I want a loyal guy. Why does it seem so hard these days to find?

Question

My last relationship ended because my ex turned into a cheater and liar to find out he was filling my head with lies and had a bunch of other girls he was talking to on the side. I know social media nowdays and hookup culture plays a big factor as to also why loyalty is becoming rare. I don't dwell over my past anymore but my previous ex before this guy was at least loyal to me the core even though he was abusive emotionally. I just want a guy who ACTUALLY has a heart and cares about me too. Someone that would say "I can't do this to her" "I love you, I'd never hurt her" and actually mean it😞

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because guys want a loyal girl as well and sadly that’s hard for most guys to find as well. I blame social media for lot of negativity in relationships , Everyone assumes everyone is a cheater everyone assumes someone is faking it , everyone assumes that they are lying and talking out their ass so trusting someone these days is harder for most people, and I believe social media contributed to it because everyone is planted in their phones , most people Today are very selfish only really thinking of themselves , and assume the worst case
Scenario so if those guys are Lying and cheating on you then realize they aren’t the guy for you and kick them to the curb , every new potential relationship is a 50/50 chance on whether it will work or not , it’s a chance we all take when we really like someone , we can’t
Read Each others minds so we really don’t know what we are Getting ourselves into with someone , or what their intentions are , they can tell you everything you want to hear but they can be
Talking out their ass , Sadly the girls I had interest in and treated them the way I wanted to be Treated turned around and back stabbed me after they said they wanted the same things as me , They enjoyed the convenience of me so those type of girls to me are whores , they only want what’s best for them , they will never experience true love because they constantly think grass is greener on the other side so those kind of girls I kick to the curb where they belong , Thanks for a good time and not a long time cuz I am not going to give my heart to a lying whore. The only way a relationship will work is if 2 people remove selfishness for each other and resist temptation for each other, making each other feel valued and wanted and your both make each other your top priority , if you don’t have that with someone then they are just a waste of time , abd be thankful they latched on to someone else because they can have them. Don’t ever change for someone and always treat someone the way you want to be treated , we all come across bad seeds in life but eventually you will find a good one , it won’t be perfect so it’s best to keep watering that one over someone that just likes the convenience of you. value yourself worth and realize you deserve someone that wants to stand by your side over someone that runs to the streets , I want a girl that stays under the sheets with me only

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Most women talk about wanting a loyal guy, but most women don't PICK guys based on their likely loyalty (i. e., based on his morals and values), but, rather, they choose and pursue only the best-looking, highest-status guys. Guess which guys are exponentially more likely to cheat? If you guessed those very same top guys, you are right.

In other words, most women go out of their way to pick cheaters - they don't see it that way, but that's who most women pick. And when he cheats and they break up, she goes out and chooses another cheater. Good looks/high status and cheating goes hand in hand, and if a woman could put her feelings aside for 5 minutes and really look at his attitude and behavior, she would see all the signs of a cheater in him. But women don't WANT to look, because they don't want to have any reason to not date the hot guy that she wants - and so she ends up with another cheater.

Understand that these top guys are attractive to almost all women, so there will be an endless parade of women behind you who want to take your man for themselves, and so many will throw herself at him, and when that happens 5 times a day, he's going to cheat eventually - usually sooner rather than later.

If you get with one of those guys, you will always end up sharing him. That's just part of the package, and it's never going to change. You could choose a regular guy, but we all know that's not going to happen, so get used to sharing...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm in a similar situation. My first ex was very abusive to me.. My second was a habitual liar and cheated on me.

I think all you can do is trust a guy will be loyal to you until he gives you a reason not to trust him. People can change over time. Their wants , needs, desires and feelings can change with time. When people change even loyal people can cheat, hurt or leave you. So everyone has the potential to cheat, but not everyone will cheat.

So when you meet a guy you like and connect with all you can do is trust him based on how you perceive him until he proves you otherwise.

