my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 years. he’s very extroverted and i’m very introverted. i’ve always been introverted, but i think i’ve gotten worse lately. i don’t work anymore, i barely hangout with my friends so i’m home a lot of the time. my boyfriend has always been an extrovert always has been a ladies man. he would tell me stories of when he was in highschool. he was a major class clown and wanted to be friends with everyone and wanted to be around hot girls. i remember he once told me that if we went to the same highschool together we wouldn’t have dated. i’m not the prettiest girl so i know. i see the girls he was friends with and the girls he dated and the girls he follows on instagram and i’m no where close to that. my confidence was never on the all time high, but it was okay before i started dating my boyfriend. through out the years, drunk and angry, he has said some really means things to me. for example: that he follows girls on instagram bc our sex life is boring, that im boring, or he follows girls on instagram bc i don’t show him enough affection and other things i don’t want to mention. i forgave him, but i can’t stop thinking about it. it makes me so sad. and i also feel like he can do so much better than me. in a way i feel like he’s with me bc he feels bad. we barely hangout together anymore, we barely go out on dates so I don't know. i have a lot of time to think bc i’m home bored most of the time. i’m not confident to go out anymore bc i’ve gained weight and i also got a hair transplant so my hair is not the best right now so i’m just a huge mess. also since i’m insecure, i always feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me or doesn’t want to hangout with me bc he goes to see his fiends instead. i say i’m scared he’s cheating on me bc he liked a bunch of bikini and ass pictures, he screen shot a bunch of pictures, and DMed a handful of girls telling them they are pretty. so I don't know i’m feeling down and so insecure about it.
How can I start becoming confident in myself and in my relationship?
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As human beings, we are here to follow the path of ascension. Many of us follow the path of pain first no matter what we do. Currently you appear to be on this exact path... that of pain.
Your body is a temple, but if you do not treat it as such then you will not accept anyone else doing so (loving you). Therefore you need to decide which path you are on. The path of pain, or the path of ascension. If you decide you are on the path of ascension then you will take small steps daily to change everything. You will start meditating, eating better, doing light exercise or going for walks and self care.
' i forgave him, but i can’t stop thinking about it. it makes me so sad.'
If you forgave him then forgive. Unless he did the same again there isn't much point dwelling in it.
'i have a lot of time to think bc i’m home bored most of the time.'
You are choosing to be bored. When I have a lot of time at home I am meditating, healing, learning, reading, and strength training. But it all comes down to what path you are choosing. Pain or ascension...
'i’m not confident to go out anymore bc i’ve gained weight and i also got a hair transplant so my hair is not the best right now'
You can do light exercise every other day, even if just for a few minutes. Why did you need a hair transplant?
I'm sorry to hear this. You sound depressed and as though don't like yourself.
It might help your confidence and mood to get a job. When I am unemployed and hang around the house, it's very depressing for me too, and I see more flaws in myself, because I'm not occupied.
If I had to guess, then I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriend is cheating on you or planning to soon. It sounds like you paired with someone who doesn't match your energy.
You may need to break things off with him and find someone else, because you clearly don't seem to be at peace with yourself or your situation. And you didn't mention children, so you wouldn't be separating them from their father. I know that people (women especially) want to feel special, noticed, and appreciated, and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend gives those things to you. Get someone who does.
Wishing you the best.