Why don't men care when they're objectified?

Question

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

I think men and women are facing problems here that are largely opposite to each other.

I mean don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of similarities. And the "ideal male form" in hollywood is generally WAYY harder to achieve than the "female ideal form".

But like, the problem women deal with is that they are deemed overwhelmingly desirable. Thus women in movies are often used as trophies, clickbait, ads, and damsels (also due to women being seen as more deserving of empathy than men).

The problem men face is that we are generally portrayed as the "undesirable gender". Our formalwear is all about being covered head-to-toe. It used to be standard practice to play sexy tenor sax music when a woman strips down, but have the characters turn and vomit when the male character strips down. And romantic plots written by both men and women involve the woman being inherently worthy of desire, while the man is a useless ugly bumfuck until he gets some redemption arc, punches the bad guy, and then apologizes for something.

So like, having spent my life feeling like I'm the "ugly, undesirable, immoral gender", it can be really nice to see the male body portrayed as sexy. So while I wouldn't say I'm SUPER fond of it, I do give it more of a pass. I'm trying to "learn" to be bisexual, with a decent amount of success, because having guy crushes makes it easier to see what makes guys attractive, and makes me feel more desirable myself.

But like, if the problem for women is that they are "sexualized" (I would argue sexualization is not a problem, but sexual objectification is), then the problem for men is that we are generally "desexualized". We tend to wish we were in each others' shoes. And while we've been able to acknowledge desexualization of Asian men, we haven't acknowledged it more broadly.

So I kinda like that they ramp up the male shirtless scenes in time for us to start showing people of different shapes in a positive light.

sattii2607 · Accepted Answer

It does hurt especially to the ones that get left out of the spectrum.

HighlyVolatile · Answer

One dimension that I want to suggest beyond @OpenClose's amazing and insightful answer is a fear component that might go all the way down to biological instincts.

I spent a bit too much of my time in nightclubs in my youth so I'm no stranger to having my butt smacked or grabbed by giggly tipsy girls, e. g. Especially tipsy girls in girls can be some of the worst and do things that would get men arrested if guys were going around grabbing women's butts and laughing with their buddies.

Yet I never minded it much and I think it's because I have no fear of giggling drunk girls sexually objectifying me this way. I don't think I have any strong reason to be concerned about my safety. Maybe I should be concerned about my safety more. Women are capable of causing great harm, but I don't think I'm wired to see these types of things as threats. So I see a complete absence of threat here. I even had a stalker one time in my life. I saw her as harmless, just annoying.

That said, it's very understandable to me if women experienced these things from men that they would have a lot more to worry about and a lot more reasons to view such men as threats.

Anonymous · Answer

It's because you're all morons.

A long time ago it was pretty much decided that if you're a girl and you let people think you're easy, you aren't a valuable member of society. However if you're a guy, attention from women is a means of escalation.

This creates a problem with the economics of social hierarchy. The currency is being perceived as cool, attractive (valuable).

Men can't go up in cureency without taking some away from women. Now women can't put themselves up without taking men down so the solution to this problem; which by the way is completely man made and has a lot less to do with religion than people think it does, is to get into a relationship with somebody. It doesn't have to be anyone particularly good for you, just someone with the most possible social currency, which is perceived value as a person.

This is why when women are objectified, they largely feel insecure, attacked, unsafe and/or anxious. They are trained after years of evolution and being a part of society.

Imagine a guy walks past a girl in an office setting, tapps the secretary on the ass. Now, he's just potentially taken something from her. Maybe a little pride, maybe a little of her social value in the eyes of certain people.

It's understandable, but unfair and is also totally unnecessary and is holding humanity back making a leap forward that would probably serve as a major milestone in our evolution

Men on the other hand, being objectified helps their social image. It plays into our dumb minds which has been trained by evolution and history for many thousands of years. Being wanted by others is about the highest social currency for guys. How many women who thought they'd never cheat ended up finding the self attracted to a man who's woman they wanted to switch places with.

And let me say again that this system that we all live off of, which is talked about and studied by many scientists does not need to exist.

