Is a guy that mentions alcohol too much on a first date an alarm bell?

[Bethany22]

He likes to drink socially and have hang overs on the weekends, frequently has a glass of alcohol with his lunch, and suggests to me future events where we can drink alcohol together. Is that alarming or just personality differences?

[johnathon00]

First, it might indicate that the person has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and prioritizes it over other things, such as building a connection with you. Drinking too much on a first date can also be a sign that the person is not as in control of their behavior as they should be and might not be responsible enough to make good decisions in the future.

Secondly, talking about alcohol extensively on a first date can make it seem like that is the main focus of the date, rather than getting to know each other. It could also give an impression that the person is using alcohol as a crutch to loosen up or be more sociable which could also be a sign of insecurity or lack of self-confidence, or as a way to escape from their own problems.

It's worth noting that drinking alcohol is not necessarily a bad thing and is a personal choice, but if someone brings up alcohol excessively on a first date, it could be a sign that they might prioritize it more than having a meaningful conversation or connection with you. It's important to pay attention to how much a person drinks and how they behave when they are drinking, and then make your own judgement accordingly.

It's also important to remember that everyone is different and people might have different drinking habits, and it's not a guarantee that a person that mention alcohol a lot on a first date is a bad person, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, it's a good idea to pay attention to that feeling and consider it as a potential red flag.

[Avicenna]

That would depend on context.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It could be personality differences, sometimes people like to drink and it's a common enough vice that most people don't realize they have a problem. However, if he's being safe and drinking with food, or only drinking when the occasion calls for it and doesn't go out of his way to make himself black-out or very obviously drunk, then there shouldn't be any issues.

I can understand the nerves, though. My mother (who I'm super proud of) has been sober for 15 years and after seeing what alcohol did to her, I'm reluctant to drink much myself. Nothing wrong either way, but if it makes you uncomfortable maybe you could start suggesting more intimate events where you can both stay sober.

[SomeoneUUsedtoKnow]

Depends on your opinion of alcohol. It sounds like you feel pretty strongly that he shouldn't be open about his drinking right off the bat, but it's also fair to say that he is being honest and managing expectations. Probably testing the water to see if you will be willing to hang with him or not. If you don't like that he parties, then don't date him.

[Summeroflove]

Drinking in it of itself isn’t bad. Though if you have a bad gut feeling it could be cause for concern.

Now if they sleep around a lot or they’re getting hammered and being just stupid it is. But having a few drinks isn’t bad. No

[AviatorTom]

That should be a red flag... you need to decide if you could live having to take care of an alcoholic.

[Guy13]

Definitely to me. No idea how to find out about that past though.

[WindAtMyBack]

That should at least be a yellow flag. You should watch closely for any signs that his drinking is not under control.

Having a drinking problem is not about quantity of drinking. It's about whether the person controls it or not. I knew someone who was a serious alcoholic who only drank once or twice a week on weekends.

Personally, if I see a woman drink anything at all, I will be watching closely to see if it's under control. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't have it under control is not fun.

[ShadezMcgee]

Usually no one wants to seek hangovers unless they are masochistic, but in all honesty, this guy sounds like an open alcoholic. I don't know someone would voice the need to drink as much or desire to.

A few years back I was hitting the bottle hard because I was very busy and stressed, and the last thing I did was voice it. I kept it to myself and used it as a suppressor to deal with it and would go far to say I was a borderline high functioning alcoholic.

Not that way anymore as I am not drinking like I was. Still do, but cut back hard.

[Lliam]

Drinks at lunch? Hangovers on weekends? He thinks about how fun it would be to get drunk with you? It sounds like is really into booze.
Either he is still an immature frat boy or an alcoholic. You have to decide if you can see a future with someone like that.

I enjoy alcoholic beverages, but seldom drink. I don't sit around thinking about how much I'd like to get drunk even though it can be fun under the right circumstances.

Aside from loving booze, he might have been testing the waters to see if you like to get drunk and party. Booze lowers women's inhibitions. Does he also do party drugs?

[Moose304]

It's what I call an amber flag. (no not a reference to Amber Heard). Amber flags in my opinion are things that if not fixed ASAP will become red flags. The important thing is they can be fixed. Generally speaking, red flags can't be fixed. If there is a 2nd date I would recommend going somewhere that does NOT sell alcohol and voicing your concerns. The man will either slow down their consumption of alcohol or tell you to bugger off. Then it becomes a red flag and you will do well to stay away from this self-destructive behavior.

[serious_miss419]

Sounds like alcoholism. He may not be even aware of it. I’m definitely not putting him down here..
most of the time these people with have drinking opportunities brought forward as a way to hide their need to drink. Can he go to these things and not drink? Does he get aggressive or defensive if you try to encourage him to not drink during these events/encounters? Suggesting to someone to not have a drink is not controlling and should not present a confrontation. Use your instincts and move on.


We can’t fix alcoholism in other people.

[AimeeKyle]

Depending on his overall personality, it could just be a difference in lifestyle. I used to drink quite a bit when I was younger (including the occasional beverage at lunch) and have significantly reduced my consumption over the years (unless going to a big party - and even then I drink less than my younger years).

If you like him…it won’t hurt to go out a few more times to see if he can be a match / you can deal with his personality / see if he does have a drinking problem. If anything negative pops up, move on.

