Does a man HAVE to date his close female friend?

Question

I am aware of guys - and girls - who eventually start having feelings for their female friends, and I get it. But I am not attracted to my very close female friend like that. In the beginning when she and I first started getting to know each other, I did sort of have feelings, but over time that changed the more I got to know her. Plus I had started getting involved with another girl (my now ex) and whatever romantic feelings I had for my friend just disappeared, and stayed that way. People are always asking me if we're dating, or pressuring me to get into a relationship with her, and this not only comes from guys but from other women as well. And when I tell them I'm just not into her like that, they'll try to tell me "You'll miss your chance," or "Okay, but if she starts dating somebody for real you're going to regret it." I won't.

She is a great person as a friend and we see eye to eye on many things, but as far as a relationship goes she simply does not have all the values I look for in a woman for that. She is an attractive girl and lots of guys want her, but looks are not enough for me.

Does a man have to date his close female friend just because she's single and attractive, or because as a guy I have "all this access" to her that others don't?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No definitely not. You are one of the rare ones where you stay true to the friendship by staying friends. It's scarce these days I feel like to have a real friendship between a man a woman. The people in your life who are trying to convince you to date her are the type of people who don't stay true to their word. What's wrong with staying friends? Why do we have to date everyone we interact with? I bet your friend really enjoys the friendship you guys have and she's probably fine staying friends. I'm pretty sure you would know if she wanted to date if she was like flirting with you. I saw keeping ignoring those thirsty people and keep enjoying your friendship.

In tv shows, they'll sometimes ruin it by making these two characters that were great as friends and then they ship them to please the fan base that wants them together. It almost seems impossible for characters to just stay friends. Though, I feel like Elementary did it good. I don't think they ever dated, Sherlock and Watson. Them dating wouldn't be true to the overall idea of Sherlock Holmes. You know how people are lol they like to change things but I'm glad they didn't in Elementary. I honestly think that's a miracle lol.

I think it's normal to like your friend. Especially if you get along really well. Makes sense that you would eventually develop feelings. That's how long lasting marriages start... I'm pretty sure?

I didn't have a lot of male friends growing up. I only had one when I was a teenager, he was an Xbox friend that's lived in a different state so I never met him. But I guess he ended up developing feelings for me and well I didn't feel the same. That shattered our friendship and I remember he was really upset. I feel bad that it happened that way. But what can I do you know? Can't force feelings that aren't there.

Is that a picture of you and her? Dang you guys could be models, you should probably try looking into that.

NeverknowNeverTell · Accepted Answer

damm, so people really don't grow up for this huh.

I had the same issue in middle school. I was close friends with one of my neighbors since we were 6 years old. it was just a normal friendship between two kids where we tease each other share interest, kinda competitive. Our friendship continued like that for like 6-8 years. but suddenly in middle school a lot of my girl friends started teasing me about """liking""" him. I kept telling them that I saw him as a little brother. they didn't care, there gossipy shipping narrative was more important than my feelings. I ghosted them eventually but my neighbor also ghosted me in highschool. Maybe he believed the creepy rumors that I wanted to date him.

a later found out that the girl who started the drama actually had a crush on my Neighbor, but she was extremally insecure. she though i had a "better chance" because of arbitrary looks (I was under weight at the time but that's romanticized in girls) so she was just going to live vicariously through me.

I feel like it's better to ignore them if you have made it clear that she's only a friend and they refuse to listen. Its especially annoying because apparently there's this unspoken rule that "attractive" women just can't be friends with men. but if is clear that you and her are friends and you are both comfortable with each other, I think you'll be fine.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Oh my god man... NO!!! I have had close female friends during most periods of my life. Some of the people I've been closest to in this world have been female close friends.

The idea that you can't be just friends is bullshit. Total 100% bullshit.

NOW... it DOES get a lot more complicated to have a close friend of the opposite sex as an adult because it can be a problem for YOUR (or their) future romantic prospects. In other words... people don't love hearing their new boyfriend is super close to some female friend. But, usually you can navigate things so that a partner comes to accept the friendship for what it is.

That's not to say that friendships (even ones started with genuinely no romantic intent on either side) CAN turn romantic. But that's very 'situation dependent', if the two people end up developing feelings. But nothing about being friends means you will.

Additionally, once you're REALLY "just friends" for a long enough time... the idea of something happening between you two starts to seem wrong. Like...'incestuous' is the way I'd describe it. They start to be seen as someone you would feel SUPER gross about getting sexual with (due to the nature of your closeness).

But man... definitely be open to female friendships. Genuine friendships. I can't even imagine where I'd be without having those friends at various points in my life.

