I'm an awkward, shy, yet quite confident, blunt and smart 22 year old woman. I've never had a boyfriend, although some guys had crushes on me in my elementary and high school years.
I've noticed that a lot of girls in my community are in a relationship or have been in one, and I'm just thinking to myself, how is it that I've never been in one or even been asked out?
I'm a girl with a cute little afro, who has brown skin, a slender figure, big eyes and full lips. I realize that I may not be attractive in everyone's eyes. People tell me how pretty, attractive or beautiful I am. Majority of the compliments comes form other women, either stating how pretty I am or how cute my clothes look. A few of my guy friends on campus do compliment me on how I dress.
Growing up, I was always a shy, quiet and kind of reserved girl, until I started college. I began to change. I've become a little more outgoing on campus; I began talking more, of course, because my job requires me to associate with others. I began to strike up conversations with both sexes. Although I felt more comfortable just striking up a conversation with another females, I began approaching guys I thought were attractive. Even once in front of my male co workers/guy friends, I'd flirt with this guy in front in me. I told him how attractive I thought he was and talked with him for a minute afterwards.
Although I was nervous, I've asked a couple guys out to get some coffee and to get to know them better. One stood me up and the other didn't seem interested. But once in a while, I still conversate with him. I began to think, what's wrong with me that no guy that I find attractive finds me attractive? My male friends/co workers tell me that I'm pretty blunt, direct, but not aggressive. Even one of my guy friends told me that I'm pretty.
What is it about me that guys I like don't really like about me? And how is it that even the not so attractive girls can get dates?
Updates
1 y
I will be 22 in less than 2 weeks, so that's why I said I was 22 lol
How Come Guys I'm Attracted to Aren't Attracted to Me? What Am I Doing Wrong?
Okay, you are attractive, but many white and Asian dudes are terrified of black women. I had two separate black women publicly humiliate me when I asked them out in high school (another sexually assaulted me in front of the whole school). That traumatized me. I was in love with an African-American girl in college, but I was terrified to talk to her.
you might need to approach them. You are pretty. You sound intelligent and charming. Ask out a charming Asian dude. Talk to solid, considerate white guys.
one group I would be careful of are non-African black men. So many African-American professional men treat black women like shit. They take advantage, then go out and charm white or Spanish girls. I know this is not universal, but the stereotype has value.
lot’s of white and Asian men will love you, but you need to start the conversation. It is just like waiters and waitresses. Most black people compensate their staff with tips, but almost all the trash who stuff are black, so waiters dread serving black customers. Systemic racism is nefarious because people are empiracle.
if you can dig some white and Asian men, you will get a good boyfriend and eventually husband. You are pretty and cool, but you need to cut through the stereotypes that intimidate people. If you are in Chicago, I will take you out. I have a friend from high school who was never asked out (beautiful, brilliant black woman). She is married to a wonderful Asian man with wonderful children. We could be happy like that, perhaps.
do not wait! You are at your peak. Now is the time to lock down a man.
I don't really think you read what I typed down. I have walked up to them, introduced myself and talked with them! I've even told them that I was interested in them. I've even asked them to get some coffee with me. The Arab guy stood me up, so I forgot about him. I barely see him around campus since he stood me up. I cried for like 5 minutes in the bathroom before I pulled myself together. I was waiting for him.
The second guy, I approached as well. I told him that he's cute and that I'm interested in him. He says that he's really busy with work and school and he into bodybuilding and competes in contests. So he's either not attracted to me or he just honestly busy and not ready to be in a relationship. I talked to him last Monday, while passing him. We talked for a few minutes. I asked him how the contest went and we talked about working out, not together, but like lifting weights and getting into shape and stuff. Didn't want to pressure him or make him feel like I was gonna ask him out again, so I kept it short.
There are a couple of other guys I am interested in, but... One of them is a Vietnamese, His name, I won't say, but he's really sweet and cute. Although he's still learning English, we can understand each other. The other guys is White. I won't say his name either, but he seems kinda shy, to him himself. I don't know his status, but I'm pretty sure he's single. Me and another girlfriend of mine, we both are attracted to him because when he walks into the room, our attention goes to him. She has a boyfriend, but he still attracts her attention. I don't think she'll go for him because she has a boyfriend. He's not like a 9 or a 10, but he's still cute.
