My boyfriend's sister threatened to beat me up and my boyfriend is mad at me - what do I do?

[Coleen]

I wish I could tell the whole story, but there isn't space. I drove my boyfriend's sister somewhere 7hours away because she doesn't like to drive alone and my boyfriend couldn't take her. Along the way made she snide remarks implying that my boyfriend cared more for another woman and wasn't serious about me and a lot of other things... I just bit my tongue and said nothing to her. Also, he and I were planning a trip together to a place he had always wanted to go. Along the way she tells me that she too always wanted to go and that she and her brother are going to go (before he and I go) alone. She apparently already told him and he said nothing about our plans.

I was upset at the things she was saying and if it wasn't his sister I would have turned around. But, because I love him, I didn't want to upset him (looking back I should have just stood up for myself right away). She was so rude and I could write so much on all the rude things she said and did, but not enough space.

I waited around for her to get things done. During that time I didn't say anything just waited. The minute we got to the hotel she started telling me that she did not want to be around me because I was “mean mugging” her and her 4yr old (who was with us) and they were leaving (her vocabulary). I tried to talk to her, but she started screaming at me in my face saying I was a F'n B*tch and a C*nt and shut the f*ck up, etc. I asked her where she was going and she said, B*tch you are driving my ass home right now!

It was at that point I finally started losing my cool. I told her it was her choice to leave but that I wasn't taking her home right now. She then started threatening to beat me up and screaming at me. I have never in my life felt what I was feeling at that moment. I felt so angry that I was literally on the brink of losing my mind, so I walked out and went down to the hotel staff. She came down, on the phone with her mom saying I was a psycho and she wanted to come home. Her mom bought her and her son train tickets home.

I went up to the hotel and laid on bed trying to calm down. I cried for a bit. After 45 minutes I got up to go out to my car and she was just getting into a cab so I walked back inside and she yelled, that's right b*tch you better walk back inside, you better watch your back when you get home, I am coming for you and I am bringing all my friends. Later, I talked to my boyfriend. I found out that she lied and said that I was the one who was screaming those things at her and I said I didn't want her around and I kicked her out and refused to drive her home! My boyfriend admitted to me that his sister has acted that way before. I also know he knows that she lies. He knows that I would not do that nor would I lie to him. I have been nothing but loyal and faithful to him. I said we needed to resolve this (especially because she was moving into his place). I felt that things would only get worse, but he said he didn't want to talk about it. I tried but he said not to talk about his sister. Things got bad. He hung up. I haven't heard from him in 12 days! What do I do?

Updates

+1 y

I want to add that my boyfriend and I were arguing about him not trusting me and not acknowledging that she lied and that her behavior was horrible and he was defenind her not me. I also told him all the things she said that he had said about me and my boyfriend told me that I am making a big deal out of nothing, that I let her get into my head (and I let everyone get into my head)...I "poor me" and I should stop whining! Wow! I can't believe any of this. We have been togethe for 1.5 years.

[Kittie]

You might have to give him an ultimatum. I'm not a fan of that but this isn't the case of "you choose her or me" it's simply "We have to fix this issue because your sister obviously doesn't like me and if you're not going to help us somehow get along or avoid fighting, we're through."

You have the right to be offended that he isn't doing -anything- with this issue. He's being passive which is the same as doing nothing even if he's not siding with anyone. If he won't talk it out with you especially if his sister is attacking you verbally, then go. Other girls usually would beat the crap out of his little sister, make him actually choose a side, or play his sister's little game of blaming or making them look bad. You sound patient and kind, but you do not need to put up with your sister antics. The sister is immature and selfish, so be the unselfish one and let him go since he's not holding onto you. If his obligation to his sister is higher than his own happiness and compassion to other people especially when she is not deserving of it, he's being an idiot. He's indirectly supporting your sister then.

It is a big deal if you're being attacked by his sister. Even reassurance is doing "something"

If he's not going to take any responsibility or take care of you too after what you do for both of them, leave.

