Is a man just seeing his woman of 7 months as a convenience if he was prepared to just distance himself from her ready to take a job abroad?

[Anonymous]

He started becoming distant as he was ready to take a job abroad regardless of it came through. No discussion, just distancing and gone. I said it seems like I’m a convenience to him, he disagreed and said it’s not ‘convenience’ and I’m much more than casual to him, but his actions make me feel otherwise. What are your guys thoughts on this? I’d be grateful for any wise/experienced advice. Thanks 🙂

[DaveJord]

Well I have moved around before due to jobs, or I have been in places that I knew I would not stay long. So I avoided relationships all together because I did not want any romantic entanglements. I also have been in relationships where I was comfortable with them, but I did not want any long term commitment and as I got closer to leaving I distanced myself because I know I was not interest in LDR or bringing her with me.

I would not say she was a convenience thing, but maybe he is letting you down softly without being a total heart crushing ass hole. But yes it time for you move on.

[Asker]

You know the worst part, he confuses me by saying things like he wouldn’t want to spend Christmas and Valentine’s Day with me if he was just keeping me around for convenience. He tried to say I wouldn’t want to meet your friends and family or ask you to meet mine if I were etc. Am I still right to walk away?

[DaveJord]

I mean you are still not happy in the relationship either way... so you have to talk to him about it and get to the heart of the matter. Given what you just shared... sound like you both have invested more than enough into the relationship to be more than just a convenience thing. But something has changed... so you need talk with him and make him comfortable about opening up.

But honestly you have to be prepared that the truth might hurt or not be want you want to here. But it sounds like he legitimately cared for you... but something has changed and if you are not getting want out of it then you need to do what's best for you. But given him a chance to explain it better, maybe it not as bad as it looks... maybe he is trying to protect himself from being hurt and subconsciously pushing you away.

[Asker]

How do I make him comfortable about opening up? I do try but I think he struggles with it. Believe me I’d prefer the truth even if it wasn’t what I wanted, at least I can deal with that. Lies just make things far worse. And I know he’s been hurt in the past which is why I’ve been patient with him (even though he says he has no issues there I feel like I see otherwise), but there’s only so much I can give.

[Asker]

He said he may get bored in 5 years after he’s completed his next lot of studies and want to move abroad then. This is what I’m struggling with. I’m not convinced he’d see me as anything long term so there’s be no point in me going along for another potential 5 years!

[Asker]

He says it’d be a discussion if we were still together and serious, but now not sure I can trust that.

[Asker]

If love to feel like I could and it’ll all work out. But this is why I’m asking here, to help me focus on the logic rather than what my heart wants.

[DaveJord]

I don't really know what to tell you other then there comes a time to cut your loses and move... this might be that time.

[Asker]

That is telling me that it’s not a good investment though. That’s helpful.

[DaveJord]

Yeah if you feel you are over infesting or infested in a relationship that is causing you this much anxiety then I think you need to step back or away from it for a while and see what else is out there. On some level if he was the "one" I do no think it should be that hard or going this way. I am sorry and I hope you the best going forward.

[Asker]

Thank you. And that’s what I thought too.