Why are so many people giving up on finding love?

Question

DaySpring · Accepted Answer

1) Number 1 reason: Victim Mentality (woe is me / poopy pants walking down the street) @TwinkleLily5
Go READ THROUGH THE COMMENTS. I haven't look but I bet most of them are playing the victim. Placing blame on everybody and everything but themselves. Go Read. I don't even have to look, that is how confident I am on that notion. People cannot overcome themselves and their own generated negativity. (pre-warning I am not rewriting my comment to sound softer aka more tactful, I usually do)

2) The #2 reason and not far behind is: People have no clue what makes a good partner so, 9 times out of 10 they pick the wrong one and get hurt. They pick partners using their animal brain and not the new part of their brain. Look your animal brain will have you on the street looking for a crumb of crack. The only thing that makes a good partner in terms of sustainability is character and personality traits. People over look bad traits with immense frequency. Why? They don't know any better. Many have the same traits themselves and cannot even see that they have damaging traits. Most people were never taught personality and character in any thorough manner. Most people don't even follow the Golden rule. Most people don't even know what it REALLY is. For if they knew they would use it. Hell many people want to fight with their partner lol. They think that is fun. Why is that? Because they have no worthy goals they are chasing nor do they have a vision for the relationship. I am being very raw in my comment.

3A) People don't know what they want and never ask the other person what they want. Most people don't sit down and write out what they want. Most people just assume they know what they want but they really don't. They know the big stuff but that is about it... This is the #1 reason couples are not on the same page. They have no vision and thus they are a victim to the kingdom of RANDOM.

3B) People refuse to accept that the world runs strictly on value and that one must have discipline and growth to get what they want. Stop blaming women. Stop blaming men and get out there and earn it. We are not entitled to Love. We got to get over it. Grow so much that people start to accept you. Be it social ability or physical looks or virtuous standing or whatever but by all means GROW.

All in all? People were never taught how to co-exist with other people nor how to do a relationship. On top of all of that, most of us are mediocre and never grow. Thus they unconsciously use the trail and error method and never succeed. So my answer is in reason #1. People cannot overcome their own negativity. They destroy themselves and give themselves no way to overcome but they don't know it because they blame others for it instead. That's the answer. All life is is overcoming ones self. That is all it is. Awareness and the ability to overcome oneself. Now apologies for my comment being so raw but it was the truth. The hard truth. Typos probably too.

Waldoe · Accepted Answer

People don't want to put in the "Work" they expect to find the "perfect match" and that there will be NO issues... that goes for BOTH genders

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

I used to believe that love was nothing but a myth when I was younger, because my parents didn’t exactly have the best relationship. They used to fight whenever they were together (in front of me and my sibling sometimes), verbally abusive to each other and it was just utter toxicity in the household. They weren’t around much anyway (doctors, so they were away most of the time doing surgeries.. but when they fought like cats and dogs whenever we were together as a family). That does not leave a good impression on the child as to how a relationship should be like, does it? Thankfully, they do not fight much anymore. They just ignore each other half the time, pretend to “flirt” in front of me so that I’d be fooled into thinking that they’re genuinely happy when it is clear as day that they’re not.

However, I had a talk with my grandmother about it. She said a key to a healthy marriage is good communication, trust and compromise. They’ve been married for over 50 years and they are as happy as they were when they first got married. Now I think my parents are just not right for each other and that love does actually exist. This is my reason though. Not sure about others. (I have not given up on love; I’m still young.)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Only one reason : Men
I've barely seen any honest guy.
They LOVE playing mind games, manipulating, give more importance to looks and get easily seduced by a girl who is half naked, even if their own girlfriend looks 9/10.
They're not emotional, always crave adventures and attention from others.

ManOnFire · Answer

I haven't, although I could understand how so many people feel this way. I think the biggest reason is because of dishonesty from people. In any shape or form. Whether it's cheating, hiding it that you're talking to/texting someone else, growing distant and denying it or not even addressing it period, or dating someone who one minute expresses serious interest in you but the next they ditch you.

Dishonesty like this creates discouragement and resentment in the people with big hearts. Because they most likely are people who wouldn't do the things I described and they expect consistency. So when consistency is lacking and trust is broken - especially if they've experienced it more than once - it typically will make the other person doubt if there are any decent lovers out there and fear getting their hearts broken again. Plus it doesn't help when the world is telling them "You're picking all the wrong people," as if most people link up with someone they know is going to break their heart. That's just ridiculous.

