For a shy guy like me, life is hell because girls expect the man to be confident and dominant and that means asking the girl out, making decisions as where to go and basically doing everything for her.
Don't be shy. Guys won't get judged if they make a first move on a girl but a girl may be judged for making a first move on a guy, so she won't approach you even if she wants to. Shyness is something which you can let go of and you can make up the courage to propose or ask her out. Even though you won't be judged as it is a guy's nature in common. But girls according to the society norms are always expected not to make first moves or cross their limits instead wait for a guy to lead them. This makes them stay in their lane until a right guy comes and approaches her. Even if she accepts or rejects you is her choice and asking her out will be your responsibility first and if she accepts you can be the lucky guy but if she rejects, you don't need to worry too because you won't get judged anyways but you can move on to some other girl instead of waiting on a girl that you don't know if she will accept or rejects you, you will waste your time in wondering rather than having life. There are very few girls who will make the first move too, but mostly guys don't like a girl to make a first move either as guys will want to dominate her according to their choices. But there are some guys who will appreciate a girl making first move too, as it requires lot of courage on her part to open up to a guy, there will be some of the great guys who will appreciate and admire it too but these will be the rare cases where the guy and girl respect each other's choices by putting each other's needs first. Instead of waiting for something rare to happen I will suggest you to get the courage and ask a girl out instead of waiting for a girl to make the first move, which might or might not happen
Because it's kind of ingrained in our entire history, and just because societal norms are supposedly changing, that doesn't mean we suddenly know how to change with them in a snap. More girls make the first move than you think. But this shouldn't be about roles flipping, it should be about both of them striving for the same thing. Girls and guys making the first moves, not guys stepping back and girls going forward.
As a chronically shy girl with extreme social anxiety, I used to have trouble remembering how to introduce myself to some old lady in a grocery store, let alone talk to a guy I like. Guys and girls can both be shy, and your reasons for feeling scared to show interest are valid, but if you really want to make a difference, you can work on yourself, and you should. Otherwise, you're making excuses for yourself.
I'm still terrified of paying at the till, and crossing the street under traffic lights gives me panic attacks. I'm nowhere near actually asking a guy out, but I have initiated conversations, and in the past two years my social skills have taken a huge leap. It's been uncomfortable. I've had to force myself out of my comfort zone, but it is paying off. For example, one thing I tried is I got a gym membership, and in doing so I'm learning how to do something I feel self-conscious about in public, be around lots of people at a time, and hold my space where I feel like a nuisance. For guys and girls both, being shy, and awkward is fine and acceptable. But not trying to improve isn't.
The same reason why most women won’t agree to be drafted but rather would march in the streets for abortion rights. They are selective about their “equal rights.” The world is unfair against men. So uhhhh….. get used to it. Fighting wars, approaching them, paying for their meals, kissing their shoes…. These are all “masculine”traits that women expect of men. Any less than this and you will be seen as a beta male lol. Welcome to our society. Lets use some psychology. It’s these types of men who women will fuck but at the end of the day they will never be happy that they are fucking them. Those “beta males” I was referring to. Yes those guys will actually develop a personality and not succumb to what this pitiful society expects of them. Those are successful guys. And those guys won’t find a women because most of these women are fucking mentally ill trash ready to bend over for the hypersexualized society. This is the first time our society is facing this issue. So to conclude, the man ends up improving because he is not showered with the large amounts of lust that these degenerate men are giving the women. The women don’t improve their mindset. The reality? Women will never find their dream partner because they will ALWAYS have to settle for less. It’s an vicious cycle and this is why you’ll see many women come to this site asking the same questions. “Why are men such pieces of shit.” “Why did he cheat on me.” To put it simply. The type of partner you have is a reflection of who you are. Just like how if your a degenerate, your going to have degenerate friends. You attract what you are.
Because guys on average have much more testosterone than girls. Also: much social conditioning. But mostly testosterone, that makes us take more risk.
Absolutely does not mean you have to do everything for her.
