(19F) Guys don't seem to be attracted to me, how do I change?

[Anonymous]

I've never had a boyfriend. I never got asked out in highschool. I remember a boy I liked asked me to prom one day and I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling & blusting. Then a few minutes later he said he was joking and I was nearly devastated. Things like that happened to me all the time. A "friend" of mine even sexually assaulted me for no reason which makes me quite sad even still. Everybody always told me to "wait cause somebody will come when you least expect it", "relationships aren't worth it," "focus on your studies," "love & work on yourself." I do love myself, I have worked on myself, I'm social, I'm a straight A student, and I'm incredibly independent... ask literally anybody I know. But I'm a human being and I do desire love, you know? I'm not a robot. And then there's the "wait until college, there will be so many guys that want to date you" thing. So far in college, I have been used to make an ex jealous, I have gotten a rumor spread that I'm a whore from a guy that I never had sex with, I have been rejected, and the one guy who liked me talked about murdering people. And don't get me started on dating apps, my first date at 18 was on one and the guy insulted me the whole time before trying to have sex with me. And then I came to the realization that I hate texting strangers so I quit after 2 other bad dates.

I'm pretty, but like cute pretty. I look like a 13 year old girl, I have a babyface. But I'm also 5'10. I dress well and I have good hygiene. I have a very awkward demeanor and I'm weird... a bit like Aubrey Plaza... which I think turns people off maybe. I'm quite the romantic under it all, and I'm saving myself for a relationship.

I'm at a point where I'm actually convincing myself I'm gay. I just don't know what to do anymore. And I don't need the whole: "you don't need anyone, love yourself" speech because I'm sick of loving myself. Of course I would like to feel important to somebody. I just don't know how anymore...

[Ευδεμονια]

I know, you’re human and the desire to love and being loved is something one can’t suppress forever. I think I know very well your kind of sensations and thoughts, despite being me a man, since I never had a girlfriend because I lived suffocated by my fears and I emptied my life with work, school, duties.

Its very difficult to answer you since you ever tried dating apps (that are used by men for ons only) and you’re at college, it seems like you’ve a negative aura other gives you that follows you everywhere you go.
From what I see, the only thing you can do is to become active: you don’t have to wait for a man to come and to save you from the hell, like the prince on his horse, you have to find yourself your prince and asking him out. Nowadays is something acceptable, sometimes are woman that are doing the first step in a relationship, and this will allow you to get involved first and become stronger. This won’t be a definitive solution, it depends on the persons you will ask out, and you’ll probably find a lot of man who will try to take advantage, but you’ll have to remain firm on your purpose.

Maybe, if you think your college environment is too insane, try doing some sports or having some social hobby that allow you to get in contact with other people, so you can know more men and realise who are the ones near to your preferences and, finally, ask them out.
It will require courage, but I see you’re already a strong girl so I think you can make it.

[ohshee]

Omg I want to just give you a big hug. When I read your post it reminds me of me but in s different way. There are things in my life that happen and I'm at the wrong place at the wrong time and just because I was there I would be blamed for something did I did not do her had no clue it was even being done the truth always comes out but still it's all the bullshit you have to go through with it you sound like you have a very beautiful heart you're very caring person and for that guy that asked you to the prom I would like to kick his ass just for doing nothing to you

I'm going to say this I can feel your energy I think you are very beautiful carrying person on the inside and the outside and I think timing is everything I would love to chat with you just because I would love to know your few more things I believe that your time is coming and it's meant to be this way for right now because of that one certain guy that you've been waiting for so you can't give up you've got to stay motivated positive and be confident

[Fa1con]

19 is still young and (I am being truthful but fear giving you a complex about it) women who are a bit on the taller side have a harder time attractong people. I am truly sorry for everything you have gone through, being mistreated by others is in no way your own fault. The best you can do is to continue to take good care of yourself and try to be social and around others who have the same interests you do if possible. With time and a bit of luck you'll find others you like and some who like you.

