Why would a straight friend try to sabotage your romantic relationships?

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl and I have a female friend. I'm positive she's not in love with me or anything, but she tells lies about me to guys who she finds out likes me or whom I like. I think she does it to put them off me and sabotage my relationships. Why? She's straight.

[BlueScorpio]

This is not a friend or true friendship. This is wolf in sheep's clothing pretending to be a friend when in fact they are your competition/enemy. It's quite clear she is jealous of you or just doesn't want to see you doing better than her. There's something going on with her or in her life that she's not happy with and the only way to feel good about herself or situation is to tear you down. I would watch out with people like this, that jealousy/envy can turn into murderous rage. We already heard about the recent case of Shanquella Robinson who's friends turned on her and killed her out of jealousy. Some people will keep you close to just to teat you down cause that's all they have.

You need to call this behavior out and tell her if this does not change then then friendship is over. If you don't see her changing at all, then cut this person and friendship out of your life for the sake of your safety and well being.

[Asker]

Thank you. I have actually confronted her about this before and she played dumb. She said she doesn't know what I'm talking about and told everyone else we know that I'm "overreacting". She did look guilty though and I could tell she was lying. It's strange because she's the one who's never single, I'm the single one. She had a boyfriend yet was still doing this.

[BlueScorpio]

Well if she's going to gaslight you when you call her out instead apologizing, then you need to cut ties. She's doing this cause it's her only 1 up she has on you and doesn't want you finally catching up to her. As long as you stay single, she's happy.

[rienna888]

She’s not ur friend bro, she’s fake and jealous. Don’t be her friend. Usually they do it because they want the guy to like her instead and she’s jealous that these guys like you and not her. Say bye bye before she ruins something good.

[Monalisa77]

There was someone who is way prettier thab ne i think may have told this guy i liked him n it put him off spending time with me but god knows why she would be jealous of me

[Asker]

How should I cut her off? I have confronted her about my suspicions before, and she denied everything and called me crazy, saying she wants the best for me. I know it was a lie though.

[rienna888]

If several people told you she’s sabotaging ur relationships, then it’s safe to say it’s true. She’s gaslighting you lol, just try to distance yourself from her. Don’t tell her too much

[Asker]

I mean people haven't told me, but she's gloated to me about it before so I know she does it. And guys have told me when she's said to them. Thank you <3

[DaveJord]

Some people are super protective and processive of their freinds. They really love hanging out with you and being freinds with you and spending time with you... but they know that if you meet someone and fall in love you will have less time to spend with them. And that will make them lonely, so they tend to get super jealous of love interests, because they see them as a threat to the friendship.

What do you so about it?

Well, you can talk to your friend about it, but don't expect her to admit to anything or be able to stop herself from doing it again.

All you really can do is prepare your romantic interest for it. Tell them that you think your friend, who you love so much, is the processive jealous type that sabotages your relationships. So don't take anything she says about you seriously.

The only other thing you can do is not bring her around your love interests, and/or talk to her about it, and if necessary, distance yourself from the friendship. Because chances are if you feel this way, then she is crossing boundaries and it's not healthy behavior.

[Guy13]

The sad reality is our friends are supposed to have our back, Right ? Ultimately, this is about the Company one keeps and one's ability to catch the warning signs or red flags. What "supportive affirmations" should we be listening for from our "friends"?

"Girl, he is not good enough for you".-What's the "But" when your romantic partner has been denigrated by friend? Meanwhile word gets back OR you have no clue that this "friend" and your romantic partner were chatting or flirting.-And if friend denigrates him in front of you then she will denigrate you in front of him too (the things I could tell you/you don't know) If friend denigrates or gossips then red flag. Company we keep.

All of a sudden your Time becomes much more valuable and she needs you. If this increases it is good, right... BUT "I would have been there for you... I don't know why she wasn't... we would have made her go... like I told you earlier, it sometimes can be about her in every moment... I don't care for the limelight so we are good fit together"

I know she models but man... just from the questions I get from the other girls. They want to know what you've got. I'm sure Alana is sweet too but you have all kinds of options... Nicole was asking me about you two... I told her that you and Alana have know her two weeks right?

BUT "I can't believe he violated your trust... It had to be a weak moment but I'm sorry (likely some hand on shoulder then kind of thing). If your stud muffin friend thinks one-night stands are fine then he has no regard for anyone else in his circle, period. Company we keep.

[coachTanthony]

She jelly and wants you all to herself whether it's romantically or just a best bud in my opinion

[NewYorkCity]

I had exactly the same problem many MANY years ago. Right now for her, it is both a Sport and a fixated Mind set (If I'm sad and depressed, she (you) will be too)). If she is single, that means you must be single and she will be working very hard to make sure of that. BUT, if she gets a B. F. guess what, she will put even More energy into keeping you single Still. Why? because she be getting off from seeing you in a sad state that she was before she got a B. F. She be experiencing a power trip from controlling your dating status. Time to change a friend anonymous, she is not good for you now and she be even worse for you later.

[Labokachulaa]

It sounds like she's very jealous of you. I had a friend like this in the past, she would always try to sabotage my friendships with other people. She put me in unsafe situations.

