Is "I'm to busy" for a relationship just an excuse or is it valid?

Question

We make time for the things that are important in our lives, do we not? This explains why doctors, police, firefights, self-made business people, etc, can still be in relationships and have kids. Too often, you hear, I'm too busy for a relationship or to even try to find one.

Is this a valid excuse? If you're already in a relationship, I would think this was you not prioritizing the relationship, and for those not in one, just saying that because they haven't found anyone worthy of that time yet rather than do they actually solidly believe that if someone they were genuinely attracted to popped up, they wouldn't at least try to start something.

Nobody is "too busy," it's just a matter of priorities. Agree, or disagree?

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

I respectfully disagree as unexpected things in life can occur, lets say loved ones getting ill etc and you need to be there for them, or something else is happening that is out of your control. What I think is most important is that you are open, honest to your partner about what is happening. It is also revealing because you can then tell how your partner holds up in a time like that. I did not realize it until later that I had an ex who was never there for me during time of hardship, when others would try to reach out to me. I was someone who had high expectations on myself and having a really hard time to ask someone to help me out. I know one guy out if the blue snapped saying what a terrible partner I had. Later this ex apologized to me but could very well be it was because of how other people reacted to his behavoir.

I have been too busy periods in my life to be in a relationship but because I knew that before I did not get in one.

I think if you give vaque excuses saying you're too busy without explaining yourself to your partner it isn't fair on your partner. I think you feel it when there are valid reasons or not behind it too how your partner behaves to you. There are some who take the chicken way out meaning they do not give you the mutual respect of telling you what is really going on, they just withdraw themselves with one bad excuse after another, and then finally tell you it's over. These kind I think it's best to just let them go without protest, caring too much because they lack the skills you need to have a loving, healthy relationship with anyhows, they will never have that with anyone, they're not ready for it. Right or wrong, I will tell you what the problem is and there are times I then have to withdraw but keep communicating, I adapt, I return when both are ready, I know when I have to protect myself and protect my partner then too as what ever is going on isn't ready to be solved, but that is not the same thing as me giving fake excuses as me being too busy, I would never do that. Some people get really childish when encounting issues in a relationship and so instead of being truthful about it they use tactics on you as part of revenge and treating you badly such as giving you fake excuses they are too busy. They are not good to have around if any real crises comes along as they can't even deal with the situation as it is now, that is what I have thought anyhows. If someone does not try to be there or are there for you when it storms then I don't want them by my side when it's sunny weather.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

It depends how the person uses it.

I do get busy at points of the year and it makes having a relationship a bit of a challenge. Another person I know travels rather a lot and so has similar challenges.

But I only say "I'm busy" if there's no breathing room. By contrast, a guy was keeping me on the hook with "I'm busy" excuses then suddenly pushing for last-minute meetups that I found insulting bc I could see he wasn't too busy to interact with other people in a timely and respectful manner.

So basically here's a rule of thumb:

1. If you are just starting out, set the boundaries for "busy".
2. Once you're in the actual relationship and know when the other person is busy then it's ok to state something like "I'm busy with that merger, remember?" or "I have that travel, remember?" or you actually share an itinerary and know the other person is legit busy.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

I actually made a video on social media about this.

Anyone who says that is lying through their teeth. It doesn't matter how demanding your work life is. Even if you work 12 hour work days 7 days a week, you still have time in your day to spend. How you choose to spend it is up to you. But the fact is, you make time for the people you want in your life and the people you want to spend your time with.

Especially in the case of communicating through text, there is absolutely NO excuse to not send a message in the day just to say they're here and thinking about you, or if they're pretty busy, they can just say that.

Yes people work and get exhausted, especially so in physically demanding jobs, but they still have time to spare. If they don't communicate with you, it just means they don't want to deal with you.

Let's do the math.

You have 24 hours a day or 168 hours a week.

We'll overestimate everything just to make a point.

Let's say you get a solid 8 hours of sleep every day. (Most people get 6.5 to 7 hours). That's 56 hours a week.

Let's say you work 12 hour days, 7 days a week (which is honestly pretty unrealistic for most people. Most people work 36 to 40 hours per week). That's 84 hours a week.