Having said that, you can't just give up on love. Rather, you learn from your experiences and vet people carefully next time. Pay attention to what's being said or not said. Observe behaviors. When your gut is telling you something is off, it's cuz it is and you need to cut that person before you get hurt again.

Anonymous · Answer

I think girls don’t care about relationships these days. I think girls are hurt by past relationships but it’s also rationality and maturity as well. Then there are girls who only care about work and their career. Which is fine I can’t force someone to be in love. But overall, both genders, guys/girls, men/women. Expectations are higher, people are more ignorant, social media has this pretend perception of what perfection is and we chase it. Love is dead (it’s replaced with flings), genuine chivalry from men to women is dead (replaced with what can you do for me).

As a guy I’ve dealt with too many rejections. I’ve tried to work on myself, got in better shape, I think I’m decent looking, cook good food, I can be funny, im healthy, try to be caring/sympathetic, I’m not a fuck boy - I want to find the right girl, right now I’m doing grad school. I did everything that I could. I will try for 2 more years if nothing happens then I won’t be in love or relationships it will just be like driving in dense fog on an empty highway.

HawkPerception · Answer

It's the worst age of entitled women.

They complain about chivalry being dead. Yeah I'm sure 200 years ago when rape was much more common and you didn't even hear about half of it because there weren't cameras to catch every scene was the best time to live.

MOST women nowadays complain when men go against western feminism.

MOST women nowadays complain when men aren't attracted to them when they're overweight.

MOST women nowadays complain when men don't pay the bill for a date. (It's not the old days where women make a fraction of what men made doing work. You wanted equality. Here it is)

MANY women nowadays complain when men approach them and assume they're all creepy. So now we're all scared to approach and be called or labelled a creep or reported. So now there aren't many men approaching women.

MOST women nowadays care tons about the money a guy makes whether they deny it or not.

MOST women nowadays romanticize the past and how good things used to be, when in reality this is the most advantageous time it's ever been to be a woman.

You can't blame guys for just wanting to give up on finding love because of the mentality of most modern day women.

I myself have come to terms with being completely content with the idea of living alone with a dog and no s/o... just living for my loved ones for the rest of my life.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because the dating pool has grown to an enormous number so that the number of people one has to choose from has grown into hundreds if not thousands.
Because of porn and other social media pics physical expectations and standards have been risen into unrealistic heighs that neither women nor men can achieve.
Plus a phenomen of modern times: All people are stressed out or like to think of themselves that they are always in hurry but dating especially offline dating takes time.
There are nearly no place where it´s a good time or place to ask out or get to know each other if you like a person so shall we get to know each other.
Because we guys spend a lot of times in front of screen, many of us have literally no idea or are way too afraid to speak and get to know a strange woman.
Like how to ask her out or get in contact with her. On the other hand there are too many guys that are just out for sex.
For me it´s like I gave up on love because there seem so many obstacles though I wanna be a good man/gentleman/good husband/boyfriend. I just don´t know how to get there. Only dating seems full of bots, offline dating doesn´t work either good for me.
All the women I know are either way older (10+years older) than me or taken.

BCRanger10 · Answer

For one thing, they've had bad examples from their parents, regardless of whether or not they were married. Their parents split or abused or neglected each other and they don't want to go through the same thing.

Then following from that, they think that it's inevitable that they'll be divorced themselves even if they did get married. This is in large part because they don't know what goes in to making love work.

I think there's also a widespread sense of unworthiness because of how many people today suffer from depression and anxiety. This could be because of their career situations, unresolved wounds, unrealistic expectations or comparisons, and so forth.

I'm sure there are many other reasons as well. This is what comes to mind for me now though.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Many people have what is called a potential dating pool, they reduce much of it on their own through their own choices on who or what they want. They additionally reduce it further by doing things that others that are still left in their personal potential dating pool that have issues with past choices, whatever they may be, so they aren't an option.

That means out of a whole pie, they are drastically reduced in options, and to them it feels like there just isn't anyone out there for them... because anyone outside of what they deem acceptable either doesn't want them, or they don't want them.

