I’m so unhappy and I don't know what to do?

[Anonymous]

hey ya’ll, my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 years and it’s been down to shit for the 3 years and we are so unhappy with each other but we don’t want to let each other go. here’s the problem: from the years 2015-2019 he followed a bunch of girls on instagram, liked a bunch of bikini and ass pictures and DMed a few of them complimenting them on how pretty they are. i want to say that i’m not a confident person in who i am and what i bring to the table. i was raised by very toxic parents and they were barely there for me as a child. i hate it bc it has effected me so much growing up. i always feel like i’m not good enough to love or accept as a person or even know how to be confident. my parents never taught me that. so now in my relationship since the year 2019 all i do is bring up the past. i’m never happy, i’m always bitter and it’s hard for me to accept love and compliments from him and it’s also hard for me to give him love. when i’m in a bad mood it’s hard for me to be happy for others when they give me good news. I don't know why i can’t let go of the past, being angry, being bitter and being depressed. now we don’t even do anything in our relationship. it’s boring. we don’t go out, all we do is stay at his house when we hangout. boring!!! i even told him that and his response was “well you don’t deserve it bc all you do is nag and complain about a mistake i did years ago and apologized for. i was stupid and i’m sorry i did it, i didn’t know what i had when we were happy and i’m sorry” anyway i can’t afford a therapist so i can’t go see one. i would love any advice on what i can do to heal. even if we don’t workout, i need to heal before i enter a new relationship. thank you in advance.

[Jdjfjcjj]

First off, I never understood why guys would follow and like some girls posts that show her half nude. I guarantee if she got a man right now, he wasn't embarrassing himself by liking her posts.

More importantly though, if he sent you those pictures, complimenting them, as a way to use your insecurities youve shared with him against you he clearly showed he doesn't respect you anymore.

I get the fact that it's been 8 years, you may be thinking about how you've put it in all this time, and if you someday want kids, the thought of having to start over and taking more time off youe clock.

But 3 years of bad is long enough.

[boggboss]

I'm not really sure any singular advise will help u as u clearly have deep rooted issues that need ti be tackled if u can't forgive him end the relationship as at this point you are the reason the relationship is not working yes he fucked up but you then decided to stay so u need to forgive him if not need it as u can't have both maybe buy some self help books on self love and confidence

[Asker]

how am i the reason it’s not working?

[boggboss]

Because u decided to stay in a situation where u are not able to forgive him so u are trying for both and making yourself miserable

[Asker]

i asked him if i was the problem and he said “idk anymore”

[boggboss]

Lol so what he clearly is tired of the situation why would u decide to stay if u can't forgive him