How do you give up on finding love?

Question

I'm beyond confused, because I have many times given up on looking or finding love. I've lived my best life, I've travled, met new people, enjoyed many hobbies. Yet, still silence and no love. I've deleted apps and was even celibate for 2-years. How does one truly stop looking for love?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Just focus on yourself and no longer put yourself out there , don’t flirt , don’t give your full attention to the opposite sex , you don’t have to be rude, but don’t be overly friendly , just keep things short and simple with people , don’t carry on to them about your personal life or your hobbies or interests or anything that can lead to a long conversation, , if you sense a guy is flirting with you? just change the subject and say I am sorry I can’t talk , I got things to do and walk away.. if you want to stay single , make it clear you want to stay single period. You don’t have to answer to anyone whatsoever. When I don’t want to date anyone , I just focus on myself and do what I want to do , I don’t answer to anyone, I do whatever I feel like doing , if someone doesn’t like it? That’s their problem not mine. If a girl calls me up to get together , I may or may not go depending on what I have planned , I don’t make her a priority , I make myself my priority. Unfortunately some girls’ get turned on by that lol some females’ love when a guy isn’t giving her his full attention because he is a challenge to her. Why I choose to be honest with Girls’s that are interested in me , I will make it clear to her that I am not looking for a relationship n whatsoever, but I am down for friends’ with benefits because I love sex , but I don’t mislead her in anyway because I am open and upfront about myself and I have no reason to lie whatsoever.. When I am ready for a relationship, then I will put myself out their more and mingle more. Pretty much making it clear that I am available and wanting to meet someone amazing

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

I think at the end of the day it’s knowing what’s meant to be will be and if you find someone you have genuine attraction you’ll pursue it so long as they also show effort to you. It’s finding peace with yourself knowing you’re more happy alone in peace then with someone who makes you miserable as many people will just get into relationships they aren’t happy in either because they’re abusive, they’re being used, etc… But for some reason they think it’s better then nothing. On the other extreme they string a good person with a lot to offer along despite feeling little to no real attraction that’s not fair to the other person.

Dating apps also suck many people who are on those aren’t there for anything serious and a large percentage are there for shits and giggles if they aren’t there to hook up. Not to mention catfishes and scammers.

MrOracle · Answer

I don't know you, have nothing against you, so this answer isn't me trying to be mean to you. But the answer to your problem is right there in your post.

"I've lived my best life, I've travled, met new people, enjoyed many hobbies."

You've wanted to have EVERYTHING you want, without having to make any sacrifices. You focused on YOURSELF, and all the things you wanted to do, and never really considered what a MAN would want from YOU, much less prioritized those things. You wanted everything on YOUR terms exclusively, and you're surprised that you haven't found a man who signed up for that. I'm not.

This isn't completely your fault - this is Feminism at work, because Feminism teaches women to do exactly what you did: focus on yourself and expect a man to accommodate you completely without expecting anything in return. Your results are also typical - you have lots and LOTS of company.

A relationship only works when BOTH people feel they are getting value out of it that is worth more than the work and sacrifice they're putting into it. Yes, feelings are important, and feelings will cover those times when one person is going through something and needs more than they're able to give for a while, but few people are going to stay in a relationship for long when they are only giving and never getting.

Feminism has also convinced women to abandon feminine ideals (except the pursuit of beauty) and to adopt male goals, attitudes, and behaviors. Nothing turns the majority of men off more than this. Women believe (because of Feminist teachings) that men value their education, degrees, careers, and income - that these things are a significant part of their relationship value - but men largely value these things as ZERO. Yes, I know that women value these things highly in men, but MEN ARE NOT WOMEN. What men value in women is:

Youth (which is closely tied to fertility)
Innocence (a LACK of experience, sexual and otherwise)
Chastity
Loyalty
Being feminine, especially in attitude.
Being friendly and pleasant.

How many single women today seriously have these things to offer a man, much less being WILLING to offer them? Not many, because they've been trained not to since they were young.

This is why tons of men refuse to date at all. Are they lonely? Sure. But they'd rather be lonely than to be treated like an ATM machine or be treated like nothing they ever do is good enough. Their peace is worth more than their loneliness.

Then, there are the men who DO date. Especially the ones that women WANT. I'm talking about the TALL, HANSOME, SUCCESSFUL men. This is maybe 2% of the male population. These guys are out after women all the time, and they have no trouble attracting lots of women. But that's the point: these men, at any age, have never had trouble attracting women, by the dozens and hundreds. That means women have VERY LITTLE value to them, because such men can so easily replace one woman with another the moment she starts being a hassle to him in any way. These are the men that all the women want, but these men only use women for sex and some temporary company before they move on to the next one (at best), or have multiple at once (which is also common). NO woman gets this kind of man and keeps him.