It makes me laugh when guys say woman only choose guys with looks and status. And that's why they're cheated on 🤣 Not all good-looking guys will cheat and not average or 'ugly' guys will be loyal.

Why would anyone choose someone they weren't physically attracted to. I dated a guy and everyone said he was ugly. I didn't see him that way. But he cheated on me.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

Men like confident and secure people who value themselves and do things that further their social and professional interests. If you do not give your soul and mind the full care that it longs for, men who like to take care of women will not pursue you, and the guys that like to neglect women will be your most common option in the dating pool because they think you neglect yourself. This is not a personal fault scenario because most behaviours are learned and unconscious and humans do not even know they do it.

SlavicThor · Answer

This probably won't be the type of answer you're looking for in terms of direct answer...

But to understand more of what's going on I need to know a few things. How were you treating him, were you:

1. controlling, anxious, insecure? or the opposite

2. sweet, giving, and loving? Generally anway in short if you could describe how you treated him?

We are complex, women and men love and feel differently. Men act more on logic, women act more on emotions. But, we both have one thing in common we tend to push one another away if there's a lack of respect/trust in tandum with focusing on the 'relationship' rather than the individual and a partner's wants/needs along with smothering behaviour or overly to overly persue with conditional love expecting in return

On the other hand, if one provides too much love and affection without reciprocation it will be taken for granted and cause boredom from the receiving end and will cause them to leave as their partner lacks self respect...

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Depends on where you're looking and if the men you are attracted to are these men you are hurt by so it just seems like loyal good men are hard to find. Maybe there are plenty of loyal men, but you don't necessarily want them because they are not your type physically or whatever. Also, the men who approach women a lot are maybe more likely to be a certain way which may coincide with them acting abusive or cheating. The quiet men who are maybe not used to talking to women are probably the loyal men you want but they just aren't presenting themselves to you, so it gives you a false perception of men. At least the ones you've dated.

Beatrix7 · Answer

it is difficult to find one maybe u could be doing what i use to do was go for the bad guys to much bad ass fuckers that would do that not all of them are cheaters or hitters or users but a good few are i found a nice guy a few days ago spome to him a good 3 weeks before we met we also decided not to sleep together until we got to know each other better thats sometimes a mistake to thats one me and my ex did i went to his house fucked the first night before we got to know each other more big mistake aswel

Kinkyhubby · Answer

It's because most people suck these days. Both men and women today, is in the i want it now. But people also cheat for different reason. I never had and was burnt by my ex wife. Took me a long time to trust again. And sometime still have issues with that. She waited til I joined the army to do it.

I had a few girlfriend that where a psychological mess. I try to stay with them until I didn't want to deal with it anymore, she would start a fight to get me to hit her, because she was use to that. And I won't hit a woman so it end. So that ended.

I know a friend cheated on his wife because their sex life slowed way down. If that wasn't your case, then they are just ass holes. I'm just different I guess

MCheetah · Answer

Loyal men are everywhere. Your standards (like most modern women) are just ridiculously high and you feel entitled to the top 1-5% of elite men, who are less likely to be loyal because they can pick and choose any women they want. But women STILL always complain on here about how "there are no good men left" while refusing to date men under six feet, men who don't earn more than double their salary, or men less than an 8 in looks.

If you want a loyal man, stop going after Chads and start going after men less than a 9 or 8.

And yeah, hookup culture, which is initiated and controlled by women (just like everything else in the dating world) is also a large part of it.

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

Why? Because 99% of all guys have been corrupted by Hollywood, Music industry and Porn, which is controlled by hardcore Satanists who warship Lucifer. All that has been done by design and for a very deliberate purpose. Regardless if you want to believe in Jesus or not, everything was done by a Lucifer himself. He corrupted men, corrupted women and by default he corrupt children and therefore all would go to hell along with Lucifer himself. We are living in a very sad, brutal and depressing world because of Lucifer. Your believe in Jesus is irrelevant, because he is as real as your spoon on your table. The greatest lie Lucifer has ever pulled on humanity, is he convinced most people that he, hell and heaven doesn't exist.

