What's on a man's mind when he knows you have a guy but he still wants to be friends?

[Gloree]

What is on a man's mind when he is trying to make friends and set up a date with a woman he just met and she says she has a boyfriend but he still insists he doesn't mind, he just wants to be friends?

Can I take his word for it? He is a DJ and I've always liked Djs. But I only want to be friends. I don't want to risk anything that will cause trouble in my relationship.

Updates

+1 y

I have stopped taking his calls and responding to his messages which have started becoming flirty

[dynamicyandere]

It would be sorta weird for him to not suggest your boyfriend come along.


Like, I have a good friend that’s a girl and she has a boyfriend. It would feel a little odd to suggest an outing without him being invited.


Otherwise, it’s like what am I going to say and do where I don’t want him to be there, right?


If I’m friends with a girl, literally JUST friends, I don’t mind having other people tag along.


If I’m pursuing someone, THEN I’d want to be alone with them.


If he’s really JUST a friend, he should be comfortable if you want to bring your boyfriend, he may even encourage it to prove he’s sincere.


If he’s a “friend” then he wants to start there and see if he can change your mind later.


If he’s a womanizer or player, he may actually just see your boyfriend as a challenge to overcome and see if he’s able to seduce you and sleep with you even if your taken. It’ll boost his ego if he’s so seductive that he can turn a loyal girl into disloyal one.

[dynamicyandere]

you’re*

[Andres77]

Hope. Getting in line.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/L6-uJLteKek

[malwins]

Wdum

[OlderAndWiser]

The DJ is hoping that, when you get to know him, you will be so impressed with what a swell guy he is that you drop your boyfriend, rush to DJ, rip off your clothes, and drag him into bed.

That's a condensed and right-to-the-point version of what he wants.

[Gloree]

lolz. I won't do that.

[coachTanthony]

If it were me I wouldn't have time to be friends with someone new. So I would only assume he want's a side chick.

[Guy13]

This man’s mind is shallow, calculating, and self-serving as he tries to move-in on my woman.

He’s the one that all the guys know is trouble. And to us, his existence means our girlfriend is dumb or a straight-up cheater.
We know what’s going on here.

[Gloree]

I didn't say I was doing anything with him

[Guy13]

I didn’t say you did. If you don’t want to hear what a guy thinks then don’t ask….
And, if you are making up stuff in your head like you just did with me then….

[TruthBringer]

It's called 'orbiting'.

This is where a person just revolves around you long enough until they see an opportunity. In other words, he wants to be in your life not as an actual friend, but will wait until your relationship fails so he can swoop in. Whether it is trying to be a "shoulder to cry on" or literally trying to escalate things romantically.

Whatever his tactic is, the goal is to get between your legs.

I believe your intuition is telling you something which you want to verify with asking this question. I suggest listening to it.

[AmeerX]

Get a life. No 🤣 that's not why guys remain friends with females 🙄. What you are implying is that a guy was friends with a sole purpose just for sex. You can't be more wrong. Some females make better friends and some males make good friends. You can't talk about some things with other guys and same for girls.

[TruthBringer]

@AmeerX "gEt a lIfE". Ad hominems are a testament to the invalidity of your arguments as well as a clear indication of your lack of maturity.

Sadly for you, men and men generally cannot be friends platonically. There will always be one person who (secretly) wants more. And it's usually the guy. In this particular case, the guy already made his intentions clear. Now how on Earth do you expect the dude to be friends with her platonically after that? It's not like guys just turn off their desire for a woman like some switch.
I made a Take discussing this in more detail:
Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends” ↗

If the only thing you're going to do is insult, then best stop wasting my time.

[TruthBringer]

correction: Men and women in general cannot be friends platonically*

[AmeerX]

Oh lol, I didn't read that part of the question she wrote 🤣. Sorry 😐

[JPresidente]

Most men would move on not want to be in the friend zone unless he really values your friendship and he has girlfriend or significant other. This would be a very small minority of men. More than likely he probably thinks he can stay in your orbit and you'll somehow magically view him differently one day. I would add that this is probably because he wants to sleep with you. This whole scenario screams of a guy who is very inexperienced when it comes to women and relationships and how they work.

