Over 5 years, you’ve spent thousands on premium dating apps, photos and coaches & only had a handful of dates - is it time to give up?

[Anonymous]

If you’ve spent a lot of money on making a good profile with good photos and writing a good profile and then premium subscriptions but only had a handful of dates.

Yes it’s time to give up

No it’s not

[SteveSmith1985]

No, it's not time to give up.

I feel badly for you man. I really do. But it's not time to give up.

First, I'll be honest, i winced when I read the word "coaches." That could look very different depending on who was doing the coaching... but in general, that sounds like it might be more hinderance than help. Especially if it's anything in the realm of that 'pick-up-artistry' bullshit pseudo-psychology about 'how women really think' etc.

The thing is: It sounds like your problem is mostly in the 'lift-off' phase. It's all the run-up to GETTING the date. Are you getting a decent amount of initial responses? (either in reply to an initial message you sent, or the girl sending the first message)

Because if you have girls who are willing to talk to you, but then something fucks up between then, and securing a first date... it sounds like you might be "a bad texter" (or otherwise struggling to 'be yourself' while talking to them).

Can I ask a bit more about what your experience generally looks like? (nobody seems interested to begin with? or they do seem interested initially but seem to fizzle out before a date is set? or something else?)

[Asker]

Thanks. I think a combination of all of those.

[Lionman95]

Not necessarily but it could mean that it´s better to analyse what went wrong and to find out what the problem could be. Many guys don´t achieve their goals or take much time to find a partner online because dating apps are more interested in money than people finding a partner.

So failing at using a dating app is nothing special. It could rather be the case that you looked for the wrong kind of women and that you made mistake of making dating your mission your supreme goal in life.

If you come off by women that you don´t have a goal for your life something you are passionate about it´s likely to be a turn off for them. But I think that´s a question you probably someone that´s in your life because there reasons that a stranger doesn´t see that could hinder your success.

I

[Asker]

Or you are just physically unattractive.

[Lionman95]

First of all it´s not a self description. Second of all I haven´t spent thousands on dating so I´m not unhappy with my life.

[Asker]

I mean that there are guys who are so physically unattractive that nothing can help them.

[Lionman95]

I wouldn´t say that as a general statement. Because I think even physical unattractive can get a relationship but they have to put in more work than other guys. Like breaking unhealthy habits, getting a life with passion, hobbies that other people can partake and find a life that has also fulfillment being single.
The problem for some unattractive guys is that by the choice of clothing and their body language they don´t look like an interesting character to spend with.

[Asker]

I’ve spent a lot of money on clothing and have a lot of hobbies which I actively partake in. Makes no difference. I’ve met a lot of women but they all friend zoned me

[Lionman95]

Have you talked with friends about it? Because friends see a person in a different light and see problems that are often overlooked by one self.

[sheikalana]

Have you done some therapy with a real therapist? Not a coach. I personally think it's useless to spend money on dating apps that's not what's going to get you a relationship. Instead invest on understanding yourself better and why you can't attract a decent partner. Invest in a gym, new clothes, a new haircut etc etc etc. Maybe you're actually a great guy but you could improve your looks or maybe you look great but you need to improve your personality.

[Asker]

Tried those things.

[sheikalana]

I'd still say do not give up tho.

[jennifer_bloom]

Investing in you relationship will not give you a relationship - investing in your personality and your career will give you a relationship. A person who invests in themselves might get a 100% interest rating and a person who does not invest in themselves might get a 0% valuable interest rating. Numbers don't change just because you multiply your hunting arena but they do change when you work hard to improve yourself.

[Asker]

What if you have invested in those things?

[jennifer_bloom]

There is always room for improvement. Are you as hot as a model? Are you as rich as Bezos? Are you as healthy as an athlete? Are you as nice as a war hero? Are you as wise as Solomon?

[Asker]

So are you saying a man has to reach that level of success to be successful in dating?