Those are the 2 biggest factors and you still have 28 hours left in your week.

Let's say it takes you 1 hour to get ready every morning (most people take 20 to 40 minutes, with most surveys showing between the 11 minute and 30 minute range). You still have 21 hours left.

Let's say you commuting takes 2 hours a day (The average commute time is 1 hour a day). You still have 7 hours left in the week.

Now those hours can be used for either recreation or spending with your partner. And that's a super unrealistic jam packed week that most people do not have. But the fact is they have the time. They just choose not to spend it on you.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It really depends. Some people they really are too busy… Even for someone they’re into they don’t have the time to invest in someone new. Even if they feel attracted…

In other cases they’re saying they’re too busy for a relationship with YOU…. But then you’ll see for someone else all the sudden they have all the time in the world.

Some people say “someone’s playing hard to get” most of the time they really just don’t want to be with you, in some cases they genuinely are too busy, and yes in some cases that’s exactly what they’re doing.

Look, if someone turns you down. Just move on…. There are other people. Because if the three options is that someone either genuinely doesn’t have time for you, simply isn’t attracted to you, or playing games. Why waste your time? At least someone gave you a direct answer.

If someone makes time later or decided they want to be with you. The balls in their court…. 9/10 if someone wants to be with you. They will make a effort.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach with a flirty vibe 😉, I'd say you've nailed it! Saying "I'm too busy" can indeed be an excuse, but it also depends on the individual and their current life stage. Priorities shape our actions, and if someone swipes left on love due to "busyness," it might mean they haven't found someone who sparks that magic yet. People do make time for what's important, which is why when the right person struts in, priorities might just dance around! 💃 So, I agree - it's often about priorities. Keep rockin' those priorities! ✨

ohsheeT · Answer

Well maybe look at it another way look at it as this person know themselves and they say that, because
 Either they're not ready or they don't want to hurt you or they're trying to find a part of themselves and they Don't Want To bring you into something. That they're not going to be there , one hundred percent The moment you commit to a relationship you commit, and you have to do your part. And so instead of hurting you by committing and not being able to follow through , they just say they're not ready And what you have to understand is that doctors, lawyers, policemen, firefighters, if they have already started their relationships before.
 Their 20s or 30s, then, of course, they're going to be able to do it. But when you're in your forty's or 50s and you're going to start all over, you have to make sure that everything is right before you jump, I hear what you're saying.
 I would say, if that's what you're looking for just be patient and let him get to know you deeper. And better , because that has a lot to do with it , too

Finchie40 · Answer

It could be , but why put yourself in that situation? If someone doesn’t want to make time for you , and make you a priority , the same way you want to do for them? , then they are just a convenience , never waste your time on someone that just likes the convenience of you especially if you are looking for love , , life is too short to be a convenience , when there is someone out there that wants to make you a priority. You should never invest your time into someone that isn’t investing a lot of time into you , I don’t care how beautiful or hot they are , they aren’t the person for you. Someone that wants to be by your side , will climb mountains to be with you , and not make a bunch of excuses not to be , someone that wouldn’t jump over a little puddle for you , is someone you should walk the other way from immediately. Value yourself worth and realize you deserve someone that wants to be by your side as much as possible

HollyK21 · Answer

I agree that people make time for what or who they wanna make time for, but I also feel like everyone is different and some people really don’t think they can wedge another priority into a schedule that’s already stacked with them. Regardless of whether it’s an excuse or not though, if it keeps them from stringing someone along then that’s what matters most.

ShellyB · Answer

I think it can be sort of both. That is, the person saying it may consider it true, but, if there was a relationship they really wanted to be in that was a possibility, I think they would find time for it. The effect is, I think it is a polite let-down although the person saying it may really think it’s true. JMO!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It is an easy but pathetic excuse when someone does not want to tell you the truth.

JSmuve · Answer

In general, the "I'm too busy" is just a vague statement that could mean she isn't a priority because she's either not attractive enough and/or her personality is off-putting.