Bottom line: finding a man at your age is not going to be easy, but you are almost certainly going to have to lower your superficial standards (looks, height, status) a LOT. You can keep your moral standards high (and should!), but if you are expecting some dashing, Hollywood handsome millionaire, you will remain single.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

Hopefully you won't ever stop. And then one ordinary day... BAM!

I hear you (although can't say I've lived my best life). But... if you believe in Love. There will always be a part of you looking. Hope so. We need everyone our age who believes in finding Love not to give up. What about that guy who is looking for you too? Don't give up. 🙂

ohsheeT · Answer

Humans are not built to give up.. if it means something yo you... I mean.
You see, people give up looking for work. Taking out the garbage doing physical things because they're lazy, but just to give up on love. No, that would never happen when you quit looking. Just be browsing or something that's what it will happen.

DishLady · Answer

Most folks around here are trying NOT to give up on it -- or they did bc they crashed a burned a few times.

Just step away from it all for a bit and check in with yourself regularly. Is this what you want?

Avicenna · Answer

It's OK to take a break if you're frustrated

Anonymous · Answer

I'm in a very similar place. I'm almost thirty and I feel like I have nothing to show for myself with my life and I have no sense of self value. I've given up on trying to date as a result, nobody wants a guy living in a rent-controlled apartment on SSI with mental health problems trauma and average looks. I'm shit dating material, doing better than me isn't hard even in the small town I live in.

Don't bother with dating apps it's 90% human trash and you're playing Russian roulette with STDs I made the mistake of using them and that's how I lost my V card. It was the one and only time I had sex, and it was awful. The woman was straight up crazy, as in like a traumatized mess who was using sex to cope with her ex-boyfriend killing himself, her dad dying of a heart attack and losing a baby to a miscarriage. This was all dumped on me in one night at three in the morning.

She was such a mess I felt like I couldn't say no because she was coming on really, really strong and part of me knew it was grief, and she wasn't right in the head but part of me felt obligated even though I was very uncomfortable and nervous at that point because she was so upset I felt like she needed the attention. It was an awful experience; she just lay there, and she wouldn't stop talking. Dirty talk and stuff is one thing but it's hard to focus on what I'm trying to do if you're trying to have an entire discussion with me at the same time.

When it was over I felt sick and depressed when the post nut clarity kicked in. I felt gross and like there was a part of me I was missing I could never get back. In the end I actually realized I felt kind of used and it's not a fond memory. I knew then and there if I had sex without love all it was going to do was make me feel sick like that over and over so I decided to be celibate because I can't find a partner no matter how hard I try.

I've been celibate for four years now after having sex one time. If I'm not in love I don't want sex it makes me feel like I'm going to puke but the loneliness is fucking killing me. I have no friends I've never dated or had a girlfriend only half relationships where we were kind of a thing kind of not no. It feels unbearable sometimes, I need to be touched I don't even remember what a kiss and cuddling feels like anymore.

Every night I'm miserable because I feel lonely without a cuddle buddy and someone to talk too. I'd like to have sex again but only with someone I love I'm never having casual sex again I'd rather never have sex ever again than share myself with someone I don't love again. I felt so hollow and sick.

I've been trying to give up for 4 years now and it's excruciating. I know if I keep trying, I'm wasting my time and all I'm doing is hurting myself by still trying to find a partner. I wish I could tell you there was a way to give up and not be miserable all the time but for the life of me I can't figure it out either. It only gets worse and worse every day.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

You got to stop giving a shit... the problem with females is they do that and they fuck every Tom, Dick, and Harry in town and fuck themselves up in the process with even more gender problems. I'm just saying they don't end up taking the same timeout that an average man would where he just goes to see if he likes video games again. It's like a two week process of being alone, but these chicks see that and whore themselves out as if they're a porn star or something.

I'm only saying this because you're a female and I'm pointing out what I'm probably dealing with here. Semen oozing out as you read this from your cell phone... you don't have the right idea if that is you. Take a real break, get to know yourself and shit. Not saying to become a nun but close your legs for a little while. Pay attention to the world and just watch the guys hounding you for that clam... observe them. Or just keep doing what you're doing. I never came on here looking for a girlfriend for a reason. And it's arguably harder for a male to be like that. Be more like me or keep doing the same shit as if that's going to make it better.

Sjoerd85 · Answer

I have been on dating sites for over 12 years. Getting dates was difficult as most women don't even bother to say "no thanks" to a first message. When I did get dates, it often didn't get past a first date, and I was once even dumped on a 4th date on Valentine's day!

I had basically already given up on actually finding someone, but was still on there 'just incase'. When Covid hit in 2020, I seriously considdered canceling my subscriptions, as dating gets pretty much impossible when everything (like restaurants) is closed. But I just decided to leave my profile online, and just not pay as much attention to it anymore.

But it actually did happen; I got a message from a dating website about a new match (automatic match by the website), and I decided to take a look. Started chatting. Some time after that, we had a first date (at my place; I was impressed she did that, as normally first dates are always somewhere public).