Thus you hear all the time, there is no good men or women to date and I'm tired so giving up.

Of course that is just the the odds, people get hurt and don't want to risk it again. I myself just had trauma as a young teen so in a way I got used to be hurt and kept putting myself out there over and over again, no matter how many times I got hurt, I'd do it again.

Ghen30 · Answer

Some people are hung up over the appearance of someone rather than wanting to like them for their personality. Some men feel that as long as she is sexy and slim, it's good enough and to pass on the chubbier girls. Had a few comments from those people on my question I recently asked.
Cheating is another factor. Lack of trust. High maintenance men and women. Using some to boost their popularity in real life or online... I can't think of anything else at this moment since I'm still tired... Got up at 4:30am. xD

DarkWinterNights · Answer

To start, hypergamy. With more and more women making the same or more than men, they naturally gravitate toward a higher class of men, of which there is a shrinking number of available men. Good, decent, normal women are hurt by players and cheats, while most good, decent, normal guys either never get a chance or are hurt by narcissistic women who think they can do better. Also divorce is encouraged at the first sign of problems. All this leads to more broken people in a connected world that highlights how broken everyone is.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

People burn themselves out on the wrong partner and then wonder why they have no energy left to invest in themselves and attract the right person.

A healthy happy relationship is easy. You get all the little moments, dancing in the kitchen, good night kisses, morning laughs, that make the conceptually big stuff (finance, kids, bills) worth arguing about. You want to talk, you want to agree, you want to meet your team member happy AND figure out what's best for both if you to keep the little moments still happening.

HighValue · Answer

A couple reasons could be:
1. If someone is a good person and most of what they see is immoral people with an unacceptable past over and over for many years, they start to lose hope that they will ever find someone compatible with them morally.
2. Some people made too many or too bad of mistakes in life and realize that the only people interested in them now are not good quality people. They can't change their past no matter how much they wish they could so they give up rather than settle for the only people that are now interested in them.

Anonymous · Answer

It's odd. I'm young yet I feel like love maybe isn't something that I'll get to experience. I'm turning 23 this year and I've never been in a relationship. You try to cling to hope but when you see no changes in your life in a positive direction that hope slowly dwindles away. I've started imagining my future relationshipless. It's not that I've completely given up but I'm starting to accept it as a very possible outcome for my future. I've wanted to have a loving partner and a family in the future but I'm no longer sure if that will happen.
I'm lost, and until I can see that there is a reason to keep my hopes up I'm stuck being cynical and sceptical.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

These days love is a financial burden that most people can't pay
Trust is near non-existent and for multiple good reasons
The political climate is trying to start a war between the sexes
The economy's going to s***
Within the past 20 years we've witnessed at least three major pandemics in the United States alone
The United States itself is going through a f****** identity crisis and so are its citizens

Love is a luxury that comes at a price and it's a price not worth paying

Juxtapose · Answer

It's really difficult and it's one of those things in life where you can't do it alone so it's naturally frustrating that you have to rely on other people for it.

In my experience sexual relationships are really fickle as well. With a friendship everything is easy and stable but with romance everything becomes horrendously muddled and frail. Why can't romance be simple like friendship? Why do people hide so much from each other?

Lliam · Answer

From what I see on GAG, a lot of guys these days are self-centered cry babies who hate women and have no idea what love is. And even though a lot of girls want relationships, they don't want to get involved with or have sex with those kinds of guys.

TexasRed95 · Answer

So I'm 27 this year and I have just gotten my first car due to how my situation in life has been. Don't know how to drive and barely have time to learn. I had to take care of my mother and sister since I was 19 due to my father ditching us. I don't have any social skills, no time, hardly any money, and frankly don't know what I want to be or who I am in life. I have no idea because I can barely get by with a job where I work 60 hours a week. I wouldn't want to put someone through dating me. I wouldn't be worth their time. And I think many people feel the same way.

