Why do women feel it is the man's obligation to make the first move?

Question

WonderingManII · Accepted Answer

Why do women feel it is the man's obligation to make the first move? That is a very good question!!! I think they need to try it more often so that they can learn what rejection feels like.

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

Mosly, tradition but also because they are taught that if they make the first move, it makes them look like a slut.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

The alternative would mean women risking real rejection.
People almost never exert more energy than they perceive is necessary to achieve a certain result. If you didn’t have to risk rejection and got to take your pick of suitable mates, would you still risk rejection?
Probably not.
Women are merely enjoying one of the many privileges evolutionary biology and societal conditioning has granted them. I understand why some men are frustrated by it, but it’s hypocritical to be critical of that particular behavior.

Caroline91 · Answer

I don't necessarily. I think a lot more women do make the first move than men realize, but it looks different than a man's first move. It's a lot more subtle, which is a feminine trait. I never asked a guy on a first date first, with one exception, but I definitely let him know I was approachable and wanted him to make a move. Except one time, I put together a get together at my place and called the guy I was interested in to invite him to the party... as my date. Not terribly subtle, but low key... and it worked. I also never minded if someone wasn't interested. I'd rather know that right up front and not waste time and energy.

Kelley1 · Answer

It is as explained by @chazmatazz269. That is, women do not approach because they will not risk rejection. However, @Caroline91 is also correct. If interested, women let men know they are approachable.

Men should should not approach unless the woman makes the first move by smiling and saying "Hi" or doing something something that indicates they may be willing to be approached. That way women don't risk rejection since being friendly offers plausible deniability.

100% of the time, men will be rejected if they approach a woman when the woman did not indicate that she may be willing to be approached. It is okay for a man to get a woman's attention by smiling and seeing if she smiles back and also lingers rather than walking away.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

If it's starting a conversation (online or irl) I don't mind making the first move if I think he's available (single) and looking. That said, I do feel it's the mans obligation to "make or suggest the first date" since in general, it's important to allow the guy the space to show you how much effort he's willing to invest in you or if he's even interested romantically at all.

Most guys that aren't looking for anything serious will go a long with doing the bare minimum as long as they think they'll get laid. If he genuinely wants something serious, he'll manage his own time/resources appropriately and be picky about who he dates, he won't mind about planning a few first dates.

MementoMori_ · Answer

It's not just because women feel that way it's because nature designed men that way.

Men are designed to be the hunters and pursuers, the initiators and the leaders. Women are attracted to those traits by nature not by nurture. It's been that way for millions of years.

All you need is to look around at other animal species and you will find that it is often the male who is the pursuer in order to lead to successful procreation and survival of the species.

Without that male trait we wouldn't be here today.

Anonymous · Answer

Because that's how it is in the animal kingdom man. The male typical does some sort of dance and if he wins the females favor they mate. Of course, that's the animal kingdom.😆 the female species in animals doesn't flirt with male after male just for the attention and wasting his time and potentially resources.

For guys it used to be much more certain that things were going somewhere. Women now have equality have adjusted thier behavior to act more like men. So it shouldn't really surprise them men have adjusted thier behavior yo act more like women used to (somebody has to)😆.

I figure this upheaval should last for a couple more generations while both genders figure it out. Till then, neither gender is going to be very happy.

Anonymous · Answer

It's because it's what you love, @princeofromance. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, @princeofromance is not a thinker. @princeofromance is a man. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to be a man. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, @princeofromance. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?

Joshydavid25 · Answer

A mix of nature, and nurture.. Men are naturally more aggressive and straightforward.. Pursuing what you want is masculine.. A woman can damn near be obsessed with you, but will never approach you, whereas even the most shy man will build up the courage to make the first move if he really likes a girl..

KylieKitten · Answer

I dont expect it but I do like it. If I really like a guy and he isn't picking up on it then I'll try more direct tactics. But I do enjoy being pursued.

OneViewpoint · Answer

LOL, because women are not very courageous. They are generally insecure. They don't like risks. They don't take rejection well. And they can get horny men to do the asking by using sex as a weapon. It's a pretty simple and predictable choice of strategy for women.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It just is.. Most guys will date a girl they aren't interested in just because they asked. Where as woman tend to be more picky than that. I often like an outspoken dude then one who is held back.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Thats the way men set up societal expectations centuries ago.. we live in a patriarchy, after all. Men felt that they should be superior and dominant over women.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Traditional gender roles. But I don’t feel that way. I prefer the guy to make the first move because I’m shy, but if I liked a guy a lot and he didn’t make the first move, I would gear up my courage and approach him.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

From what I see,  only conservative women seem to think that , because they believe in gender roles, just like their male counterpart? Women have been trophies or items, to conquer, trade or rape for millennia. So it's likely this story line leaves cultural traces, considering how much it has been recounted. Even for those wanting to get rid of them.

