Would you ever change yourself for someone? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Depends how much and what it is.


I’m an artist. If Inhad to drop doing any and all art… a specific woman said “no more artwork!” ‘You have to get a ‘real job,’ and I don’t want to see you drawing ever again…’” no. That is something that is deep in my soul… I couldn’t abandon that. I would understand if I was self employed, it was year 5, and I was making only a few thousand a year; no one was hiring, paying, and I had a baby on the way, if she said “Ok, I think you have to try to get something better paying and more stable,” then sure (provided I could actually find something that paid well). That I’d change. If it was “you need to learn how to stop screaming at people in the car… then sure. Happily, I would work on that.


I’m currently single. I’m also a geek. If I was obligated to get rid of all my movies, pretend to be a huge jock/sports fan.., I had to get rid of all my games, etc do my apartment up to look like everyone else just to impress a woman… no. If it was me learning to dress a little better and take care of myself, but retain my core interests… yes. I wouldn’t want to have to pretend to be a completely different person. But I wouldn’t hope having the right woman in my life, I hope it WOULD change me (for the better). But hiding most of what makes me… me, then no.

[Babygirl_S]

Sure! I can be a better woman for a better man but wouldn’t become immoral or sexually disinhibited for a similar man no matter how much I’m attracted to him. He has no shame for his desires and actions but someone like me can feel nauseated and fearful knowing his deepest feelings. I can even change my physical appearance to better fit the description of a man’s ideal woman but an immoral boy? No! Who is he to expect that from me? His personality, when he reveals himself fully, gives me the creeps and he definitely is the type to shift the blame successfully because that’s what treacherous and dangerous people can always do easily even as you’re left clueless questioning who you really are. He is no one to ask me to level up after I’ve seen what he really loves doing. A man who speaks a weird language I can’t understand (English changed to suit his idea of “cool”) or has fetishes drastically different from my own or simply just seems to be a monster simply can’t expect me to be my best for him. It’s not even possible if you’re a truly submissive partner because you usually end up adopting his ways rather than changing his attitudes. He’s more likely to push you to be more like him. Then he is likely to shame you for being “bad” not realising you were pushed into HIS narrative. You helped him live HIS fantasy even though it disgusted or scared you. He should level up his emotional intelligence instead of destroying mine or even making me feel like no one really cares about others so why should I? He makes you feel so scared to care because you fear being harmed if you do. Then he might make YOU the target of his abuse instead of his other targets you try to feel bad for.

[DishLady]

I think everyone changes slightly (1-5%) to accommodate someone they care deeply for. However there shouldn't be any major changes made just because someone is in your life.

PHYSICAL: I've heard some horrific tales over the past few months of 22yo kids getting extra testosterone injections bc they feel they need a boost over their (already normal) current levels, or gals whose whole body from head to toe consist of fillers and fake bits... I've even heard of a 22yo getting a face lift and eye lift. There's no reason anyone that age should be SO insecure! You're at your prime! (If you do that in your 20s WHAT will you do when you're in your 50s? My goodness.)

CHARACTER: There's no need to make major alterations to your tastes/preferences/interests/etc. for every person you meet! Wait for someone with whom you ACTUALLY have things in common.

[Joseph3253]

Consciously I would say no but I know I had done it before, that's something I need to change for myself. I would say no cause I really think that every detail of someone, even some bad habits or defects, obviously not really bad things, are part of who someone is. I know that sometimes you need to change something to be with someone but generally speaking, the tiny details makes you unique so no point in changing those things. Additionally, I think that being with someone in any kind of relationship, be it a friendship or really a romance is more about someone who you can deal with the defects and less about someone that you like the good parts.

[AI Opinion]

As your friendly relationship coach, my aim here is to shed some light on the tricks of the heart! Changing yourself for love can be a slippery slope. It’s all about balance. If it's a small compromise to grow and support each other, go for it! But, if you're morphing into someone unrecognizable or ignoring red flags, it might be time to hit pause! Remember, true love is loving you for you! 🥰 Keep it real, dear! 💖

[Simslover92]

I would change the parts of me I know needs changing before entering into a relationship again.

But changing for someone is never a good thing especially if you don't really see the changes that need to be made within yourself. You have to find out what you need to change about yourself for yourself, not for another person.

[HawkPerception]

Depends on what kind of change we're talking about. We all change over time. If I have a bad habit and my vision of the best me is in alignment with how they want me to change, I might put in effort to change that aspect of myself. But change is not instant and can take time. If they aren't patient for the change, they shouldn't bother and just leave.