Juxtapose · Answer

Us men are sick of only being given attention for our skills, money and social status. We absolutely hate that crap with every fiber of our being and do not view it as love or lust.

Nobody talks about how sexy we are unless we are talking about the top percentile of men. Whenever a woman gives me a compliment that is solely based on my physical looks I am completely ecstatic because that is the rarest compliment a more average man can get.

I already have friends to compliment my personality, I want adult compliments.

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Pretty much agree with your update, I'm one of those who receives no kind of attention of that nature, so when I hear people complain, while I am sympathetic to the fact that to them it is unwanted, I'm also jealous that they get it at all.

To me it would be a massive confidence boost as I've never had any reason to like my appearance (falling into the Big & Tall Endomorph category) so random complements, getting hit on would be a massive boost.

So yeah, men get so little that it still feels good to them, whereas women are generally sick of it (despite still wanting men to take the lead in progressing relationships and "pursuing" them).

EmbraceThePain · Answer

I’m not exactly sure, but maybe it’s due to the fact that men like competing and have done it for the existence of humankind.

So, men are open to judgement, betterment, improvement, etc.

Women aren’t as experienced or accustomed to this, so any form of judgement will be seen as negative by them.

Women, a lot of their value revolves around their physical appearance.

Whether perceived or actual value, this has been the case for awhile.

Men? Not so much physical appearance, but value derived from TOTALITY, meaning, if a man cannot attract a woman with his looks, he can attract them with skill, or if not with skill then with resources, or with charm, etc.

Or a combo of all the above.

For women, it’s solely appearance.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

We like being noticed by girls. That's, probably, why we can't figure out why girls hate it so much when we do it to them. Quite often, it's just done in a complimentary way but y'all take it as if we'd follow you into the bathroom and try to fuck you in the stall. Sure, there ARE SOME stalkers out there and I can completely see why you feel the need to be careful and stand-offish but, at the same time, you have a STRONG knack for PICKING the freaks and twisted perverts as opposed to the nice guys that would honestly love to be your boyfriend and treat you like a queen!

Diodoro · Answer

Well girls don't really care either. It's very selective in situational based on the person and mood of the girl at the time.

Just like a guy doesn't really want to get hit on by a fat chick, a girl really doesn't want to be tied down by Guy she's not attracted to.

Right guy, right circumstances, and he does it just enough for her to still feel safe and comfortable, then she is right on board with the objectification. Guys don't have to consider the factor of safety, girls do

So we skip right to Z, girls baby step to Z.

If there's one thing I know. All women fear the day men stop checking them out. And all women want to be seen as a WOMAN to their man. That is ultimately objectification and they want that. All women. Even lesbians lol

Кураж · Answer

Because men aren't lusted for the way women are.
We are liked for our personality, confidence, intelligence, character and what not.
Which is nice and all, but this leaves out a component that is important to US men.

We want to be deemed sexually attractive because it simply is a portion of our love language and forms the basis of our attraction towards women.
Women failing to reciprocate this form of attraction makes us feel undesired, short-changed; because, in our heads, sexuality and sexual appeal ARE inseparable components of attraction.

I wanna be liked for my abs, because I do like women for their hot thin legs and small perky butts.
That's simply the reality of how we men operate.

Anonymous · Answer

If men complained openly about being objectified by women (including sexual harassment which I’ve unfortunately experienced before) then we get labeled “gay”. I am never was and never will be “gay”. Anyway I’ve had girls say this bs to me when I was younger if I turned them down. Huge bullshit double standard. Seriously how often do you hear men calling women “lesbians” when they get turned down. Anyway.

We are supposed to be happy about the attention. Sometimes we definitely if we find the woman attractive and she’s being genuine (some women cruelly feign attention for ulterior purposes).

TheorionMage · Answer

Biologically, ... males EXIST like human pollinators...
'why' would males NOT want to be deemed 'desired' even if
JUST for 'friends with benefits' or hormonal relief?

