You leave her for the following reasons:
1. Your own dignity: Imagine being in a relationship when some other dude who is close to you has her nudes. You really want to be that guy to be committing himself to someone who has given herself away to another man like that? So while you progress in giving your heart to this girl, some other dude is laughing at you because he has her nudes. And God knows who else has seen them.
2. If you value your friendship with the other guy, it is best to avoid getting in relationships with exes of friends. Real friends don't date each other's exes. This often creates unnecessary tension & drama. I've had people vent their resentment behind the backs of their friends who got with their exes. Trust me, it's not pretty. The world is full of pussy and you chose to get with that particular one? Scarcity mindset, much?
3. She may use you to get revenge on your friend. This may or may not be the case, but it is not uncommon that people try to get back at their exes by getting with their friends. You don't want to be that guy she hooks up with.
4. Your own piece of mind: The fact that the situation breaks you apart is a tell-tale that you should drop the situation
I was in a situation like this too.. While I was dating a guy, I was good friends with his best friend.. We had a wonderful friendship and it was so much fun hanging out with him. Then I had to breakup with my former boyfriend but still remained good friends with his best friend. After like a year or so, I was well recovered from the breakup and eventually my ex's best friend became my best friend too.
We would talk for hours, we enjoyed each other's company, we respected and cared for each other. Then, we were falling in love and we didn't even know it. Now I'm in a wonderful relationship with him. He is so caring, understanding and so loving. It is the best relationship I've ever been in. Not even a single toxic trait. And I'm so glad we took this decision. My boyfriend was a bit worried about dating his friend's ex and he doesn't like it when my ex says something mean about me (he gets so angry).. My boyfriend is also uncomfortable if a topic about my ex comes up. But we usually avoid those situations, and if one comes up, we talk it out and doesn't let it get in between our love.
It might be tough for you to date her while thinking "ooo she us my best friend's ex".. If the girl is right for you, make her part of your life. Just don't swoop in if the break up was recent. Just he good friends with her and take your time. She might be the one or not, it depends. At last its all your choice. Good luck dude
It depends on a couple of factors:
Always respect bro/sis code, even when it's an ex. It just shows basic human consideration for your friends and it's how you'd want to be treated as well. He might even be fine with it, you never know. And then you can proceed with your new relationship with no guilt.
If you really didn't know. Then you aren't really in the wrong.
But you would be if you never told him about it. If I was you, I would just meet him for a drink and tell him that you have been dating her and that you didn't know until he told you.
See what he thinks. There are 2 outcomes really
1. He doesn't give a shit, maybe he is over it. But he would probably appreciate you bringing it up.
2. He does care, gets upset, and asks you to stop seeing her, or might be upset with you, even if he knows it's not "your fault". It could still hurt if he really likes her.
If you get the vibe that he wouldn't mind, then tell him. If you think he will get upset, and you don't really like this girl, then telling him this could damage the friendship. If it's just a fling, maybe keep it a secret and move on. If you really like her, then tell your friend and decide if it's worth pursuing her or not.
If you're not gonna marry her, then it's probably worth finding someone else if you care about the friendship. If you love her, then go for it.
Opinion
73Opinion
u How long has this guy been your friend and how close is he as a friend?
How long have you been dating this girl and how close is the relationship? Has it already become a sexual relationship?
Why not if he has absolutely no contact with her.
No, since you found out the situation.
I agree with you
Well if they’re not dating anymore
Look its her past. Everyone has a past including you me everyone. Past is the reason what you are today. Digging the past won't get you anywhere but just give you disappointment. Now the most crucial thing is where your friendship stands for you and at the same time your relationship with her. I believe that if he is really a close friend as you mentioned you might face few awkward moments but in the end he will also let go and slowly understand your side of story too. Another important thing is that does she knows that you were close friend with her ex? Because she knowing this and still choosing you might be a sign that she is comfortable dating her ex's friend. Also what I think is no one other than the two people involved in the relationship have any right to judge or be the reason to break the relationship. So what he things should not be that much of a concern for you or her. And anyways you didn't even knew about it before hand and you must have liked her and so you are dating. So leaving her for this reason isn't something you should bother that much. At what I feel about those nudes is he doesn't feel a good company for you anyways. Firstly he shouldn't have the nudes for her ex. Whatever the reason was while she shared her (a begging or shared without any hestation) he has no right to keep them after they broke up. And showing them is such a shameful low mentally which he is showing. I think you should let this thing come into light with her and should also force her ex to delete those pictures at whatever cost it takes. Those pictures might cause trouble for you and will surely cause trouble for her someday. Hope you find the right path to deal with this situation.
