How do I avoid getting hit on by men?

Question

I’m attending a social group for men and women in their twenties and thirties on Sunday, which I found online. I look like the character Bridget Jones, since I gained 35 kilos on my antidepressants. No longer beautiful, but amazingly, still mildly pretty. I’m also a really warm, gregarious sort of person. I don’t know how, but I seem to attract men easily. I don’t want to attract anyone at this social event. I was thinking, should I dress down for it? Instead of my really lovely clothes, I could wear a modest blouse and slacks? I’m really needing guidance here please. I have Autism and I don’t know how not to encourage men. I can’t read social cues.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

You're never going to isolate all men from noticing you. But here's a dirty trick: awkward though you'll feel, strike up a conversation with the one you find the least insufferable. Maybe comment on something they're talking about or interested in, like you've heard something about it. Give him a chance to comment, and lure him into professor mode. An improvised class lecture.

Just like that, you're busy with him. More predatory types are likely to get annoyed, and want to leave you be, so they don't have to hear a boring lecture.

Depending on the event particulars, maybe go on Miraheze with a laptop to different wikis, and edit pages to correct spelling or grammar errors. Look busy and important, but try to avoid seeming rude. Assuming you have WiFi or a hotspot.

Only the most determined or curious will still even bother you. Keep half an eye open for trouble. Be it horny dudes or queen bee bullies, or some stuffy Walter Peck or Karen type determined to shut your operation down just to be an ass. Since you're in your 30s, it likely isn't a high school setting. Which already improves your odds of success. Because in high school, the latter two harassing you will always be excused. But if you're a full adult, they'll have a harder time getting away with it.

If all that fails, a little self-deprecating humor might do the trick: "not feeling it lately. This medicine I needed has some nasty side effects, and now I feel like a cow."

"I feel like a country boy then," he might reply.

"Maybe I should let PETA know how you... ahem... treat the poor cows?" you joke back.

"Well, not *that* country..." he'll sheepishly reply back.

"Tell you what: when I get a chance to stop feeling like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, I'll let you know. We can have some fun then. Fair?"

"I can hardly argue with that. Here's my card, in case that happens any time this century."

"Fair is fair."

It shouldn't be harder than that. Unless you're dealing with someone who's absolutely desperate. Or if he's drunk. Drunks are hopeless.

HuskyJ · Accepted Answer

You sound like a sociable, relatable to person (very few people can be self critical and speak about their own states of mind, or body, honsestly/objectively - most simply blindly demand what they fixated on be given to them or else...) - ans since most men have literally no ons to speak to, nor is there an expectation men can express/show feelings in any way other than to imply sexual interest (do not use 'hit on' pls since some end up assuming if means to 'smack/slap/punch females'.
There isn't a model of behabiour considered valid for males and females to be friends - males are told to be 'alpha' and 'players' (rather than playful and gentle/supportive/kind/natural' - and girls are told to 'play them' (again, not as in 'to be playful and relaxed in safety guaranteed', but to manipulate men by moderating how acceptable they find any given male's way of being, even the existence of).
So, seeing how you don't withold validatimg the existence of males, they practice their 'seduction techniques' - that they think they must get to learn like to read amd write, on you.
No one tells males in general these 'techniques' are just manipulativeness, and that they'd be better off knowing technology and being decent.
What got you depressed in the first place?

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Ok, I don’t do it often, (maybe three times in my life) but if you REALLY don’t want to get hit on all night, First if you see a guy approaching you, scratch like you have balls, or make like you are “readjusting” yourself, then when the guy hits on you, with something like “I couldn’t help but see you from over there, and if you are even a fraction as interesting as you are beautiful, then I really need to get to know you!” Just lower your voice as much as you realistically can, and sound as stereotypically flamboyant. Like with the lisp and everything! Then touch his hand and say “Oh my god!!! You just made my night baby,” then lower you voice a bit look around and finish with, “Believe it or not this is my first time ever going out in public like FULL-ON as a woman! So your validation that I’m truly “passable” (and use the air quotes), Means the would to me… So, you wanna buy me that drink? I’m warning you right now, baby my ass ain’t cheap, Ah but you look like you can afford the best, so where do you wanna go, you got a place near by?” If you do it right, NOBODY will ever hit on you for the rest of the night!

purplepoppy · Accepted Answer

Men don't approach women because their hot, they approach because they think they have a chance and won't get shit on if they don't. Men are terrified of rejection and generally avoid woman who are glammed up because those types tend to be very narrow minded about the men they want. The more effort a woman puts in herself the more she demands the same from a guy and will always be looking to upgrade
Similarly they often avoid ugly women because being rejected by one hurts their ego more than rejection by an average looker.

Unfortunately you've ended up in the "desirable, safe and achievable" group.

Summeroflove · Answer

Unfortunately some people don’t have boundaries with people and can’t take no for a answer.

Bur a guy isn’t always doing something wrong by approaching. I get it. Strangers interfering when you’re busy or tying to do something that you don’t know can be annoying.

I say turn them down easy. Not interested sorry. You don’t even need a reason

blueonblack22 · Answer

Are you completely convinced that every man who talks to you is actually “hitting” on you at a social event?

I have spoken to women at social events I wasn’t physically attracted just for the heck of it. I was being platonically friendly and genuinely curious about their stories. I’ve admittedly done this at dating mixers. I did it to get my shyness out and get more comfortable taking to women so when I did see a woman I found attractive it would be less nerve racking to approach her.

Now some women might get frustrated/piss off that I admittedly “used” these women somehow because I approached them to just talk while not being interested. But how many men would have a right to get angry of an attractive woman approached them for an innocent conversation only to find out later they were never really interested?

