Haha, I asked this same question on here a while ago: the responses were interesting to say the least.
As for me: yes, I'm a broken mess and gave up on dating. But at least I'm mature enough to realize it... unlike some people out there.
There are people out there that don't need to be in relationships because they're broken (emotionally or mentally), yet keep getting into the wrong relationships and wind up hurting either themselves or others in the process.
As for why I'm undateable? I've been single so long, I have no interest in dating at this time. Seriously, when you've been single nearly 15 years and NO ONE has given you an iota of attention, trust, or reason to want to attempt dating again? You get used to being alone and taking care of yourself. At least I can rely on myself! Sad but true.
Plus I have atrocious self esteem.
Look, I'll be honest: I am not attractive. And that's okay. I will never be what most people deem as "feminine" or "sexy" so of course most men are going to see me as more of a friend than girlfriend.
And while I always hear what a "great personality" I have, you all know as well as I do, we as humans, are superficial creatures. And personality and brains isn't always enough to get more than a polite "hi, but no thanks" nowadays.
Is that terrible? No. Does it suck and demoralize you? Absolutely.
Realistically not everyone is meant to find love and relationships in life. It's unfair but that's life.
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Nobody's undateable, you can easily find people of all shapes, size and backgrounds who can get dates. Even guys on death row get women writing to them.
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I would not say I’m undatable but I have not yet attained my goals in life and that might affect my chances, like I have professional goals I have not achieved, as well as social and cultural goals too.
No, but it definitely isn't as easy for me to get women, much less one that matches my vibe and complements my personality. Although there were times I did feel like that because no matter what I did to try and change about myself or adjust to make myself a better man or more appealing to women it didn't work.
I think a lot of it revolves around the fact I am introverted and reserved (women tend to prefer extroverts because it carries charisma, outgoing vibes, come off as more relatable and fun.) I hate having small talk and needless conversation or forcing something that should feel easy and natural. I am also fairly serious and it is hard for me to take that off because women don't like uptight men or those that can't be goofy or make them laugh. I also find dating a hassle in the sense that you essentially need to keep women invested and entertained or they get bored quick (they almost come off as having the attention span of a squirrel). Plus a lot of my hobbies don't seem to interest women because they prefer to be taken on adventures like travel or something stimulating. In short, a lot of women find me dull and boring on the mental and emotional side.
On the physical side, I am not tall for a guy at 5'8", receding hairline and then my face is fairly round, not the masculine or sharp facial features. Otherwise I am in great shape.
Yes.
First I am a bit fat and hairy but I am starting to work on getting in shape.
Second I am shy. I don't know how to meet people and engage conversation with a girl that I have romantic interest in, etc.
Third, I do not like going out in night clubs at all and I don't like to go to parties too often. I don't want one of those girls who need to goes in girls' night out in clubs. It is quite an issue since girls in my generation seems go live for clubs.
Fourth, I don't tolerate disprecftul women. I have boundaries and self respect. You don't scream at me, you don't insult me, you don't belittle me, you don't hit me, you don't get to have the last word on everything using emotions or blackmails. I also don't let myself being called fragile, insecure and gaslighited into accepting their cheating behaviors (posting nudes, keeping dating apps, flirting with other guys, hiring male sex workers, etc.) Most girls in my generation expect you to tolerate their shittiness and gaslighting.
Not necessarily undateable but here's something I'm genuinely insecure about; emotional baggage. It's also obviously mine to deal with and I'm aware no other person can fix that. I feel when I date I have to hide these things. But they will invariably show up and it's scary to think a guy mightnt like me for my whole self. I also feel below average without makeup. So all in all, I think there is someone out there for everyone, myself included. But there are days I feel I'm a burden and need to work on myself a lot before dating.
yes, I'm married.
...
Advice to the other defeatists...
I think dating is really hard anymore. I think living life to the fullest is much more dooable, and you can do that with other people. When you are your best, most amazing energetic self with esteem, with communication and relational skills in mind, going out to places that challenge you that are different than your usual circles... with your eyes open and available, then amazingly, you might meet someone along the way.