[jennifer_bloom]

It depends what the change is. If the guy makes more money than me or is more educated than me, I might try to upgrade my career or my education. If the man is more fit than me, I might try to exercise and improve my diet. If the guy is nicer than me, I might try to work on my personality and kindness towards others. But I will not change myself in bad ways, such as becoming more sexual, or telling lies, or hiding my views out of a fear of criticism.

[ohsheeT]

Of course if I really loved the person

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I wouldn't change myself for someone because I can't change myself for someone, because I cannot control my personality, it is set. And if I try to alter my personality, it means that I'm going to wear a mask. I don't want that, there are enough masks to wear on the stage that is life on earth. It's not that I dislike theater, but I really don't want another mask behind the scenes, with her. Because it feel reaaaaaally good to be freed from the play, once back home.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yes because that can be quite complex, the only things I wouldn't change for others are my boundaries and morals, but if there's things I'm not good at or need improvement in and someone I care about requires it then I would change or I would put the effort in changing, also keep in mind needing and wanting are two completely different things but if someone has hope you'll change or waste their time waiting for results, it shows a good amount of effort from their part that they could've just thrown you away and tried to replace you, because sometimes if you want something good you have to make changes for the better, although change no matter what should always be for the better, not the worse.

[Dongie]

So that's a yes... the hard way! 😵‍💫

[ManOnFire]

Would I change myself because that's what they want, because they don't like who I am already? Never, and they are more than welcome to go find someone else.

Would I change myself because I wanted to or realized that things I was doing was hurting someone? I would certainly change.

[BadApple69]

NEVER.


If you need to change yourself to be with someone then they are not happy with you but the thought of what (in their minds) of what you could be. You’ll never be good enough. Find someone who can love you for who you are, not what their imagination thinks you could be.

[rtj1211]

Minor things, of course. Unimportant things like shirt-colours, what wine you drink etc.

If you change your red lines, you are basically erasing your own character and you will likely get pussy whipped, progressively despised and most likely dumped.

When you're dumped, you don't even have your soul left. You gave that to someone else who then casually tossed it in the river.

[OneViewpoint]

No, I'd change myself for me if someone else pointed out I had something I needed to work on. I'd sit down for some introspective thought about it and try to consider the input honestly. I may ask a few other people for confirmation. If a change is warranted I'll do it to improve myself for my own sake. And I'll make sure to thank the person who had a guts to point it out to me. Those are the people worth having around.

[Anonymous]

Changing yourself to change others is a great recipe for frustration and burnout. While changing self for self can be a much more encouraging process. A person working on self is: Shifting focus away from fixing, instead observing one's self and others in the larger relationship system.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I won't change the person I am. But I will change for the better, like to be a better partner. When you get in a relationship, you will have to consider that person in your life, you will change some things here and there. But if the partner asks you to be someone you're not, he is not the one.

[virgo2267]

No way… my first girlfriend suggested I get circumcised but although I almost went through with it… I was glad I didn’t. That relationship lasted less than a year and every girlfriend or hook up rather compliment my foreskin and say they love it more than when it’s cut. Guess I’m glad that worked out in the end

[Iron_Man]

this doesn’t make sense if you’re not circumcised, you’re not cut

[virgo2267]

You didn’t understand. Try reading it again buddy

[Iron_Man]

I did read it very thoroughly if you’re not circumcised you’re not cut

[virgo2267]

I am not cut… I said my women prefer my uncut cock than a cut (circumsiced) one

[Iron_Man]

Ok.::

[lilBigPotato]

Generally, no. If they don't like me the way I am then we're not meant for each other. But if course, there's always room for self improvement and relationships are about compromise so it depends what it is about

[Zack-Bann]

Change myself at someone’s request? Never


But I would willingly change myself in an effort to try new things and open new doors


i’m not stuck in my ways.
Experiences require investment

[Anonymous]

Not at my core, no. I have in the past changed my outward appearance in the wake of a rejection. But I would never change who I am. Because at that point you're just pretending for someone. And you're going to have to be the real you at some point. You can't pretend forever. So why not just START with the REAL you.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, we all do it to a certain extent.. Many traits about us are malleable, so thus easily changeable.. Although many times people change their core values to match someone they may like, and that's where the problem comes in..

