I always believed it was too much, and I still do. Mainly because it seems wrong if that other person could be your adopted child/parent. This means your relationship is statistically more likely to become a maladaptive version of a parent/child relationship. But in psychology, our general rule is that what really matters is if both partners have equal power in the relationship. In most cases you are describing, the older guy just wants the younger girl for sex since she is hot. Sometimes it's just so the guy can have some kids. The inverse is that sometimes these girls just use the older guy for his money. Then there is the reverse with a young guy and older women that hardly ever happens. Probably because older women tend to be wiser than girls, and tend to not allow themselves to be used.
In any case, I've had all sorts of dating trouble even though I'm only 26, so it feels like I will never find someone, or I'll be over 40 before I do, which causes me anxiety since I have never dated someone in her 20s like me, and I don't think I could ever stop wanting to date a 20 year old. That means I might be in my 40s wanting to date 20 year olds, which currently feels creepy to me because of what I said above.
Just think about hiw creepy that sounds--that my soulmate or my future girlfriends are only 4 years old right now... Now think about your guy being my current age 21 years ago while you were only 1... It just feels wrong.
But perhaps there are exceptions to the rule. Perhaps I'm missing some aspect of the issue. In any case, I will just warn you to be absolutely sure you and him have equal power in the relationship--which means you have your own money and he doesn't "own" you if that makes sense--that you can leave him at any point if things get dangerous--that you genuinely are attracted to things about him NO ONE else younger than him has. If so, then great! But I'm positive you could find a guy 30 or younger who is just as good or better and who won't die while you're only 52. That's another big consideration--do you really want to have to be with an old, old man when you are in your 40s? Do you want to have to decide on being single forever or remarrying when you are in your 50s? Seems unnecessary to me.
The problem often with that much of an age gap is not only common interests and lifestyles (example younger people might still like going to the bars, where the older might prefer staying home), but relationship goals as well are often very different (such as wanting children etc). So these things are especially important for you to be on the same page about. If you've never talked about these things, do it. "Love" isn't always enough. And, making sure you're on the same page in general and both wanting the same thing as far as the relationship goes. But you are both adults, nobody can tell you what to do. They have their opinion, but ultimately, it's totally up to you to decide what YOU do with YOUR life.
My boyfriend is also 22 years older than me. He's a million times better than any of the losers my age I dated. He's by far the most loving, caring, supportive, and amazing relationship I've ever had (and also gives above and beyond the best sex). If I'd gotten hung over with the age gap and decided not to get in a relationship with him it would have been the worst decision of my life.
I'm not necessarily saying it'll be the same for you. It may not work out the same way for you that it did for me. What I am saying is don't toss away what might be an incredible and beautiful relationship (maybe the best you'll ever be able to get, like me) just because you're worried about a number.
Also, my parents didn't like that my boyfriend was so much older than me either. They were worried he was just using me/taking advantage of me and was going to throw me away when he got bored. Additionally, they thought he wouldn't want to have any kids because he's so much older and has already had a child.
Things were pretty rocky between me, my boyfriend, and my parents at first. They did try to somewhat be polite, but they didn't hide the fact they thought he was probably a huge jerk who was way too old for me and trying to take advantage. However, as time went on and they were able to get to know him (and us) better they came to understand that was as far from the truth as possible. They say he treats me with as an enormous amount of care, love, support, etc. They realized there's no guy on earth that could make me happier. After they realized that they were mostly happy and supportive. They really liked him. However, they were still worried we wouldn't have kids. However, just a few months ago I got pregnant. After that they were absolutely thrilled. Now they absolutely adore him and wouldn't want me to be with anyone else.
Over time the same thing very may well happen to how your parent feel about your much older man
Opinion
15Opinion
22 years is a HUGE age difference, but it doesn't really matter nor should it if you guys really love each other. It's not really uncommon for couples with huge age differences to be dating. There are millionaires out there too who are 60 or so and have mistresses who are in their 20s.
Katyusha was 37 years older than I. Dawn Marie was 22 years older. I almost dated Doris, 24 years older. At 53 to 55, Muhammad married Aisha, 19. Hugh Hefner in his 80s married Crystal Harris in her 20s. If one assumes that age defines personality, they’re far from truth. You can date the guy. If all goes well, marry him. Age is a number, love is love.
One thing is your mother and friends have not married him or sleep him.
In this one judgment, I must think of one person, only yourself. Okay.
I have a known people with a wide gap has been married for years my uncle is now 69 years old and my Annt is 31 they had three children.
My Annt told last Christmas my uncles will never get a divorce because she refused to divorce. But on the other I know get married and divorce in two weeks so
My girlfriend and i are 16 year gap. Everything is amazing. Im not old enough to have a 22y gap so i can't comment on that. But 16 years seems great. Me thinking like a salesman... the age isn't the real concern, what is their actual concern about an older man?
It depends on how healthy and youthful he is. There are lots of guys in their 40s and 50s that are in great shape and can put people half their age to shame. There are also guys that spent heir lives on a bar stool.
if you get along, have things in common, what is the problem, treat each other well? what is the problem? you are both consenting adults. people need to mind their business
No, you’re both adults. What matters is compatibility.
No way, if he's well off you'll end up a rich widow which doesn't so bad.
The only problem with age gaps is that later on in life you will be in massively different situations due to age
No, but you should tell those "many people" to mind their own business.
It is certainly a consideration, but not reason to break up in and of itself.
Yes it is to me…
It absolutely is too wide of an age gap
the only thing that matters is happiness not age
I don't think so
Yes, too much.
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