Should you ever change yourself in order for someone to like you?

Question

I want to know your opinions and thoughts.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

To some small extent, I think a person should work on fixing their negatives, but not just to get someone "to like you," but for both yourself and to benefit you n the long run. But should someone change things that are perfectly okay with them, just to get someone to like them? No, not at all.

As for myself, there are MANY physical things that are wrong with me, that I'd like to fix, that women also would like more in me. But I would wan to change them regardless of what women think. For example, my height is the biggest dealbreaker of all and is my fatal physical flaw, out of several things wrong with me in looks. Even if women didn't like tall men (and they all do), I'd still want to be tall for my own reasons.

So becoming taller, if there were a safe way to do it, would technically be "changing myself and having others like me for it," but I would not be doing it solely for women. There are other things - pretty much EVERYTHING about my entire body except my gender/sex - I would love to fix or correct, from my penis size, to my skin tone, to my face and looks, to my body type, to my age. And although women would like these things, I would do it regardless of what women thought of me.

So I guess, to summarize, I think it's okay to change yourself if it's what YOU want in the end and it would make YOU happy, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It shouldn't matter as much what other people think. But if the changes you want to make happen to coincide with what someone else might find more attractive, then I don't think it's "changing yourself just so someone will like you."

The TL;DR being "No, you should only change yourself so you can like you."

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ideally, we should want to constantly improve ourselves… for ourselves.

I suppose that if a SO is your main reason for improving yourself, for a certain time, at least, well, it’s something. At least you’re improving. It’s just not ideal in the sense that if you break up, you might lose that motivation or sink into a destructive pattern.

If you want to lose weight and be healthier for some kid on the way, that’s doing it for someone else… but it’s probably a better reason than a romantic relationship.

I suppose that if it’s a significant other that inspires you to work a few 12 hour days and not be lazy, it’s something. If it’s YOU or some health scare that gets you off the couch and doing something… it’s something. If it’s your dog that gets you to think about wanting to be able to keep up and play with him and have more fun, then hey. It’s something. If your dog wakes you up at 7 to go outside and take them for a walk, then good. Good for them.

Juicyred921 · Accepted Answer

Absolutely not! You are who you are. Own it! If you pretend to be someone else for this person, then do they really love you? Or do they love the persona that you created for them. It will always leave you with more questions than answers. Be yourself. Always. Someone will love you for you. And that’s the best feeling. No hiding or faking it. They love you because your you. Too many people in this world put on masks. They pretend to look different, act differently, are interested in things they really aren’t, lie about how happy they are. We all need to stop pretending. Don’t start a relationship on a lie. It’ll never last. We all just need to be ourselves. Own it. Love it. Your unique and beautiful. And that’s worth loving.

Juneberry91 · Accepted Answer

We have all been there where we have done so but that never sticks & works out. Because you’re simply not being you, And if you’re planning to authentically be with someone for the rest of your life You might as well just basically beautiful you. Being condemned to be somebody else or act is not a life worth living.

We all have those moments of compulsion where we are not honest with our selves.

If you have to change yourself in order for someone to like you then your not offering you best self & that’s honestly you unchanged ❤️

caring__1 · Answer

Fine tuning who we already are and growth are normal parts of life. If you fine tune out of consideration without compromising the essence of who you are, that can add to a relationship without jeopardizing who you are.

If you're talking about bait and switch, where you offer or imply one thing to hook a person, yet don't plan to continue the pattern long-term, you won't like the eventual results, once the deception comes to the surface. Be honest with yourself and others, and you're more likely to appreciate where that takes you. Never make a change to attract or hold onto a person, if that change is uncomfortable for you. Don't give in to others pressuring you to change for their selfish desires. It's got to work for both if it is going to work for either in the long run.

Guy13 · Answer

Think about the times when... have you not tried this before? How can one define or change without a clear understanding of one's spiritual and moral standing. If one can not define Self, and its parameters in which he/she should function, then one's only outcome is "spinning of wheels" and tossed about within the Control of the one in which the individual is trying to impress. How can one measure the demands of "impressed" without the Changer having a Spiritual and Moral code to contrast what one is being directed to do...

Without the detail spiritual and moral underpinnings conjoined with a sole reliance upon feelings, lust, and chance then there is nothing but a human sacrificial offering before the altar of the god in which one is changing for...

