Is it normal my boyfriend wants to be alone all the time? If his friends go somewhere he will always choose them?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was so great at beginning but lately things have started to seem a little strange. He was so sweet at beginning, would constantly do things, constantly plan things & to see me. Now that’s it’s been a month or two & “honeymoon” is over, we don’t see each other often at all, and he often doesn’t seem super excited to make plans with me or doesn’t initiate at all. But he says he’s just an introvert. He much prefers to be alone all the time and work by himself. If I check in how he’s doing, he just talks about work happily & his day and doesn’t offer to see me or ask about me till I bring something up myself. He almost never offers to see me till a week has passed. But we talk normally and text fine. I just hardly see him.

However, he goes on trips with his guy friends a lot, or they’ll do outings on weekends, but I’m never invited. Sometimes he takes a long time to text back too when I don’t see him, like a whole day or 12 hours. He says everything’s fine tho and seems really happy, like he actually does. When we’re with a group of friends he doesn’t tend to talk to me much though. I’m pretty quiet but still!

Is this just normal for an introvert? What can I do? I feel really alone a lot. But I don’t know how to bring it up cause I can’t put into words yet or know what to do.

FYI: I’m definitely an extrovert & like to do things with my partner. He seems not to or it’s just not normal yet for him. But I’m not pushy I’m just figuring out what to do.

[SteveSmith1985]

This isn't normal for an introvert. That is particularly true if he was different with you during the honeymoon phase. If this were all simply him being an introvert, things would have been like this the entire time. If he used to plan things, and generally seemed to make you more of a priority, then I think you have every right to feel like he should be a better boyfriend. You know he's able to (he's already shown that).

I think, as you said, that a part of it is the end of the honeymoon phase. The problem is, the post-honeymoon-phase relationship you two have fallen into... isn't working for you. It seems to be working for him (evidently), but it's not working for you.

You have legitimate complaints here. It's totally fair for you to expect to feel like your boyfriend wants to see you. It's also fair that you expect your boyfriend will (at least) include you in some weekend plans with his friends. (and... I'd even add that it's not unreasonable for you to expect that SOMETIMES he'll choose to see just you, and not hang-out with his friends that weekend.)

It's sad to hear somebody in a relationship say "I really feel alone a lot." You really don't need to be an extrovert to enjoy doing things with your partner. (full disclosure... I'm an extrovert... in case there was any doubt about that).

You really hit the nail on the head when you said he seems to be genuinely happy. I am sure that he is. He has NO IDEA that you are feeling this way. He is just... blissfully ignorant of this. He isn't thinking about it... but he's basically assuming that if he's happy, you're happy.

This relationship works for him. That could be a matter of you two having slightly different ideas about 'what an ideal relationship looks like". Or, more likely he's just... not thinking about trying to be a good boyfriend, or thinking enough about how

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this. Some of the best advice I’ve received!!! Thank you for going through all the details. I agree 100% he sees no need to put in work or isn’t aware. It’s definitely my fault for not bringing things up. I’m just trying to find the courage to speak up. And yeah, honestly I feel like he just doesn’t really care!! I’ve met introverts who are much different than this lol, he just really did so much before.

I hate the whole introvert-extrovert debate myself lmao but I think it comes down to whether two people can mesh well or enjoy being with each other. This was a great answer thanks

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, to be frank, the introvert/extrovert thing is quite irrelevant to your situation. It's definitely not your fault for not bringing it up. But you do need to bring it up for you to be happy in this relationship.

I won't lie... I find it super-easy to find my courage in such situations. That's because when someone isn't showing me the time, attention and consideration; that I feel I have a right to expect from them... I feel (slightly) 'mistreated'. I deserve better treatment from them (this could be a cashier at McDonalds, or my girlfriend, or anyone at all).

To me I don't even look at it as requiring courage. If I deserve better treatment from someone than I am getting... I can't wait to make them aware of it, and to demand that they treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

You deserve a boyfriend who you know cares about you. Demand to be treated according to your value. Don't undervalue yourself. You can do this! 🙂

[JohnK123]

Just give him space he doesn’t have to be devoted to ur life

[Asker]

But I like literally never see him. I see him once a week and we sit on the computer for an hour and that’s it.

[JohnK123]

Computer why?

[JakeS00]

Let him know you feel this way and it's bothering you... It's seeming like it is becoming one-sided.

[Birbman]

It's not. Dump him

[Asker]

Appreciate this^