Who do you trust more to get advice about relationships from: men or women?

[Anonymous]

The whole premise of this website is to ask the opposite gender about dating and relationship questions. Given we are anonymous it’s easier to ask questions and get responses without worry about losing face.

And yet I find that most women I talk to do NOT often give good dating advice. I feel that they usually respond to “protect the team” i. e. tell me what to do which is in best interest to another random woman vs. really trying to understand my POV.

For what it’s worth it’s extremely difficult to think and understand the opposite gender. But I don’t always respond to “protect some other guy” depending on the circumstance a woman is going through and asking about.

Sometimes i see women talking about emotionally abusive relationships and encourage them to get tough and draw the line. They struggle because they have feelings which are compromising their judgment (can be true on the man’s side as well). But I don’t like seeing dbag guys get away with that crap. I sure as hell won’t tell the girl to keep enabling them.

But I feel that most women on here (and in general) always give the other woman the benefit of the doubt when they are giving advice to guys. Guys aren’t looking for the answer they want to hear on here. They want the truth so when we ask questions we rarely embellish our circumstances.

Anyway when I am dealing with tough dating situations I find that other men usually give better advice then women. Reason being they are feeling emotions I am feeling so they can look at issue more clear headed. It might be not what I want to hear. But what I NEED to hear. That is what matters.

Men

Women

Updates

1 y

Also I think women sometimes give men “feel good advice” when the male friend is having problems. They are more hesitant just to tell the guy straight out the other woman isn’t interested in him, doesn’t respect him, etc.

I understand how they don’t want to hurt the man’s ego. But honestly rather hear “that bitch doesn’t respect you. The hell with her and cut her off” vs “oh maybe she’s unsure or just upset”.

Sure if I liked the girl it’s not fun hearing that. But I prefer the hard truth.

Updates

1 y

I got some good insights to this. I guess it seems logical to ask the opposite gender for advice when you want to date and get in relationships with the opposite gender. I know I will never be able to think like a woman so why not ask a woman for advice? But there are some lurking variables here:

1. While there are similarities obviously not all women are the same nor are all men the same.

2. On a conscious level men and women say things about what they really want. But (Cont)

Updates

1 y

Looks like a near perfect mirror gender gap in the results. 2/3rds of guys trust other men more. 2/3rds of girls trust other girls more.

I guess it is natural to trust someone who you can relate to more knowing they understand how you feel being a man or woman.

[DaisyM23]

I think it kinda depends on the person but i chose women just because all my close friends are women. I think I'm pretty good at giving advice IN THEORY because it's always easier said than done but I've given, not exactly bad, but not exactly good advice to my girl friends before, solely because it was what they wanted to hear even though i understood the guy's side more - unless my friend's clearly in the wrong or there's something that needs to happen then i usually just take my friend's side. I don't really talk about dating with my guy friends but it's pretty much the same although i admit i can be more biased for the girl - the main thing is just communication and taking whatever pace you want

but i do think it's a major thing that girls say what girls want to hear but guys are more honest but it really depends on the person because i have friends i wouldn't want to upset because they're sensitive and we're not that close but then there are friends that i would be straight up honest with because i can

did any of that even make sense haha?

[Asker]

Yeah at your age both guys and girls are bit more sensitive. But at some point as a man I want to hear the hard truth even if it’s ugly.

For example if I tell someone my issues trying to date a woman and she’s acting flaky I rather know she’s just not interested and/or doesn’t respect me. That way I am not wasting my time and energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it. But other women in those scenarios usually make up wishy washy excuses for the girl like “oh maybe she’s just not sure” vs guys who will tell me flat out tell me “your wasting your time bro. She’s not interested but wants to string you along for her bs ego”.

Sure the latter isn’t the answer I want to hear in that scenario. But it’s what I need to hear. I wouldn’t take it personally either.

[LazerBean]

Neither. It has way more to do with the individual than it does the gender, and from what I have seen there is just as many clueless failures who are men as there are women.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Almost all relationship advice given by either gender is on this site is pure garbage.

The only good ones are "where to find your type" advice, or "don't cheat" advice, and even those are half assed most of the time.

The rest is usually opinionated bullshit based on whatever stereotype, or some sort of jaded rant, or a way to get hookups and stds by following a creepy set of instructions that work or sluts/gold diggers/whores. Or its some sort of stupid poetic preaching about "soulmates" and "vibing" and "working on yourself".

Very few people take the time to explain how to find the specific type of person the reader is looking for, which is literally the only kind of dating advice 99% of the single population needs. Everything else is a waste of time.

[Asker]

Yeah your sadly right most of the time. I have more patience than most (usually) so if I see someone asking a question in earnest I sometimes take my time to hear them out.

