Workaholic ex says he doesn't have time to be in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Can anyone give me an opinion of this? My ex boyfriend just broke up with me after a year and a half because he says he doesn't have time for a relationship since he wants to devote all of his time to school (a very difficult major that takes up most of his time). He said he thinks I'm "awesome" and isn't interested in dating anyone else but this isn't the right time for him to be in a relationship but he might like to try again in the future. Also, we would fight all the time about how busy he is and how he doesn't put effort into the relationship and that stressed him out.

What are the chances of this guy missing me and coming back?

Updates

+1 y

Also, he's never had a girlfriend before me.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

I hate hate hate guys who do this.

But then again I'm a very patient person and I don't mind if he's busy very often. But for some reason these guys who are always busy get it in their heads that since they can't be there for you as much as they think is appropriate, they feel that they're not treating you right, or you deserve better, blah blah blah it's all b.s.

If you really care about him then it shouldn't matter. This same exact situation happened to me, we dated for a little while and then he broke up with me because he told me I deserved to be with someone who would be there for me more often (even though he also said he wouldn't like to see me be with anyone else)... but like I didn't care, I always enjoyed the time we did get to spend together and just yeah.

I kept showing him that and how much I cared and such, and we eventually got back together. I don't know what made him change his mind but I guess I got my point across through my actions and patience and stuff.

Hope that helps. If he does like you and you can be there for him, be patient, show him how well you guys go together etc., I'd say it's possible that you two could get back together.

[Asker]

I wish I had taken this advice months ago...I guess I was lonely and I kept complaining to him because we saw each other once a week or once every other week and he wouldn't even want to bother talking to me on the phone or texting me, that's how much work he has...or he just doesn't care. So I would try to suggest things he could do to make me feel better, like talking to me on the phone would be good but he just got upset I was "complaining" It's so frustrating. I think I ruined everything.

[Asker]

He never had a girlfriend before me. I contacted him a few weeks after the break up and he was set on us "being friends" but then we talked more and he said maybe we can meet up in a month and see how we feel. But I did something that pissed him off and now we're not speaking. So I have no idea if he's ever going to talk to me again. Right now I'm giving him space and not contacting him and maybe in 5 weeks I will say "hey" although I would prefer him contacting me first. He probably won't :\

[MrsJones7]

i think you didn't ruin anything. If this guy's real reason is being preoccupied with the other aspects of life, you just have to respect that. That does not mean you should stick around at the expense of your heart. It sounds like he could be very busy and have no time for a relationship like I said you just gotta respect that and wait until he comes back to you. Other than that, if this was a lame excuse, then you didn't ruin anything on this one either If he broke up with you for his own reasons

[marley86]

Yeah, you could tell him that you will be understanding and give him more time for school, but you have to decide whether or not that is worth it. I was dating a guy that had no time for me and he was saying he wanted to breakup, but I told him that I would be chill and more understanding about it. I tried, I really did, but I never saw the guy. Despite the reason for not seeing him very much, it still affected me. I need that in a relationship, and having to sit around and wait until they get better hours, finish with school, etc. is hard. I got so sick of being embarrassed at family functions because he always couldn't show up and hated that he didn't have time to do simple things with me like dinner and a movie. It got to a point where we had to schedule seeing each other, and this would often be for the next week. Then, he would often call and say he couldn't make it. It is completely your call, but think about yourself too in this situation. Will you really be okay with not seeing him that much when it is something that made you upset before?

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your comment! Yeahhh that sounds like my relationship. It's just annoying because I'm attached to him now and I can't stand thinking about him putting more time or effort into another girl. Even during his summer vacation when he wasn't in school he still didn't want to make time for me. He said he wanted to do things on his own and still only saw me once or twice a week. I just didn't understand. Maybe he's terrified of being tied down to someone? I will never understand

[Asker]

I really just want him to realize what he lost and come back in a few months being a "changed" man with different priorities. I'm not holding my breath though! It will never happen.

[Asker]

I should also add that he doesn't party or go out or even have that many friends, so it's not like he wants to play the field. He basically said he can't even handle having one girlfriend.

[marley86]

My boyfriend was like that too! He didn't want to meet other girls, and I just don't think he really cared to be in a relationship. He just seemed as though he would be perfectly content without one. He is in law school now, and graduates soon and I knew when he became a lawyer I would never see him. I could just imagine myself marrying him and just always being lonely.

[Asker]

What is wrong with themmmm? I guess I'll never understand. We picked career oriented "winners" apparently. But we're the ones who lose. It's so frustrating. And now he's probably so happy to be rid of me so he can continue being self absorbed and only focus on himself again.

[marley86]

I know, it sucks! He was so SWEET everywhere else. No, he will miss you though. Who knows, he might try to get you back, mine did but I knew in the end how it would end up. I just couldn't do it. I know how busy lawyers are, and often stressed on top of that. I didn't care about being financially set, it wouldn't be worth it. Yeah, I would work too, but not when I had young kids. What would I do for entertainment buy things?

[Asker]

I know it can't ever work tooo :\ How long did it take for him to try to come back?

[marley86]

About three months later when I ran into him on halloween. When he wanted me back, I had already started seeing someone else. He was really hurt by this, and we don't really talk anymore. I think a lot of the reason why he doesn't try again, cause he knows I'm not with that guy anymore, is because of the time and effort it would take. It made me mad because he assumed when I saw him that I would just want him back.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation! I met this guy, we live 1.5 hours apart. I have known him for 8 months and have only seen him a handful of times. Every time together was great and it was comfortable from the very beginning. He said he didn't have time for a girlfriend right now. He has a demanding job, is focusing on getting his own place, and now family issues to deal with. Neither of us have had a relationship before. He has everything I want in a boyfriend and is a really great guy and I don't know what to do right now. I am ready for a relationship, but I don't want to look for anyone else. I believe we have great potential, I've just been wanting this forever!

[AcEMasTeR]

I wouldn't date a girl I can't see...

[Asker]

He's not really far away or anything and I said I could visit him at school. But he comes home on the weekends and lives near me.

[AcEMasTeR]

that's not enough