What do you think caused guys and girls to believe in hook ups but not relationships?

[pizzalovershouse]

[CA4444]

Interesting question… many reasons, it’s a trend, but one of them I think is that women can become proud to do & achieve like men (we all live in a patriarchal society) and be like yeah see I do hook ups too, don’t get attached and don’t care and live my best life - but it’s a bit of a lie women just get more attached and want relationships quite naturally… biologically I think we’re much less inclined to hookups and promiscuity, although it can be hot and nice too. we have much more freedom and independence now so we don’t want to end up with a guy we don’t actually like and there’s come the most playful and superficial side of ‘relationships’

[pizzalovershouse]

Yah I see your point

[Qdbrown]

The lie is that we don't live in patriatial society. Just because men are leaders in industry is not the whole of it. Any man or woman are able to be industry leaders if they are really ready and able to do what is necessary to be successful in their careers, and although rare, there are successful women in industry. However they do sacifrice a lot to get there, as their male counterparts.

Most women want it all. They want a great high paying job, but they also want to be free to roam around, hang out at the best spots, see guys and be in relationships. They love the idea of seeing what is out there and many women will be in guy's rotations just to be that special girl, and most get passed around and used. She gets a little bitter and complains about the hookup culture. Almost all believe that good guys don't exist.

They were told and believe that if you sleep with enough guys, one of them will eventually put a ring on it, and oddly, there are creepy guys out there that will do just that.

Rather than being pursued by quality guys and knowing what she wants. To be very selective, she becomes the town Schwinn, and wonders why at some point she becomes a pet mom...

[CA4444]

@Qdbrown I disagree, the values and what is considered as success in society are mainly manly values, basically being in a powerful position. being an amazing mother of wife or being creative or arty for example, aren't that valued in society; unless its just my impression... I know some men will value these qualities. But it also varies with where you are in the world, some countries are more matriarcale like India and Russia in my opinion, which may sound controversial given the amount of violence against women etc

[Qdbrown]

@ca4444 It's not what people value. It's what people want to do. Most people don't have what it's takes, or even have all the necessaries to be at the top.

Sure they want to, everyone wants that, but only the ones who want it the most have the best shot, and there are still losers, men and women, who went all out.

Most women are not driven like that. Some are, most not. That doesn't make. it patriarchial.

[JDavid25]

Most men are raised by women, so really in essence and logically, it would be women's values brought about by men in power if we go the "Patriarchy" route.. As women are always seen as more moral and better than men.. Also Motherhood is highly valued, and being creative is definitely valued in society but also that's not necessarily a feminine trait.. Being artsy as in a musician doesn't really bring much to the table in terms of making a more functional society.. So I can see that one..

[CA4444]

@JDavid25 yeah I agree, these things are still valued, thank god, but still the society and laws, basically the world around us, have been built by men, even if your mother raises you and transmit values you are still a man. Of course women had a role in this and maybe they had as much influence on the world as men. But like when a guy decided to build a company or sign a law or whatever he didn’t consult his mother, he acted as a man. I’m not saying a patriarchal society is bad, Its just the way it is in many places and the way history went and probably has to do with human nature. I’m not coming from a feminist point of view, I actually think women can be grateful too instead of looking for equal ‘power’. It’s all about balance within the society and basically working together… And from an individual perspective the society should allow freedom to reach your goals and dreams without prejudice or too much burden ie if a women has great managing skills she can reach the top and if a man feels like being a painter instead of pursuing a corporate career he can do it too and it’s fine. It’s already pretty much like that anyway, I guess…

[JDavid25]

Okay... Very well put.. I still don't necessarily think the West is Patriarchal anymore, but I agree with you.

[CA4444]

@JDavid25 Ah thanks 🥺

[JDavid25]

Of course.. 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

@ca4444 Russia is extremely patriarchal.

[EmyyWolf]

The VAST AMOUNTS of humans that there are. Our mortality, and knowing we are mortal. Being inexperienced, wanting to experience. Trying to live it up. Our short term attention span. Or short-lived romance. Our unamused type of personality. The fact that we might be polyamorous beings and are tricked into being monogamous. The pain and investment that comes with relationships and marriages. The financial problems from marriage. Women and men being able to use protection and worry little over pregnancy. Getting bored of a partner easily.

I personally worked at a mall, well 3 different malls in the span of 3 years. One was outdoors and the next indoors. Everyone in the mall was f*king and everyone got bored of their little flame easily and went onto the next.

[iSlipKnot]

Polyamory doesn't make sense for women. Birthing a child is a direct consequence of having sex with men. If pregnant, you want that child's father to stay to help care for what he created.

