there in the first place. Both of my friends are on dating apps and omg let me tell you. If you were around them often like me lol you'll understand why they're single. They have issues. Attractive on the outside but mentally and emotionally have issues not relationship material and Just sleep around

[itsannalee]

I used to use dating apps when I was bored years ago. Just to find friends to eat outside, watch movies. etc. But I wrote in my bio that I'm not looking for a partner, sex or ONS, only looking for new friends. Guess what? I met 2 famous guys, 1 is model and the other famous basketball player here. And we still friends until now. When they come to the city i live they always ask to meet up.

[Babebytheshore85]

That's all it's good for hanging out and finding friends. But these days people are a lot more unhinged so you don't know what you're getting from online. Even though you can meet crazy in person.

[Communicationisking]

I have never used a dating app but I think in person is best to see if there is a connection but I spose maybe an app can give you more opportunity to meet people in person that you would never have met otherwise

[WindAtMyBack]

People use them because they work. It's just another way to meet people. I know quite a few married couples who met online. But then I think they work better for older people because there's not as much game playing.

[thegreenyogi]

I think people have lost the ability to interact face to face. And that's why a lot of people feel more comfortable meeting and dating from behind a screen.

[Babebytheshore85]

I agree

[NicholasRedone]

Bumble has been my go to for years now - :) and I've only been on one date. Not bumbles fault, it's just my luck of the draw in life lol 🧬 and because nobody these days wants to be flirted with in public or at work it seems :(

[EmmaMary]

Personally I put it all down to pure simple bone idled laziness.

[PeterLegg91]

I use dating apps but I'm not a lazy person , I go out quiet a lot :(

[Babebytheshore85]

🤣🤣 you know that's pretty true. My brother would copy and paste ,"hey beautiful " and send them all to 20 women at a time on the app to see who would respond. So low effort lol 😆 @EmmaMary

[EmmaMary]

@babebytheshore85

Now that really has to be the height of pure and utter laziness.

[Babebytheshore85]

🤣🤣 terrible I know

[EmmaMary]

Has he actually had any luck though? lol

[Babebytheshore85]

Yep there were unfortunately insecure women who were definitely desperate enough to respect to his generic low effort comment.

[Babebytheshore85]

🤣🤣

[EmmaMary]

Any prospective relationships on the horizon.

[PeterLegg91]

Yet you women on here are wasting your own time degrading men's efforts 😆 good effort 👏

[Babebytheshore85]

@peterlegg91 we're married

[EmmaMary]

@peterlegg91

Im also extremely happily married... Thank you.

[PeterLegg91]

Your both deaf , I said your both wasting your time degrading mend efforts trying to find love :(

[EmmaMary]

@PeterLegg91

Why the profound insult?

[Babebytheshore85]

@EmmaMary he just proved why you should never deal with a man on the internet. They are missing a fee screws.

[PeterLegg91]

Your an olive short of a pizza yourself 😆

[Babebytheshore85]

I just lost brain cells reading your comment sir. You're 34 with the mentality of a 12 year old boy. Time to remove you✌🏽

[Massageman]

Victims of the "I want it now" syndrome. ref. Veruca Salt icw "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"

[Ironic_Method]

I've had great success meeting people online or through apps. I think surface level stuff is a great starting point. It's easier to pursue someone if you already know things about them.

[Babebytheshore85]

When you say success do you mean it ended in marriage?

[Ironic_Method]

I did meet my online, yes. As well as a few other relationships that were great.

[serious]

Well, that is because it is far more easier, one does not have to travel or move out and it is convinient and easy

[Babebytheshore85]

Dating app doesn't sound more easier unless you're an extremely attractive man or wealthy man. Yet majority of wealthy men are not on these app

[Babebytheshore85]

Women eventually stop talking to. a guy on the app once another attractive and wealthier male pops up in the algorithm

[Babebytheshore85]

That's the thing a lot of men and women on these apps don't understand. Women too men will go fo the most attractive women

[serious]

@babebytheshore85

You have made good points. Agreed.

[Babebytheshore85]

You're a man wouldn't you think it's harder? I'm just going off of how often men are rejected

[serious]

@babebytheshore85

I think you are right. Be it dating apps or real life I think it is hard.

