Girlfriend versus wife duties: am I doing too much?

[Anonymous]

I am (20), boyfriend is (22). We moved in together about a month ago. We aren’t married nor engaged (yet…). I’m worried I may be overstepping my responsibilities as a “girlfriend.” To make this clear, I want to marry this man someday. i love him dearly and definitely see a future with him. We moved in together about a month ago.

Okay. I work part-time. He does not (he works later in the year). We split most things 50/50. We both go to college. I cook 95% of the time—breakfast, lunch, dinner. I clean. I take care of our dog. He does stuff too and always offers to help. Like when I cook, he offers to do dishes. Am I doing too much though? I’ve been told that I am.

[Anonymous]

Does it make any sense doing 'wife' duties when you aren't a wife. You've put the cart before the horse and have fallen into the same trap hundreds of women fall into. You are not clear on your own boundaries, and you need to ask yourself questions about your self worth. Would you respect, cherish and want to commit to, anyone that provided things you didn't 'deserve'?

The last woman I knew of in a similar situation left after 7 years...

But your problems were made worse by moving in, crossing the boundaries between girlfriend and wife without being married. You are both too young as well, hence the mistakes.

[Asker]

You’re right on some aspects. I have a feeling he will propose to me soon, but I can’t guarantee that based on my “feelings.” Thanks for your input

[Anonymous]

Who told you that you were doing too much? Him, or one of your judgmental friends, who doesn't do shit for her man, because she's selfish, in hopes that you'll turn into a selfish bitch like her?

You do what you want. He helps. Do you know how many posts I've seen with women complaining that he does NOTHING, and how tired the women are if doing everything? Consider yourself very lucky.

Me, I work 10-15 hours a day, 6 days a week. Depending on who gets home first I might, cook, clean, put laundry in and/or any other miscellaneous tasks. I bsolutely refuse to dishes however. That was known when we met. Then it's it off to bed for a little fun.

I'm 58 and she's 27.

Don't let anyone tell you what to do. You're happy. Keep it that way.

[Asker]

31 year age gap is a little sus but you do you man. Thanks for the response

[Opinion Owner]

Sus? Suspect? Believe what you want. I have no reason to lie to you. You're welcome

[SecretsofKB]

This is something that is up to you to decide. If you feel like he isn't doing enough, then maybe you do less.

If you don't have a problem doing this much for the rest of your relationship (cuz right now is when you're setting the precedent for your roles together) then keep doing what you're doing.

How do you feel about it now? And how do you think you'll feel about it in the future?

Your answer lies in those questions.

[Asker]

Well right now, I’m just worried he will just too use too it, you know? I want long term commitment. I don’t mind doing these things at all, in fact, I love it because that’s how I express my love language for him.

[Asker]

In the future, I want to be a stay at home mom, that would be awesome!

[Changiis07]

Sounds like it but if he offers to help you should take it that way he does it too. It's good to work together

[Asker]

You’re right. Team work.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why don't you do chores together?

[Asker]

That’s a good idea. He just whines about them. He does his own laundry… and cleans his own room.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have separate rooms?

[Anxious_foreva]

I mean if you do it do it
If you feel like you are doing too much, step back and decide what you want to do. You can set boundaries with yourself like chores/house work only certain hour a day or few hours a week etc


and if he is the one that makes a mess, piles up dishes, etc then along with your boundaries, he also has to start cleaning up after himself

[bamesjond0069]

Umm if you dont do your best he's not going to marry you if he thinks you're a slob and a lazy bum.

Oh gee my girlfriend doesn't cook and clean that much let me commit to taking care of my own house the rest of my life by marrying her. Makes no sense.

In todays day most women are lacking wife skills. You should be showing them off

[Asker]

I see your point. Well my boyfriend isn’t going to think I’m lazy if I don’t do X Y Z when I’m not married to him. That would be shallow. That’s like me as a woman saying “if my boyfriend isn’t a bread winner then I need to find myself a real man who will take care of me.” Lol.

[bamesjond0069]

Maybe you should? Sorry i don't get the appeal of modern unisex relationships but you do you.

[Guy13]

I think you are his MOMMA replacement. Good luck with it all.

[Asker]

I hope not lmao

[Guy13]

If he’s not doing them now don’t expect him to do them later…underwear…closing cabinets, drawers etc…. Not changing except getting worse. Good Times 🎆 🎇 💥

[Asker]

Well I’m not complaining about what he does. I’m complaining about what I’m doing versus what I should be doing as his girlfriend

[Guy13]

I’ve got an idea, make him pay for maid services. Make sure daisy dukes, doo rag, mop bucket, and hole in underwear since you’re poor cleaning Lady.

Can’t fwck cleaning lady any less than $40.00 week. I keep 2000-4000(sealed stacks 100 $20s) in deposit bag for blow job. $20.00 for 3-5 minute work 4-6 times a week is great margins. 120.00 35 minutes work are plumber/electrician rates…