Ask ANY male HOW SELDOM some random 'PYT' or even a 'Cougar' cops-a-feel or propositions them!
Most female of any age are raised with the prevailing societal mentality of "DON'T poke the bear" and that dreaded soberiette of: "she was ASKING for it".
WHAT is WRONG, with "asking for it"?
"Please Sir, may I have another?" (You KNOW you wanna... )
Few women would need fear facing a MALE'S rejection.

Most females are raised to suppress FRANK expresion of their randy inclinations BECAUSE in the absence of pragmatic birth control, it's THEY who'll bear the long-term consequences of hormone-fueled inclinational copulation~

Why don't men care when they're objectified?

Lionman95 · Answer

I think we do care we just ask differently on it. For many guys attention from women is rare plus some of us made the experience that complaining about objectification wouldn´t be taken seriously taken by anyone so we to try different solutions.
The solution we come up is we work through we to come to terms with the situation and try to adjust to it.
That way it may seem that we don´t care but that´s just the outside.

VanillaSalt · Answer

I think you came to the right conclusion however… “crave objectification” and “I’m thinking that men and women who don’t receive any attention are likely to be triggered to others getting that attention”… let me correct your word usage. PEOPLE crave ATTENTION. Any kind especially when they don’t get any. Labeling that attention as something negative is offensive to people that crave that attention. Who are you to judge what we want as bad.

Also I’ve made assumptions based off your word usage and what Ide consider animosity towards people you believe are… lower then you. First thought upon reading your title had me thinking “lol oh great a leftist bitch trying to tell me desiring attention is wrong while never suffering without attention”. The more abrasive you are with your words the rougher people will be in return especially when they think your insulting them.

MCheetah · Answer

Because "objectification" isn't an actual thing and most men aren't insecure entitled snowflakes who think (unattractive) people aren't allowed to find other people physically attractive. Neither poll option is accurate, so I did not vote.

"Wow, someone thinks I'm good looking out there. What a massive problem in society caused by 'heteronormative patriarchy' and 'CIS white male privilege!' Depression, suicide, and homelessness, step back! Someone called me good looking and we must devote all our resources to killing off all heterosexual attraction in society! So says me, Karen Killings of Kansas!"

pearlypink22 · Answer

I think it’s cause 1. They’re rarely objectified in general 2. When they are, they see it as something to be proud of mainly because of reason number 1

Citizenkirk · Answer

Some men might be offended, but most probably don't care one way or another. I think there is a general sense of male guilt from those insensitive jerks who objectify and cat call woman who cross thier path. Old fashioned chauvinism, if you will. A throwback from the days where men were tough and woman were supposedly weak and only meant too make babies. Some men don't know what it's like to be objectified, and are not aware that it is happening. Also, males were sexually objectified at the pool and beach until the early 80s, and we're probably used too it, when swimming and wrestling nude.

_piotr · Answer

We care. If a woman is sexually objectifying us, we are happy. Everyone think of man in utilitarian way or like him only because of his personality. Finally someone, who does not want him for protection, providing, skills, but because she finds him hot. The fact that a woman finds his body attractive is very flattering, positive and makes man feel desired. It is probably one of the best things man can experience.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I agree with your update. Women come across creeps every single day. A woman could just be in line at the store minding her business and a man could come up to her and say some gross ass shit out of nowhere.
Stuff like that doesn’t happen to men nearly as often, but I’ve heard enough stories from my female friends to know it happens to them all the time. So when women get sexualized, it’s something they’re tired of.

Anonymous · Answer

Complaining about "objectification" something women do to try to control men. It's classic controlling behavior. Almost all women love to be objectified by the right man under the right circumstances, but they want to control who does it and when. And let's face it, women themselves are the ones who objectify themselves the most anyway.