[Finchie40]

I like to drink beer so I am upfront with a girl I am dating that I usually like to have beers from time to time mainly on Friday nights after a week of work , if she doesn’t like that then she isn’t the girl for me , if she does t like the fact that I like to unwind with some brew after I worked all week then there’s the door lol

[ykkin_]

Well, it could indicate many things.😅😌

Probably be anxious&nervous asf! Befre the Date, Over thinking? and running disastrous scenarios of 'How' the date gna f* up?

Or, he may be assuming that, you that daaaam fine honey who loves to get sh#@t faced! White girl wassssted🍻🍻🍻🍺💃💃

Or... He's just a one of the AA's who just lift the group session, crossed the road to that 7-eleven, n yelled..."F*# IT!! I NEED DAMM ALCOHOL IN MY SYSTEM!! Aaaaayee eeeeSS Aaaaaaaaaaayeee Peeeeeeeeeehhh!!! I need some assistance!!! 😂😂😂😂
😂😉😘

[Makeushiver]

Its something to keep an eye on. Siometimes people. w/ alcohol problems will try to conseal rather than discuss but I'd be concerned if every activity is based around abvailability of alcohol. I don't see it as much in guys but I have dated a few women who were sexy after a few drinks but uninterested, maybe incapable of sober sex. Thhat's a real drag.

[HaveNoName]

Forget dating. I often catch up with acquaintances after their vacation trips.. and when all they have to tell is how rhey went bar hopping and all they can remember are rhe bars, I lose respect for that person and they are never the same to me. Of course, this is coming from a person who does not drink... like not even a sip EVER in my life. And never will.

[exitseven]

Yes, if his whole life revolves around drinking and you are not okay with that it is definitely a red flag.

[Anonymous]

I Have Never Drank Alcohol In My Life, So I Would Not Have Any Experience With This... However, I Have Dated Women Who Drink Themselves Until They Pass Out, I Am Not Your Babysitter... Never Again, Did I Date A Woman Who Drinks That Much, I Don't Mind A Social Drinker, But If She Drinks To Get Drunk, That Is A Red Flag And A Deal Breaker...

[elizamichale1]

It could be a bit of both tbh but i think spending an hour or so with him will give u better idea n clarity

[Anonymous]

Liking to have a hang over, suggesting that you can both go out drinking which tbh is kinda childish even at 18. Going out with the silly intention of getting drink cause it's"fun". And well if he drinks at lunch we often as it sounds. As I see it as an easy spot red flag and easily away before the time invetment.

[petitedollbabee]

Unless you’re attracted to alcoholics, yeah it’s a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Well a few years ago I would have sayed personality differences, but now I would say it is alarming, because I have learned that people that drink just get to drink more and more, most cowards not being able to face their true self. If he can quit alchohol at any time in a blink of an eye, then it is really good but if he will always find a reason not to well... not to mention that alchohol kills all living cells

[DizzyDesii]

Yea when they mention it in general i lose interest

[DizzyDesii]

Its not a dealbreaker like smoking is, but it still makes me wanna look elsewhere

[snackthatsmilesback]

Yeah that's a bit much. Unless you qlso drink that oft n jus don't talk about it, be cautious

[Staximus]

That depends on if he can handle his liquor or if the liquor handles him. If the drinking has a negative impact on his life or not is the real question

[LiamSawyer]

It sounds like he's either an alcoholic or on his way to becoming one.

[slatyb]

He's alcoholic. Don't date him unless you like picking up after drunk people.

[FunkyMonkee]

A guy that drinks a lot is. He LIKES to have hangovers?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Sounds like a red flag, for sure.

[CaptainSmartass]

It might be personality differences, but then again, it could be that he's a piss-head.

Simples...

[Sparkie460]

No that is definitely alarming. He's heading to be an alcoholic. That's not going to be a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Personality difference. But if you don't like it, tell him honestly that you don't like to see him drinking and challenge him to stop drinking for you

[Mansearching]

Yes. He's sounds like a drunk. Beginning of an alcoholic.

[AngryCarl]

If all he talks about is alcohol his only ambition is to get drunk. If that's okay with you, no problem.

[Stevefiveo]

It would be alarming to me. Go with your instinct.

[LegendaryDater]

Yes for sure. Probably trying to see if you fall into that lifestyle.

[BJP21]

Alcoholism... Drinking socially means he can have A GLASS and not the whole bottle.

[Echosoul]

I'd say yes. Alcohol is an addictive drug with dangerous outcomes potentially.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound good. If he is abusive or has a certain streak then be aware.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, that is a worry.

[Jennz6]

Yes it is

[ArrowheadSW]

Yes it could be a red flag.

[leonidas84]

Probably not. Unless it seems excessive

[cth96190]

I would say that was a red flag.

[itsalyssaagain]

He sounds like an alcoholic...

[Jennz6]

Be careful honey

[CallmeTheKnight]

I don't see it going well

[AydenHazor]

Definitely a red flag

[LiamJHayden]

That sound like possible alcoholism.

[AmeerX]

Personality difference I think

[msc545]

potentially alarming. Watch and find out.

[In_Trance]

Does he say it just like that?

[shortster]

Yes, I would think so.

[CubaPirate]

Just personality differences

[NathanDavis]

alcoholism

[Tonyblony5150]

Definitely alarming and the Federal Open your eyes

[Girlpoop]

Yes run thank me later

[Iammeheisyou]

Could be nervous.

[SnowedIn]

Alarming.

[artsy_dragon]

I'm not sure

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Maybe

[Jupiter1]

I’d be concerned.

[connectingisgreat]

Yes.