[Lovergirlhey]

No! Listen if you’re going to change for someone at least make it a change thats good for yourself. It depends what kind of change you’re going to make but if you’re happy with yourself why would you feel the need to change for someone? Now look, if it’s you doing negative things then it’s a good change. If it’s a change without a clear reason look more into it.

[ProbablyClueless]

Depends entirely on how significant a change being asked for and why.

I think that asking a partner to make small changes for their own well being is a very natural and healthy part of dating someone.

[Nikki1989]

If something obviously needs changing, I would try my best to change. That is one of the issues with realtionships, people are too stubborn.

[Anonymous]

Not by a lot
I am Indian. And I am not at all religious.
But for the right person I can do some of the things.
I am not going to let religion or god into my life at all.
But I ll be just do the the most minimum things for her to be in love.
Just an example.
Also it's only if a specific girl asks me out.

[FreyaRed]

Depends if it's for better or for worse. I wouldn't gain 50kg just because my partner wants that.

[DannyUk2017]

Nope! As that someone after a few years "will give up on me", so no point in changing for someone, if that someone is not commited!

[AndrésC64]

"And if you say this life ain't good enough

I would give my world to lift you up

I could change my life to better suit your mood

'Cause you're so smooth"

Smooth, by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas

[dudeinohio]

Nope. Everyone has their hard coded personality. Trying to change only breeds resentment and depression. My ex wife tried to change me an she got a depressed alcoholic as a result.

Im much better now.

[dustybiker2]

I have memorial tattoos and have many more planned. Otherwise no...

[Bricealan]

I do. I change my underwear every week or so? Oh heck, not what you meant? !

[Dongie]

🦨🫩

[Jupiter1]

As far as I know, everybody who knows me likes me the way I am. So, I don’t need to change anything about myself. Besides, I truly like myself. “Take me as I am or just keep away” is what I will likely say to whoever might want me to change myself.

[EmmaMary]

What my husband saw, is what my husband got... No changes whatsoever, and never will be.

[WillGrant974]

If it was a change that improved my relationship with her or made me a better person, then yes.

[MemeSupreme]

yeah im not perfect but some stuff i just can't or wouldn't

[RavVid]

It is unlikely but if I can see a way of improving myself than I do. Not opposed.

[jazzy34]

Changer for YOURSELF. Don't ever try to fit into someone's mold.

[Iron_Man]

I can compromise but never change myself. I’m a good guy and I’m also sticking to my religion

[Dongie]

Here, here!

[Iron_Man]

@Dongie is that good

[Dongie]

Yes.

[Iron_Man]

@Dongie Good

[foxsquirrell]

Big mistake. If someone likes you you don't need to change. You can IMPROVE but you should not change. Unless you consider improving as changing.

[Gaylordslav]

Nope. Im perfectly ok being a loner, never had sex or dated and nobody wants me either. Just wish i wasn't broke so i can go fuck off somewhere in solitude

[exitseven]

I might try but ultimately I realize that it would be a mistake.

[Staximus]

I don't know. If I want to change myself for the better, shouldn't I want to do that for myself and not for somebody else?

[Yannae]

Only better habits, healthier habits. But nothing else.

[McSteamy]

Nope. I don't. People are passing clouds in our life. We do not know when they leave our life.

[Dongie]

I guess but it would depend on what I was to change into.

[nl171]

I have in the past and it never works out well in the end.

[Pterodon]

Sure. We all have things about ourselves that we could change for the better

[Amur8711]

There are things I'd change, if I also think it make me better as a person or a man and husband

[BrownEyeGirl5]

If I’m gonna change it be for myself. Not for anyone else.

[robocop666]

women like a man who refuses to change. Owen Cook talks about it.

[Peace0fMind1994]

Nope if the can't accept me for who I am then I can't be with them end of

[Peace0fMind1994]

they**

[queenofcardio]

No. I like myself just the way I am

[DonaldDarko]

No because that wouldn't really be possible.

[Shortkay4568]

Abit yess. Ex. Changed my puss lmao

[Charliefretz329]

What? How?

[Anonymous]

nope. it may backfire

[Circushowcowboy]

I’d be willing to work on myself for others

[LiaRaven]

Nope, never

[Anonymous]

No. Be true to myself is my motto.

[Charliefretz329]

Only if I already wanted to do it

[Jeff51]

Nope. If someone don't like it, then tough

[Ayaan00001]

What is that bullshit

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. I refuse to fake my personality.

[zombiewoof]

Everyone we have a relationship with changes us

[FenixG45]

If they don't like me as is, then Idgaf!