Is it a disappointment for men when the girl they are dating does not want sex? What kind of effects does this have?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for answering

[RangerBlue22]

Well it all depends on the reason why.

Here are legit reasons why:

- She’s legitimately on her period
- She’s legitimately waiting for marriage
- She’s legitimately been sexually assaulted in the past.
- She’s legitimately tired. Like just got done running a marathon tired.

Now notice how I emphasized the word “legitimate”. However women will often use these excuses above to cover the ugly truth. Here are a few ugly truth scenarios:

- She’s not attracted to him but forcing herself to date him because he offers other benefits (money, status, using him for jealousy purposes, arranged marriage, etc). In these circumstances she will occasionally have sex with him to prevent him from leaving. But she never enjoys it when it does happen (absolutely never initiates either).

- He’s a placeholder and she’s using him until something better comes along. She will kiss him occasionally and fool around. That keeps him on the string (for a short while). But no home plate for the poor guy. Once she finds the guy she really likes she will quickly sleep with him within the first 3 dates.

- He’s friendzoned (and It’s unannounced). This is similar to the placeholder. She doesn’t respect him and is taking advantage of his naivety. He’s way too chivalrous and naive. But she will smile and strategically give him teasing attention as a pittance.

Anyway you better convince your man you are attracted to him if you tell him no sex. If you are both engaged this make sense. But if he doesn’t feel attractive to you he knows he won’t last long. If he’s smart he will leave you first.

[AnUglyBarnacle]

It depends on *why* she doesn't.

1) Does she make all her partners wait for a reasonably similar amount of time? -Okay.

2) Is she a virgin? -Okay.

3) Trauma or distrust from past experience? -Okay.

4) She doesn't want casual or semi-casual sex? -Okay.

5) She had sex early on with other partners but not me at a similar point? -Not okay.

^This tells me that I'm probably being settled for and that the attraction isn't genuine.

6) She isn't opposed to early sex but wants to tease or deny me for amusement? -Not okay.

^This is manipulative and cruel.

7) She was freaky with others but not me? -Not okay.

^Barring actual trauma (not, "OmG hE wAs So ToXiC aNd AbUsIvE"), this also tells me that genuine attraction isn't there.

[CubsterShura]

Unfortunately yes with the way a lot of men feel entitled to sex thanks to the entire media teaching them that the world revolves around their sexuality.

Establish strong boundaries and don't be with anyone who is not willing to respect them. Boundaries doesn't mean I'm telling you just don't let anyone have sex with you unless you want it. There are people who are fine with having sex with their partners even when they aren't in the mood themselves and to them it is nothing different from meeting a friend over coffee even if they don't like coffee because they value the time they spend with the friend more than not having to drink a beverage they don't enjoy. There are asexual or hyposexual people who have sex with their romantic partners even when it is not as enjoyable for them but they don't mind it. You have to figure out for yourself what you're ok and not ok with, discuss those clearly and show them that they can't get away with violating them. As long as you communicate your needs clearly, no matter how unreasonable the other side finds it (for example if you don't mind kissing and cuddling but you don't want sex at all and your partner tries to convince you that everyone has sex so why won't you), if they don't agree you are free to negotiate a middle ground or leave.

Don't worry about pleasing others, find what pleases you and get yourself a partner who would also be pleased with what you want.

[Aerissa_Jade]

It can be, but if you are waiting until marriage, make that very clear up front.

If you are not waiting until marriage and had sex with past boyfriends and he knows it. This is absolutely devastating to him, as he will think, you don't love and care about him as much as an ex.

After all you did have sex with the ex but refuse to with him.

Even if it was a mistake and someone decided they weren't going to do it again until they got married.

It is all about communication, talk about it and set expectations as the first reasonably available opportunity.

[Quigly]

People can learn from past mistakes of having sex when dating. The Ex boyfriend is an Ex for a reason, why would it be an issue for the new person if they are being sincere about the relationship?

[CubsterShura]

What if someone had sex in a previous relationship and discovered that they don't want it? What if they find out that they are asexual or have vaginismus or for any other reason that they don't want sex?

[Aerissa_Jade]

@Quigly I am simply stating my experience on the matter... because I am open about all my past and history, MEN... get this way. I do not make them this way, this is how a lot of men are.

It matters not why someone doesn't want to anymore when men use it against you in a relationship.

As your right people can learn from it and not want to do it until they are married, but that still makes 'current' feel like you don't love him as much as an ex... been there done that, new guys always 'constantly' stating I don't love them as much and that if I did.

Even the ones that wait and wait and wait, get resentful for it, its been a year and you still won't with me but your ex you only made wait a month. Blah blah blah, shut the fuck up and then I dump him when he won't... and it breaks my heart and his.

The point is, from the original askers question, this is a very true statement. It matters not why someone cannot or will not now.

I am not the one making men this way, you'd have to ask these guys why it is such a big deal to them.

[Summeroflove]

Saving myself until marriage. People should be dating for other reasons then sex and women who don’t sleep around get the good men.