Labokachulaa · Answer

Dating is hard because most of us carry things with us, a lot of us are wanting to find a better partner and not trying to BE the better partner.

Also, there's so many mind games and you have to keep in mind dating is different. We have hookup culture, everyone is focused on the "options" they may or may not have. It's too much. You can "entertain" 300 people in a hour and have all of their attention. It keeps you wanting more and more. Instead of attracting what you would typically be able to "pull" you have options that realistically wouldn't give you the time of day.

I think that's where it messes up, the attention goes to our heads and then we miss out on a good thing. That's what I've seen at least. I could be wrong.

RavVid · Answer

Well I'd suggest it is because guys and girls aren't taking relationships very seriously in their twenties. Sort of more convenient than serious.

Recently I have seen this same question put in different ways. I think the answer is simply you should date older guys then you probably are. To be blatantly honest when I was younger I just wanted to get in. As I got older I took relationships more seriously.

If you want a loyal guy than you want a guy who will take his relationship with you seriously. I think you should look for a guy at least 5 years older or better 10.

There is an old saw on this. "Better an older man's darling than a younger man's fool". It's not to say that older men aren't players - they certainly can be. But it is more likely that a man with few more years on you will be more serious and value you more.

Anonymous · Answer

People don’t cheat necessarily because they don’t love you, it can be a habit or weakness to temptation it’s not as black and white as that.

if you want loyalty and trust I recommend complete openness between you both like having open access to each others cell phones and computers etc i know some people are against this but if you have nothing to hide what’s the problem also I think it would help to avoid some temptations of social media like you say.

RealMarek · Answer

The family court system is stacked against men. Women can and do change their minds, file for divorce, and sometimes get alimony from a guy who did nothing to merit divorce. Alternatively, the sexual revolution allows for sex without commitment. So a guy has a choice: sleep with women casually or risk everything on a relationship that has 50% odds of divorce with consequences that can be catastrophic for the man.

Also, a lot of younger men are porn addicted or immature these days. These can be real obstacles to commitment.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Some of that is because of your age, but most of it is because the things make someone attractive while they do their own thing (living an interesting and productive life, for example) have nothing to do with being loyal, which requires the person to be willing and able to change what they're doing to accommodate another person.

Now, it so happens that there ARE people out there like me, who mostly have the flexibility to do their own thing anywhere in the world, with whoever I want; but we're rare.

I'm a blessed man; I associate with people as a matter of choice and I'm free to do so, but most people aren't in that situation.

Spiritofn · Answer

Peoples psychologoy is fukt it takes time…. A man won’t look for a woman for 2 years with no desire for another woman not even turn his head. But will get into a relationship will be happy as can be, but be ignored by his girlfriend for a day & will have such a mood swing of desperation and will talk to 15 different women….. 🤣 we honestly can be pathetic creatures love is about pride, love&pain we all go through it. Moments where we go “awe **** I snapped on that guy/girl for no reason didn’t I” but have the toughest time apológizing or when we go through so much pain and yet we just keep our mouth shut like little idiots. Or wen we love someone so much and not say a word. Life isn’t easy be greatful lmao. & except the fact that we need a little reminder that weird shit happens…. It sucks but it’s the truth…

itsalyssaagain · Answer

I don't know if this is good to say lol but I got cheated on a few months ago and I really didn’t see it coming. He was the nicest guy I’d ever been with and I thought he genuinely loved me. After that I gained trust issues and like you, started to believe that loyalty doesn’t exist. Now I’ve learned that actually, men can be trash in different ways LOL. If he’s not cheating he’s gonna be trash in one way or another.