I'd say bang her but at the same time don't consider her long-term material. I mean your friend is showing you nudes... you should talk to your friend and get the dirt on her. This is your red pill about women and you need to swallow it. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but yeah, every woman has this kind of past and you just have inside info this time.
Just remember YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. If she's done it with you, then she's done it with some other dude... in this case, a dude that happens to be your friend. Also, remember no girl is ever truly yours, it's just your turn. If the first part wasn't harsh this part is a big red pill to swallow.
If you dedicate yourself to this woman... her nudes are out there already and you know what you're stepping into. I highly advice just taking your turn with her though, find out the dirt on her... like why did they split up? get comfortable with moving on when you're done using her for what she's good for. At least acknowledging the reasons for her prior split will probably pop right back up with you. Honey moon phase is over... let reality set in.
Your friend is a dick for showing nudes of his ex. He has no respect for her or concern about her welfare. He's a cad.
As her ex, he has no say about her future.
If you like the girl, don't let her previous relationship stop you from pursuing her.
Every one of my girlfriends had been in previous relationships and I knew some of their exes. Shortly after I broke up with my first girlfriend, one of my best friends started dating her. They got married a few years later and had two kids. I remained close friends with both of them for years.
That is a really tough situation. I guess my first question is if this friend of yours is a good friend, how did you not know he was dating this girl before? That seems odd that you would not know a friend's girlfriend when they were dating.
Nevertheless, it is still tough. If you truly didn't know that is his ex, then it is not something he can be upset about. It is probably best practice to talk to your friend and get his feelings on the situation. I would simply tell him sorry and that I had no clue.
Now, an ex is an ex and that should be in the past. That doesn't mean it cannot or will not strain a friendship. It sounds like you really need to weight the benefits and what is important to you.
Is the relationship you seek more important or the friendship. No matter what anyone here says is right or wrong, it is going to come down to the viewpoint of your friend and how he reacts to it. It could be fine. It could end the friendship.
The fact that you didn’t know it was his ex then it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal , How long have you been friends with him and how long have you been seeing this girl? Yea it sucks that your friend has nudes of her and it sucks knowing your friend banged her so that can be a tough cookie to swallow , so your best bet is to talk to your friend and see how he feels about it , and ask yourself what’s more important to you , your friendship or this girl? A friend of mine started seeing one of my exes and he didn’t know she was my ex , I bust his balls that he likes my sloppy seconds and then he ended up breaking up with her , so if you are ok with your friend busting your balls then stay with her if not dump her
So he has nudes of her, big deal. Its not like it is something he has never seen before. Everyone has a past.
Probably your ex-girlfriends have seen you nude also maybe not photos (most girls don't really want or keep nudes of their guys) but they have seen you.
Maybe let your "friend" know its uncool of him as a "friend" to keep and show nudes of your girlfriend.
Just FYI, he probably isn't your "friend" or he would have deleted the photo, shut his mouth and been happy for you. Or at least shut his mouth about the photo and wished you the best.
I don’t think about nudes.
It’s about dating a friends ex. It kinda goes against the bro code.
@crossdressingrihno I wouldn't worry about that. Its not like you stole her from him.
Hell you didn't even know they had dated. So either they didn't date long or he isn't that close of a friend, or you would have at least know of thier relationship.
Gal code. Try to find happiness and be happy for others when they find happiness.
I’m not the guy who asked the question. I was just stating it was probably about the fact he is dating his friends ex. It goes against the bro code.
Because her ex is, presumably, no longer in the picture, and she is free and available. BUT ONE CAVEAT! Be sure that enough time has gone by since her breakup that she's completely emotionally over him and emotionally available to you. Otherwise there's trouble ahead, because if she hasn't completely healed, you may end up being her band-aid, and we rip off and discard band-aids when we're feeling better. You DON'T want to be in that position!
Also, if her ex is still mourning his lost relationship with her, he may try to get back in the picture and push you out! You don't want that, either. Try to be sure he's past that stage. Does he have a new love interest?
tough call, big decisions.
I'd let him know you are dating her and didn't know til you showed pictures. Be respectful of your friend. Don't get into dishing on her or him, stay out of gossip.
If he's an ass, then Id choose the girl and leave that friend. If he's a good guy, he's ok with it. In general, he might be jealous.
It's a sticky wicket as she doesn't know either. you are going to lose one or the other or both over time unless you all are more mature than appears. Given he's showing nudes, they aren't.
The other option (to avoid the sticky wicket) is to decide you want your friend and to break up. That will build a better relationship with him, respect, dignity and probably be more sane.
Either way, you're in for some learnings...
And now you might start valuing "purity", of how other cultures solved and avoid these messes.