Men just don't feel any need to play that silly game.

jahaims · Answer

I think it is because on many levels we are taught to not find value in our looks in the same way as females. Most females put a lot of value in pursuing looks because they are rewarded socially for it. Looks are obviously important for males as well but it isn't at the top of the list. You can be average looking, smart, successful and interesting as a male and still be very desired. If you are a very attractive male and don't whole lot of other things going on you aren't as desirable as the average looking male with the attributes listed for him. An average looking female with those same attributes is less desirable than a 10/10 female with not a whole lot else going on. This is obviously my opinion and I know there are plenty of exceptions, but from what I have observed on average this is true.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Then they are suprised when noone take male rape victims serious. I watched news about female teachers who have sex with their students on youtube and the comments are jelly male teenagers getting mad for not having hot attractive creepy teacher. I even get comments by men who tell me i can sexual harrass/rape them whenever i talk about male rape victims. This is so weird

Kenzy009 · Answer

Men understand the nature of this world. We know people don't like us for who we are on inside. We need something about us to be attractive. Its a sad thing to say, but men can't afford to be delusional.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

The perception of men often don't look being sexualised as objectification but gratification of there persona.

Women on other hand worry about literally everything even if it's going good they think why is that it's going good?

You point to a women and she will show you what things she worries about.

Maybe it's in the nature craving for perfection

Kaneki05 · Answer

Because the intensions are often not the same and men get much less of it. Women it's like every woman has been harassed and sexualised. For every guy very much the opposite, it can happen but it's rare to the point we actually hope for just a little bit of it.

Humans psychology right there would rather be noticed and used than left alone. Certainly true for people craving attention which becomes by just a position of been a man since most women already get that.

Staximus · Answer

Most women don't objectify me in a sexual way like I'm just a piece of man meat, but they often see me as a means to an end or a solution for their problems.

DarkCarousel · Answer

Because when men objectify women, they’re generally considered as “only wanting her for one thing.”
When women objectify men, they’re typically imagining spending the rest of their lives with him.
I think if men objectified us similarly, women might not mind it as much.
Possibly.

snowboarder720 · Answer

I think men are really naive when it comes to real world issues and being objectified because it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it happens to women.
When they’ve never really experienced the problem they feel obligated to not exactly learn from it and want to prevent it. Remaining ignorant to a real world problem that affects someone’s mental health really goes against the stereotypical gender expectation of men should “deal with it and be tough” because society tells us to.

Cjbruser · Answer

I don't care either about being objectified. I like my body and I am proud of it being very cardio-vascular and extenuated blood vessels because of my catabolic nature and exercise.

Bogoboj · Answer

It is because we men are always in the position of power, If women objective men or if men objective women it is us men who are always the ones in power, we can pretty much always overpower a women if she becomes handsy but the reverse is not true so we men just have nothing to fear wich in turn makes us feel impowered when women objective us.

Anonymous · Answer

We are starving for attention from the opposite sex as we are almost never getting any, so that if women are being simply friendly to us it seems to us like they are romantically interested in us. Therefore objectifications could be put to feed our starvation of us lacking receiving any attention from the opposite sex.

the bad part of objectification in my opinion is when women look at us like wallets on legs. And some men are into that. But not me.

AdithyaR · Answer

I guess there's a couple reasons.
Generally men get complimented way less so they're conditioned to like even this sort of attention.

There's generally less malicious intent when women objectify men.

But then again, some men don't like being objectified either. It's an individual thing.

magiusX26 · Answer

it is somewhat positive simply because as a guy, being desired is actually quite rare. so we are not as bothered by this as we mite should be because at least we get a better chance of being wanted/desired.

MJtheCoach · Answer

I live in south Asia is because of social construct!! All the unattractive ugly girls with no girlfriend qualities who are extremely annoying are looking for a white hot guy of course they cannot find them because those white guys go for better higher quality and more attractive girls!

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Because men always appreciate sexual attention. Why? Because we get so little of it. Sure, there's the few percent that have women throwing themselves at them in droves, but the majority of us get very few compliments of any kind. And men appreciate sex simply for sex, while women in general don't. There has to be an emotional connection for them as well. Men don't need such a connection.

