Girls, Would you give a second chance to a man who offered to buy you, give you a house, 100% yours, no conditions?

[Anonymous]

Imagine you are a woman in a developing country, almost 30, everything in your life is a bit delayed, university, career, you are doing ok by your country's standards, but not great, and you are stuck in a rented room, a little bit of debt, not enough income to save for retirement or ever get your own property. You are attractive but can't seem to meet a viable attractive honest guy. There's a foreign guy who you met online in the not so distant past, and had a good fun rapport with for a long time and feelings, but you broke it off, after many months, because it seemed not viable, not going anywhere, and there were other options. He had stronger feelings for you than you for him, and it ended badly. Imagine he reappears in your life 3 or 4 years later. He's doing well. His situation very different. He earns in a day what you earn in a month, he can live anywhere in the world, he's very viable. He still has feelings for you, after a long gap. He appears as of out of nowhere and offers you a house, 100% in your name, and other expensive gifts, and does other stuff to try and remind you of when things were good. It's strange confusing bewildering, but on paper, life changing. What the hell do you do?

Updates

1 y

I feel like people are just replying to the headline without reading the question..

Updates

1 y

If he had done this like 4-5 years ago, i might have gone for it, but still, don't feel normal being offered stuff like this.

[AsaKyo]

That's not gonna make me give him a second chance

[Asker]

What do you think i mean by "a second chance"?

This is not a man who had been unfaithful or something.

What would make you give him a second chance?

What would your response be to all this from him?

[Immie85]

I'd probably go for it in this situation. It's a long time but he's probably grown and the old spark could be there

[Asker]

He is much older than me. Like mid forties. But he doesn't look too old. He went crazy when it finished. This stuff now is like when i first talk to him. He was funny and creative, like unexpected. He always seem to make efforts but, never came until i told him i wasn't the girl for him. Just fucking weird. I don't understand.

[Immie85]

Oh on second thought he sounds very strange. I'd run he could be very dangerous or trying to exploit you. I don't think it will end well.

[Asker]

He is definitely unusual. Not boring. He can be very witty. A bit intense, but I always saw him as a good guy, a caring guy. I don't think he has any dangerous agenda. I think he wants to marry me. The only time i ever felt unsafe was when he came to my address and begged me.
This is 4 years ago - the last time i talked to him.
I mean, he only came twice. He never tried to grab or touch ir something.
But it freaked me out because i blocked him on a chat app, and he was in a Caribbean country on the other side of the world. And i swear like a few days later he was at my door in my country in southeast Asia. I was shocked.

The thing is. We used to talk almost every day on chat for like a year and a half, and it was really nice and fun. But he never came to visit, just plans and excuse and talk.
Then only when i called it quits, he flew from Europe to my country, came to my work, and i had to come out and i arranged to meet him after work, and we talked for about an hour, and he cried. I was quite surprised and felt like i had led him on or something. He went back later that day. So it's not the first time.
I don't know what i think.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, as long as he's not one to threaten to murder me or something.

[Asker]

I don't think that's likely

[anon1903]

It's too good to be true, sis

[Asker]

It's real. He sent me a package with a ring with diamond (it doesn't look cheap, it might be platinum or white gold), a rose, a 100ml chanel, and a phone top up card, s sheet of screenshots of chat from me 4 years ago, and a story - like a jokey children story about me and him but he's saying how he feels in it but kind of hidden meaning. I was really shocked. I did not expect anything like this from anyone
I even got a voicemail with a silly rap song that i think is him. I mean it's funny, but it's weird. Overwhelming really. I am still in shock. I have not interact with him in a long time, and i told him we were done. I never think about him.

[Asker]

The package had a brochure for apartments, and all the paperwork too. And a note saying he will buy me it with no conditions. But i can't accept this, even though i need it.
I don't know if I should meet him to talk or not. Too confusing.

[anon1903]

What does he want in return? They always want something in return

[Asker]

I think he wants to have a relationship. I think he wants to marry me. He sent a ring that looks like engagement ring. He sent the screenshots of old messages of me saying stuff with him that is kind of sweet , but i was 24, and i never talk to a foreign guy like this and so much. I can't deny that i enjoyed it, but that thing happened then and just happened. This thing now, i don't know what to make of it. It seems very clear what he wants... Like to start talking and being around, restaurants and visit me etc..

[anon1903]

Sounds like he's love bombing you. I'd be very careful if I were you.

[Asker]

I never think he is like a sex pat or sugar daddy or something... Because once we talked about that and he said he never wants that, he wants real relationship.

[Asker]

I guess he thought if he gets this apartment for me, that i will be grateful and invite him to visit me often and he will have a relationship with me. But i guess if i have the apartment really then he can't just come without access into the building. My current place he can just come.
I don't know if he he will come here now. I don't think he came back after last time, 4 years ago.

[anon1903]

I'm talking about abusive male partners here. This sounds like he's doing these grand gestures in order to do something.

I'd a bff on this site who loved to treat women like literal queens. And he used to hit them. He was guilty of it.