In some instances, it's a valid excuse but as always there is nuance to it. A person can have a really tight schedule and if they add more to it, then something else has to get neglected. So if a woman is willing to be neglected for periods of time, then sure a relationship could work. Like if I can only give a woman an hour of my time every two weeks because I have too much on my plate, would that be enough or would she want to see me more frequently? If it's good enough, then a relationship could work in theory. But if we she's needy and clingy and needs far more attention from me, then ya, I'm too busy for her because I've got too many other demands that she's unwilling to work around. And if my attraction for her is only lukewarm, then she'll find herself on the outside looking in really quickly.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a matter of opinion. I mean, I would say, "yes it's an excuse". But the reality is some people give you better feelings than others. Some people give you better reasons to pursue a relationship than others. Throughout my life I've been in different headspaces. Sometimes I've been hyper focused on making money. Other times I've put dating at the forefront. And what I can tell you from both those situations how much effort I put forth had no bearing on how much effort SHE put forth. Life has taught me she's either interested or she's not. And the level to what that was occurred completely in her head.

I'm not saying this to label all women or anything. I'm simply trying to explain to you that when a guy realizes a woman's actions are going to be the same regardless of what he does. There's no reason to change anything he does.

So it's likely that he's not "too busy". He's either not interested. Or he knows she's really not interested. Guys as they get older become very aware of all the tricks a woman has in her bag. If they even get a whiff that she's insincere, he's backing away.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Well , I’d generally disagree.. it’s a perfectly valid reason and actually very mature and so much better than trying to force something when the timing isn't right !

Relationships require attention , energy and effort. If your life is too full with “ other “ priorities then it’s honest to say that.. right?

Anyone saying “ I’m to busy for a relationship” or similar is just them saying they can’t or don’t want to give a relationship priority at the point their at in their life.

This generally isn’t the first excuse people pluck from the air , so if a person says they are too busy , further explaining or sighting some of the above … well I’d believe them and give them the time they have asked for … if you really like them , maybe you will stick around and be there when they have more time

OneViewpoint · Answer

Hey, everyone is entitled to set their own priorities. If someone places their education or career before a relationship at any moment in time that is their choice to make and completely valid.

With that said, "I'm too busy for a relationship" is also a routine way for people too weak to say the truth to deflect interest from someone they don't want to get involved with.

How do you know if it's true or they just don't want a relationship with you? Who cares? They are not interested for whatever reason. Let it go and move on down the road of life.

NathanDavis · Answer

it is often an excuse and a lie too... when someone is trying something with you but does not commit to you

but if they say they don't have time for a relationship and then they don't play around with it or with you... that's because it is true, lol

I was one of those to say "I don't have time for a relationship right now" and I did say that during the pandemia years, and I did refer to one very important thing... I don't have the time to dedicate to a relationship the way I like to dedicate to someone

but also... I didn't date, I didn't try, I didn't look for anything, and I didn't entertain anybody to the point in which they might have gotten the impression that "I was available" lol

before the pandemia, I was also very busy... but yeah, I always made sure to make the time for my relationship, and so did she... my ex was also as busy as me, but we made it work, and it was great

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I find it odd to contest validity here, especially when discussing a statement without anyone actually carrying it, a situation, or a background to look at.

Assuming the case of someone not in a relationship, they can totally be too busy, just having their priorities set on something else than romantic love. What you mentioned, people managing full schedules and romance at once, are doing it because they view the good of it, they strongly benefit from it.

But this is not universal.

Anyone can legitimately fail to see any benefits in the idea of a relationship, for whatever reason. It could be because they don't relate to love for example. Then, they just don't see the point of making space for love.

Twalli · Answer

You're right. If they don't prioritize a relationship, then they may be too busy to be in one. An English professor uses something similar about writing when people say that they'd love to write if they had the time. His response "I'd dabble in brain surgery if I had the time". He has no interest in brain surgery, his point being that if you really wanted to write, like really wanted it, you'd make time. Most people watch TV in the evening before going to bed, if you really want to write, then write instead of watching TV. There's no rule saying you have to watch TV. So, you'll make time for what you want.

TakingitEasy15243 · Answer

It's an excuse unfortunately and works both ways. People are never to busy for someone they care about. I had a girl I was crazy for make every excuse in the book. Then I'd be told she's hanging out with all these guys. He's just to busy for you unfortunately

RavVid · Answer

Yeah I'd agree. I have always worked long hours and most weekends. At least 60 and sometimes 80 hr weeks. But a significant part of that has been discretionary to build my skills and to test ideas.

