We almost never hang out without his kids around?

[nojokecarmichael]

There is a guy that I started hanging out with and after being around maybe twice, I let him know that I was honestly was not looking for someone to date. I just wanted to have a good time and hang out. Maybe that's not the best way to put it but I date around. I'm not exclusive... It's how dating should be.

Anyways, he's a single father of 2 and I brought up how I didn't understand why he would be trying to date if he has kids and he doesn't seem to be able to have dates without them around. (He could at least ask someone to watch them for him, daycare, something..). It's really starting to bother me now because the only time I've ever hung out with him was for a night out and he invited a female friend of his and was with his brother and his brother's friends.

We went out to eat and he brought his son because school was canceled that day. Now he wants to go ice skating but plans to bring his kids. I thought I'd be ok with this but I don't want my entire time getting to know someone (the initial dating/hanging out) to always involve their kids. There should be moments where it's just the person and I. Not to mention, when we went to cracker barrel, his son was going around touching stuff in the retail part, and instead of putting his foot down or picking him up, he just told him to stop and he'd go right back to doing it.

I don't know if I should bring this up with him... I want to bring up the fact that I'd like to hang out without them around but from my mentioning it before, I feel like he still won't get it. Plus I don't want to be out places and every time there ends up being something with his kids and their behavior and him not doing anything but brushing it off.

[Oigit]

When you date someone with kids, no matter how serious it is, you are basically dating their kids too. Because their kids and them are a package deal. Also you can't expect a single parent to magically come up with a babysitter for their kids whenever you want to do something without the kids. Life raising isn't as uncomplicated as being single and can't be that spontaneous when you have kids. Also the simple truth is that it's not cheap and unexpected expenses can be frequent and leave you broke at a moments notice.

If him having to include his kids is a becoming an issue for you, then you need to reconsider dating him. Because it's like you said, you are only dating and also playing the field. So you don't have anything holding you on place.

[nojokecarmichael]

But you can find someone in advance. It's not that hard. plenty of people date with kids and make plans in advance with someone to watch their kids for a few hours. The kids being a package deal are fine, that's expected. It's just not expected for them to always be there on every "date" let alone the very first one.

[Oigit]

Any good parent would put their kids before the person they are dating. Because if you don't those kids will resent them and the person they are dating. Take it from someone who was raised by a single mother with too kids. You don't want that resentment pointed at him or you. Also whats stopping you from finding a baby sitter and possibly helping pay for one?

[nojokecarmichael]

that's not my responsibility

[Oigit]

I can understand you wanting to have more dates with him that are just you and him. But the truth is that his responsibility is to those kids first and foremost. His world can't revolve around you and in some ways you will end up being the passenger in the back seat. Simply put that is what dating someone with kids boils down to. Accepting that is your responsibility. If you are unwilling to accept that then moving on is also your responsibility.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Does he know you're not exclusive?

I get that you'd like to have more alone time with him, but it sounds to me like he wants his kids to get to know you and get used to having you around. Maybe he's looking for something more than casual... if you catch my drift.

[LazerBean]

Because there's no reason to date someone who won't accept your kids.

[nojokecarmichael]

but that's not the point. Our first actual "date" was the one where he brought his son.

[LazerBean]

Just tell him how you feel. I would say that to see whether or not you would respond in the way you are is exactly why he did it in the first place.

[boggboss]

So bring it up and he will go from there

[Jennz6]

Me too