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I had to get back in therapy due to my schedule. I homeschool my kids , started college yesterday, and am dealing with challenges at my old house while trying to move. Then a relationship gets popped on me... current partner knows what I have going on because I told her upfront. She was concerned about me not being able to communicate with her , but I have been making time. My schedule is extremely busy, and I'm overwhelmed right now. Plus, the only time we'll have is the weekend.
Why do some people assume you're supposed to not do anything while single? My mate doesn't think this , but a lot of people do. Bills have to be paid, and life goes on - I have to take care of my family. I wasn't trying to get involved in a serious relationship until I was done with school in 8 months and get my housing lined up. Due to career and beliefs, I have to move.
Why do some people assume you're supposed to not do anything while single? My mate doesn't think this , but a lot of people do. Bills have to be paid, and life goes on - I have to take care of my family. I wasn't trying to get involved in a serious relationship until I was done with school in 8 months and get my housing lined up. Due to career and beliefs, I have to move.
Updates
+1 y
Advice or clarity for folks in college and dating?
Updates
+1 y
Either you want a relationship or you don't- either you like the person or you don't.. being open and communicate is how the other person knows. I don't have time to. guess or figure anymore
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Surly if u communicate from the start that u are not looking for somthing serious and always be open about that it wouldn't be a issue
I did all of that was explained at the beginning
Did you not read the post? We are going slow and not exclusive..
I just don't want here thinking that we have to talk everyday when we're not exclusive and were not- we haven't even met yet. We're at the dating/ getting to know stage
So explain that to her yes I read what u said but it was based on how u feel not conversations u have had more about the situation and if u have already explained this to her then end it and look for someone else as clearly u 2 have different understandings of what casual is plus going slow implies it may become serious later
This conversation was had multiple times that I don't have a problem dating with the right person, but I have things I'm working on right now and what my goals are. This is not the first time with these conversations. I know people date funny nowadays ( they think because you're talking on the phone you're dating ) no when I start meeting you and spending time with you were dating.. she doesn't think that way thank God.
I already told her what my future plans are buy a home and get married.. as my career will push me to move anyways due to beliefs and how my career is set up.
I don't know what her understanding is because she's not expressive when I explain things to her to even get feed back. Right now , I don't have time to even understand what she's feeling unless she's open - I have too much going on to try and figure things out.. I was busy before I met her and still am busy for 8 months with school and after that my career. It would be nice if she would be expressive.. makes me feel like she doesn't care or isn't taking what I'm saying serious.
So end things as your just adding more to what u say is already busy
Why would I end things? We never started- yes my life is busy , but it doesn't mean I have to end things because of it. Aslong, as there's an understanding I'm good. I'm trying to understand how she's feelings and what she wants when she expresses that
I'm not adding anything.. I can't be overloaded right now, and I am with my career/ school and homeschooling my kids.. I still have to function and pay bills
Because clearly there is not a understanding on her part and u say u have spoken to her about it with nothing changing so clearly it ain't gonna change
I've been on my own most of my life, supporting me and my kids
How do you know that? She hasn't even expressed that part yet to make a call or judgment.. it's not like she's complaining about what I'm doing.. she even said she understands why things are the way it is it's called life.. I don't ask anyone to support me unless you're my spouse.. I'm paying my own way through school and supporting myself right now.
It's been like that since I was 18 and I'm use to rocking solo..
Which is fine but then if your gonna rock solo again if this girl don't listen to you surly u need to tell her it ain't working no?
What's not working? We're not exclusively dating
I'm going to focus on me and keep my distance
U wouldn't be asking this if there wasn't a issue tho so clearly somthing is wrong and u have stated you have told her what u want
We're friends simple
Why would u need to tell her to take things slow if your only friends
I only brought it up because she was worried about us not talking like we use too. The issue were not dating for me to invest as much as I do. Meaning I'm not obligated to talk everyday
And ofc your nit but clearly she dont view it that way so that would be the issue
Because of certain conversations we had and clearly she's been hurt and so have I- why would we rush.. I didn't have to tell her that it's going to be done regardless.