Tina19 · Answer

What you mentioned in last line is something a person with empathy will only as as he will put himself in your position and look at the situation secondly ground reality is yes being loyal is a choice and people can easily give in to that temptation of sexual attraction towards the other person makes it difficult to cheat so yeah don't get expectations high with loyalty nowdays

dowser19 · Answer

Both of my roommates, current and the one before, are big time fuckboy/pimp types and they have women FLOCKING to them. They KNOW that women say they want, and what they actually DO, are almost NEVER the same thing. That's the difference between those type of guys and decent guys. I know a ton of guys who aren't like that... know how many have girlfriend's? 0. Fuckboys know women better than women know themselves. I've never cheated, but tbh, I have zero interest in dating at all. I see what's going on, and my odds of finding someone who's not selling content 24/7 or having been turned out by half the city are almost nil. I win far more on my sportsbook.😏

sage2021 · Answer

To be honest, you will really never know if they are cheating or lying to you because some of them hide it so well.
Maybe in the beginning he will be loyal, but years down the road that could change and he might become a cheater.
There is never a guarantee when it comes to love. You can wish for it, but even my husband that was so sweet cheated on me. I would have never thought he would do that, but he did. It was our forth year together at Christmas 🌲 time. 😔

Anonymous · Answer

Yes they exist but you have to be patient and reject if you don’t find them loyal right away rather than seeing if they can change or you misunderstood~
Don’t rush take your time and listen to your intuition and keep exploring don’t settle or jump into a relationship right away

NewYorkCity · Answer

When it comes to looks, the only loyal guys you can find would be 6.5 and below on a scale 1-10. Everything above 6.5 those type of guys most likely will never be loyal, because there is no reason for them to be loyal. Ask your self a question, why should they settle down with one girl, if they are easily able to get 100's?

jshm2 · Answer

Your shitty taste in guys seem to be the common denominator, kiddo.

If you keep picking frogs, you must be stupid to expect one of them to magically turn into a prince for you.

Don't blame the guys - they are just doing what they are doing. YOU need to realise that your dating radar is fucked up.

Blackmoonsns · Answer

Men at a young age have a primitive instinct to have sex and impregnate as many women as we can. Side note the most arrogant cocky proud egotistical men are the ones that approach the most and will pick up the most women. Where weak beta men are less confident less attractive not in shape they will work hard but they do not make a woman tingle in the right way so they are the ones who are going to be most faithful.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

Let be honest here finding loyal men and women these days be difficult for everyone. Just gotta keep searching and hope you find a good guy.

tzdc21 · Answer

It actually isn't. The problem is, a lot of times, when loyal guys do approach women they either get: A) Rejected B) Put in the friend-zone or C) Get taken advantage of. This doesn't happen with  ALL WOMEN  but it's happened enough to the point where it is now considered a regular thing to expect.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I'm one! Why is finding a loyal girl so damn hard? I THOUGHT I had one!! Stuck by her for 10 years... until she started cheating on me!! I caught her lying a couple times, I looked past that. She started coming up with some stupid rules, I looked past that. I caught her stealing from me a couple times, I looked past that!! Once I caught her cheating on me, I'm DONE!!!

Anonymous · Answer

yes very hard, many of them claimed they are good guy, but they did many sexual things with many girls out there, even tho they are virgin, even if they have a girlfriend, they claimed that they are loyal, when you doesn't give the attention, they will look for attention from other female dogs.! they are just horny dogs!

thegooglepixelfan · Answer

Dating is harder because dating apps and social media. Dating becomes more like a job search to find the better. Going to get used to lots. Playing mind games. Having more than one option. It's easy to get a bad guy but very hard to get rare real good guys.

Wiredone · Answer

You should be able to tell what type of guy they are on the first date. Did he open the car door for you? Does he ask you what type of music you like when you're in the car and change the station to what you like? Did pull your chair out for you and help you sit? That's the type of gentleman you're looking for

cth2188 · Answer

It's the same for dating women too... extremely hard time finding a woman who is loyal and not going to cheat.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

You have to understand, most people aren't loyal regardless of what they say or claim as people are only loyal as their options.