Nobuttsfortoday · Answer

1. Cos were not stupid2. We don't confuse a compliment with an insult3. We're not cocky or full of ourselves, we humble4. A compliment is rare to us so it's a blessing to receive one5. We're not bitches, were friendly

dolemite89 · Answer

if it’s from attractive women then of course we’re not gonna complain at all. I've had unattractive females at work say or do inappropriate things to me physically and just let it slide cuz people don’t take guys as seriously if you say anything in that regard plus i cared about my job.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are not adult children who need to cry about everything that is done to others in the gender, like a hive mind, so they can play victim for attention. We have more important things to do, like keep society going.

SignedAutographs · Answer

Like with women; if a guy wants to be objectified, he won't care and will actually welcome it.

The best way I can explain it would be like cheerleaders who wear really revealing outfits and then claim that men objectify them. They wore the outfit, they do the sport knowing it's the outfit; They could have chosen not to

Adam1978 · Answer

Because we can handle it. We are still in charge of what we want. So their admiration is irrelevant if it doesn't align with ours. It usually doesn't harm us unless they are crazy.

goaded · Answer

Positive attention is rarer, and men tend to focus on their good points, when women tend to focus on their bad ones. "I might be fat, but look at those muscles", vs. "My nose looks big from a certain angle".

Aurora1010 · Answer

I think they see it as positive attention, but also because preferring a race or ethnicity of guys isn't objectifying.

FreyaRed · Answer

If it's sexually, they see it as a game that has no negative consequences for them. They are pissed if they are objectified and belittled to tools by their bosses or friends.

PAcc92 · Answer

Men care just like women do: They don't like it when the person doing it is unattractive. Women don't care if you catcall or look at them, they care if you do it while not being attractive or wealthy.

Gorge95 · Answer

After reading the anguish from a lot of men, I think you’ll want to emigrate😂not putting you down or anything it just sounds like you’re dealing with a perpetual headache where you are.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it's so rare (if ever). And like you women, we like attention also and to feel desired, but you get that daily, wanted or not, we don't EVER! Nobody cares about guys in that way. And if so, it's quietly.

David_Kek · Answer

They do, you just don't see it from their perspective. Generally speaking women are seen as sex objects and men are seen as success objects, objectified based on their ability to provide and such.

AndrésC64 · Answer

It's seen as positive attention because most men get so little of it.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Usually because men aren’t really objectified for looks. It’s more about what they have or what they can do.. which is what women use most.. which is about on the same level as objectifying women for there looks.

Guanfei · Answer

We don't get compliments very often, and being "objectified" (which by the way is normal between men and women) is a form of compliment.

MrtoddsWildRide · Answer

I am told that I am good looking.  I have been fairly successful  I had a career with one of those uniforms women seem to like  I am tall Never bothered me

genericname85 · Answer

Because they are not so stupid to assume that being complimented or recognized for some superficial thing by a person means that this is all they're worth for that person.

Pohjolan · Answer

Because people sexually objectify people whom they consider to be sexually attractive. Now we might have a different opinion if it wasn't so rare but it is.

Anonymous · Answer

Because if a man speaks up he gets called gayI got called gay too when I got mad at a woman who keeps on touching my butt everytime and when I told her i dont like it, a few guy and her female friends called me gay

Chthou95 · Answer

Because men are not women. Men take it as a compliment because they hardly get any cimplients to begin with

yesthisisNicholas · Answer

I guess they just flaunt it. 😜 Come to think of it, don't women also flaunt 🤔😅

Mysteryman9854 · Answer

It's not a common thing. So it special 😂. Its like oh shit I'm hot enough to be objectified sweet. However it's not a daily thing that can annoy us or make us feel indanger like it can for women

marish01 · Answer

Do female models even mind being sexually objectified?

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Some men seem to love it because they feel flattered.

AviatorTom · Answer

So long as women take good care of us, who cares if we're objectified?

Better_off_here · Answer

men need attention to thrive and women do not need it that much, Women do not need it the attention to feel better as men do. men like any attention no matter who it comes from. and why they may give it too.

Anonymous · Answer

Men do not need the validation that women feel when they are objectified, and don't come back that women do not feel a thrill when they are objectified, if they didn't why do they like the 'Chad' and 'Tyrone' types so much?

Why don't men care when they're objectified?

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