You have a unique style, I remember some of your how do I look? Posts. I like how you look and your somewhat oddball personality but we both know you'd turn me down🤷♂️ I'd geuss most guys into your taste of fashion would also be guys you don't want. I don't know what to tell you other than your going to have to either change to be what the guys want or lower your standards. No offense but you could have someone but your too busy shooting for the stars. Can't feel to bad when you're basicly starving yourself at a buffet cause they ran out of meatloaf, you have options you're just being picky.
To be fair I don't know how shallow you are or aren't, you didn't say what your criteria is for more men, maybe you are fair I don't know cause I don't know you, but I know you could get a guy if you settled, just like us guys have to settle. This isn't a Disney movie nobody really gets who they really want
LOL I am an oddball. I'm weird, I'm a misfit... whatever you want to call it! Most people think that I may get offended by that, but it's the truth. I am different! I like being different.
But I do know what I'm looking for in a guy, although that may sound too forward or too soon to know. And I have every right to be picky, like you do. Why? Because the person that we choose to marry and have kids with, is the person we're gonna have to spend the rest of our life with, even if we end up divorcing, which won't happen!
I hoped you wouldn't be offended by the oddball thing cause it wasn't meant to be an insult, like I said I think your cool and unige. I just don't think the dudes who are 9s and 10s will like it to much, also the hottest dudes with options know they have options and are busy sleeping with lots of women, usually more than one at once, it's easy cause they know all women want them over any average guy. So the hot guys don't even want to settle down anyways.
Your right, you got to like them and be satisfied with them to marry them, still think your gonna have to settle for less looks wise tho. Not saying you have to hookup with Quasi Moto, but you probably won't find a prince charming.
Anyways good luck, you seem cool, have an interesting personality and also seem pretty level headed, I'm sure you'll find someone in no time. Plus you have plenty of time, said your just turning 22 right? Loads of time left
TBH, nobody can be a perfect 10 for me. Not in this lifetime. Nobody's perfect, so a 10 for me doesn't exist. But I will settle for 9 lol I would even settle for a 5. But I do mind it enough, especially if I have to wake up every morning to turn and look a his face for the rest of my life. Same goes for him.
I really don't like rating people, but just for this, I'm giving ratings as an example. Ratings are demeaning to people, I think.
Ratings do hurt feelings, plus it's all subjective anyways, a 8 to me is some guys 4 and vice versa. FYI I can't think of any woman who's a 10 either lol, I really liked Lindsay Lohan before her drug issues wrecked her.
That is true. What I see as an 8 is what you could see as a 2. What I see as a 4 is what you see as a 9. It all depends. Of course, I rate people in my head, but it's not by numbers. I don't think to myself... "Oh, he's an 8" or "Eww, he's a 2".
No matter how attractive you are, you simply won't "click" with the vast majority of people you come across. And neither would you want to build a relationship on physical attraction alone. Some people are lucky or their personality is more generic in that they can relate to more people. The rest of us just have to meet a lot of people and eventually it will happen. Don't get hung up on one or two guys... when I was actively dating trying to find a partner I went on dates with about 10 guys until I found the one for me. It wasn't anyone's fault, we were all friendly and respectful it's just that people are pretty complicated and finding another that suits us *just right* is not easy and usually takes time. It's good that you're proactive though... some guys don't like it I heard but if you're friendly and not aggressive then that's still a good strategy in my opinion. I'd try online dating but don't get stuck there for too long, actually go out with those guys once you establish basics so you know if there's any point in putting extra time and effort.
you're cute as hell and nice skin. What do the guys you like look like though? Can you share a pic that resembles what a guy who is not interested in you would look and dress like?
Since for me, I for sure would not waste my time trying to hit on a guy that dressed in blatant designer clothes e. g. LV, Balenciaga or the like. And they would not give me the time of day (wouldn't want them to) since I wouldn't not waste a dime on those brands.
Sure, I'll share a picture of what they resemble. And thank you for the compliment.
I'll have to show you through messages though, since I cannot for some reason, paste the picture in this comment. But I'll describe to you what they look like.
The first guy was of Middle Eastern background, Jordanian and Palestinian. He's tall, pretty lean, has a light olive complexion, dark brown long hair that he keeps in a manbun.
The second guy was like a country boy... he was a country boy with his country accent, but he does bodybuilding and does part time work with his father doing construction. The second guy wasn't as tall, but he has to be around 5 '10'. He has short dark brown hair, light skin, kinda stocky but he has some biceps on him. And he wears a truckers hat all the time.