CindyRuns · Answer

I don't, and... I'm married to a guy I made the first move on.

Apple1996 · Answer

I dont think that. Its better if women make the first move

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

Because making the first move means you’re confident in yourself. You aren’t afraid to take risks and be bold. Why wouldn’t you want to make the first move?

Reem12345reem · Answer

bc that would give the guy a high ego , plus guys think it's slutty

Kayla45 · Answer

Very shy, soft spoken, doesn’t do well in crowds or social gatherings, which basically means the whole premise of a date is difficult and awkward.

Agape93 · Answer

That's the standard y'all set for yourselves, and made it clear for decades that women shouldn't make the first move. So, that's on y'all.

Pohjolan · Answer

It's not as much that they feel that it's a obligation but that there is a considerable surplus of single men on the dating market so women don't have to unless if they want to date someone specifically.

beenherebefore · Answer

I prefer when the man is in control and leads from the beginning.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Because it is Other men do it without complaining  So women don’t need to consider any alternative  It is what it is Just make the move and stop complaining about it. Easier that way

Anonymous · Answer

Cause as “MEN” you should be planning the date making the first moves its literally how its designed. Women just need to pick and choose which guy they like and just exist- its mens job to take care of stuff, and a real man would totally be more than happy to take up this and take care of it!!! Anyone who doesn't want to just need to go out and date guys itself if you wanna be treated like a girl!! Just think about it if men who doesn't wanna put effort started dating men!—— you wouldn't have to make the first move plan anything or buy anything the guy would be doing that you could just sit back and relax. Thats a better option for “boys” who dont wanna make the first move or put effort

Anonymous · Answer

1) they are scared themselves 2) they like men to act 'like men' and take charge 3) some women can tell if you are genuinely interested in them if you pursue/dont pursue them enough.

Caughtulookin · Answer

Because women are to shy and timid for the most part. They lack the motivation to push boundaries.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't like the kind of guys who don't make the first move.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Because men are taught to be the aggressors in a relationship, while should a woman make the first move, even in 2025, she can be thought a sl*t.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Many women don’t feel that way. A lot of women prefer the male person to make the move. These women are usually more traditionally feminine. Many women are comfortable, and more than happy making the first move.

msc545 · Answer

Because women don't want to risk rejection any more than they want to risk combat or hard work or many other unpleasant things.

LuluzXOXO · Answer

Personally: 1. I’m really shy  2. I’m insecure and assume I’ll get rejected 3. I don’t want to have the fear of this guy bragging to his mates that I’m “obsessed with him”.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Its natural that they feel that a man should take the lead. A man is suppose to be strong, and confident, not weak and shy.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do I get the feeling that men will always be stuck with this role or burden or tradition for all eternity I'd say there's a better chance of dinosaurs coming back to life than there is of women making the first move or asking men out in the masses or droves just as much as men do to women.

Hence why the wizard Community will always be male-dominated

robocop666 · Answer

No women make it with eye contact

Anonymous · Answer

It's to do with rejection

In my humble opinion it's to do with the fact men require an erection to perform

If a woman approaches a man, a man can't fake things he must be able to get it up

A man, other hand approaches a woman only if he can perform. That part is established

hot_and_funny · Answer

Maybe because until now men always were the choosing side, so they was doing the first move. We see it in movies and read about it in books.

spartan55 · Answer

Because they are terrified of even the thought of rejection.

overlord337645 · Answer

Because women don't and if they do well ur one he'll of a guy

MemeSupreme · Answer

dont hate the player hate the game

Nikki1989 · Answer

Most don't. I am not sure where you heard that hooey.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

Because it is.

Anonymous · Answer

Why don't we make the first move? Because we don't have to. It's just the way it is.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Because they’ve been trained that way

nastyb · Answer

no masculine man would ever demand a woman make the first move. this is how you know a guy is a beta male

Jedimaster6 · Answer

I think it’s a cultural thing, there’s no reason women can’t

Anonymous · Answer

Because of the damn patriarchal upbringing.

SexyPulse · Answer

because it is

Twalli · Answer

Tradition

Anonymous · Answer

because nature and reality isn't fair

SolitarySolace · Answer

Misandry

jahaims · Answer

Tradition

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

we dont

Panthero80 · Answer

It's nature.

Why do women feel it is the man's obligation to make the first move?

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