I’m unhappy and I don’t know what to do?

[Anonymous]

hey guys, i’m a 32 female and i haven’t been happy with myself, my life, or my relationship for a while and I don't know what to do. first, i want to say that i have never been fully confident in who i am so i don’t really enjoy how i look or how i am as a person. two, i used to like going out with my friends and now i don’t do any of that. i had four group of friends through out higschool and through out college plus more years. we have grown apart sadly. two moved away, one has a husband a baby to take care of and the only one that is single is a huge party animal. i have stopped hanging out with her because i was obsessed with my fiancé. i always wanted to hangout with him, we used to have fun and we used to be happy, now we don’t do anything fun and we both have admitted that we are not happy. i miss who i used to be and I don't know how to get her back. there are a bunch of moments in my relationship where i feel like we are never going to be happy again and why continue this, but another part of me thinks don’t end this, try harder. i have a huge feeling that we have issues that have not been resolved. i don’t have money for a therapist and i wish i did. I don't know what to do. i want to be happy and i’m not. i can’t do much because i don’t work. i’m in school full time and i finish in October so i’m waiting to find a job when i’m done. but i am so sad and so unhappy. i hate this. i have resentment towards my fiancé because everything i want to do with him, he does with his friends. he puts his friends a priority, he goes out to eat with his friends, but nothing with me. i know money is a huge issue with the both of us, but if he has money to buy beer, why is it hard to buy something cheap and we eat at the park? I don't know, i may be holding on to the potential we could be sharing and not what is the real thing. what should i do? please be nice.

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I’m 31, I was in your shoes about 3 years ago and my biggest advice is that if you’re spiritual then trust in god to take the wheel. At that time I was in and almost 5 year relationship, super unhappy but afraid to end it. I worried so much about regret, I worried about losing the time I had invested along with the future I wanted for us.
We were there for each-other through dark times, I’d forgiven him for so much, put up with so much, it felt like a lot on the line. On top of that, I didn’t wanna restart the dating process one day. But deep down I just knew he wasn’t my end-game guy. It was so hard to come to terms with that, I fought myself on it for a good 8 months before I finally let him go.
Knowing the man I’m with now, I almost wish I skipped staying in the old relationship for so long when god was literally trying to pull me out of that. It’s when I finally listened and refused to settle any more, things started changing and I got what I prayed for.
So if you can relate to these feelings and having a hard time, let me encourage you to let go of your fears, because there’s a whole world waiting for you on the other side of that relationship. Aside from that, I’d say to reach out to your friends. You may worry about how they’ll react and don’t wanna potentially face that rejection, but you’d be surprised.
Tbh They probably would’ve reached out in the first place if you weren’t so unavailable at the time. It’s risky for sure but you’ve got nothing to lose. Lastly, take some time to yourself and make a plan. What do you wanna accomplish in 5 years? What job/hobby/etc would bring you fulfillment? I think we wait for the milestones to give life meaning, like marriage and kids, when in reality you can start creating a future to be excited about right now.

[RyanK9b]

Translation: you was fed up with the guy bc he didn't brought enough value and was a bum. So you decided to kick him to the curve to get the next dude who gives enough resources.

Gid has nothing to do with it. It was only you.
Also, till death do us apart part

[Opinion Owner]

This is why I said ‘if you’re spiritual’, it won’t make sense to you otherwise. Personally I couldn’t have found the strength and courage if it weren’t for god. Despite everything, I coveted the relationship too much to let it go on my own. I prayed a lot, leaned into my faith and listened.

[Sour-rose]

Blooody he- girl... just try to find out why. Why do you feel so damn unhappy? It can come in a night or a week. But if you try to find out why through everything do you feel unhappy, it will come to you like a gunshot. After that, you've got the ball rolling.

