Well here I am, a 27 year old female that overall is doing well in all areas of life but the love department. I’ve gone through a number of experiences that have resulted in the guy pulling away whether it was in dating or a couple relationships. One ex said I was fun but that I didn’t show up in excitement enough. This may have been because he was was controlling, ocd about something’s, and didn’t always have the best energy himself. The reason my recent ex just pulled away is because he said the passion faded. He also didn’t like the fact that I’m on social media doing content even though it’s just a creative outlet (none of it is bad or provocative, more playful) and the fact that I want to start a cafe someday.
Anyways, something else about me is that I’m also introverted. I am an INFP personality. We are known to be healers, mediators, idealists, and deep thinkers.
I am also someone that always has the growth mentality and is trying to look for ways to better myself. But still I fall short in the love department. Not to mention, guys don’t do closure so how do you really know where or why things went south.
So I’m left truly wondering now about the Potential of singleness forever. I feel like I can’t sustain a long relationship. To be honest, I don’t think I’m what most guys are looking for. Because I’m a deep thinker type, introverted, and to some come off as being serious… I don’t consider myself that serious though, I’m chill and have my playful and fun moments, I’m adventurous and open to new things. It’s hard to not blame myself. I know I’m not a 10 on hotness scale so not every guy will like my look. Now I’m just trying to get comfortable being at peace being with just myself forever, no dramatic effect to this, just realness. I can’t be something I’m not and I truly have no excitement to date anymore because I could just be letting another one in that will hurt or abandon me. So that’s that
Rather than beating yourself up, you may want to rethink the type of guys you're drawn to. Guys worth having as partners generally shy away from those who are a 10 on the hotness scale. Looks don't last, are often superficial, and the higher numbers are often high maintenance.
Make a list of all the qualities you're drawn to about guys. Next to each quality, list the negatives you've seen in guys with this quality. For instance, if I were to focus on physical aspects I'm drawn to about women, I would generally be disappointed. I'm not drawn to society's ideal, so women who have the look I appreciate the most tend to feel defective and inadequate (just like your tendency to put yourself down). It's miserable living with someone who doesn't feel good about what she brings to the relationship.
Once you have this list, focus on the qualities that have the fewest negatives attached, and make sure there are no negatives in areas that are important to you.
It's not about turning yourself into something others are attracted to but finding those who are attracted to you for the person you already are. For every type of person, there are people who are drawn to that type of person. Ignore all the responses here that say you don't measure up. You probably wouldn't want to be with someone who freely criticizes anything different from them and expects you to be a clone of them.
Nothing you mentioned about yourself would prevent you from having a healthy relationship. If you want your relationships to last, prioritize making sure both of you always feel safe, secure and special. Be an active equal participant in keeping your relationship new and alive. Keep responsibility and playfulness balanced. Be considerate of your partner, and never focus on any sense of entitlement. If you'd like more information, feel free to ask.