[EmyyWolf]

@iSlipKnot
If it doesn’t make sense for JUST women, then it doesn’t make sense for men either, because then every man would have to father and protect his offspring. Otherwise his child would die!
Women are capable of having 20 kids throughout their life time.. they should be having children of all genes..

[EtherealGuy]

This is certainly the wrong way of looking at it @EmyyWolf. Classical society was built around family units. It provided security and certainty. There's plenty of examples in living memory of women skipping between husbands when they died or disappeared. It's not conducive to a family unit or the stability if society. All that happens nowadays is that women sleep around however much they want, which causes most men to view them in a less favourable light when it comes to long term settling down. This causes fewer marriages, fewer kids and more loney 35+ people, especially when they lose their good looks and are left with just their pets rather than kids.

[Ghostluck]

@EmyyWolf Tricked? I don't think so. Some people, in fact the majority from my perspective, don't like to share their partners. Let's not pretend that most people are poly, that isn't even close to being the majority, that is and always will be a minority because it completely goes against the human nature of wanting to keep what is yours. When the heart gets involved, the idea of sharing is painful. Some people don't feel that pain when they share. i call that a defect where a wire isn't connected quite right. I know we live in a society now where anything goes, but it's still the minority who feel this way, it's just the minority are almost always the loudest.

[ZackBan]

Where do I begin?

Insane divorce rates.

Toxic relationships.

Single parent households.

How I met your mother, sex and the city, FRIENDS, and any othet sitcome that normalized the idea.

Extreme liberal hipsters who wanna see society crumble into degenracy in order to "stick it to the man".

Full legality of sex outside a marriage.

A culture where kids move out at 18 and so they have no one judging their actions.

I can go on and on and on.

But my take is hookup culture is natrual given the social climate of the world and it's pointless to look at it as a good or bad thing, it is simply the result of other things which may be good or bad

[EtherealGuy]

Just means there's far more lonely people in the world and we'll see dire repercussions when the 'hookup generation' reach their late 30s and 40s. People will realise they slept around rather than settling down and having kids, and everyone will be clutching their cats and dogs not knowing why they can't find a real relationship.

[ZackBan]

But you do realize that if an entire generation is gonna do that then they might as well settle for one an other later in life acknowledging that they all have had their fair share of partners so it's on even footing.

[Chris7094]

A lot of younger people never got to experience a good, Loving relationship yet, and they don't miss or crave what they never really had.

Many people are hooking up (It's reallly convenient now) so they just follow trend, and they think that casual sex is all there is to life. They don't understand that sex is just one part of a relationship, and there's a lot more intimacy to enjoy in a monogamous relationship once you bond with your partner, live together, and become truly attached. I'm not saying it lasts forever, or that it won't hurt when it ends, but when a relationship is good and you're truly in love, it's amazing!

[EtherealGuy]

Far too many people, girls especially, don't realise that the chances of having kids and being in a long term relationship drop drastically after 35. It's a shame, in a few years we'll see lots of people clinging onto their cats and dogs wondering why they can't get hitched or if they missed their chance to have kids.

[Chris7094]

@EtherealGuy
That's true. Time goes by, and the concept of sleeping around in your 20's and early 30's rather than pairing up can have consequences.

[Pinay_ako]

Coz it’s convenient and no strings attached.

[IesusHominumSalvator]

Like the apes

[HaveNoName]

@IesusHominumSalvator Absolutely BRILLIANT. Could not agree more.

[Whatever2929292]

This is why you cry for a need of abortion... You don't want a relationship. You want to be a low life and spread your legs all the time... Gross.

[Whatever2929292]

@IesusHominumSalvator these people are very ape like.

[IesusHominumSalvator]

@Whatever2929292 Incredible... we have a very hard work to do... teaching apes how to behave.

[ethanallen]

The feminist movement which led women in a strange direction where instead of developing confidence, success and equal rights, women instead developed hatred, disrespect and disdain for men. There is no benefit for a man to have a relationship with a woman. None. Hollywood tries to sell us the idea that relationships are awesome ("Sleepless in Seattle", "When Harry Met Sally", "You've Got Mail"). Try a relationship with a woman and you'll be "Sleeping in your car " and "She'll be sleeping with Sally" and "You'll get herpes" . Fuck relationships. Guys, enjoy you own money. Go on cool vacations where you don't have to pay for your girlfriend's pussy to come along. Have great diversions like a second home, a boat, an airplane. All of this stuff will never be possible with some nasty bitch sucking money out of your wallet and trying to control every aspect of your relationship. Look carefully at guys who lose their shit and end up killing people like the Craigslist Killer. His girlfriend wouldn't let him choose the shoes he wears. That is fucked up. Or the guy in Colorado who killed his wife and kids. Watch those videos and see how his wife treated him like shit. I don't think anyone should be violent but women treat men like shit in relationships. It ain't worth it when you can easily get laid and still hang on to your own money. Tell the bitches to keep their hands off your wallet and get on their knees and suck your cock.