[jennifer_bloom]

Nobody expects you to outdo Bezos. I’m saying trying to improve yourself increases your chances, whether the improvement is big or tiny. I have an obese friend who has never struggled to find a date or make friends or get respect because she eats health and exercises, she was just not blessed with skinny genes. She works to be her best self and she is accepted by both men and women.

[Asker]

It’s easier for women to get dates.

[Summeroflove]

No. You just ain’t found the right one. Also some people are just out to get money and give bad advice.

My suggestion is. Look for love. Many people can’t find someone or when they do are miserable.

Becuase they want sex, money, or only care about their own wants and needs and not take into account the others.

[OlderAndWiser]

Over the past 20 years, I have spent not more than $250 on dating sites and have had at least a hundred dates as a result. If it's not working for you, it's not the dating site that is at fault.

[AviatorTom]

It's time to stop spending so much money on things that don't work for you. Next time you meet a woman you might be interested in, ask her out... it's as simple as that.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah give up... you have to be top tier in looks to get anything online as a dude. I'm not saying to give up entirely but stop trying to do in online like at all. It's not worth the hassle.

My best success online with women is when I started looking for sluts... married, cheating on a boyfriend, and quite literally they're always cheating on someone. It's easy vagina but it's taken vagina... they'll flock to you if you make it clear you're cool with that. Say you're married and it works even better. If you're looking for relationship stuff... yeah, stop the online shit completely ASAP.

It's just the sad truth of what women online and looking are... they have a man or men, and they're just feeding their ego or looking to cheat and feed their ego and vagina some strange meat.

[Levin]

Whoever gave the quote, Einstein I think, that a problem should never be resolved at the level in which it presents itself, rings true here.

There must be something deeper going on. More effort, more striving, fire methods, aren't always the best approach.

Oh, and dating sites are total garbage. The reliance on dating websites is indicative in itself. Do you want an easy option? Do you not wanna talk to women in real life? etc.

[dragoblack]

Dude... the problem is you are putting money into them. Dating sites/apps most people will not pay for. Paying for photos is for simps and will ever get you a date... dude, you are taking the wrong route and throwing away money. Get to know people, hookup if you're into that, find social circles with people that have common interests.

[Asker]

Tried that too.

[LiamJHayden]

Give up on the method, not the goal. Dating apps are geared in such a way that average looking guys are basically invisible. Instead go take some dance classes or do activities that you enjoy. Dance classes because you will inevitably meet women there, and some might be quite adorable. And activities that you enjoy because if you meet women there, you will know that you have at least one common interest.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

No its just a sign that most advice nowadys is garbage. All it does to you is make you overthink about a scenario and then mess it up because of it. Heard similar stories about sex performance advice: the more advice you get, the more you overthink about what you have to do and what step is next, the less you feel the moment and your erection is gone

[MCheetah]

Option A. I wouldn't have even spent that much wasting my time on Pick Up Artist scammers like Coach Low-T and the like.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life if you don’t try you will never know & if you spent thousands & only had a handful of dates try a different approach.

[Anonymous]

LMAO!

If you have spent any money on any of this nonsense, you should have quit a long time ago. The world is one big dating site, and it doesn't cost a thing.

[captain_voidwalker]

Yes. It's not worth the trouble. Here is a diagram of the best case scenario for modern dating and marriage

[andreasderjuengere]

It's not ''the others'' - it's you.

Re-invent yourself?

[JosyJosy]

Mightnbe time to spend some more but on a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time to focus more on your inside than on the outside.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[PatriceONeal]

The owners of tinder bumble IG etc. Are sitting on their super yachts they bought from selling fake love to its customers. You.

[LegendaryDater]

Self awareness is key. If you had to guess what your problem is what would it be?

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

Have you also been working out

[Asker]

Yes. Makes no difference.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

I think it’s best to learn to be happy with yourself

[Tracker1958]

Don't get married at all.

[barn_stormer]

dating apps are shit. go to starbucks.

[Revvl6pro]

Get s puppy.