Is being percieved as "harmless" as a man an unattractive triat to women?

[Anonymous]

There's been this word that women love dangerous men (or men they perceive as dangerous). But how about a guy who has boundaries but is seen as approachable, friendly and is even viewed as harmless or wouldn't be seen as someone that will bully anyone. Is that an attractive triat, or that's a turnoff?

[HighlyVolatile]

I think the ideal is like the metaphor of a lion that keeps its claws retracted, making people who don't threaten it feel safe and comfortable around it.

That's basically the idea of the classic gentleman. Yet the man part is tougher than the gentle part. It's easy to be gentle, and some people are gentle out of fear of conflict. The man part is the hard part.

Guys who are just gentle but don't look capable of being anything else aren't so popular with most women in my experience, and timid guys tend to be very unpopular. Some degree of assertiveness tends to be needed.

[HighlyVolatile]

Using your bully analogy, the ideal is to act neither as bully nor victim, but the one who protects the victims from the bullies.

[HighlyVolatile]

It can help tremendously to simply make women feel comfortable around you, make them laugh, but it also helps if you can make them feel safe if something were to threaten them. To do that you need a side that looks capable of protecting her from harm's way.

You don't necessarily need to be built like the hulk to appear that way. Yet you have to act like someone who won't abandon her out of fear.

[HighlyVolatile]

One thing that helped me a lot when I was younger that my first girlfriends in the US taught me was to be more assertive. I was very agreeable (Japanese thing) and sometimes a borderline asskisser. That wasn't very popular with women at all not only because I think it looks and sounds weak, but also because it looks and sounds boring.

So I made an effort to become a bit more assertive here and there even though it was counter-intuitive to me being from Japan: "Hell yeah, I love pizza!" instead of like, "Yes, I enjoy pizza." I think aside from appearing stronger that's also just more fun and animated. I started to get way more laughter and smiles from girls that way, even when I was disagreeing with them.

[Anonymous]

Yep, and if women tell you otherwise, just remember they all tell you they prefer nice guys. But when / if they run out of options, they might give a 'harmless' guy a 'chance'.

[PrettyPriya]

Not at all. I like a guy that is friendly and approachable. Bonus points if you can make me laugh. 😊

[AmandaYVR]

What he said. @highlyvolatile 👈

[HighlyVolatile]

Appreciated! But this puts me in a clumsy position of having to put an egotistical like. :-D I do anyway!

[Anonymous]

Be capable of being dangerous. You don't have to constantly act hard, though. But yeah, if you like you couldn't do harm to craft paper even when you're pissed, women are gonna see you as a little boy, not a man.

[zagor]

Let's see, Charles Manson was surrounded by young women. Ted Bundy got married in prison. So that may be a valid point. Though Mr. Rogers was also married...

[Andres77]

A weak man is not a good man.
A good man is a dangerous man who is self-controlled.
-paraphrased from Jordan Peterson

[MCheetah]

Yes. No woman wants a pussy.

[anylolone]

Yes. Seems likely.

[In_Trance]

it's subjective