So I would make time for a girl I was interested in if she accepted my invitations :)

McLlovin · Answer

Let me put it like this. If it were a billion dollars waiting for you to pick it up and you only had 1 day chance to pick it up, but you were super busy throughout the entire month giving you no open opportunity to pick it up at the given location. I bet you would find the time to go and get it.

the problem isn’t that you dont have the time. The issue is you don’t consider it a priority. You simply don’t care, its not important enough to you to make time.

RingOfFire · Answer

I had a high powered career and worked 80 hours a week. I regret some of the times when I didn't pay enough attention to my relationships with women and put my work first. You are right. If he really loves you he will put you first and career second. Don't settle for second place.

Alex-Snow · Answer

To some extent... yes. I'm in college and on the swim team and I work part-time so I really do not have time for a full relationship. I have a casual friends with benefits and we have some fun and hot sex together but neither of us wants a dep relationship at this time in our lives.

Anonymous · Answer

I was at a point where I was just too busy and too consumed by work. I met someone and really liked him, but I knew I could not give him the attention he deserves so I didn't continue with a relationship.

I believe it's a valid excuse. And if work or health or family is your priority then you shouldn't waist that other person's time. Do what you need to do and then start looking into a relationship again.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want me to be frank with you

"I'm busy" is something I say when I really don't care about someone or when I just don't want to see someone.

I also use the term "marriage is just a piece of paper" when I just want the benefits of a husband without the commitment.

spartan55 · Answer

@OlderAndWiser Yeah, then you are getting into groveling territory, no thanks.

Keyboardkat · Answer

You'll be too busy until you meet the person who really "rings your chimes!" Then suddenly you won't be too busy! You won't be able to get enough of them!

Massageman · Answer

Excuse, if a couple is serious about the relationship. There is a wonderful couple in our church. He is an EMT/Paramedic, works 24 on/72 off rotating basis and they seem quite happy and supportive of each other.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

There's no such thing as "too busy" for a relationship. We make time for the things we consider important. Of course this might explain why so many people end up in a relationship with co-workers.

Tigress1039 · Answer

Unless he’s a multi millionaire ceo or something equivalent it wouldn’t make sense for him to say that.

WhitneySnow · Answer

It can be true. Some people are just too busy. Others do use it as an excuse.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It's an excuse.. if they really don't have time for a relationship then pay escorts..

WindAtMyBack · Answer

"Too busy" can be a valid reason. It's also a matter of priorities. It's both.

molonski2 · Answer

It's not remotely valid absolute B's answer , what they mean is " right now I'm far too selfish " .

Nikki1989 · Answer

While it serves as an explanation, it is exceedingly inadequate.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

It's valid. Though at a point in life you should step back and figure out what your priorities are for life

UrLoveMocha · Answer

For me it’s always just an excuse. There’s 24 hours in a day, nobody is THAT busy.

Miristheiss · Answer

Excuse. If they were really into and thought you were the one they wouldn't pass.

YourExLover69 · Answer

It's lame excuse and huge turn off for me. No body is too busy everytime. To get rid of they say this all time 😒😒

Handsomegirl · Answer

Everyone can be busy and not text for hours, that's perfectly normal. But it shouldn't be that hard to say "Honey, I've been so busy at work, I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you" in three seconds.

exitseven · Answer

it is an excuse. If it was important enough you can always find the time.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Yeah, nobody is that busy.. At least all the time.. It's definitely an excuse...

blackeagle007 · Answer

Excuses. If someone was truly interested, they’d make time

Anonymous · Answer

Valid I work no less than 70 hours a week, sleep 40 odd plus cooking, cleaning and eating

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure, I actually never had a relationship, but for some other reasons.

Vera02 · Answer

This could be especially true if you're in school while working to establish yourself.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

No, because it SHOULD be, "I'm TOO busy."

queenofcardio · Answer

I believe it

beenherebefore · Answer

Both.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s an excuse.

jahaims · Answer

Obviously an excuse

foxsquirrell · Answer

its an excuse

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