Would you change yourself completely (very specific, for u important details) for someone you love?

[Anonymous]

What do u think

[WonderBell99]

I went through the comments. If your SO is pressurizing you into changing your religion when you clearly don't want to, what does it say about them? They do not seem to care about what YOU want. You should never do something you do not want to, for 'love'.

As HonesttGuy said, if the change will be 'good' for the both of you, like giving up smoking/drinking or any other bad habits, then your SO cares about your health.. on the other hand, forcing you to do something is just a big no. If your religion is important for you, you should talk to your partner and make a decision that is good for YOU. You may resent them in the future if you feel like you are giving up on your religion for them.

Were you aware that they wanted you to convert when you started dating them?

[Asker]

Nope. They said they're Muslim i accepted them even if i had very bad image. They "accepted" me too and said that we will talk before weddings about his religion i said okay but i won't convert. And then they started telling me yk cover myself and don't do cross sign in front of them even tho they pray in front of me like what the hell and started asking me to wear hijab. They said I'll convert. And all the time i say i won't they say oh its because u didn't find yourself, you don't know enough about islam, it's only "truth religion"... And their parents. Who won't accept me if i won't convert. Yk better family creation when both parents r same religion believers. They agree with that. And i don't even want to live anymore like my passion died when i heard this. Its not that i don't like their religion or I believe in mine so much, that's the issue that i don't. I'm more into spirituality, meditation, not in books or specific religion. And for them it's sooo bad. It's that i need to change myself for something that can don't even last forever. I am afraid and i what to live differently.

[Asker]

Plus we r in ldr

[WonderBell99]

If he does not accept you for who you are, it is pretty clear that you need to get out of this relationship before he starts controlling other aspects of your life.

I can assure you that you WILL resent him deeply if you convert. You should do what you like. He does not seem open to discussion either.

[WonderBell99]

For how long have you known him? Have you guys met each other? Lived with each other?

[Asker]

Yes you're right about being not open for discussion

[Asker]

More than 3 years. Nope. Haven't met yet, haven't lived yet.

[WonderBell99]

Guess you have your answer.

[WonderBell99]

Woah. Nope. This is a HUGE red flag I'd advice AGAINST. If you have never met him before, you are NOT in love with him. You can never be in love with a person you've not breathed the same air with. For most people, their online personas are WAY different than their IRL one. He may have some habits you may not be aware of that may come as a shock to you. . . like chewing loudly, talking with food in his mouth, or bad hygiene etc.

Remember, before getting hitched, you should try living with that person. That will test how strong your relationship is. It is kind of like a "trial"

[Asker]

Well i have no chance ftm. And ig I'll never have.

[WonderBell99]

Asker, do what is best for you. Try not to let your emotions come in the way of your judgment

[Asker]

Well that what comes when i talk to them. Recently we talk very less cause of circumstances so i stay with my mind and know that i don't want to do this. But everytime we talk i be like id do anything to don't lose them and yeah.. My mind feels like off

[WonderBell99]

Talk to a friend if you want..

@PrettyPriya thoughts?

[PrettyPriya]

Ok, so I am in a committed relationship with a someone who is not my religion. It isn’t a problem because we have a very open view towards each other’s beliefs.

He participated in my traditions and I do in his. I do not force this upon him and same with him. I CHOOSE to take part. I look at it as fun/exciting adding new traditions like Christmas.

However, I’m not expecting him to convert to mine and he isn’t expecting me to abandon Hinduism. It is called compromise. We respect each other enough to learn to live with these differences.

Example: I will marry at the end of the year. Because we will marry in his home country, it will be a Christian wedding. I’m totally okay with it and actually excited. I get to learn of all these traditions and customs they have.

[Yucy_Gluttony]

No, why would you love someone for who he is if he doesn't love you for who you are?

[Asker]

I love because they "accepted" me being myself, believing in Christianity.. Which turns out is only till the day before marriage, cause I'll must convert to their religion.. Which i don't want to.. And yeah so or i choose them lose myself or i choose myself lose them

[Yucy_Gluttony]

If you don't want to, you shouldn't it. I can't see someone who puts their religion before mine as someone I look up to.

[Asker]

Yes me too but yeah it's very hard situation. To change is not hard, hard is to truly believe which i don't do. Im more spiritual so this stuff and especially doing for someone and not believing and seeing it a bullshiii yk

[Yucy_Gluttony]

I would refuse. Belief would still be part of that change. You either are okay with it or not.

[Honesttguy]

Im always changing and growing, im not who i was few years ago, so yeah im all for change. But u have to be more specific.
Would i stop drinking and smoking yeah sure.
Will i stop going to gym cus of her, no cus it doesn't make any sense. I would rather change in direction of mma so i can protect her. Change has to be better than what im already do, if its less dragging me down then hello thats toxic relationship to begin with.

[Asker]

What about changing your religion for them?

[Honesttguy]

For guy its very slippery slope change too much for girl and u come off as weak follower and relationship is over. Religion isn't something im into so i wouldn't be dating someone super religious. For guy to make change it has to be his decision based on him deciding to go in new direction. Thats only jow that change can work and keep relationship going

[HighlyVolatile]

No, I always tried to be myself as much as possible around women so that I don't need to do change in the relationship. I'm okay scaring the ones away who don't like me as I am without changing. The ones who aren't scared away are the true keepers to me when I unleash my full-blown self to them.

[HighlyVolatile]

I had an ex once who tried to give me an ultimatum to choose between her or my friends. While I really liked her up to that point, I broke up with her immediately. I refuse to change that way and especially on behalf of a person who tries to force me that way.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Full blown self? LOL Don't know if I wanna know too much about that :))

[HighlyVolatile]

@TommyMountainFigure It's not as extreme as it sounds! :-D But for a simple example, I'd tell women on dates when I was getting bored. Like "I'm getting bored, let's bounce and try someplace new!" I didn't want to try to impress too much or hide what I felt since I was looking for something that would work in the long run, and not something that only worked so long as I acted a certain way which wasn't my most comfortable and natural way.

[HighlyVolatile]

@TommyMountainFigure Sounds a little bit self-centered with the way I put it but my natural way is to go out of my way to impress, so I tried to resist that urge as much as I could.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ahh yes. I see what you mean, and I get it. No girl wants to hear 'I'm bored' whilst out on a 1ST date. but give it 3 months and 'I'm bored, lets go do something else' is perfectly acceptable.

[jennifer_bloom]

I would, in a good way but not in sinful way.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't, if I needed to do that then it means they don't love me for who I am.
I want to keep my core, I was stupid and tried to change once and it hurt like hell and fucked me up real good.

[Rizwan_khan]

No i never change myself. If she wants me to change then she is not love me she just want slave who just dance on her music. I love people accept the way they are that real love. Yeah bad habit can be changed for better life.

[TommyMountainFigure]

No never, otherwise I would no longer be the person they fell in love with!

[clampfan101]

She needs to love me for who I am.
I’m trying to improve myself,(more independent, less shy, etc.), but would not change myself.

[Cherry10111]

No they should take u as u are if not then … NEXT

[EdwinLivingston_]

No i won't