[Asker]

well i can tell you why i’m unhappy with my relationship. i’m unhappy because he doesn’t prioritize us, we don’t go out on dates, we don’t do little adventures, we are always arguing about the same things, he hangouts with me after 9pm and expects me to stay up with him until 4am every time. it’s a mess. at the beginning of our relationship he used to like girls bikini pictures, screenshot them, DM them, he goes on porn websites, he used to work for a porn star and he recorded her ass. he disrespected me SO DANG MUCH. again, i stayed because i knew he would one day change and now that he has, i don’t trust him. if he acted that way when i was obsessed with him, how do i trust him now when he is obsessed with me and i’m not? I don't know, it makes me sad. he tries his hardest to reassure me, but he doesn’t like me look at his phone, EVER, but he looks through mine. how do i know if he’s not just saying those words because he knows that’s what i want to hear? I don't know

[RyanK9b]

Why tf do u sabotage yourself?
You like him when he disrespected you and now after he changed you don't trust him?
he's obsessed with you and you don't trust him? Dafuq?

It is good when someone is obsessed with someone or interested, that means he cares.

[Asker]

because it’s hard to trust someone when they hurt you in the past. he’s DMed a bunch of girls telling them they are cute, he recored a porn stars ass when he worked for one, he liked and followed a bunch of bikini girls and when i asked him to please stop he told me “this is my instagram, i’ll do whatever the eff i want” and he prioritized his friends over me. when i asked him to please go home and we can hangout, he’s answer was “no i don’t want to, i’m with my boys” or when he will tell her bros over hoes or when he has said some nasty things to you. i think anyone who goes through that will have some sort of trust issues.

[RyanK9b]

Well we are not the same. Answer this for yourself : would you rather have a guy who can't attract other girls or a guy who can.

Mostly the answer is the second and now ask yourself why you ended up with him in the beginning.

[Asker]

i ended up with him because he was sweet, hard working, adventurous, patient, he was everything i wasn’t and i wanted a man who wasn’t like me and i found him. but i never knew when i ended up with him that instead of ended things with me, he would keep me around but do horrible stuff behind my back.

[Sour-rose]

i can only read so much before i feel like my time is wated but it seems you know why you are unhappy. But to fix it is up to you know. You can drop this guy... or stay with him and let yourself become his dog. A dog he can take to the woods whenever or expects to be there when he gets back.

[Anonymous]

This is a big thing with couples and us also! So much you both can do but he can do with his friends!

Well then plot something special or tell him that you need a special date not sex but a date! Save up make a savings jar for it!

Something my wife and I do is couples swap and it is great. Helps smooth the sexual tension and brings out kinks you never knew you really wanted.

That is something you can only do with him. Be selfish get what you need or well in time you both will break up.

[RyanK9b]

Life is a hard as u know, so nice is not an option.

You definitely grew apart. Didn't you analyzed what caused it?
Things just not stay the same forever without investment. Even with it it maybe just fell apart and needs to be rebuild.
Also life gets repetitive, people too. So you just became boring for him bc u 2 already did everything/know every bit.

But your school is done in October, thats soon. So after that much can change with money and work

[Asker]

well the friends he hangouts with his they have been friends for 14 years and they still do fun things. we have only been together for 9 years. how is it that i bore him?

[RyanK9b]

9 years.. I guess several years on top of each other? He isn't that closed daily with his friends.
Also males bring value to a group, we are conductive problem solvers. Bring interesting topics and abilities.

Most girls, no offense, are just boring. They never learned to generate characteristic or abilities, bc they get what they want for just being alive.

Also he may have more common interest with his friends than with you.
Maybe he's just fed up with you.
Its hard to tell without enough information

[CantMissIt]

Call off your engagement. That's number one. You're unhappy, work on things for yourself, don't depend on him to bring you happiness. Don't marry him or you'll be divorced in a year or less.

[mommymommymommy]

I think you need to figure out what you want. we're not in charge of that. But, I do think that you need to step away from people, and think about it

[DextroShade]

Find a different man while you can.