[RandomGuy1030]

any dude making less than $1M a year... can't afford a girlfriend. Poor guys with gfs have to live above their means..

[ethanallen]

@RandomGuy1030 Exactly! When I was 25, I was in technical sales. I was the top sale guy in the nation (for a small company of only 20 sales people). Still, I was single and making bank. One the district managers (not my direct boss) was doing poorly in making his sales numbers. He was married with a wife at home and three kids all in private schools , a mortgage and he drove a Volvo. That mother fucker came into my office and asked me for money to cover his kids tuition because he wasn't going to be able to cover his bills. I told him to fuck off. That was when I realized that marriage was shit.

[razelove]

Convenience, the illusion of infinite choice, and the invincibility of youth.

Relationships take effort, hook-ups and NSA do not. On that note, there's the worry of "settling" that's where infinite choice comes in, it's a focus on the future rooted in the present "I can get someone better". So you tear through people, men or women, never "settling" until your choices are narrowed significantly as people in your age range now have kids or are married.

Then because you have no experience with relationships, and don't want to settle, you keep on the same pattern, with the only change being desperation.

[BlackBeauty90]

What are you talking about? The only switch was among people who contribute little to nothing in relationships or another person's life anyway.

The lazy, incompetent, low morals, etc. ones. They took themselves out of the proper dating pool & flounder among like-minded people that few to no decent or respectable men or women want anyway.

It's a win win.

The bottom rungs of the dating pool keep with their hookups and wonder why they predominantly only date douchebags & sluts/whores.

And the actually desirable ones in the dating pool keep with their relationships, find someone who contributes to their life & get ahead.

[Jamie05rhs]

That isn't completely true. There are many "desirable" people who hook up.

[PJH359]

Definitely the internet and dating sites. Men and women alike have thrown away the inhibitions and anxieties of meeting someone and courting them. The web has allowed us to hide behind a computer screen and say whatever we want to without consequence. It’s good in some ways but it can also be extremely hurtful. The ease of simply swiping past those we find unappealing and clicking on those we’re attracted to has taken the social element out of dating leaving just the physical attraction aspect alone. Hooking up has become more acceptable for that reason as what we are most attracted to visually is the flesh. Mmmm!!

[Fireguy17]

It's less work.
Relationships take a lot of time and effort, but worth it, but these days it seems that many people are seeking instant gratification in just about everything in their lives.
So just hooking up with someone fills that part of their lives without putting in the time or effort of having to meet someone, get to know them etc.
Now it seems to take about as much effort to get laid as it does to order a pizza.
Which is sad in a way, you never have a chance to get to know a person.

[Marie-Meh]

I agree to someone who said coz it's a trend, and human nature is to go along with a certain trend. Other than that, it's about not being committed and just getting what they want and easily getting away with it without drama.

It's practical somehow, but sad to be honest. I tried, but realized it's not my thing if I want meaningful conversations and relationships with people.

[Jamesshinobi]

feminisim.
"The modern women can no longer cook, they no longer want children and they are no longer warm, tidy and loving creatures who think spending time with their family is a good thing. They are probably too "independent" and "strong" to even have a family of their own. The only thing modern women have to offer men today is sex. So instead of being loving housewives who cook and raise children, they are reduced to being sexual objects only - and they are so messed up emotionally and intellectually that they often spend most of the money they make on their jobs on plastic surgery, cosmetics and tons of clothes they think will make them look good, in a desperate attempt to stay or become more attractive. Well, they have no other qualities attractive to men, so what else can we expect? This is the fruit of feminism. The fruit of "women's liberation"

[CharlesDike]

This is the best response by far.

[Jamesshinobi]

one whore frowny faced already. roast beef pussy ha ha ha

[TransAm85]

Invention of social media, society, and lack of parental guidance. I member I was like 20 when MySpace came out.. we still went on dates/movies/parties. A few years passed and FB became popular, then it was just an easy hook up. I'm sure kids today do it just like that. No verbal communication, just texting, IG, then they meet, and probably have sex. That's sad.

[Lionman95]

Because it´s way easier to handle. You can have sex without responsibility if you can to point where you don´t like the other person anymore you switch your partner.

It´s the idea that you can pleasure without consequence, you don´t need to work it out. It´s a sign how individualistic and egocentric people have become.

