I had a good 4th date! But, I let anxiety get in the way at the end. Do I text him to apologize or wait to hear from him?

[Acc226]

I am new to the dating world again and so bad at it! I went on a 4th date and we had a great time. He kissed me at the end of the date and said “I’ll be in touch, are you around this weekend?”. When he left I panicked (probably due to the few glasses of wine I had) and texted him “I want you to come back! to give me another kiss…” He came back but kind of seemed like he thought I was being ridiculous (but maybe he was just flirting). He kissed me long and hard. I should have left it at that but instead I said “I’m sorry I am so bad at dating and I get so nervous” (we both just started dating again after long relationships that ended awhile ago). He said he was relieved to hear that, b/c he also over thinks when he leaves me. Then I just should have shut my mouth! But I said “you are hard to read”. He asked why, and I said I don’t know you just make me nervous, I can’t tell what you want. He said he had been single a year and was just adjusting to the idea of a relationship but wasn’t really dating anyone else. This was all awkward because we were standing in my front door way. He said I don't want to leave if you are nervous, I feel empathetic to you. I thanked him again for a nice night and said I’d be fine. He ended it with “I’ll talk to you. You’re good” and gave me a little kiss. I just have this sick feeling like I was so nutty and wish I had said nothing and not asked him to come back…. wondering if this sounds like a deal breaker or if I should reach out and say anything or just wait to hear from him?

Updates

1 y

Yesterday I texted and said thank you for dinner and sorry for my back and forth and said hope to see you soon. He said yes it was fun! Lots of good convo…then he said he stayed up all night thinking about our exchange st the end of the night, texting and then erasing because he didn’t know what to say… he said “whatever we are both trying”. I said I’d love a redo and forget about that part of the night and he said “that’s what I was thinking too”. Should I text today and ask for a redo?

[Part2603]

Nah... That wasn't nearly as awkward as you think it was. I think it's cute. He clearly wanted to do whatever it took in that moment to reassure you, and that's a sign that he cares for you.

He said he's not seeing anyone else, so you have competition in terms of him weighing options.

If you ruminate on your issues though, he could start to see you in a different light, as crazy vs cute. Not that I'd think that would be an issue, I think this idea that you get that men are super picky about that kind of thing is a myth... or something. I think there's a huge disconnect between how women perceive our sex and how we actually are, I guess I could say.

And you don't want to be neurotic anyway. You want to enjoy your romance. So do it. Stop being a worry wart, be confident (This was your fourth date, after all, nobody goes on a fourth date if they're still on the fence.) and be present in the moment.

by the way, the cool way to do what you did would have been to simply text him, "I want more.". And when he texts you back from the car, you text "No. I mean right now."

Whatever anxiety and nervousness you have, know this: What happened sounds sexy, hot, and romantic and it's hard to imagine a more passionate exchange. Well, you know, besides the obvious, right?

You're doing good, so don't go backwards and "redo" nuthin. Go FORWARD and see what else you got.

[ZackBan]

This whole story is very cute.
He went on 4 full dates with you before kissing you in a world where sex is now first base.
And what you said, if it was me, I woulda been flabbergasted for a good minute but ultimate give you wanted.

I would say definitely text and see how he's doing and unless he suggests a meeting himself, propose you guys do something for sure

[PrettyPriya]

I would leave it be. That was likely the alcohol talking that made you send that to him. Don't dwell on things that aren't a problem yet. Instead, text him about getting together or planning a next date and see what happens.

If he just goes on like business as usual, then you know you have nothing to worry about. If he seems different, then maybe you can apologize. I wouldn't apologize for something that may not need one.

Also, don't overthink or read into his responses too much. That is easy to do. You will end up driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what a text means. It is so hard to determine or interpret tone and feelings through text.

Basically, I would not be worried and it wasn't like you did something negative. You were being flirty or whatever you want to call it. I don't think you have much (or anything) to worry about.

[PrettyPriya]

Re update: yep, you definitely can text him. I wouldn’t say redo. That brings up that awkward memory. I would say something like:

“Hey! Hope all is well. After our last conversation, I was really happy that you wanted to go out again. What are your plans for ______?”

Something to that effect.

[macjets007]

If he's into you he will LOVE to get a text from you. If he isn't hell just ignore it. Suppose I went out with a great girl and really liked her after 4 dates. We're very simple creatures lol

Outcome 1: You text him and he will love it

Outcome 2: You text him and he doesn't want to see you.

You don't need to wait. Make a move!

[Avicenna]

Just maintain normal contact. There's something endearing about a woman who is honest about nervousness.

[Acc226]

I am trying! I just really feel like I wish I could delete that last 5 minutes... We don't typically text all day every day or anything. Mostly just to make plans. I just don't know if I should apologize some how for being ridiculous. It also makes me nervous I very clearly said I like you and he said nothing back! He he did said "you're good. I'll talk to you" and kiss me before he left even after all my ridiculousness.

[FilmGuy93]

I really appreciate how proactive and honest you're being with this guy! Yeah, ask him out again. Have fun!

[Juxtapose]

You're being socially awkward and thinking too much with your emotions at this point. Try taking a step back and looking at this logically and you will see that there's nothing to fear.

[Surely]

I am sure that he understands about your anxiety. He probably feels the same way.
RELAX!!! Just let things fall into place!!!

[Acc226]

I am trying! I just really feel like I wish I could delete that last 5 minutes... We don't typically text all day every day or anything. Mostly just to make plans. I just don't know if I should apologize some how for being ridiculous. It also makes me nervous I very clearly said I like you and he said nothing back! He he did said "you're good. I'll talk to you" and kiss me before he left even after all my ridiculousness.

[Surely]

@Acc226. Since you can’t have a redo. Just look to the future and and try to calm yourself on any dates that you may go on.
I suppose that it has been some time since you dated anyone. Maybe he has the same feelings as you. Once you get over the anxiety. You both will have a good laugh about it.

[Surely]

@Acc226. If that is what you want. What are you waiting for?

[Part2603]

Dummy, YOU'RE the one that's hard to read. Of course if you do something shocking and out of character, that's gonna give him pause. There's all sorts of room for doubt in a situation like what you describe, so we men have trained ourselves to be hesitant in "weird" situations. Well not me, I would have just gone with it. But anyway, you were tipsy, and full of passion, and he was of course wondering if your passion was masking a lack of depth. That tomorrow would be completely different. So he didn't say it back.

No big deal. You can create new opportunities. Because he's not going anywhere. :)

[exitseven]

Yes, it sounds like you are in the same place in your respective lives.

[Pyrofox]

Why not propose a 5th date idea XD.

[Pyrofox]

If he says he liked the 4th date just jump the gun and propose a well thought out plan. At worst he will counter offer. At best he clears his weekend like maybe tomorrow to just do it. XD.

[Guy13]

I would not text him...

[Guy13]

It is probably good, like you suggested, to give him some space and time. Maybe lay low for a little bit.

[Alexande1253]

Text him to apologize