scott04sa22 · Answer

I been rejected, hurt, let down and played too many times. Nobody wants to settle down with me and grow old with me. Also each time either I find her or she finds me she always runs to someone else then she stays with him. Also women like man who treats them like dirt sometimes. Most women who been hurt but wants to be treated like queens they end up going after African Americans because they treat them way better than Caucasian men do and African-Americans are way better than bed then any races and that’s also most women wants is to be love and treated like queens. Since I don’t drive it’s even more complicated Too.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you been on a dating website recently?
Even if you don't use dating websites and talk to women in real life it's the same thing. They blame you for every bad relationship they've ever had in their life. And don't get me wrong. I'm NOT bagging on women, I'm really not. I just take what the world gives me.
After a while you just throw in the towel. I know a good relationship is worthwhile. But at this age women are so full of suspicion and distrust it's pretty much a lost cause.
And I know some people will read this and say I hate women, I don't. I have many women FRIENDS. But that's all they are because it's just easier to stay friends. If we're friends they don't put unrealistic expectations on me that no man can possibly live up to. I can't right every wrong they've ever endured. Nor do I want to try. Maybe beings friends long enough one of them might realize we're not all evil lol.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Because people expect stuff without working for it.

they have no real patience.

They seem to believe the stuff on social media and movies where you don’t do anything to find the right person.

it takes work, it takes crashing and burning, it also takes not being a complete arsehole.

You have to put in the time and effort and not just the odd bit of interest etc.

cth96190 · Answer

I gave up.
A man can experience only so many rejections, betrayals and broken hearts, as well as tear-filled lonely nights, before something breaks inside and and he walks away.
Being so empty and aching with need that I pray for death hurts less than what women have done to me.

TonyV · Answer

Cause it's nearly impossible. Ever heard the saying you can't love someone into loving you? Great you find someone you love, I did, great well she rejected me and didn't give me a chance, so what's the point. Or I'm sure you've had someone love you that "you only saw as a friend".

It's very incredibly rare for 2 people who feel the exact same way about each to find each other, somebody is almost always going to be settling

TheBootyChest · Answer

For me, part of it has to do with the fact that I thought I did a lot of things right and when she dumped me I felt like the things I did right were wrong or not important enough. And second, I am not sure if I will find the right mix of things in a new person. Like maybe what I wanted from the last one, I get from this one but lose the good things from the last relationship.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

Most of the people on dating apps (if that’s where you’re looking) want casual sex… They don’t want anything serious so after so many years of wasted time, you just stop.. especially if when you meet them in person and they’re emotionally unavailable.

Oigit · Answer

For me it comes down to being happier and more stress free being single.

jshm2 · Answer

They aren't. They are just trying different things.

For example most guys now don't bother with Tinder and dating apps. They just go to Facebook marketplace and search "wedding dresses" as those are girls on the rebound or looking for relationships.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't see it as giving up, it's a matter of common sense. The number of women that have high body counts, no morals, no sense of loyalty and low feminine energy makes it an unworthy and endeavor. There are plenty of other much more rewarding things a man can spend his time doing, especially if he's discovered his life purpose and what he was born for!

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

Because they're jaded and doesn't think true / unconditional love exists. Most of what people call "love" today is transactional.  Love is a decision.

Gangactivities911 · Answer

Women have no sense of urgency to find a partner they all wanna play games until the end of time. And I’m just not attracted to women for a serious relationship past a certain age. So I’ve been desperately trying to get women to go on dates and try to get to know me but then they all just play hard to get and it gets old and Im just giving up cuz of it

OddBeMe · Answer

I would surmise its a depressive statement said in frustration. Even incels are just looking for attention. They'd jump at the opportunity for a relationship.

MissEm96 · Answer

It is soooo hard these days. I’ve had some really traumatic dates even when I’ve done as much digging for beforehand as I can. People have changed over the years and I don’t think it’s for the better. No one sees the value of having a long term partner. People want to keep their options open and not commit

Anonymous · Answer

Because this generation in particular made individuals develop trust issues. You see posts about people cheating or lying to their partners all the time. It’s horrible and society is almost encouraging people to do it.
Not to mention how easily accessible everything is with social media and phones, and how many people post pictures of being half naked all the time🤦‍♀️ like come on.

cookiecrusher · Answer

Everybody wants instant gratification right now and don't work on picking a better partner. And no accountability whatsoever.

EssenceOfLight · Answer

In world of excessive consumerism a good partner doesn't come like pair shoes ready to wear from package, you have to invest a lot of time and affection in someone and often is this time wasted before you meet one who doesn't see in you just an adventure.
Lot of people are incapable to give without expecting something back, while a little bit attention and affections doesn't cost really a thing.