Anyway if you assume the worst about men approaching you then it can be a self fulfilling prophecy.

dustybiker · Answer

Are you aware of the site wrongplanet. com? I’ve trained all types of working dogs since the mid 90’s. Including some for those low and some moderately functioning adults. They often talked about the site being a good place to learn off other adults on the spectrum.

Do you know anyone else there? That is a big thing to sign up for when you have autism.

Sticking by other woman would be safest bet at least until you get comfortable. Keep the outgoing conversations with them. Maybe even explain your situation briefly. If they are there to meet men they will disperse eventually though.

You could just be briefly honest with men too. Explain to them why you are there and have a hard time socializing. Then draw the line where you feel safe going with them.

I hope you have fun.

fonduegirl · Answer

Oh, this will be fun ;

1. Be loud as fuck.

2. Give them blank looks when they turn to you, or you've been asked a question.

3. Insult them.

4. Bring your most annoying friend along. The more the better!

5. Earphones in.

6. Pretend you're on a call.

7. Dress down low key.

8. Avoid eye contact.

9. Give them fake number.

10. Find a deserted corner.

11. Loud ass chewing or messy eating.

The only downside is you'll probably keep everyone off, not just men. Enjoy the event!

SphynxUK · Answer

Wear what you want and what you feel like you in.
If you do get on, politely say thank you, but you’re not interested. Being upfront should do the trick.
Unfortunately, you could dress in a tracksuit or potato sack, and men will still hit on you. Please don’t think it’s because of how you dress.
PS. I’m a fellow autist.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Good luck. I'm a fucking man and very straight man at that... and I can't figure out how to get these fags to leave me alone. The best offense is a good defense. Be a complete asshole. Make anyone that looks at you in the wrong way regret it. Tear them down and practice the resting bitch face in the mirror. That is literally my advice and trust me, I know how pathetic it sounds. That's just the best I can come up with.

rosemilk · Answer

put your best resting bitch face on. don't talk to anyone, and if you do then don't mention any personal things. keep it very vague.

the thing is, no matter what you wear, guys still try. so it's best to look as unapproachable as possible by your body language.

Ghostykill3r · Answer

You really can't stop it yourself. Not dressing as nice/hot/whatever can help a little, not being as friendly can also help, and keeping yourself around other people specifically a group of girls can help. Unfortunately though a lot of guys will hit on any girl no matter what. So just ignore it and deal as best as you can.

chicosuave · Answer

aha easy. tell them ur lesbian and wear a hijab covering your eyes and body, also dont shower for days and grow a mustache. act masculine and angry. act like the commander from jarhead. IM very sure you will keep all them away from you. also dont brush your teeth lol

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

You could always try wearing a masc-presenting outfit if that's what you want. Wearing baggy clothes to hide your body and just generally putting out the vibe that you don't want to talk to people. They pick up on it after some time.

Anonymous · Answer

I am always aware that women might feel uncomfortable being approached, but I am single now and I am obviously looking for a partner. Most guys are put off by cold and bitchy women, you can try to be like that. However, I prefer cold and bitchy women.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I approach women who make me feel happy. So, if theyre smiling, maintaining conversation and enjoying my company, i reciprocate.  So naturally, do the opposite...

Anonymous · Answer

Interesting that you have autism, but you are a warm and gregarious type of person. Usually people with autism aren't that way.

RingOfFire · Answer

Simply ignore any behavior in other people you are not interested in. It's that simple. We all have to do that. You can't control other peoples' behavior but you can control your response.

stratford · Answer

Wear slightly looser fitting jeans, trainers and a slightly looser fitting sweater. Don't wear lipstick and have your hair in a plain style. Hope that goes ok for you.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to get too much attention from guys till the day I cut my long hair to a short pixie cut. Most men don’t like short hair so my attention from them went down massively

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Wear a button that says, “If you can read this, i’m going to stab you.” and never smile.

PinkRose24 · Answer

If you can't read social cues then how do you know men are hitting on you?

suzzieQ · Answer

Just tell them that you’re not interested and to go away and if they don’t. Tell them to fuck off

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It's a social group. I think they have rules that say you're not allowed to hit on the other members.

cth96190 · Answer

Put on a wedding ring. That usually keeps the flies away.

Tina19 · Answer

You can avoid being too much friendly and be reserved in your behavior

Minahh · Answer

Wear something intimidating works every single time for me

AngryCarl · Answer

False moustache?

tfan1 · Answer

Tell any guy you come across that is interested in you - that you are gay. Easy fix.

Anonymous · Answer

I've seen this post before.😆😆😆

Lucy68 · Answer

I wouldn't know men don't hit on me, I'm unattractive and not really what they want

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No idea. Looking piss off would work but why go to a social event if you are piss?  Maybe act distant?

Anonymous · Answer

I would say wear a wedding ring but I still get hit in.

Anonymous · Answer

Just talk about having autism all evening and being on antidepressants and watch the men disappear

Juxtapose · Answer

I'm autistic but people leave me alone, just make yourself look like a guy xD

Anonymous · Answer

Dress like a lesbian then and you won’t attract them

HighlyQuestionable · Answer

Why don't you want to attract men?

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Rock your RBF 😅

rienna888 · Answer

Try to look ugly, wear baggy clothes

TheFlak38 · Answer

become a lesbian communist

Anonymous · Answer

Marry me, it's that easy.

dolemite89 · Answer

put on weight and act like an angry lesbian

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Gain more weight

Anonymous · Answer

By being a man

SlavicThor · Answer

Wear a fatsuit

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