Why would boyfriend distance himself as time was nearing to potentially leave the country for another job if he was offered it?

[Anonymous]

He did talk to me about it before to let me know that there’s a potential he could leave the country if he got the job he applied for just before he met me. But he also said it wouldn’t be likely to happen and if he was offered it it’d be a discussion.
Well I said if he’s likely to take it I’d rather see him less to avoid getting too attached. He disagreed and thought we should make the most of our time.

Anyway months went by and we naturally became closer after he made me feel like it was unlikely to happen after I said that.
Next thing he starts becoming distant, still keeping me on the line and not letting me go and planning for Valentine’s Day, but not as responsive to my affection!
I knew something was up and when I confronted him after finding he’d updated his profile on a dating app he said he done it because he was going to take the job abroad, but he hadn’t talked to me about it like he said he would, he’d just become more distant!
Anyway, he didn’t get the job and said he’d reevaluate his life in 5 years while he finishes his academic studies here, but he wouldn’t take a job abroad off the table.
He’s also divorced so I’m wondering how much of this may be down to not wanting something serious again/yet, and how much of it may be just because for him it’s not right with me, you know?

Now my question is, does he sound like he doesn’t really care enough for me or have I misinterpreted that? I just don’t want to give him a chance if he’s not that into it because I know I will be if I let it carry on and there’s no point in wasting my time if he’s not?

I’d be so grateful for any advice on this from any wise members here with valuable life experience. So thanks in advance 🙂

[DaveJord]

I would say that if he is getting ready to leave the country is wanting to be unattached. I mean maybe know he will leave regardless and does not want to put himself through the heart ache. Or maybe he is a gentlemen that does not want to hurt you. But regardless I would assume that he has made the decision that he is not interested in a LTR and he does not think your enough to make him change his mind about leaving.

I would assume he is conflicted about leaving you, but if your not into hooking up then he need to do what's right for him and move on before you get attached to him. I recently move and intentionally avoided women for a year out because I did not want to get attached to anyone, its not fair to do that to a person or myself.

[Asker]

He talks like he wants to leave. But then other times he talks about buying a house and seeing what happens with us, but the trouble is…niw I don’t know whether that is just all talk (about us) because his actions have definitely made me feel cautious, but I’m just wondering whether I’m being too cynical.

[Asker]

And since I’ve started pulling away he’s been trying to pull me closer again 🤷🏼‍♀️

[DaveJord]

Well I would not want him to buy a house and just stay here for me. I would say,

"I want you to decide what's best for you, if you stay I do not want to be just for me. I do not want to hold you back. I can not control or say what will happen between us, but if you want to stay then you need to do that for your own reasons. But at some point we both need to decide what the best thing is do here... end it or try to make it work some how."

[DaveJord]

I think that fair thing to do, and he deserves that much from you and honestly you deserve answer to that.

[Asker]

I’ve already said I wouldn’t want to stop him chasing his dreams. But that’s good advice, you’re right about needing to figure out what we’re doing.

[Asker]

I just can’t gamble the next 5 years of my life on something so uncertain, you know? I’m too old for that, I’d rather be single and invest extra money elsewhere.

[DaveJord]

Yup I do know I am 45 myself.

[Asker]

He’s 43 this summer too, I’ve not long turned 37 so I don’t see the point.