It took me a very long time to realize that she was envious of me. That's a very dangerous type of relationship to have with someone. Please end this friendship or at least be super cautious.

[Asker]

I'm sorry you had a friend like this too. I understand if maybe they're jealous and want the same things, but I will never understand the sabotage.
I'm definitely going to end the friendship, but I have a feeling she's going to gaslight me, tell me that never happened and tell everyone else I'm overreacting/the problem.

[NewYorkCity]

People don't change, they suppress their true self for a while, but eventually true them always comes back. She better cut her off cold turkey style. First few months will be difficult, but after that she be breathing so freely that she be asking herself how come she hasn't done that long time ago.

[Labokachulaa]

Well, she's doing that because she doesn't want to see you doing better than her. She wants to be the one who has the best. So, she's trying to keep you single and basically make you feel like you're nothing compared to her. She thinks you're only allowed to feel special when I want you to feel that way. Which is why they will give you back handed compliments. They're very stuck on themselves usually.

Yes I've had that happen too, and that's okay. You know that you're not imagining it, you know what happened and so does she. That's why it's very important for you to stay away. If you stick around, they will eventually have you really believe that it's in your head. It's a sick game that they play.

[Labokachulaa]

Yes! That's exactly how it happened for me. I felt so bad for cutting the girl off, but now I feel almost as if I am able to breathe again. It's like a breath a fresh air. It feels so clean. Lol

[lightbulb27]

anyone that backstabs is not a friend, if it is unintentional. pschologically.. you'll have to do some digging as to why, people will do stupid things... and think they are right about it.

I don't understand the "straight" part... you aren't?

[Asker]

Thanks. I meant the first conclusion I came to was that she might want me to herself (as arrogant as it sounds.) But she's not gay. That's what I meant.

[lightbulb27]

some people have no filter, and are coming from a negative "place" she's probably doing to you what was done to her by her sisters. e. g. her insecurity. who knows... you get to be the sleuth...

[Sofi-a1997]

She's secretly (or not so secretly) jealous of you. She's either jealous of your qualities (prettier, nicer body, better hair, who knows?) or she is jealous of any and every male attention you get. Do you get more male attention than her? Do you get attention from hotter guys than she does? Or, she's a narcissist because narcissistic or histrionic women tend to do this to other women and sneak around. They view other women as a threat and want to be the ONLY one getting attention- hence the sabotage. Distance yourself from her immediately. Don't confront her because she's probably be sneaky in that too.

[Biancam13]

Because you've chosen a friend who clearly hates you. Lol.

She's prob jealous

[Asker]

I do get the feeling she doesn't like me or pretends to like me sometimes.

[AmeerX]

She is jealous of you. She wants a guy for herself. I bet she thinks you are more beautiful than her

[Asker]

She has a boyfriend though? I'm single.

[Sasha0426]

Doesn’t mean she’s gay. Female friends will do this when they see you get all the attention instead of them.

[Asker]

True. I guess she wants attention even though she's in a relationship and I'm the single one. haha

[Sasha0426]

Wait, she’s in a relationship? Oh, boy 😬

[Asker]

Yep, with someone who liked me first <3

[nawtee_me]

Are you straight though? She may be curious however? Maybe she is just another jealous female…..

[Asker]

I'm straight as an arrow

[Asker]

And so is she. It's just weird because she's the one with a boyfriend (she's been in various relationships since she was 16.) I'm single.

[Hairylegs222]

Ask her why. Communication is super important in any type of relationship including friendship. Although she sounds like an immature bad friend to you.

[Jeklfux]

She probably wants them for herself. It's. It's not uncommon for things like that to happen

[Asker]

Why though when she's already in a relationship? She's literally never been single.

[Asker]

Unless she wants to cheat.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Their could be a few reasons what maybe she feels like you give him more attention than you do her or she's just jealous you have someone or maybe she wants him for herself

[Lis-the-librarian]

Dont really need an answer, no real friend would do that.

[Cedman]

Some people dislike happiness and try to ruin good things for others.

[Anonymous]

Why is someone like this even your friend anyway?

[Asker]

But she claims to love me and "want the best for me"?

[Asker]

*because

[Opinion Owner]

Saying and doing are two very different things. Her sabotaging potential relationships for you is the exact opposite of love, and you know that. If anything she may do this because she’s single and doesn’t want you to have anyone until she does, which is so lame and toxic.

[es20490446e]

You read my mind.

[Asker]

Thank you. She's constantly in relationships and I'm single. She had a boyfriend yet was still telling lies about me. That's what's confusing about the whole thing.

[Opinion Owner]

I had a “best friend” like this for almost 15 years. She was the same way, always in relationships or dating and I was usually single. Then towards the end of my 20s I started having serious relationships and I finally saw how selfish she was. People like this, who act like sabotaging your happiness is them being helpful and can’t stand to see you happy unless they are too just aren’t the people you need. I’m sure cutting ties would be difficult, I had to finally do it just last year. But it’s a necessary step to protect your peace.

[Ryfyle]

It's because she has never had a true orgasm.

[Samscott456]

Jealousy and she’s not a good friend.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Because it's Not a friend.