[afnan169]

Although people eventually need meet up but the dating apps have some additional benefits like I have met some amazing girls in dating apps that I would not probably meet in my day to day scenario due to distance or other issues

[jshm2]

Because most are working and too busy to waste time meeting people.

[Babebytheshore85]

If you're too busy to meet people what makes you think a dating app is any different? You have to meet them and have to go on dates. So if you don't have the time why bother in the first place? A lot of these are just excuses to mask insecurities. It's unhealthy

[Danny_dan92]

I said this in one of your previous questions.




I’m anti social. And everywhere I go publicly are places I go for reasons other than looking for women

[Yohenis]

Catfishing is a serious issue that's why I dont use dating apps at all

[Babebytheshore85]

Right I wouldn't trust it at all

[vj0090]

I think it's just about being at the right time at right place... you never knows how destiny will work. Sometimes these dating apps gives you the person you r looking for although most of time it's casual only...

[strateguy632]

I agree, i tried apps and apps are horrivle.

[PeterLegg91]

I use dating apps but I totally agree, always been my argument women stop chatting to me for some reason or not , and I'm like you don't even know and haven't met me yet

[MrChinaski]

It's a phase in human history. It will pass. It already is passing.

[Anonymous]

I am confused where do you meet men to date if not on dating apps? Like the club or where? I've only dated using dating apps idek how people do it without the apps🤣

[Babebytheshore85]

You need to go outside like a normal person.

[Babebytheshore85]

There is so much to do and so many places to go. You really should invest in therapy because your thought process is not normal. It's giving I don't socialize, I don't have friends and have no life. Like come on are you serious?

[Babebytheshore85]

This is not natural nor normal

[Jamie05rhs]

I use online dating because I want to be able to reject a girl silently without wasting her time talking to her. I feel like that's more humane.

[Anonymous]

Dating apps don't violate the MeToo statutes where in failure to adhere can be punished by death or life in prison

[Babebytheshore85]

This doesn't make sense lol 😂 . What does the metoo movement have to do with going out and meeting people organically?

[Babebytheshore85]

This just sounds like a socially awkward excuse

[Opinion Owner]

You can't look at, talk to, approach a woman these days let alone think about anything more
Society will soon be separated by gender

[Babebytheshore85]

If you approach them appropriately there is not issue. Just know a woman has the right to decline you and you'll have to move on. No biggie. What you're saying is extreme

[Opinion Owner]

I follow the law to the letter, I'm not getting shot for breaking it
No approaching is far safer like if you're walking down the street and a women is walking towards you then cross over, in fact it's better to be hit by a car as an innocent than be alive and guilty

[Babebytheshore85]

There is a user on this app right now preying on men saying they're this person. It could be a man I highly recommend going out.

www.instagram.com/ath3nalynee

[Babebytheshore85]

If you're thinking this way then you aren't approaching women correctly

[Opinion Owner]

Not approaching at all is working out plenty fine

[Opinion Owner]

This kinda discourse is about as close as one can legally get

[mrkdvsn]

When I was "dating", back in the 80's, I always met girls in-person... usually in bars/taverns

[msc545]

Where do you think men should go to meet women "organically" ?

[Babebytheshore85]

You can't be serious? Are you people socially inept? What do you people do stay in your rooms all day? These questions are just.. wow

[slatyb]

that's a very serious question. I was a divorced father, not religious, highly intelligent, living in Dallas. How do you suggest I could have met other non-religious, highly intelligent women my age in a mostly religious city? I tried, and missed one opportunity through misunderstanding, but I had good success on match and eventually met my wife there after a long term relationship that eventually ended.

[linguistrosey]

Yeah, dating apps are terrible re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[fish5505_87]

Maybe, you can filter out some really obvious red flags, nothings perfect!

[Anonymous]

Because they think it's easier on the apps.

[AveryGaming2014]

I don't know. Maybe people are just too tired to date in real life?

[DMC93]

I only use Hinge 2 times a week for 15 minutes so I dont get hooked on it.

[7Phoenix7]

I've never used a dating app...

[MikkiM]

Because im shy to approach.

[ProbablyClueless]

the apps are convenient

[Anonymous]

You’re not wrong.