[DizzyDesii]

I think he’s silly for trying to friendzone himself because once you’re in mine, you can't escape it. But either way, i would decline his offer of friendship and focus on my relationship

[katestar]

Same thing happened to me.

[DizzyDesii]

@katestar yea its crazy

[katestar]

I agree with you. I've been in love with him since we were teenagers. What is going on with him?

[DizzyDesii]

@katestar awww yea i’ve been through this. I can't explain

[katestar]

Don't worry about it. It's fine. I liked talking to you about it. I don't know if I can turn to

[DizzyDesii]

@katestar i hope he comes around :)

[katestar]

His name is Brandon thane wilson. He's a actor. We grew up together.

[Gloree]

@katestar it's not nice to be mentioning people on here. this is public

[katestar]

Oh. I'm sorry about this

[Gloree]

@katestar it's ok. just imagine if he happens to read this post and sees his name. he will be so disappointed and shocked.

[katestar]

I never thought of that. It's embarrassing. I'm not going to do it again. I'm sorry about that

[DizzyDesii]

@katestar girl not brandon again. We talked about him last year and likely before that. You gotta let him go

[katestar]

No. I'm not going to let him go like that

[Gloree]

@katestar it's ok dear. and please if he is not into you let him go. someone else will. most times we can't move on because we are carrying baggage. drop the baggage and feel light so someone stronger and better can carry you.

[katestar]

No. I can't move on like that

[Gloree]

@katestar Just try

[katestar]

No. That's not who I am. Moving on is the not the best thing

[Gloree]

@katestar but what happened between you two?

[katestar]

He doesn't have any feelings for me. I told him that I like him

[Gloree]

@katestar dear Kate, embrace reality or end up in depression

[katestar]

I'd rather be in depression than just being able to be happy

[Gloree]

@katestar good luck being a pathetic loser.

[katestar]

Thanks a lot

[Gloree]

@katestar I know the so-called actor don't have an idea who u are. you created this illusion to deceive yourself. you're a troll. Grow up.

[katestar]

I won't. He is real. I'm not a troll.

[katestar]

You know what? You're going to miss me. I'm leaving. If you're not going to listen to me. Fine. That's fine for me. I'm not a liar. I'm not a troll. I won't grow up. I'm a human being.

[AmeerX]

Actually I had a female friend who got married and we still are friends. I want to be friends because I like her as a person. I never once thought about her in a romantic way. And friendships between men and women exist. What's wrong with you people huh?

[OddBeMe]

Maybe because I’m old… I befriend people who I see the most and have good convos with. There’s really not a “decision made” per se. It’s natural.


Perhaps if I were interested in a chick and learned she was taken I’d “decide” to be friends. But nah, I think that friendship would also be naturally occurring.

[HighValue]

He wants to tempt you. Whenever there are possible problems/disagreements in your relationship he will always be there to side against your boyfriend and try to ruin your relationship.

It will ruin your relationship if you become friends with that guy. He is exactly the type most guys try to warn women about.

[godfatherfan]

The same thing that is on every single guys mind that you think are "friends". They might not necessarily be planning on trying to have sex with you, but it is in the back of their mind.

[ShyGuy201]

Trust me he either is waiting for your boyfriend to screw up the relationship so he can swop in and save the day or he thinks he can win you over by being a better relationship choice. I’ve done both before Lol.

[ShyGuy201]

*Swoop*

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't know about most guys but, personally, I just want to be friends!
There's also a VERY faint chance that at SOME point in the future, she just MIGHT POSSIBLY be interested in being with me instead of him, or after him but, I most CERTAINLY wouldn't count on it!!

[spg12212122]

Well that's kinda weird.. why does he want to be your friend? There simply isn't enough detail in your question, to tell you anything useful about your question.