With that said, the responsibility falls directly on you.

You have to vet who the hell you are dealing with.

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Because women only chase the top 20% of men. That means 20% of men have access to100% of women. These men have no need or desire to settle down and be loyal. As for the remaining 80% of men as far as women are concerned they don't exist and never will unless they approach you and then they become the subject of women's rants on why they don't want to be hit on.

Minahh · Answer

I feel you girl, I believe you'll find him one day. Don't believe any of the bullshit they tell you, watch their actions and never lower your standards. When you say something stand by it, if you fail once to do that, they'll remember.

Truthatanycost · Answer

'I just want a guy who ACTUALLY has a heart and cares about me' Plenty of women lament the same thing... but their actions strongly suggest otherwise.

Anonymous · Answer

I need a same guy like the one with qualities you're looking for. I came across the two kinds of guys like you came across. It feels shit in two different ways

HighValue · Answer

The better quality the guy, the higher standards he is likely to have.  What do you bring to a relationship? Your good qualities?  What qualities do you want in a guy?

LiamJHayden · Answer

Loyalty is very hard to find, and with the internet cheating is much easier now that it would have been a generation ago.

Redstang88 · Answer

Lots of us out there, we just get dumped because we actually mean what we say and don’t play mind games

chicosuave · Answer

because you are attractive to those men. there's a lot of good men but you just fall for the chads.

sheikalana · Answer

It's been hard since the beginning of humanity LOL.

Juxtapose · Answer

I'm right here but I'm invisible to you women because I don't send out hundreds of DM's a day 🤷‍♂️

Cubus · Answer

Western liberal society tells that jumping from flower to flower is a supreme lifestyle and that marriage should be as easy to end as possible.

AmeerX · Answer

You should move to Asia to find your love 😅. No joking people desire a girl like yourself for there boys ))

Farmerboy2 · Answer

It’s not. No one deserves to be cheated on. But I wonder those women that are cheated on are they pushing their guys to it.

Anonymous · Answer

Same reason it's almost impossible to find a loyal woman. People your age seem to think that relationships, and marriages are just something you can throw away..

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're attracted to men who are not loyal. It's really not that difficult to figure out.

OddBeMe · Answer

Probably you’re attracted to guys who tend not to be loyal. Like women who seek out abusive controlling men. That’s a psychology phenomenon.

Tracker1958 · Answer

Men react to women. Men can't find a loyal woman, so women can't find a honest man. And they lived happy ever after.

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

Because from the time we were little boys society has been selling sex to us every guy will crack eventually

Twalli · Answer

Plenty of guys out there like this. The difficulty is finding the ones who aren't with a girl who discovered them before you.

Pohjolan · Answer

Perhaps the time window between when a loyal kind honest guy becomes desirable and gets taken is not as long as one might presume it is?

Fleet7635 · Answer

you need to talk to someone who is serious about getting to know you and your story and I will chat anytime you like just message me

Valso · Answer

I used to be loyal over a decade ago. But a girl showed me it was a stupid thing to be.

Shamalien · Answer

Lots of loyal guys out there…I am one myself. I’m pretty picky about who I date tho

Emanon25 · Answer

You need to look in good areas for good guys.

peedy · Answer

Why is it so hard to find a woman who is looking for love and not money

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

So where did you find this guy that wasn't Loyal? How did you both first meet?

Anonymous · Answer

Men are only as loyal as a female deserves. if a girl is nagging and controlling, if she removes sex… a guy will get it elsewhere.

driven159 · Answer

you will find that might just take time

Bricealan · Answer

Seems like the sign of the times, Paula

MysticDevice · Answer

Cause they're all working overtime.

TallAnon · Answer

The question is what loyalty earns you

SamK20 · Answer

This world has gone to hell.

I want a loyal guy. Why does it seem so hard these days to find?

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