Good men who value innocence and standards and wanting to be the only man and wanting to make her the only woman. The men who just want sex will run along and find someone else

[Guy13]

For me, one of her sort says good judgment, steadfastness, clear-headed morality, and self-respect. There is nothing more impressive than a virgin-minded or "picky as hell" woman. For me, those are high valued Wifey material and more likely to roll with the up and down relational realities.

[Looksnicholas]

Depends if it's no sex and never gonna be sex, ever. Like, it's fine if it's dating and sex is an eventual progression, like, by the 10th date or by the wedding night after the 100th-500th date.

But I don't think I could ever realistically date a woman, a real woman, no imagination or hypothetical here, that didn't ever want to have sex at some point if it's going to progress to a relationship or progress at all. To my mind, that's not a date, it's two people as platonic people purely meeting up and having a social outing. Constantly. Lol. 😃

[Dargil]

First, if she does not want that, she should say so without being asked or without turning me away if I make a move. If non-intercourse sexual relations are on the menu, I should know that too. I am not a psychologist and don't want to conform to artificial rules or schedules. I am amenable to sexual intimacy as a means of being together even if intercourse is not forthcoming. But the bottom line on sexual intimacy is simple. If within a reasonable time, she doesn't make me cum, she will make me go.

[WeirdoFriendly]

Truthfully, it's not a disappointment if the woman is still a virgin and she is not quite ready for that step. Especially in a relationship.
Yes, I don't like using my hand, but I'm not going to force anyone into helping me out with my cock and cumming.

However, if she is not a virgin, it's a bit of a disappointment. You ask yourself
"what is wrong with me"
"is it not to her liking"
"maybe I shouldn't have asked her out and made a fool of myself."
But then again, it's her choice.

[snowboarder720]

It can be disappointing, yes. It’s up to the man if he wants to stay in the relationship. If that’s important to him, he should leave and not force the woman to do what he wants.
He does deserve happiness though, the same as the woman. If that can be found elsewhere then he should leave her.

[anonanonanonomys]

I was in a relationship where the sex stopped. For months I tried to communicate through, I was patient and kind. But nothing worked for him and it was a deal breaker for me personally. I know not everyone prioritizes sex as much but I couldn't handle it and I know it will be a deal breaker in the future too.

[Anonymous]

I believe so. I'm asexual and never want sex but I just let my husband do his thing in whatever postion he wants, moan a little to hurry him up to cum. Sometimes I just suck him off or give him a handjob. Sometimes I just let him jerk off over my tits or ass. Guys are so easy pleased and feelings so easy hurt when it comes to sex.

[Juxtapose]

When he reject us physically you reject us as a whole. It is saying that we are so undesirable that we are not even worthy of physical intimacy.

[Juxtapose]

*When you

[Berethor]

It shows that not all asexual wives are selfish, she is not forget to do her wifely duties.

[Juxtapose]

@Berethor she is pretty nice for doing that but her tone shows resentment in my opinion and I think that's going to become a problem down the line if it's not addressed.

[Berethor]

@Juxtapose I didn't notice resentment, by asexual standards she sounds fine with it.

[Juxtapose]

"moan a little to hurry him up"

"Guys are so easy pleased and feelings so easy hurt when it comes to sex."

That doesn't sound at all bitter or resentful to you?

[Berethor]

She do it by moaning, not complaining, and yea guy's feelings get hurt if there no sex.

[Juxtapose]

@Berethor if a woman says you are easily pleased and easily hurt by something, she is not complimenting you.

[Juxtapose]

It's a pretty condescending statement but maybe I'm reading too much into it and she is being matter of fact about it. In my experience though, people who talk like that are usually resentful.

[Berethor]

@Juxtapose you expect compliments from asexual woman? at least it's easy for her.

[Opinion Owner]

@Juxtapose but guys are so easily pleased. I went through a phase of dating another woman, talk about high maintenance and drama. Guys are happy even just jerking off to you as they watch you shower or workout. Sex is also good to reward a guy too for doing a great job say with the baby's crib.

[Berethor]

Yea guys are easier to please, it's enough to show them boobs to make them happy. :)

[Juxtapose]

You are not wrong, guys are much easier to please especially sexually. When we are pent up it is like having to pee, it becomes unbearable and all we can think about.

What were some of the high maintenance behaviors you've noticed from women?

[Opinion Owner]

@Juxtapose high maintenance stuff is certain things I require myself but I find tiresome in others like a need for constant validation.

[Juxtapose]

I can relate to that! I was given a lot of attention as a young child so I like constant validation but I'm mature enough to only specifically ask for it if I have not been given it for a day or so xD

[Opinion Owner]

@Juxtapose also women can be very violent in relationships too. She was very quick to hit but also quick to claim domestic abuse if she hot verbal or physical abuse given back to her. I now question whether a woman is telling the truth when she says she was abused because of my own experience

[Berethor]

Dating other woman is sure giving a lot of insight on how hard a relationship is for a man.