Ask you buddies / call you city best hotel's concierge and ask him/her about 3 best romantic places to visit in you city and take your girlfriend to one of them, you can throw dice if you can't decide, just don't tell her ;) When you are there - find with her 3 most exciting things in radius of 20 miles and choose one (yes, you have to decide, if you can't - just take the second option you came up with). Then tell (decide that she has a task) her that she must organize a trip to the third place you were discussing (help her in small things if she asks, you are not a tyrant ;)
If you are shy, do this: nofap, lift, good diet, force yourself into uncomfortable positive situations like public speaking, organizing party etc. Go to really poor countries and volunteer at hospital for children - apart from doing something genuinely good you will also internalize a point of reference for your own self. You can also teach English. in some god-forgotten village. Climb Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain of Africa - relatively easy trek and will surely boost your confidence. Read Ayn Rand Atlas Shrugged.
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m If you are a guy out there who is shy then go fix it. This isn't some kind of disease you have to live with. Stop saying you are shy as if there is nothing you can do about it. Most women who like shy guys are dominate in nature and want to lead you by your ear. Women want someone they can rely on especially if you have children. First thing you do is pick up something heavy and put it down then repeat.
Typical men are Intelligently Designed to be more aggressive. It is a hormonal thing. We are also seen societally as the aggressive sex. It only follows suit that man would pursue the woman.
Women actually approach / make the first move way more than you would think... I've been approached by many types of girls.. shy, awkward, confident, outgoing, introverted, extroverted... But surprisingly in general, most of them actually get turned down lol.. think about being rejected as a guy.. Yeah, must be even worse as a girl since they're supposed to be pursued and adored... So, it's understandable when they play it safe and wait for the guy... So, if you don't get approached by girls you need to do it yourself, there's no other option... as for being in a relationship.. yeah, the guy is almost always expected to lead.. at least from the back.. Girls just love it when they can let their guards down and give control to a guy they like and know they can trust and rely on... at least from time to time... So, if you're a classic shy guy you have two options.. One, embrace who you are and go for a girl who's compatible with your personality... two, try to change a little so you can get along with most of their expectations... Either way, you can't really judge other people for having preferences and expectations... You have yours.. They have theirs.. Everyone is just attracted to what they like.. And nobody owes anyone anything...
Why do men always expect women to be feminine in a submissive way and follow their lead? Why do men judge women as desperate or slutty for making the first move? Yeah, gender roles suck and will never apply to everyone, but don't let them defeat you.
Maybe it's not the fault of every single woman on earth because the common denominator is YOU. Self-development is nothing to be afraid of and everyone has something to improve upon.
Quit whining and get to work! I would recommend reading some stoicism and The Art Of Seduction.
Lots of women like shy men, myself included, but there is a difference between being shy in an endearing or mysterious way and just fully lacking in social skills. The keyword here is SKILLS which can be developed and improved!
Because society taught us that men should be initiating/leading and if a woman has to initiate it means she is desperate/eager. I don't mind initiating myself but having done that before and hearing the rumors about me that followed... Yeah I'm not doing it anymore. That snitch of a guy ruined it for me and men bring it upon themselves by not calling out such behavior.
I am recently opening up to initiating again and have surprisingly met some amazing men who are on the shier side, prefer women to lead etc but they are wonderful people. I'm gaining hope again.
Time may roll fast but sociaity changes slowly
In the past (Not that far and for some still current) the woman was an item owned by there father/family
A wan then will never go after a man, but the father/family will do the dealing on fitting her
And wven eariler the Male spasics in many spacis is the one going after the females, and not the outher way around
I belive the main reason will be that for many the woman gives birth and deals with the younglings, when the male is able, and in some spacies encraged to go on to the next female
If woman spend there time search and going after males, its time there not spending picking the best biological peak and time not speanding giving babys
So the job falls on the male
At least so I assume mostly... that its a roll from history on stuff like that, that becoume tardision
On any case I may be completely off on all of this, and if anyone know better on anything please correct me :)
It really comes down to the fact of polarity. Men have always been active and women are passive. Almost all of this comes down to the difference in hormones and bodily structures that differentiate males and females. You say your shy, but if you think asking a girl out is difficult. . . asking someone out whether in a romantic or platonic sense is part of basic social development. In the end, shyness is not a positive attribute neither in males or females. I thought at one point female shyness was cute, but it is difficult to do anything w/ a girl who is shy. You'd be best talking with a professional about getting over it.