For example not too long about a woman posted about how her long time boyfriend and fiancé cheated on her when he was living abroad studying to become a doctor.

Most people immediately told her “get rid of that scumbag” without asking further questions. However I prodded her for more info. She said his father died when he was abroad, he feel into a deep depression and he made a big mistake of connecting with another woman for companionship. He confessed everything without her asking and begged for forgiveness.

I told her that she can still love him but it’s best to call of the marriage given this incident would definitely taint it until she can without a doubt forgive him (which she obviously struggled with). She thanked me immensely and told me that advice really made her feel better. More clarity.

Not to pat myself on the back. But there are people on here who aren’t trolling, bitching or acting selfish looking for the answer they want to hear all the time. I do not know this woman but it felt good to give someone support when she doesn’t know what the hell to do.

[bamesjond0069]

Women give totally useless advice. So much so that the exceptions are so exceptional, you are better off ignoring all women instead of trying to pick the needle out of the haystack.

[Asker]

Yeah there always a few notable exceptions but they usually give advice which is in best interest of the other woman despite it being to the man’s detriment.

I do tell women to keep being nice to men if the other guy is jerking her around.

[Asker]

Do not tell women

[ShellyB]

I agree with you that girls are more likely to give positive answers than honest answers, it is how we are socialized I think where we don't want to be "on the record" saying anything negative that might come back as a problem. "I heard you said I'm a bitch" that is not a great day!! I try to be honest on places like this since it's basically anonymous anyway but it's hard to get past that habit or instinct. I think generally girls know more about the types of things I am experiencing or concerned about but I think generally guys are more honest so it can go either way?

[Asker]

You can tell someone the hard truth but also follow up with constructive criticism.

For example a very BBW woman posted pics of herself on here and asked for honest feedback what her chances are with guys.

I of course was polite but honest. I told her that in her current condition dating would be tough (but not impossible). She really has two options: 1) stay as is and only expect realistic chances with men who are on par with her physical condition. 2) consider a lifestyle change.

I then explained that the lifestyle change is exactly what I meant: she would have to make adjustments in her entire diet, exercise and recovery habits to change her physique. It would need to be consistent and it would be uncomfortable at first should not be impossible. She would need to hire someone to keep a constant eye on her to motivate her and watch her progress.

So I told her the truth but gave her constructive criticism. Not insulting her but not telling her some bs lie that “oh every body is beautiful”.

Yes some men can be assholes but overall are more about getting resolutions and solving problems. We know we that most often to solve a problem we often have to face the ugly truth on things. Once we know the ugly truth we can also think of methods to overcome it.

Women can be like this. But too often they are more about the “emotion” of what someone is telling them. That can be very counterproductive because it encourages complacency.

[ShellyB]

Yes I think every word you wrote is true but, I would have trouble saying that to her, I most likely would not respond at all here, in person if somebody asked and it would be weird not to answer, I would probably tell her she's beautiful and needs to find the right guy. But if I was really pushed or if it was somebody I really cared about I might be honest that she needs to get in better shape, not just for guys but for her own benefit, if you say that there is a VERY BIG chance it will blow up in your face but I would say it if I thought it was important enough to be worth the risk. Somebody who didn't worry about all that stuff and just goes straight to the truth, I respect that but I can't do it!!

[Asker]

@shellyb you can be honest without hurting someone’s feelings. You really need to work on that.

She actually thanked me for feedback and gave me MHO. Other women liked my answer too. Reason being I was trying to help her. I made it clear I understood she was in a tough position and showed empathy. I also showed her that change was possible but would require sacrifice. Also the change doesn’t need to be impossible but it will be uncomfortable.

But I said in a way to not be insulting or condescending. Made it clear that I wanted to help her (and she asked for advice).

You are actually hurting her but not giving her the truth. Yes there is a slim chance “the right guy might come along” but it’s a very remote chance. She has a much better chance at changing herself. That will not only make her more attractive but also improve her self esteem, confidence and probably put years on her life.

So i encourage you to take a step back in these scenarios and think carefully of better response.

[HighValue]

Based on this site, younger women shouldn't trust the older women with a promiscuous past because they intentionally give bad advice and want the younger women to make the same mistakes they did instead of competing with them for the same men.

Women also claim they would date short men as long as they were taller than them, but IRL women frequently turn down men taller than them, but still seen as short because they are under 5' 10". Even married women end up hitting on me at work because I am 6' tall and strong. I never thought about it until seeing so many complaints about height on here, then I started paying attention IRL and it does seem to be true after being more observant.

[Asker]

@highvalue you think these unmarried older women who voluntarily made self destructive shitty mistakes in the past would give younger women better advice. But many of them want to feel relieved when other people fail. It makes them feel better about their own predicaments.