[Coleen]

During our argument he said that because I wanted support I was making him choose between me or her. I told him that I wasn't trying to make him choose, but if he doesn't even acknowledge that what she did was wrong and that she lied to him, then he has already chosen (her). I don't understand why he wouldn't even acknowledge to me it was wrong. He also basically compared me and her and said next time his mom will take her so his sister doesn't have to put up with all the drama! What!?

[Kittie]

He's in denial. It's like saying "I'm sorry I made you upset. ..But it's your own fault you're upset." He contradicts his own acknowledgement, your words, and refusing to listen to you. He's accusing you which is even worst. This is not a misunderstanding on any side. You should leave him because he won't change and will do this to -any- girl and probably hopes there's some girl that exists who somehow his sister accepts or puts up with it. Relationships shouldn't be a test of your tolerance.

[BQNKVM]

I went through a similar experience. My BF's sister hated me and tried everything to get at me. I finally had enough (she too was a drug addict and alcoholic) after living with them for over a year. I told my BF, it's her or me and he said I was whining and making a big deal out of nothing. He said he was not going to choose between the two women he loved and we would just have to figure it out. I left him and the home we shared 3 weeks later. I wish that was the end but it's not. I am now in criminal court awaiting a hearing because my BF's sister assualted me 3 months after I moved out saying I was wrong for leaving her brother. She had the nerve to put her hands on me so I called the police.

My best advice is LEAVE HIM. It does not get better. Sibling that are this close are sick. My ex would sleep in the same bed with his sister. She would walk around in her panties and bra in front of him. He did her laundry with his. It will only get worse. A man that does not stand up for you in the begining, against his fam or friends, never will. Good luck!

[Coleen]

Hi. Thanks for the reply. We broke up. Your ex sounds just like mine. He told me I was whining and I needed to get over it. He said I was playing the victim and he said that I probably provoked her. He asked why I can't just be like his sister who says that, to her, I don't even exist. I broke it off with him, which then he became super angry and threatened me himself. I haven't talked to him in since. It doesn't mean my /feelings are gone, but what he did was wrong and I have to move on.

[DebiPie]

Girl, he is not worth it, I don't care if you have been with him for 1 1/2 years. If a man doesn't stand up for you after knowing you this long & knows his sister is like this, you KNOW you need to get out. Run, don't walk away from this man & his family.

The way I see it, you are lucky to get out now & not after you've invested more time.

Find yourself a sane man. Good Lord, just think what kind of children you two would have!? Holy Crap!

[Coleen]

I know. I can't believe he didn't even support me (let alone stand up for me). He won't even acknowledge that she was wrong. He says I am talking bad about her! So, yes, I know this is very bad. I am just very heart broken about this. Thanks for your reply.

[AltTech]

I'd probably move on. If he wants a reason, point to his sister when he asks. Tell him you hope he gets a grip as to her effect on his relationships before she ruins the next one.

You probably already realize if they are living together, it will be nonstop between you and her. That isn't fair to you to have to deal with her. Sorry to say, but no relationship is worth dealing with somebody like that. Its up to him to realize she is ruining things. Until that happens, he's destined for one failure after another.

[Coleen]

Hi there. Thanks for your comment. The truth is that since he has acted this way and is not making an effort to resolve this (and not talking to me for 12 days!), I don't want to be with him anymore. At the same time it doesn't mean I still don't feel the love for him that I have. UGH. What the heck is going through his mind to just stop talking to me? That is ridiculous. He supposedely loves me, then does this!

[Kittie]

He can still love you but still be a jerk, immature, or don't know how to be considerate of his feelings. If he's not going to let his sister grow up or himself, then don't be dragged in the mud with this crazy family. They may be in denial forever.

[arashmenalagha]

so much to think about @_@

you can find new friends they always make you feel better :)

[Coleen]

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

For real? That bitch is crazy, no lie.>.< I'm sorry):