To be honest, I always feel REALLY sorry for guys when I hear them express the idea that "guys and girls can't REALLY be friends". I just imagine how different life must be for that guy. How he doesn't have any idea what he's even missing. His world... is a very limited one.

I have never been more sure of any answer I've given on GAG: NO, a man DOES NOT have to date his close female friend. Women can be incredible friends. 🙂

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Well, honestly what it really means is that if she does start seriously dating someone else you lose a great friend. Because she will have less time to spend with other single guys. And if I was her new boyfriend, I would not be a fan of her hanging out with another man... period.

I for one never had this problem, but I never had a female friend I would not date or bone if I had the chance... and if she ever told me that has no interest in boning then I dumbed her as friend to. Because it's easy to get hung up on a person and just tread water.

So here is my question to you @ManOnFire... Would she date you if you wanted to date her? Is she hung up on you, and if she is as a friend are you doing what's right for her?

Because guys get FreindZoned all the time... so did you just FreindZone this woman, who would otherwise be a great catch for any other man? Why did you did do this, because you have history of failed relationships, and you really value this person's companionship... and you fear dating her would end like all the other relationships... so you keep her on this friend leash, because it's convenient for you?

Guy13 · Answer

No but she should turn out to be that person.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

No, they don't. I feel the same way about my female friends. The more I know about them the more I can tell it would not work out if we tried and it somehow went somewhere. Some really are just better as friends than a potential lover.

And that is perfectly fine. Plus, it beats trying to go beyond friendship and ruining it in the process. Why go through that? Not worth it in my eyes.

A_Bell · Answer

Don't make ridiculous standards about the people you seek for relationships. That's how you end up alone at 40 caring for 5 cats, well since you are a dude, doing chores for your mother/landlord.

Friendship is the most important part of a romantic relationship. Too many people think lust or infatuation is love. Love takes a while to grow. Relationships usually start with lust or infatuation and die off as the kindling of those hot sparks fade.

You don't have to date a female friend, but don't write her off.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Nope! You are allowed to date whoever you please. Don’t force a relationship all because people are telling you to date because that would not end well. If you’re better off as friends, awesome 👍 Hope you get to find your dream girl whoever she may be 😊

CA4444 · Answer

Of course not why nobody believes in friendship between men and women 😭

NathanDavis · Answer

my best and closest friend is also the longest friendship I've had... since we were aged 12 years old

and no, we never "HAD TO" date each other... I had my own relationships with my girlfriends, and she had her own relationships with her boyfriends

us... we're just friends like we always have been

AdithyaR · Answer

You definitely don't have to. Nobody is obligated to date anyone. If she's not your type then you can ignore what others say. You have a good friendship, cherish it.

CubsterShura · Answer

No you don't. People who make those comments should mind their own business.

ItsMykolaJenkins · Answer

No... not man not woman have ANY obligation to do do

Dont mix feelings of sex attraction and friends

Like.. I once was a coworker

then work friend

then frien out of work

Then lover

then girlfriend

During ALL the phases there was phisical and sexual atrraction

As soon as sex jokes start or you imagine kiss or hug them

Then its sign it can go for more

If you dont feel it so... nop

Twalli · Answer

Of all of my female friends, I've only been attracted to two. I'm dating one of them now, but I befriend girls regardless of whether or not they're single.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

Well they don't have too but that's how me and my partner started dating

Damian69 · Answer

Of course not, I have close female friends and we have no intention of being more than friends

Chestpain101 · Answer

You should at least ask what her feelings are for you. You could be keeping her from finding a good man because she has feelings for you. You also seem to be filling up an emotional void for each other that a significant other would fill. It seems like an unfair relationship to me. You could be holding each other back from finding a good partner for life. Might want want to take some time off from that relationship to consider what is best for both of you.

Libidononexistenteww · Answer

I need smart and sexy. And you seem too fussy. I mean r u Perfect shape? Do u have the best job? R u a perfect guy?

slatyb · Answer

Of course you don't, but if she feels sexually attracted to you, then she may find it difficult to continue in a non-sexual relationship.

In_Trance · Answer

You might not feel that way, but I bet she does. Your feelings faded, but i bet hers have increased over time

melanieeeB · Answer

No, you don't HAVE to date anyone that you don't want to

TheNameIsRob · Answer

Honestly I don’t really get the guy girl great friends thing. I have friends that are girls but I don’t hang out with them one on one. If I did it would because I want more than friendship.

socair · Answer

Once you have been in the 'friend zone' its probably best to forget about making that relationship develop into a sexual one

AsaKyo · Answer

Nope, he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to

Does a man HAVE to date his close female friend?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said