Core beliefs could be:

Hey I am Gods Gift a nice guy, a small gift to the world and I could share myself with the world because the world revolves around me and everyone will benefit. :D

[spg12212122]

Also if I may add that "Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd".

I suggest that you get him to bring his girlfriend or friend or invite more people.

[Jamie05rhs]

If he wants to set up a date with you, then that probably means trouble. Has he mentioned anything specific? Do you know where he wants to meet you?

[Gloree]

lunch in a restaurant is what he suggesting

[Jamie05rhs]

@Gloree That isn't too threatening. Still, probably inappropriate.

I read your update, and I think you made the right call.

[Gloree]

thank you

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[Anonymous]

honestly i'm in that situation and personally, i just hope she breaks up with his boyfriend in the hope that one day we will stay together, even thought i know that probably is best to just let go.

anyway different people have different thoughts and nobody can really know what's on a man's mind when he knows you have a guy but he still wants to be friends.

[bkcutie11]

He wants to wait it out and see if you guys break up to get his chance. That's just what I noticed about dudes anyway

[ZoeyMercer]

You know how when you see or more likely get to know 2 people and just think they won’t work out? He doesn’t think it will work out with your current boyfriend

[katestar]

I think that a man wants to be friends with a woman. And a woman wants more than just friends. It's a complicated thing for us to be in love. It's a normal thing.

[Bklynbadboy12]

You know what he wants he wants sex. You have a boyfriend right why are you going on a date with him

[Bklynbadboy12]

So the next time he ask you to go out with him what are you going to say

[Gloree]

no. I've already stopped picking his calls

[Bklynbadboy12]

@Gloree I knew you'd do that cause I knew you was a good woman. I'm proud of you

[Gloree]

aww. thank you so much.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your so welcome

[letuswaltzforthedead]

He's just looking for a way inside your pants, those kinds of guy usually don't really care about the friendship itself since they've already made it clear it's not a friendship they want.

[BarryLiverstone]

The easy button is to suggest he meets up with you and your boyfriend. If he’s seeking friendship then he will be friends with your boyfriend as well

[TheSpaceGnome]

Friendship, for me that mostly means another person to play video games with and talk to.

[GOOSEBOY78]

uhh the hanger on.

oh you broke up with your man? here use my shoulder to cry on...

he is the crowbar with a sticky beak to any relationship. ditch him.

[spartan55]

Why does it matter what's 'on his mind'? Do you think your boyfriend would mind? Geez no shame whatsoever.

[exitseven]

Maybe he thinks you don't have much of a relationship and he figures that he can wait it out. Or maybe he thinks the boyfriend is a complete loser and she will see how much better he is

[LiamJHayden]

Most are likely waiting to see if the relationship fails so they can catch you on the rebound. Others, rare ones, actually just want to be friends and nothing more.

[aoihewgf]

Vast majority of the time, he playing the long game. Very, very small minority of men have no alterior motives

[serious_miss419]

“I don't want to risk anything that will cause trouble in my relationship”.


Then don’t risk anything.

[AimeeKyle]

He’s thinking maybe there’s a chance…. And I will be more enticing/exciting than your current.

[Anonymous]

Usually he's looking to get close to you for sex.

[AmeerX]

Why do you people have to be so negative? No, we are not

[Opinion Owner]

@AmeerX experience

[AmeerX]

With a 35 year old woman? No, trust me he wants genuine friendship

[AmeerX]

Oh I didn't read that part of the question. I feel like a troll today

[Jennz6]

I would say that he’s thinking about sex?

[Finchie40]

Cuz he thinks he is going to win you over

[headphonekim]

He wants to bang sis.

[KrakenAttackin]

He wants to fuck you.

[msc545]

Ask him. Nobody here reads minds.

[Gloree]

yeah but experiences can throw light on the matter

[msc545]

Not to the extent you want.

[panamared1]

friends do not normally ask you on a date

[Iron_Man]

He wants more

[Hotboy_booblover]

Sex..