Almost exactly two years after our first date, we got married (I had proposed to her after 9 months of dating). And the relationship is still strong.

So... Even if you have given up on really finding someone for a longterm relationship... It may still happen. But meanwhile, just enjoy life as a single person; you'll be much happier if you don't worry about it.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Your update says it all

Before thinking about how to give up on love
(Because the answer to that is: denial)

You should ask: why should I give up on love

So you tired and failed before
It was messy
You got hurt
You got abandoned and didn’t know why
Whatever it is…

We are hard wired to look for love and affection it’s one of our most primal instincts.
Giving up on love is going against nature

And while we humans are strong we’re not THAT strong.

Which is why the people who tell you they gave up on love are 100% of the time still secretly tempted by the prospect of it

But you said: you won’t find your dream job without applying for it
And you won’t find love by pushing the world away

It doesn’t have to be a desperate obsession. But simply having an open mind when talking to potential partners can go a long way.
And using adult judgment to protect yourself from liars and abusers

Anonymous · Answer

It's not that hard. First you have to convince yourself that love is not open to you. Secondly you make a plan for your life devoid of the opposite gender that involves anything beyond platonic friendship. Next pretend that previous life is something you can box up. Put it in a closet or trunk, lock it, then toss the key away, and never look back. After a couple years you won't even miss it. I did that for 15 years. The only thing I caution you against is ever opening that trunk or closet. If you go that long it's probably best you just keep it sealed.

RossyBoi · Answer

Focus on yourself, improving your life and concentrating on your future goals. Where would you like to be in 5 years? 10 years? Make plans.

Focus on forming strong friendships with both women and men. Eventually you'll reach the point where you no longer want a relationship, and you'll be content and grateful to be single and have your independence. 😊

jshm2 · Answer

By educating yourself on "the Game" better. Love is not something that can be bought, or taught, right off the bat.

A lot of people think they have love, when they do not. Then end up getting "cheated" or "let go" and then go on bitchfest about "love". Demeaning something they never really had in the first place.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

simply don't look for it... enjoy meeting people, going out with friends, your hobbies... the most spectacular magic happens when you don't focus on it anymore... so love yourself and live your best life :D

FreyaRed · Answer

Love doesn't exist, some of us seek for imagination of love. Some even find this imagination but this is self deception.

When you know human nature and you don't tend to be a wish thinker, love isn't an option for you.

Truthatanycost · Answer

You have fed your flesh, now it's time to feed your spirit... for we shall not live on bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God!

sawno · Answer

Its a lie that needs to stop that you'd want to stop looking, you clearly want it don't lie to yourself about that. If you long for it so strongly keep looking.

NoDecision · Answer

Stop looking for it, as if you can make it happen by your efforts. It comes when it comes, and most often when you aren't looking for it and when it's least expected.

Anonymous · Answer

As someone who’d be rich If they had a dollar for every time they’ve been ghosted or treated like crap by men this is a very difficult subject it sure does give you trust issues , but then there’s a part of ya that doesn’t wanna be alone either.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Quitters will always be losers. Don't be one of those miserable people that go down that road. You see them on here every day and they are depressing people.

NicholasRedone · Answer

I'm enjoying being a bachelor all my life to now almost 31 :) it's bliss if you don't miss and it's always best to rely on self pleasure lol 😜

PaleDale · Answer

Don't give up. You just need to find the right person to connect with.

Professor-college · Answer

In my opinion the problem is that many people look for love in the wrong way they try to find perfection when even they are not that way... And the lack of maturity in today's society is what's causing all this

grega239 · Answer

You stop talking to the opposite sex and find hobbies

LiamJHayden · Answer

I've never tried to find love. I create love.

blackeagle007 · Answer

I’ve had bad experiences I’d admit. But why not meet different women? Different values, cultures. I can’t do the conservative or feminist type. It’s tough to find that aren’t under those categories

CruelParadise · Answer

I guess you gotta get to a point where you just don’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I just want to get to the point where I believe I’ll be okay even without it

Pohjolan · Answer

You don't have to give up not to actively look for it.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Why would you? What can be more important in life than love? Maybe fulfillment, but love is a big part of that I'd think. What's the point of working so hard if it's not for someone else?

fish5505_87 · Answer

Sometimes it finds you, ask yourself, is what you're looking for realistic, or does it even exist.

Dreamclouds · Answer

You dont we are born from love and sometimes surrounded by it

Lovisay21 · Answer

I'm happy being single right now

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Why would you want to give up

lorenzomichael · Answer

Simple stop looking for it. How else?

Anonymous · Answer

Easily if you don't need it

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

Stop looking 4 it.. Let it find u.

Anonymous · Answer

I wonder the same.

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

js focus on urself

How do you give up on finding love?

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