Ok referencing your style and comparing it to theirs. It's radically different which isn't bad at all. However, it makes me wonder if their interest would differ as well in the result.
Such as the second one you described does construction. It may be that they are more attracted to someone who is into bodybuilding like they are and holds that same physique like the second one you described.
As for the first one with the man bun. whenever I have seen a guy with a man bun they usually are the type who also makes sure their clothes look crisp, clean, neat, and invest in their looks to accentuate their appeal. And the pick you shared gave me just that vibe. So that guy may want someone whose appears gives that reflexive thought too.
Yah, the Arab guy who stood me up kinda dressed something like that from here and there. And outfit that I do remember him wearing was this beige like turtle neck with descent slacks. Other times, he'd just dressed normal. I'm sort of eccentric. I am eccentric. I can wear chic looking clothes one day, then go all grunge like the next, then I can wear sweats the next day and the day after that, something Y2K inspired. I'm all over the place.
Probably because they aren't the right people for you. Your cool just the way you are and if they can't see that then screw them. It will take time to understand that cause i still am working on that. You'll find someone someday try put yourself out there or make new friends and try not to go to every place and expect to get into a relationship. Good luck you beautiful the way you are.
You're actually really pretty, gorgeous even!!! And your personality seems nice. 🙂 I'm actually in the exact same situation, except that I'm younger and I've never actually been complimented by a guy, only girls. With the information you've shared, it doesn't sound to me like you're doing anything wrong. I'd love to know how this goes!
Thank you for the compliment! Nothing's going for me, right now, since the guys I show interest in doesn't show any interest in me back. So for now, there's further story to tell. Sorry. But you're still young. You're still in high school. You can spend your teenage years thinking about yourself, working on yourself. Thinking about homework and start planning a future for yourself.
Try to join groups where activities that you like are carried out, for example art workshops, dance schools, literary groups, etc. And above all, what I recommend the most is to join physical activity groups, you will meet people and at the same time you will improve your physique and you will feel more confident with yourself.
It might be your direct approach to guys, some probably find it quite intimidating, and I suspect lack of flirting understanding. I think this is just due to your lack of romantic experience.
That also could be because I haven't ever had a boyfriend and I don't know anything about how to be romantic, but I know how to flirt, obviously. But thank you for your response, Anything else you'd like to point out?
Yeah that stuff just requires practice, you need to practice flirting, not just the verbal words, but also the unspoken flirting that is in the eyes and body language. If you approach a guy cold, there is a high probability of failure. However if you learn to tease a guy, get into his mind a little, I suspect you will have more success.
Flirting, dating etc is essentially about finding a mate, it's more primitive than most people think. Getting into the person of interests mind is about getting them to see you as a potential mate, Flirting let's them know your interested or hints at it.
If a person becomes good at flirting, it gets them inside the other person's head, basically you'd be on their mind all the time. It's escalated from platonic to romantic, its sexual too.
A lot of girls who wonder why they aren't attracting guys usually don't act interested enough to inspire the guys to make a move. Some girls interpret this as acting desperate or slutty, but acting like that is not necessary. You just have to act like you are interested in them. Maybe you are just in the wrong place at the wrong time
You're probably just surrounded by guys that are not on your level. Don't fret. When the right guy comes along you'll be glad you were patient. Just don't get frustrated and drop your guard in the meantime
Maybe it's too extreme? Like from shy girl to one asking men out for coffee. It's like you went from one extreme to the other extreme. And I think you need to learn the middle.
How would you know if I was shy if you didn't know who I was at all? There are times when I'm reserved and like to be by myself, yes. But there are times when I like being around people. That's not uncommon at all!
I was just going by what you said which I read carefully. I'm just thinking you got a major and rapid shift from your time growing up all shy and quiet to asking men out for coffee. You are lovely by the way. But I think you have to kind of settle in and find a balance from what I've read, and from my own experience going from a shy guy in high school to one who completely lost it in uni.
I still have some of the traits I had from my childhood and teenage years, but I have grown somewhat since. And although I am still discovering myself and developing, as a young lady, I have changed. I'm quite intrigued... please tell me your story? What were you like at my age?
You must born in April, my birthday is in a few weeks as well. You're attractive, maybe you need to travel to somewhere new, sometimes changing locations can meeting people who are more compatible with you. Where are you from?
In a comment somewhere in this post, I posted a picture of what these guys I've shown interest in would kind of resemble. Once you've looked at the pictures, tell me if you think they're in the top 20% lol
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