[Juxtapose]

Well if somebody wants to utilize the victim card what better person than a woman in the first world? People are pretty wary of sexual abuse, #metoo, etc so sociopathic liars can thrive.

[Opinion Owner]

@Juxtapose when I ended things she went to the police and claimed I'd beaten her up, she had a black eye and busted lip. Told them I was stalking her, sexually assaulted her, was making nasty phone calls, making death threats and sending aggressive messages. I've got a boy's first name but I took my brother down at first they though he was me and were just going to crucify him based on her word until I piped up. Played them some of her voice messages and it was all dropped.

[Juxtapose]

Funny how they are so eager to blame a man with no evidence but the woman's word. This is why I I'm not a feminist!

Thank you for sharing your story and your experience with men and women. I am bisexual but luckily have not had trouble with women that way.

[Beardedman1996]

Performance anxiety and other things have ruined regular sex for me so don’t think that all guys are the same, some guys would rather chill at home relax and have a meal than go outta their way to get laid, it’s not always the end All but something to think about at talk to them about

[Quigly]

It's not an issue for me. Sex is not what makes it a relationship.

Prostitutes are not having relationships with their clients.

If a girl says she does not want to have sex and wants to be with me. It would tell me she wants something real.

[FilmGuy93]

Most men would find that disappointing. Physical affection is a genuine need for most men, not a want.

[Labokachulaa]

Yes they get very disappointed, not all of them but lots of them. I've seen it happen many times and it's happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Most men move on if they don't get what they want. I have dated 9 guys and had sex with 8 of them, the other one wasn't interesting and I never did hear back from him. I never did have sex on the first date, that was my only rule.

[Adaeva]

It depend on the man and perhaps many other factors. I date teenage boy, I don't have sex and I have lots dating offers and options.

[B0nerD0nor]

Too many details missing to give an accurate answer. How long you been dating? Were you open with him to begin with about no sex? Was the relationship physical then stopped?

[lalaloveee]

that's a disappointment since he won't be able to fuck you with telepathy

[exitseven]

It would be disappointing to say the least. I don't think I would stay with her for very long

[Berethor]

Let's just say that most men are not going to tolerate a sexless relationship, rightfully so.

[Sasha0426]

Relationship, yes. But dating? You’re only getting to know each other.

[Berethor]

You right, having sex too soon is usually slutty, and "dating" can mean many things.

[SpokenTruth]

I can't speak for others but assuming I were dating which I never will again, but if I were to would I be disappointed? Absolutely not you could not pay me to have sex with a date.

[LiamJHayden]

More specificity might be helpful.

1st date: I would probably never call her again if she tried.

Ever, even after marriage? Bye bye

[shanshu]

It depends on her reason, is she a virgin? She trying to wait to see if his intentions are genuine or she just dating him to get something from him and avoiding sex as much as possible

[bamesjond0069]

I wouldn't accept that. I'd just move on. Some men who aren't as confident and straight forward or who feel disrespected by the girl over it would just cheat.

[Noahzaid]

I’m a virgin myself but If I’m married it would be strange not to want to have sex!

[justboredtbh]

I don't think so there's any reason to be upset if a girl don't want to have sex at any moment tbh...

[Juxtapose]

If you don't want to get physically intimate with me then you're another platonic friend to me.

[ArtemisSilver]

Well the effect it has for me is that we stop dating.

[Lis-the-librarian]

Its completely normal if she is a virgin.
If not, then she just doesn't like you enaugh.

[TallAnon]

Of course. But better be upfront about it than change when you are marry, that's how a lot of divorces happen

[Twalli]

If she doesn't want it any more, I may break up. If she doesn't want it at all, we won't be dating that long.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's disappointing when a woman is dating a guy and he doesn't want sex.

[BJP21]

Depends on what you mean by no sex. Waiting until marriage. NO not a disappointment.

[Sasha0426]

Are you talking about when they’re starting to get to know each other?

[In_Trance]

What's the point of dating if sex is not a possibility at some point?

[Vivaldi]

It is a disappointment that no girl wants to date me. I'll die single.

[LazerBean]

Yes, since the majority of men are hoes.

[Looksnicholas]

Lol, there's definitely a lot of men with baggage and unwelcomed baggage at that. thumbs up.

[LazerBean]

Lol thanks

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s a disappointment because without sex a relationship is just a friendship

[boggboss]

Depends on what he actually wants

[slatyb]

"Does not want sex?" At this moment, or ever?

[Anonymous]

Communication is key to happy relationships.

[Looksnicholas]

And matching values matching temperaments. Otherwise it's all drama and infighting and divorce or unhappy marriages. Lol 🙂 until still divorce, eventually 😅

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants to be with a cold fish.

[Jay3344]

Like ever…or occasionally?

[LimitedBenefits101]

Yes we love sex more than women.

[Alex8736]

how long have you been dating? are you a virgin?

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[Anonymous]

None