Account · Answer

Only if you truly want to and only if the change would make you happier about yourself. If not, then no.

BlueScorpio · Answer

No, that's being fake. Find people who actually like you the way you already.

Price511 · Answer

Molding yourself into something else to please someone else is not good. For starters it’ll mangle your character and cause you to have identity issues when you feel one way but have to act another. Improving upon yourself is one thing, but completely altering personality traits, hobbies, interests, whatever, just to please someone else, is only going to tire you out for a useless endeavor. Being yourself may not get you everybody, but it’ll certainly get you the right people to surround yourself with.

raven6933 · Answer

Absolutely not. You are you for a specific reason. If they can't deal with you as is then they're not worth your time or effort. This goes both ways. Being what someone else wants is not you being true to yourself. How can you build a relationship based on a false narrative? Don't you think that you're special and if no why not?

MichaelEspinoza · Answer

Well here's my opinion , for me i absolutely would not change myself for a woman to like me. If a woman like me when they first saw me then surely she wouldn't like me when we would get married. If you don't want to change for a person or they don't like for being yourself you should move on to the next person.

Helllo123 · Answer

it depends if you used to be an unstable or toxic person then I would say you should change and find a therapist to help you.

If its just because they don’t like some sort of thing in your personality then I would seek love from someone else who would accept me.

Msputiton · Answer

No. Because that person doesn't love you, but the person you are now pretending to be to make them happy. It is better to find someone who loves you, not a verison of you they prefer

Oigit · Answer

Change is something I hardly do and have not done much of for years. The main reason being that I worked to find my real self, improve myself and become extremely comfortable in my own skin. Changing myself for the sake of others would only undermine or undo much of that. I'm the kind of person that has been wearing heavy metal and horror movie t-shirts pretty much every day since high school. Because that is what I like wearing and it's not my problem if someone does not.

mstbooblover · Answer

Set aside correcting our behaviour to comply with a sensitive education in order to avoid hurting uselessly someone else, it's an illusion to merely think one can change oneself. You can't be anybody else than yourself, and thus my advice would be to just remain yourself and forget people wanting you to change your natural tendencies.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

For someone to like you? Nope! There is no point in doing that. Be yourself and find someone that will like you for what you are. This way you will also be the happiest you can be.

However, if the question is about changing for someone you love to be a better partner, then yes. You could change a little bit and for some things that you would also like to improve anyways.

Tina19 · Answer

No i don't think so and neither i personally did when my first boyfriend asked me to stop putting kohl in my eyes he didn't like it because other guys use to compliment me for it he was very insecure of that he was my 1st love he was very special to me but i was not ready to become his slave to follow everything he likes or dislikes

Fireguy17 · Answer

no, not unless it is a trait that needs to be changed, like lying, stealing, talking bad about people, smoking, drug use, being drunk all the time, things that are very self-destructive need to be addressed.
otherwise you are not true to yourself, and it rarely lasts.

Becky316 · Answer

The only changing I ever did was dye my hair, I LOVE IT! There were other changes, but just natural ones as time passed. He never had me change myself to please him and vice versa. We fell in love with each other. Now I could strangle him sometimes but he'd say the same bout me. We love each other and changing just might ruin the good shit we have.

Malgaran · Answer

Not for someone to like you, You can change yourself in order to like yourself or be the best version of yourself that you want to be. If you change with the purpose to pull someone in, that is just being manipulative and fake.

Anonymous · Answer

In general no. But if no one likes you, you have to consider the possibility that you're just unpleasant.

I'll put it this way. I don't think people should change who they are at thier core. Because at that point you're being your true authentic self. And even if you find someone that way. That you is an act. You probably won't able to maintain it. And you won't be happy.

Beatrix7 · Answer

tried to much but why should i be the one to change so my saying know is if u dont like who iam dont be with me how can they not be the one to try nd change

Kori1236 · Answer

Nope. Take me as I am or watch me as I go. If I am unhappy with myself, I will work on whatever I’m unhappy with but it’s not to make someone like me it’s to make me happy with myself.

Anonymous · Answer

People say to change yourself for the better and people do find love.

I did a good transformation, but didn't work for me, changed my body, eating habits, I was too skinny, I became normal weight.
I changed my style, my teeths, and also got a confident personality.
But I still am unwanted by women.
It still feels useless the money, time and effort I have given in.

It might work for women.
But it didn't work for me.