Isismoonie · Answer

I’ve wasted lots of time and energy on finding love and relationships. People don’t know what it takes to be in a real relationship and give up so easily.

NZGirl07 · Answer

I think a lot of people don't know what love really is. There are so many toxic people out there, that many people only experience toxic relationships and that is their only experience of 'love' so they quit trying.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because a lot of times it's just not worth the hassle.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because due to modern lifestyles and feminism there are many types of people to choose from, most undesirable to most people. When everyone was crammed into the traditional box almost everyone was at least somewhat ok with everyone else such as why advice like "you knocked her up so marry her" was good advice and its absolutely terrible advice today.

Creampiekarl420 · Answer

Because women outnumber men if every man in America got married right now to women there would still be hundreds of millions of women who are single it doesn’t make sense for a guy to give up but for a woman it does the math is against women men win in the end regardless

Tina19 · Answer

Because people are fascinated by the idea of perfect relationship where there are no bad phases lack patience not considerate and lack emotional maturity

ĂþhƏNa · Answer

Because love isn't something to find. You should create it. You can create love u can't find it. And creating love wants more effort that's why people give up early and go for the easy things.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Because the Western world is messed up. Just have arranged marriages at a normal age and normal marriages like in the East and there won’t be any issue.

howhigh420 · Answer

cause i would say most men not all are wanting to be fuck buddys now

GingerGuy · Answer

Because it's hard and takes a lot of "work". Always has, but gets worse and worse with ghosting etc. You just get to the point that it just feels like a complete waste of time, so it's like "why bother?".

glennos89 · Answer

Good question! I don't have the answer unfortunately. Honestly I could ask myself this same question aswell😅

Why did I gave up the hope of finding love again? Or at least accept that love isn't really destined for me 🤔

Squaresquirrel · Answer

You can't force it. Online dating, apps force you to look for love and then if you can't, as the system is rigged against you, you will feel like a failure.  You can't force finding love

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

Because it’s become a joke

Citizenkirk · Answer

Love is an elusive, painful journey through broken glass dreams and Iron Maiden reguards. Love seems too be more trouble than it's worth, more often than not.

chulo1992 · Answer

Because relationships are a job for one.
And two, too many people like to play games and want to be with other people while they're in relationships with the ones they supposed to love. So many more reasons but I will stop there

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Because of disillusionment: after many painful and even tragic experiences they have realised what a toxic, loveless world this really is.

Intothevoid666 · Answer

Because I could approach 100 women and ask for their social and then try to start a conversation over social and ask for a date and I’d get like 1 to go on a date with me and 99 to not be interested or play games. Shit gets old really fucking fast.

GreedGod · Answer

Because most women say "where are all the good guys at? " and meanwhile they proceed towards chads who ignore them.

normalice · Answer

Probably the 40 year effort by right wing infotainment to encourage people to automatically distrust each other has something to do with it.

lofii · Answer

It's women and always be the woman's fault.

Unrealistic standards.
They want a Fairytale relationship.
Thinks men want to put up with their bipolar
Gets upset from 1 missed meal.

I can name more reasons

Anonymous · Answer

It just too tough and you will just get heart broken again.

Anonymous · Answer

Being a goldmine isn't love
...
Having the same sex partner for years out of laziness, tradition, and ineptness isn't love
...
"Building together" isn't love.
How do you find love you sit down and you close your eyes and talk to him. He is inside everyone.

expiredbraincells · Answer

people have gotten so caught up in what they think is love, that they often don't recognize the real thing

Anonymous · Answer

My reason is because most guys my age are absolute dick heads. They are players, they only care about sex and so on.
I am a traditional roman Catholic, I want to get married, have many children and so on. No guy my age wants that, and I also have a personality that not many guys like. Pluss I am not physically attractive, I'm average.
There's no way I'll ever find anyone.

Yucy_Gluttony · Answer

It is not that I have given up, I just don't know anymore what it is

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Cause people live in a fantasy world and don't realize how much work goes into relationships even when your in love

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Because there isn't any anymore and most of it that's out there is either already taken or is considered illegal.

RationalMale · Answer

The dating market today screws over men and women in different ways... A lot of people get burnt out and bitter.

Why are so many people giving up on finding love?

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