I can't help that or change anyone's mind.. not my call
So does she understand and know your only friends because this has gone frome being casual situation to friendship and they are 2 vary different things
When I have more clarity of her intentions than I can make sure there's a future when she expresses herself more until then I'm focusing on myself and what I need to do. Why I stopped dating because of completing dating is anyways.. I've been single 11 years as of this month
What's casual? I haven't met her or had sex with with her were friends and getting to know stage.. I don't know how she views anything why communication is important- that's up to her to actually communicate
If this is how you date I can see why this is hella confusing the communication between u to is off by yards in this one conversation u have told me that its a casual situation and then changed it to just friendship and now saying once your clear u can see if there is a future they are all differnt things so I'm pretty sure this girl also has no clue as to what she is to you no wonder she has a issues in how much you talk
No that's not how I date I can't make someone expressive themselves and further more were not dating because we haven't met yet so how are we dating. It seems folks want to modern date and I don't date modern people. I'm traditional and old fashioned- use to my partner talking the lead, but it takes two people to communicate not 1
She has no clue because she hasn't expressed anything to me for me to even know. I told her what my goals are and what I want with the right person. She needs to be open and expressive - I'm always communicating she's not that the problem. I don't have enough clarity or a call. So I have to focus on myself and what I need to do.
It's not casual you modern people need to go with these terms.. I don't deal with modern people you do what ever society tells you - I do what is traditional
Lol u clearly don't date traditional if you are nit looking for anything serious atm lol that's what modern dating is
Lol u do what's traditional yet your dating a women it seems u have no clue as to the meaning of terms lol
I can't do anything about that I know what I am and how I date - how I date is one thing... yes we will go slow and I'm going to focus on me
What u typed of by definition sounds like casual dating which guess what is a vary modern day thing not vary traditional lol 😆
It's up to her to make these changes, being more communicative and expressive.. we're not in high school anymore.. either you like the person or you don't, and so on... I told her I'd make time to get to know her on the weekends / she knew what I was working on at the beginning.
I don't casual date - causal dating includes sex and I've been celibate 9 years.. my time and energy isn't invested in multiple people/ I don't have the energy for that
Your telling me like I can make her change lol clearly if the communication was good between you two these things would have happened already
Were simply friends how I see it
Friends don't take things slow and see how things go again a vary modern day outlook to friendship
Me telling her that has nothing to do with anything as that's not the problem.. the problem is her lack of communication and expression.. maybe this is how she processes things I don't know
I'm going slow and didn't have to tell her that it's going to happen because of both of our pasts and what I have going on in my life.. everyone dates according to their own pace
Maybe you fast pace date then you have to find a partner that moves on your pace
I don't rush into dating
Until my partner says we're dating then I see us as friends I don't out labels on any
Lol but u said she is a friend so what is there to rush
Lol so that's the misunderstanding in your mind a friend is someone that just nit committed to you yet lol
Put labels on anything
But claiming not to liable things is not traditional way to date thats why things where confusing
We're not committed until she says so talking on the phone doesn't mean we're dating or exclusive that's how people date and you see where those relationships go nowhere fast paced and for the wrong reasons.. most likely no marriage or a foundation
So u are dating another women and want her to take the lead
Or not dating talking
I'm single amd have been 11 years until tarts initiated- I focusing on my career and housing this year
This is why I only deal with traditional people not modern people
And ^ I don't have time to engage with other people while I'm in school / etc
She should take the lead as she's the dominating one
Clearly ahe is not the dominant one if she has not stated how she feels
Well I can't do much about that can I
OK then... your telling me like I'm her all I stated is you guys communication skills are clearly shit and your claims that u date traditional are clearly false
I do date traditional and csnt control her - she needs to improve her communication not me. Clearly something is hindering her - question why do you keep. going back and forth 🤔
60 replies later wow
Fir the same reason you do would be the first thing that pops into my head and nou clearly don't date traditional u have proved that plenty of times already
I date traditionally - I don't deal with anyone modern the issue. You assumed you assumed I'm talking to multiple people ( that's what society does ) I'm celibate and single.. I don't shack or fornicate. Grow tf up and stop back and forth
Lol u said u are trying to date casually whilst having a kid u think that's dating traditional don't be a clown no wonder u can't get what u want when this is how u think 🤣 if u don't want to back and forth stop replying u sent me the message today I never messaged you today u felt the need to reply
No I don't date casually because that means you're having sex. Either were friends or not either were dating or not there's no in between with me ( idc how anyone thinks or feels) father more I'm single last I checked.
Nope because u stated yourself u only want somthing casual I nether assumed u went off the information u provided so again stop pretending you are what you are not
You're just a nag simple / I have my kids because I was married and I've dated people who have kids..
I never said I wanted anything casual - I said I'm open to friends, but won't date exclusively because of my schedule
Good for you lol i don't care as to why I'm simply stating u clearly ain't traditional if you are a single mum looking for somthing casual which this question was based on
You don't define my life or position
Now I have to block 🚫 you I don't deal with drama?, negativity, or back / forth
No I don't casual date - I haven't met this person yet we are friends and I will treat here as such