First approach- I want him to show me that he can man up and have the guts to go after what he wants. I want a confident man who isn't scared of expressing himself and speaking up.
Also out of my experience, every guy that I approached first didn't last long. They'll said yes but wasn't really interested in the long run.
Leading the relationship - not really, it should me mutual
Your problem is you are attracted to pretty girl and they will reject you. You might be asked by big girls and older women but you don't want them. Nevertheless, that is is what you need to accept. Since it is impossible for you to have a pretty girl, you need to settle for who you can get. You won't be shy if you ask this girl because she will not turn you down.
Is something that has always been taught. Honestly I disagree with gender roles. Men can be shy and women can initiate too. Both are humans that feel feelings and are capable of acting on them.
It’s not easy meeting people when you’re shy. Just take a deep breath and keep an open mind.
Well, because it's in a guys nature to do so. If you are shy, you can still go up to women and talk to them. You can learn how to approach women because 9 times out of 10, they won't approach you. And pouting about it, won't make it any better.
For the same reason guys expect cute and innocent girls that take care of themselves. Because that's how things work. Women cannot work as hard as men and to the extent that men can. So men are "the strong" ones and women are the ones for the "less heavy" jobs. Everyone contributes to the way they can.
That’s not necessarily the case. If you’re shy and someone is really interested in you and you’re not making a move, sometimes she’s going to make the first move just to let you know. Plenty of shy guys are happily married or in relationships so you are not screwed for life. If anything, there is something appealing to some women having a little shyness.
I was painfully shy with girls when I was younger. I missed out on a couple of opportunities that might have turned out really well. One day I just decided I was not going to miss out anymore. I actually got up the nerve to ask a girl if she liked me. It was really scary and I really didn;t know how it would turn out. It sort of got easier after that.
Women don't "always" want it that way, that's a huge generalization. But I think it's fine saying most women prefer that- it's because men are traditionally viewed as being the leader in a relationship or the breadwinners and the risk takes. It's changing, tbh I really don't care who makes the move- I've made the first move and it worked out perfectly.
women definitely make the first move too, just not in the same way as men. They might look at you multiple times until you notice that. They might tell the waiter that they want you to come to them. They might initiate touching in intimate zones even though you never touched them first.
At least for me that is, the 3 things i wrote above happened to me with 3 different girls, and all 3 of them were interested. 2 of those were from a social circle and one was a random.
It used to be something about being a "lady" and "the gentleman will take the first step".
But all of that went out the window with the generation of "feminism" and "women should be able to do anything a man can do".
So nowadays it's cuz they're lazy and then they can be picky. And they have the upper hand if the guy is chasing them. Mindgames.
I think most women (me included) would feel kind of desperate? Society have always told us that women are to be purseud and if you tried to pursue a man it would make you "cheap" as they say in my country.
I'm trying to break out of this mindset and actually ask the guy I like out, but there's always this idea that he'll lose interest if I said I was interested first? Silly, isn't it?
I’m bisexual and when I date men I only date bisexual men, they tend not to have as many hang ups as straight men. But I’ve found that they love when I take charge! I really enjoy planning a date, and I like to spoil my date, men and women. Because I mainly date within the queer community, we don’t tend to abide by the whole gender thing when dating. Maybe get yourself a bisexual baddie who wants to show you a good time ;)
Don't be a beta man, more and more women are turning gay, and the human race's birth rate is becoming zero. We don't have time for you to wait around for a girl to some how be so attracted to you she makes the first move. It isn't gonna happen. You wanna be stuck having to use your hair till you die alone?
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