[DizzyDesii]

People got tired of being used and started using others in return. But i rather take the risk of trusting someone because im not about to intentionally waste someones time

[HawkPerception]

Ya beautiful soul

[DizzyDesii]

@HawkPerception 🥺🙏

[CubsterShura]

Because women are realizing that once they are self-sufficient men really don't have much to bring to the table as they no more are financially dependent on them. So naturally they only get into a relationship when they want it and not necessarily because they feel like they need it. Which in turn would naturally lead to more hook-ups cuz, if you're single you can.

[EtherealGuy]

Haven't you thought about what will happen once you hit the age of 35, or 40, or 50? Suddenly, you won't be able to get into relationships and will be alone. That's a pretty big reason to find a life partner.

[CubsterShura]

@EtherealGuy Most women, when they get older, feel LESS need to get into a relationship because they are more self-sufficient. THis is why most men remarry almost as soon as their wives die but women don't feel the same urgency. Men feel the need for a caretaker but women don't feel the need for a provider when they can provide for themselves.

[Adronicus]

I believe warfare has changed, more about subversion & promoting things in an enemies culture that leads to their demise. None of this is good for society. They have a word for people that serve themselves, it's called evil. Consequences will set thing right.

[MikeInHawaii]

Some of the ways the Chinese are at war with us now include selling unsafe products, flooding us with fentanyl and buying used catalytic converters.

[Adronicus]

@MikeInHawaii Yeah, I don't like it, people think I'm crazy for bringing it up. I'm not crazy but speak truth, where I fail is not speaking it in the guise of a fool:/ I care about the future & would sacrifice life & limb but I'm only one man in a sea of madness.

[Fffmmm00]

I think dating apps play a huge role in this.
by having so many people and options as easy as a swipe on tinder. It makes everybody think that the grass maybe be greener on the other side. So it’s easy for us to be satisfied.
for example me, I would go on dates and as soon as I get the ick I go on a different date and on and on and on. I didn’t give myself the opportunity to know someone because he gave me the ick and I know I could go on the app and have another date

[pizzalovershouse]

Ok why dint you put d in the ick

[pizzalovershouse]

I wouldn't block you for it

[pizzalovershouse]

Both replies are for ffffm 00

[Fffmmm00]

I meant ick as in ick. Which means: Something someone does that is an instant turn-off for you, making you instantly hate the idea of being with them romantically.
For example I don't know I go on a date and he chews with his mouth open really loud. The would give me the “ick” and wouldn’t go out with him again

[pizzalovershouse]

Oh I apologize for the mistake

[pizzalovershouse]

Now I know what you mean

[EtherealGuy]

You need to think about what happens once you reach 35+ and suddenly the matches start quickly drying up. And that's not me being callous, that's just what the statistics show in terms of attractiveness over time on a macro, statistically true level. Don't want to be alone in an empty house with nothing but cats and Mr Plastic.

[Fffmmm00]

@EtherealGuy yeah but I’m replying as in now. My current situation and many others my age. This is my opinion on why the hookup culture. Of course this should change in the future. Since people should know more what they are looking for and are more mature and ready so settle down

[Jamie05rhs]

@Fffmmm00 If they give you the "ick" reaction then you don't have to have sex with them at all.

[MikeInHawaii]

For men, the saying I heard when I was younger was “Why buy a cow when they’re giving milk away.”

In my younger days, I said the women of the ‘80’s were the men of the ‘50’s. They wanted to use drugs, binge drink, screw around, screw around, screw around and screw around, then marry someone respectable.

I didn’t want to give a woman a diamond ring for something every other guy in town had already had for a six pack.

[AviatorTom]

Hookups are easier... and more fun... and don't require a commitment, perfect kind of thing when you are young and sowing your oats. As someone ages, those hookups typically become less desirable, and one looks for a committed relationship.

[likelyOK]

I think. The ones that believe in this either got really hurt at some point or got brain washed at some point by toxic aspects of culture.

[pizzalovershouse]

Great point can be very possible

[CA4444]

Yes I agree

[TwiNshichamp1]

I honestly think people want to have fun without commitments. Iam not a fan of hookups either, but people still want to enjoy life and have fun with many people as possible before they settle down. Just body desires. Which I think it's just as having sex with someone you know, either boyfriend or friends with benefits.

People differs and sex is too, but that should not be a ticket of wanting sex with other people as possible, but everyone is different thou

[Spiritofn]

It often happens in Lands that don’t place God and or Families as a priority.


Wish I lived in a place that did. I really appreciate what my parents have done for me always have. Would love to pay it forward to a new generation and give them the experience of imagination.

[Texaskid1]

Feminism said that a woman can be a man and thus have cheap sex with no emotional attachment. Feminism also taught women that a career comes first before anything else and that family and relationships are old fashioned and oppressive.

Of course what we see today are tons of miserable women who are alone and desperate and angry and resentful , none of them realizing that the same ideology that was supposed to liberate them from the evil patriarchy is making them miserable.