Boyfriend's younger sister has zero respect for me and keeps stealing my belongings. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. What to do?

[Anonymous]

I live in the US but him and his family lives in Germany. We met because he has a relative who lives close me. My boyfriend has a younger sister who claims to be shy and it was understandable at first, especially due to the language barrier. When I met her, she was 12 and I, 20. Fast forward to last year, I 23 and her 15; I go live with them in Germany to learn the language while I took a gap year from college due to covid. As time progresses and my understanding of the language picks up, I start to see a different side from her. She doesn't acknowledge me, talk to me, or even greet me in the morning. She only refers me as her brother's girlfriend or "sie" which translates to "she" in German. The only times where I've heard her say my name is when she has an accusation to say about me. She's accused me for entering her room, on many occasions. She's accused me of taking her stuff as well. She also claims to not want to try to speak with me because she's too "shy" and that I will laugh at her English. In reality, she's laughed at my German twice (once, infront of her friends and another time during dinner). The tension with her and I just kept getting worse, with bigger claims such as my boyfriend and I letting her starve. Why would it be my responsibility to make sure that a 15 year old ate dinner before going to bed? Anyways 10 days before I left back for the US, her and I got into an argument. I was alone in the house with her and her friend (which gave her the boost of energy to rip me a good one). I left the country on bad terms with her, and not once has she apologized to me for anything in the past 4 years. Now as I said, some of my belongings disappeared while in Germany and I'm discovering that she took them. The only proof I have are my receipts and that she posted a photo online wearing one of my missing dresses. I don't know German law, but she has had a history of shoplifting. I also learned that she is hoarding my stuff at that same friend's house.

Get the police involved

Don't get the police involved

Updates

+1 y

My boyfriend is infact aware of what has been happening over the years. Last year was just the tipping point being fed up. We just can take the many lies and fake crying anymore. But now that she's actually stealing my belongings on top of pretending that I don't exist is really something. We both don't want to stay quiet about this matter.

[hahahmm]

What to do? After 5 years you should make up your mind if you want to be with this boyfriend for the next 40 years or not. If the answer is 'no' then just move on without him or her. If the answer is 'yes' then you need to clearly tell him that you won't continue living in a home with his sister behaving how she is. Then he will have to decide if he thinks keeping you is more important than keeping his sister happy. At that point he could choose to move with you, or tell his sister off.

Sure, you have the right to involve the cops but I wouldn't in this situation. If she was being violent and I literally didn't care if the cops unintentionally beat her to death then I'd call the cops. Otherwise I'd beat the makeup off her face myself (in self defense).

I would make sure there's a price associated with her behavior. I'd tell her, if you take anything of mine I'm putting your stuff in the trash. And the next time something goes missing I would keep my promise 100%. And she'd never find out which dumpster I put her crap in.

[hahahmm]

And normally I wouldn't say it's the guy's responsibility to get involved in a family dispute but when his family disrespects you that's crossing the line and she probably only does it because he doesn't stand up for you at all.

[jshm2]

Break up the relationship as you both are fucking idiots and your kids will be worse.

If someone steals from you twice, it's time to cut their throat or cut their freedom by dragging them through police and court. But you've put up with it for FIVE YEARS?

You trying for a sainthood award or just enjoy making dumb thieves rich?

[007kingifrit]

you should tell your boyfriend and he should sort it out. if he doesn't this isn't a lasting relationship

[Imsmurter1]

Sounds like a typical European brat just arrest her and dump your boyfriend not worth their family in my opinion

[Anonymous]

You need to get your boyfriend involved not the police. She could claim you gave her the dress and make you look bad since you're not a citizen and she is.

[SnakeBoop]

warn her and him once. then police

[Zealconsumesme]

He ain't the problem according to her update but damn that little girl needs some smacks

[SnakeBoop]

@Zealconsumesme all I'm really seeing is his sister is an asshole and he's done fuck all to support his partner... so yeah, he's a fucking problem too :)

[Zealconsumesme]

Unless you're also seeing why he can't help, you're shoveling shit over a wall with no idea what or who it's hitting

[SnakeBoop]

since we can only judge off of OP, then same can be said to you in thinking he's NOT enabling the behaviour.
yawn

[Asker]

My boyfriend has been slow with the situation, he has admitted to it. He grew up with her toxic behavior to where you just let's it happens (so enabling it) since their mother would never stop her (also enabling it). He had a wake up call from my constant complaining of how she treats me. Nothing is resolved but at least now, he is standing up for me. He's actually even more upset because my belongings reside in his room, and she never has permission to enter his room. He feels too that both our belongings have been tampered with and just the invasion of privacy because one of her friends did enter his room and posted a picture online. We both go to the mother about the behavior but she keeps excusing her age. I personally think we should get the police involved, only because she has my belongings hidden elsewhere. My boyfriend has searched the apartment and they're not there. Plus the background of the photo she took was in someone else's apartment because the carpeting and walls do not match.

[SnakeBoop]

Asker, you've been with him for 5 YEARS. His twat of a sister has been a twat and ALLOWED to be a twat by him for 5 years.
If that doesn't show he doesn't give a shit about you, I don't know what does. Honestly get rid of the trash, draw a line under it and move on.

@Zealconsumesme I have a dude who fights for me, hence why I'm happy to tell her to fuck off her lame ass boyfriend. YAWN you fucking inbred...

[Asker]

So, just an update. This is all summed up from after the post was written to literally 1hr ago. We confronted the sister, she denied stealing, although we have hard proof. My boyfriend then sets up a camera in his room and we catch both the sister and their mother sneaking back my stolen items discreetly into my closet. They made sure to pile other clothes on top of what they where returning so it wouldn't be too noticeable. And they also waited when he was away for the weekend. When they got confronted, before we even showed the hard footage, they said they where just looking for scrunchies. His own mother. And she actually kicked him out for setting up the camera under her roof. We're working on finding him a place to stay and we don't want to contact them again.

[EdwinLivingston_]

Lol comeon girl. She's a kid.

[Asker]

Yeah, that's just what anyone would say just because of her age. She has been mentally messing with me, treats me like a maid but while also pretending that I am invisible. You can't do all of that and then also steal from me. She knows its wrong, especially when it's being hoarded in her friends house. She's a kid who gets no consequences, unless the law gets involved, again.

[boggboss]

And the parents say?

[Asker]

No backbone to give her any consequences. Which is why she doesn't give any respect to her own mother

[boggboss]

Then your partner will need to get the stuff back or call the police

[Iron_Man]

Don’t put up with it

[jimmy2]

Give her some space