Anonymous · Answer

If it’s something negative personality wise, then yes. But appearance, never.
My ex partner wanted me to take out my gauges and wear things that I wasn’t cool with wearing, so I made it clear that U’m not gonna change for her, and it was accepted by her in the end.

SallyB2v · Answer

Only of you feel that there is something that you would like to improve about yourself for you, never for someone else unless you are modifying a bad behavior.

Blackcupcake · Answer

never. if there’s anything you choose to change, it should be to make yourself happy. but instead of changing, why not love and appreciate yourself as you…

cryscrys1 · Answer

You can but it won’t last for too long.. that’s why it’s recommend you be yourself. Maybe you realize you are better off alone who knows

inkyvampire · Answer

If they can’t like you for who you are they don’t deserve you. You will never like yourself for pretending to be what they want you to be.

lalaloveee · Answer

I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

I am not going to lie no you shouldn't whoever gave you that advice should be slapped. Don't change yourself for others both men and women the right guy and the right girl will eventually come.

AsaKyo · Answer

No, you should not  If you have to change yourself to meet someone's "requirements", then they're not someone you should be wasting your time on anyway

TroyDT2 · Answer

"In order for" no, but if it happens to be something that is a self-improvement  and  it just happens to attract someone, that is fine.

Paul09 · Answer

Advancing, growing, improving, becoming better version of yourself everyday, then yes. To change your lifestyle, values, views, interests , no. You are you , always be you. Unless you're a bum or something.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

No, because you'd be living a lie and you wouldn't be happy.

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Of course not. If they really love you they will take you the way you are with all your imperfections

fonduegirl · Answer

Change?  No way!  Improve? Sure. As we age, we need to make some changes and prioritise happiness.

Anonymous · Answer

I’ve had people telling me I should change some things in my character/personality and I’ll do it if their reasons are reasonable and come from a place of love to help me become better.

Fanfare690 · Answer

Technically you totally shouldn't But we all do it

Pudsmucker · Answer

Just continue to be yourself. Don't expect people to change. A person can change only to improve themselves. You shouldn't change just to keep your boyfriend.

Jhunitor · Answer

Depend. Would I start wearing longer/shorter hair/beard or changing clothing style for her? Maybe. Would I change my hobbies, my friends, my opinions, my vote, etc. ? No.

t_time · Answer

Simple answer no. True colors always find a way to show eventually

call_me_scar · Answer

If it's a genuine flaw like double dipping then yes but things like changing what you like and your friends then no thats a red flag

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Maybe. I mean if what you're currently offering isn't selling then maybe it's time to update the product.

socair · Answer

depends... if the change makes you happy then why not I can see a lot of people who would benefit themselves by changing how they are

nawtee_me · Answer

If you are talking in general then No, people should accept you as you are. If you are a theif and want to change so people will like you then yes... by all means...

DancingQueen16 · Answer

No if someone I like doesn't like me the way I am I'll just cut them out of my life

exitseven · Answer

You should be on your best behavior but to try and change who you are will not end well.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would never change myself to please someone else. :-P :-) :P ;-)

Dargil · Answer

No you should not. You can make adjustments to your comportment, though like politeness

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Nah. Only change things that you want to change for yourself

TheVigilantOne · Answer

No as that would be a lie, if they don’t want/love you as you are they’re not worth your time.

es20490446e · Answer

I would change myself to something I like more myself.

BubbaTech · Answer

Body? Only to be healthy, mind, only to be the best moral person you can be.

TaylorSwiftFan62 · Answer

Yes im learning a new language and going to move country to make it work with my partner.

dudeinohio · Answer

No. Never change who you are. It only causes resentment.

jayhams · Answer

As in improve yourself sure but not like she always wants you to dress a certain way etc.

Anonymous · Answer

You can if the change is about to bring more of a good person out of you

HugeDikEng · Answer

Well, depends. If you are ugly as fuck you might wanna change your look unless you wanna die alone.

Jltakk · Answer

Not really. I'd rather an honest flawed person than someone playing a role to get between the sheets.

Heolurt · Answer

You can but you'll start to hate yourself if you change yourself for the wrong reasons.

Twalli · Answer

No, you should find people who like you for who you are.

AngryCarl · Answer

Only change if it makes you a better person.

Anonymous · Answer

It is easier to become a sex worker and go to hell

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