I do encourage younger men on here to act tough and be on their guard when young women start jerking them vía friendzone bullshit. However I also warn them not to hate all women and stay optimistic (do not be a true incel). Not all women are bad but you have to watch out for all the bs out there. Always put self respect first.

[CA4444]

Well I think it can be good to maybe ask several women to get a sense of how a woman might feel or think in a certain situation… that’s pretty much how I use this website, outside of just connecting a bit to random strangers… but a relationship is so very personal it’s very hard to get any serious advice from anyone, even less from a complete stranger on a website…

[MCheetah]

I trust men on how to get women because men know how to get women better than women do.

And if I was a woman, I'd trust women on how to get men.

[Msputiton]

Women they are more reasonable.

Men are very quick to go I don't like the actions dump them.

Women will usually sit back think about ways that could help solve the problem before giving up

[TroyDT2]

Women, at least as far as trying to understand what their expectations are. It becomes pretty obvious which ones have utterly delusional expectations and which ones are down to earth and would be the type you'd like to know in person.

[Anonymous]

Men.

Women tend to give bad advice because they say what they think they are supposed to say and they often don't actually know what they want.

[worldscolide]

Some of the absolute WORST relationship advice i have ever received came from women.. That should tell you where i voted.

[Asker]

What disappoints me is how older women sometimes give younger men BAD dating advice. My own mother was horrible at this. Pretty much took the woman’s side 90% of the time if I was having problems.

It’s one thing to provide advice from a woman’s POV. But when I give advice to other women especially younger women I do it from the man’s POV yet I have the woman’s best interest at hand. If I get all the details and confirm the other guy really is being a Dbag then I won’t make up excuses for his bs. Rather I’ll encourage her to draw the line.

It just seems that fathers, mothers and society as whole usually tells young women to act tough when dating young men. To a certain extent it’s justified given all the young horny assholes out there. But young men are looked at as bullet proof and need to be always viewed with suspicion. Young women are somehow always innocent and beyond reproach. Somehow incapable of doing harm to men.

We both know that couldn’t be further from the truth. Especially in modern society. It’s only older experienced men that usually help younger men. Older men who have been through the ringer themselves at are more than aware of extreme bullshit many women are capable of.

[BJP21]

I tend to look at what girls say especially from you sex hounds. What Im finding is how disrespectful guys are to women, no wonder the honest good guys can't get a date.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Why do you think they are trying to protect a random girl and not giving you proper advice? What makes you think that?

[Asker]

When I listen to a another woman ask for advice on how to deal with a relationship problem I usually gather all the information first. Sure I am looking at the other guy’s actions via a man’s POV but that doesn’t mean I won’t call him out if he really is being a dbag. That doesn’t mean that I won’t encourage my female friend to draw the line and get tough if I conclude it really is the the other guys problem.

But again this is after I get all the details. In fact I see it happen all the time on GAG. Some girl post a few sentences about what her boyfriend, fiancé or husband did wrong. But I usually have to pry more details out her in order to give her the best advice possible from a male POV. And again that always doesn’t mean taking the other guys side.

However on the flip side I find that other girls usually offer wishy washy or “feel good” advice to guys when they are having a problem with a woman. For example let’s say I’m really interested in a girl but she’s acting flaky. Depending on how bad it is other men will usually tell me the hard truth i. e. she doesn’t like men and/or it’s friéndzone bs. Other women on the otherhand will usually make up excuses for her shitty behavior like “oh she’s probably not sure” or some other wishy washy crap. Yet they know the other girl is most likely just not interested but they don’t come out and say it the same way men do.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

I don't think they are doing that just to "protect" another girl they don't know. I think they really think what they say. Because they think "what would it be the case if I was acting like that girl he is talking about".

[Asker]

Yeah and it’s easy to think that way. But it takes mental effort to think about what’s best for the person who is the opposite gender.

When I see a girl dealing with a guy who treats her like crap I don’t think “oh what if that other guy was me” once I got all the details. I tell her to get rid of the moron and she deserved better.

But how often do women tell men to dump bitches once she has knows for a fact the other woman is treating him like crap?

Maybe occasionally. But not nearly as much as vice versa. That’s the comparison I am trying to make.

[Anonymous]

Women. Most men are clueless. This site is proof of that, but the sad part is they are convinced they are still right. It's no wonder they are sexually frustrated and lonely.

[Anonymous]

Whichever one of them happens to be in a healthy successful relationship.

[Jennz6]

Women are more analytical, and give the best advice.

[Anonymous]

Both. I need to know both sides and come to a conclusion.

[Anonymous]

men because women lie to much and don't know how to tell the truth

[MountAverage]

Depends on the specific issue, but overall women.