[Asker]

Thanks man. And thank you for at least saying that it's harder for tall women to get partners because a lot of guys just try to defend it like "That's not true! I've only dated short women but tall women just don't-" this, that, or the other.

[Fa1con]

Best of luck to you. My ex was taller than I was and it was the best relationship I've ever had.

[Anonymous]

OK, so what are you going to do about it?
Nothing! And yet you expect this to change.🤣
Closed mouths don't get fed. It's just that simple. You think successful women are just being chosen by guys? F*** no! They're MAKING IT HAPPEN. They're talking, they're flirting, whether you choose to see it or not they're getting rejected as well for their efforts sometimes.
If you don't think putting forth any effort is worth it, that's fine. It's a personal choice. But don't blame the world or complain for your inaction.

[Whatever2929292]

You're waiting around on other people to make a move on you. They can't read your mind and even if you drop hints. I am sorry to say... They either don't' notice you or don't really care.

If you like someone then approach yourself. You could get rejected but... I mean that is a risk you have to take.

If you wait on men to approach many times what will happen is either they will meet someone in a more natural setting where they would meet or a woman will approach them

[ZenoZoldyck]

Don't worry maybe it's because of the area where you're living, maybe you're just unlucky with boys, like me with girls, and I am 20yrs old and virgin, and you don't have to change yourself for anyone if not for yourself, and you aren't supposed to live your life to satisfy boys, like me I have issues with anger and noise and I am so jealous..., if my future girlfriend/wife won't accept me as who I am then she's not the one for me, and some friends of friends me makes jokes on me like I am jinn or gay or not man... stuff, but I'm not and able to fuck his whole female family women.
Just be patient even if I'm not the one to talk

[Staximus]

Unless you have the face of a bulldog, there have probably been plenty of guys who thought you were attractive. Either they were not somebody you were attracted to, or you did not show enough attraction in return to inspire them to ask you out on a date. Maybe you lack social skills or are an ineffective communicator? Talk to your friends, what do they say about the way you interact with guys?

[anton_dee]

You are beautiful. You are good at heart. You are not nasty.

Those are great traits. I personally would love to be with someone like you.

Do not try too hard because in the haste you might end up with someone who makes your life worse.

Go with the flow.

[fred_durst]

you dont need to change anything , it is not because of you
things are changed , general speaking , many men aren't really approaching women that much anymore like past , even they like her , they probably just try to shut down the feeling
that is why u can see more women nowadays try to initiate first , i beleve it is not because they like it

[slatyb]

Sounds like you just haven't met your peeps. What do you enjoy? You might try outdoor activity groups. They are full of nice single men.

Music? Go to a music festival and meet men into the same thing. Whatever you like, get out and do it.

[warren_zevon]

Dating is a thing of the past, people are just not doing it anymore. And you were promised a world where we all lived like a Disney fairy tale, and now you are living this reality. Mad yet?

I will say being "independent" does not attract guys, if you are independent why do you need a relationship?

If you want to chat you can PM me.

[andreasderjuengere]

You may 'look around' in the wrong places.
Or: the place/s where you are around just don't have the right 'man-material' for you.
I suggest that you alter your ''research'' methods?

[Intothevoid666]

U should go out more and try talking to people more or maybe try a dating app. U seem like you’d be my type but I don't know. Being tall and social awkward definitely limits your romantic prospects but there are def guys that would find u attractive

[dtweed1996]

Well you could wait like my girlfriend waited years until we met last year’s or you could just do what you think you should do no matter how surprising

[RuthlessAggression]

You're likely not unattractive. We don't know, because we don't know WHO YOU ARE

[JohnK123]

Hey I’m 5’10
lmao
if u want a friend lmk haha

[HighValue]

I think Aubrey Plaza is pretty cool.

[Stevefiveo]

Sounds like you have very bad luck.

[Zygum]

Don't worry, you will get partner

[Jackson619]

Just be yourself