You are going to get rejection, accept that. You might also have to make some changes.
You become more undatable as you age. Your best dating and love, is in your youth. Back when life was easy and love was cheap.
Seems the older you get, the more baggage you get, they get, and people get use to their freedom and independence as they age.
Then add online dating, and after divorce dating. If that doesn't ruin you, it definitely destroys you a little on the inside with each new easy date and relationship.
It makes the more profound relationships very hard to find. And after my time of both online and post divorce dating, I am not longer going to go with easy. I am going to wait out for the magical one. The one that blows me away.
So this may never happen, and had I been an extrovert, I might be able to play the numbers game, but when you have yourself looking for your best, cheap dates are not going to happen.
- u
I did at one point, from not long after I started college until a couple of years after. There were many reasons why. I'll list three for now.
For one thing, I had a pretty severe confidence deficit, as well as one of self-knowledge.
For another, I had some pretty warped ideas of what relationships were and how to initiate and pursue them (I have neither the time nor the space to explain why right now).
And another reason is that for a time, I felt, dare I say, ashamed of being a guy.
I’m very hard to date. I’m very open minded for the most part and get along with just about anyone, there’s two boundaries I refuse to bend on. No Onlyfans, and anyone you slept with in the past gotta go. I don’t deal with the gaslighting. Girls will call you insecure or jealous for having those standards, but it’ll root out the gaslighters.
I don’t think so. With my positive attitude about life and my self. I seem to give off a little too friendly energy … it was never a problem getting out and meeting people. I get to pick the one I want.
Even gag helped me and set me up with my gag husband.
so yeah…married again.
I could help couch some…but I rather not do that job.
You are better at this.Yeah pretty much because if you piss me off I just don't want to be with the person...
I used to always do what people wanted and felt like I had to be that way so people would like me but now IDGF... If you don't like me beat it... I just don't got energy or any fucks to give anymore...Nope. I don’t want to date. The concept of dating itself has zero novelty and zero long term benefit. But a relationship is better than dating and a relationship is for mature folks that want to be with someone without seeing other people or without sleeping around and all while being loyal and unconditional.
Dating is for guys that don’t want to be with just one women. Dating is for guys only, or sleezy bimbos, aka same thingNo, but even so there are a few men asking me out, I don’t feel like dating, cause I had a break up from a long term relationship 5 months ago and I am fully over it.
I don’t think it would be fair to date anyone while I still have very strong feelings for my ex.
I don’t like to use the word pervert or creep but it’s bullseye accurate
plus I like alcohol more than poon just ask my Exs if you try to compete with whiskey you’re gonna lose everytime
I don’t think I’m undateable. I do think I don’t put in enough effort necessary to meet people who would be interested.
I feel I'm undateable to the people I actually want. I've been asked out a few times since I broke up with my ex but none of them were what I want because of reasons. Now I'm working to put myself parallel with the type of men Id like to attract.
Not really undateable - but struggling to work out whether I should pursue one (or two) girl I find sex appealing - or simply look for sex wherever and whomever I find it from.
Recently moved (in fact, only starting to move towns, so not familiar with nor known to almost anyone to start the conversation about what I am looking for.
The main reason is my looks so I’m gonna mention other things. I don’t drive and whoever else doesn’t drive good for them I’m talking about me, the way I talk, I’m not motivated, I don’t talk a lot
Yes and no. I KNOW I'm a catch. The problem is there are so few quality women anymore. And I'm not going to be with just ANY woman. So no, I'm not undateable. I have my shortcomings to be sure. But there just isn't really anything really compelling with most women for me to date.
Looks, personality and emotional state, y'know, the usual.
I’ve got an intolerable personality and I’m a bit fat… but I manage by being funny occasionally 😅
You just need to change your standards. Look for what you need, not what you want. And the person that has everything you need most likely will have plenty of things you want as well; even if it isn’t all.
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