[Asker]

This guy never was abusive to me. I don't know why you talk about that. This is not a hitting guy. He quite timid in my memory.
Of course he is trying to do something. He said a lot in his writings. I also remember a lot from when i talked to him every day in the past.

[anon1903]

Whatever you feel you should do, do it.

[Asker]

I have no idea what to do. Easy to just do nothing. He seems likely to do something else.

I think he emailed me at work... my email is public because of my job, and his mail was work related, he seems to have some kind of connection with my industry, it was an email like he did not know me, but i think it was him. Not hiding his identity really.

[anon1903]

Okay

[Asker]

I think my real question right now is what to do with this ring. It looks like more than $1,000 for sure, maybe $2,000.
Maybe that's not much in America, but in my country it's like 3 months salary. I don't think I should keep it. I don't want to sell it.
He left an email address to contact him.
I feel like this is some kind of game. I think I know what he wants in the end - me.
I have nothing else for him. I don't think he needs me for some purpose like visa or something else.

[anon1903]

You're being indecisive here

[Asker]

True

[Asker]

Why?

I mean... He lovebombed me at the start 5 years ago... And it worked... Until it didn't, because in the end he didn't do anything when i made it obvious that i wanted him to.

Then eventually the big meltdown after i blew him out, and he just became completely unappealing.

I have moved on long ago, but it looks like he hasn't, and it looks like he wants to relive some imaginary past.

The hard part for me is that i don't know what to do with all this stuff he is doing. Like i believe he can do it. I believe he has the money, and the crazy to do it. But he is asking me to just forget and remember the past at the same time.

I just know he's going to turn up at my place some time. It's going to be flowers in February too.

I don't know how to think or what to say.
I want my independence, but in Asia, it's hard as a woman.

[anon1903]

I'm from Asia too. I'd say RUN.

[Asker]

He can't do it without my consent and information, so it's just an offer, and i guess a way to make me have a dinner meeting with him, where he will probably try to make it like a date, and promise me stuff and ask me to give him a chance to make a relationship with me.

[Asker]

Run why? Are you so easily hysterical?

I am not worried about him, just don't know what to say to him or what to do with the stuff he gives.

[Asker]

It's tempting to give him a chance.

I am 30 soon , i could waste the next 5 years on lying assholes on Tinder, or trying to meet someone through work, or i could go with him and i know what he is like, he would look after everything and easy to influence for me, because he always acts like i am a giant or a monster or something, like he is timid.
I am only 5 foodmt and 45kg, and he is twice my size, but he just seems to be infatuated.

[Asker]

I am "in" Asia, not just "from" Asia.. you cannot compare to western countries

[sheenagwapa]

in your case he definitely worth a second chance

[Anonymous]

I don't give second chances for any reason.

[Asker]

Why not?

[LazerBean]

Nope.

[Asker]

Why not?

[LazerBean]

Because I have standards.

[Asker]

What about? I mean it's a poor quality answer that has nothing to do with the details of the questions.

Your comment looks like a meaningless glib generalisation, and is completely useless.

[LazerBean]

It was a yes or no answer, and I gave one. Do I really have to explain to you why returning to a failure is unintelligent?

[Asker]

Yes. You could also explain why you think it's failure, and unintelligent, any why you think that you have intelligence and lack of failure by being so simpliistic. The world is s little more complex when you gey beyond 22.

[Asker]

It's not really a yes or no answer, you just respond to a headline. If you go through life being like a robot, you will end up alone.

[LazerBean]

"it ended badly."

Aka the relationship was a failure. Need I give you the definition of failure so that you can compare?

And for the record, I've been happily married and living an extremely easy life for the past 3 years with exactly the man I want specifically because I have high standards, reject failures, and and don't unnecessarily complicate things. Maybe you wouldn't still be alone and asking silly relationship questions at nearly 30 years of age if you had done the same.

[Asker]

No, that's not "aka", that's one part of it.
This man was a failure, and now maybe he's not. Why do you think people should be permanently condemned as failures? Do think people don't change? Situations don't change?

You don't actually know why you are having an easy life, you just make assumptions. Those assumptions are fine, until things change, which they can between the age of 23 and 29.

[LazerBean]

I mean I can get into depth on how what I said is factual rather than an assumption, and how betting your happiness on the assumption that someone changed is stupid, and so many other things, but that would be a waste of time since you are not actually interested in logic or my genuine opinion but rather only ask this question to hear what you want to hear.

So I'll just say my goodbyes now and let you go milk that guy of whatever money he's worth. But whenever it starts going to shit and you realize your relationship is still a failure, just remember you have no excuse because someone warned you.

[Asker]

It's not factual, it fatuous.
I'm not betting anything, just weighing up whether to even have an initial new conversation to see what is what.

You jump to a lot of conclusions and assumptions without really anything to base it on. You seem to think you're being logical but you're not. You make useless generalisations.

Based on your "warning", the warning of a 22-year-old, i should not even find out anything, i should just assume everything is always the same - which is obviously a stupid assumption - and not bother getting any new information, which would be a bit more logical.

I don't have any presuppositions about it, i just think it's all a bit unusual. It's also a bit unusual for 20-year-old ans 22-year-old girls to be experts on anything.