Is it wrong to approach someone to be friends if your also romantically interested in them?

[Anonymous]

It feels incredibly unwise to ask someone out that you don’t know well. I have a mini crush on this guy I think he’s attractive but I want to become friends to see if I’m really like him and not just the version of him my head before asking him out. I’ve heard some people say that manipulation or something but I’m genuinely interested in him as friend but I only date people I’m friends with first. Is that wrong?

[HollyK21]

I can understand your angle but I don’t think that operating under the guise of friendship is a good choice. If you are interested in him then he needs to understand that, not friendzone you from the start. Feeling him out and seeing if he’s what you want is what happens when you’re dating, and if ultimately he isn’t then you don’t get into a relationship.

[HollyK21]

I don't know your steps with dating but I prefer cutting out all the excess and being direct. It’s dating first, and that’s when you’re building a connection which includes friendship, then being in an exclusive relationship. Because friends before even dating is a matter of circumstance. Either you met and became friends then dated or you didn’t.

[Asker]

Hmm I’m not sure, my type is mostly nerdy introverts and usually they aren’t too big on just dating random people. Doesn’t jumping into a romantic setting seem aggressive and stressful. I know when guys approach me to date it’s an immediate turn off. I’m never comfortable or attracted to men I don’t know well.

[Asker]

Of course there should be tension and I’ve never been caught in the friendzoned because it’s all about how you go about it.

[HollyK21]

I have dated the nerdy gaming type, so I definitely get that. I don’t mean to go into anything aggressively and be like “hey I like you I wanna date”, that would turn anyone off lol. I mean just not saying you want friendship when you know you don’t. Be natural about it and build he foundation, which is having a date (like hanging out) creating a bond, that sort of thing.

[Part2603]

You're probably not actually "making friends" with these guys like you think you do.

"Friends" will show each other their dirty laundry. They will talk frankly about their critical faults openly because they're not trying to get laid.

So in that sense, it's perfectly normal to be "friendly" with guys, and get to know them a bit before you move on to a romantic relationship with them... But don't kid yourself, men and women can't be friends, and you're just giving the flirtation stage a different name.

[FilmGuy93]

I think that verbalizing the word "friend" isn't the best idea, but you can start talking without really defining the relationship. I agree with you; friends first is the best way to go.

[Asperger9394]

Approaching mwn is stupid

[Asker]

I only like dorky introverts and they’re not the type to approach lmao