If he is really a friend.. how come u didn't know he had a relationship with her? Are you really friends? Why did he show you the nudes? Weird dynamic going on here. Did she know he was your friend? It's too many un answered questions. But a simple answer. Leave her tf.. women outnumber men and outlive us as well. So you gone spend the time u got here sharing the same women? U gone marry the girl ya friend use to record deepthroating his sh**? C'mon now. Be a man. Obviously you have a problem.. but your here.. make a change
1st off if you didn't know it was your friends ex, so it shouldn't change how you feel about her, if you really care about her.
2nd. you may need to talk to your friend, and see if he is OK with it. If he isn't then you might have to decide between keeping a friend or the girlfriend if you truly care for her.
3rd. You may also want to ask him to delete those pictures if you choose to stay with her. She sent those pictures in trust, and if he is showing you those pictures, how many more people has he shown. That is a pretty douche bag thing to do. That just shows he has no respect for her.
4th. You may also have to stand up to your friend over those pictures, to protect your girlfriend. It is the gentleman thing to do
OK, you did violate "The Bro Code", but this was accidental.
I am confused though; your friend showed you her nudes that he had? So, does he know that you two are together or not?
I need to know that before I comment further.
Think about your past relationships. Have you done anything similar when you were dating someone. Most people would have to say yes. I know from personal experience, however, it is harder to get over a friend having been with your mate than someone you don’t know. I really think though that if you can think beyond that to my first point it will be good. As far as your friend, they shouldn’t be allowed to tell u not to date her but you might talk it out with them to eliminate any friction before it starts
I dont think its an issue
You did not know, she was his ex
On any case on what terms they break?
I will let your friend know maybe about it so they dont find out on there own and feel betryed or something
If they are a friend they should be able to accept it anyway
Personally I would not get involved with a friend's ex. It's just too awkward. I might do it if it's been a very long time and I knew for sure he was over it. By a long time I mean at least ten years. Even then it would probably still feel awkward.
I also wouldn't get involved with a relative of someone I dated. Now with someone a relative of mine dated.
I don’t think it’s ever okay to date (or have any relationship) with a friends ex. For one, why would you ever want your friends “sloppy seconds”? Have some self respect. For another, have some respect for your friend, think of their feelings, he may have been in love with her and she broke it off. Seeing you with her will break his heart, some friend you are! I always thought that never dating a friends ex was like guy-code #1? I know it’s rule 1 of the girl-code!
You should be asking yourself why your friends with someone with so little integrity. Believe people when they show you their character. You’re friend is showing you he isn’t capable of basic respect for your friendship and privacy for a previous lover/ human being. As soon as he knew you’re with her, ok he was honest about having been with her but he should’ve deleted the nudes.
I think you should clear it with your buddy first and her. If you've been long term friends then you don't want to strain the relationship with your friend and you don't want it to be awkward.
However, I wouldn't want to hear anything about her from your friend, so you don't lose your objectivity. Have to give the girl a fair-chance, besides his loss could be your gain?
I'm surprised that girls on this pole are making a big deal out of this.
If you didn't know that means it didn't influence your decision.
The bro code doesn't make a girl eternally off limits just because a friend dated her once upon a time.
Plus if you didn't know his girlfriend how much of a friend is he?
All and all I'd say you do what you feel is correct but you're not doing something bad by dating her
Seeing the nudes broke you apart, yet you’re smiling about it? Anyway, maybe you should ask your friend how he feels about it or does he not know. Seems you feel guilty about it. If he’s okay with it, then there’s no problem. If he does maybe re-evaluate the relationship. But if that’s an ex, he can’t really be mad unless you were being spiteful about it.
Unfortunately you have to have some pretty rough open conversations here and then boundaries need to be set. One with your friend and one with the girl with the knowledge that one friendship might end or one relationship will end. there's no incognito way around this because eventually it will be known you are with her.
Your friendship with him is interesting because how did he not share with you who he was dating? But ok neither here nor there…
You gotta be upfront with him so there are no surprises down the road (and tell him to stop sharing nudes of his exes) and you have to be upfront with her that you are friends with her ex (leave out the nudes part).
Rough as it is now it’s better to clear the air and see where it everyone is at. It could be he is really over her/not compatible and same with her.
But it could go so many ways wrong if you say zero and he finds out years later at the altar or something 😅
Best of luck
If it’s your best friend then you probably should consider his feelings since you hangout a lot and she will most likely be around him as well. True Good friends are hard to find, don’t let someone get between a ride or die friendship. It all comes down to what relationship do you value more.
It’s your choice, you didn’t know. You should still be with her, nothing wrong with that. I’d be more questioning why he’s showing nudes of her to other people, doesn’t sound like a great friend. If I was her, I wouldn’t be happy if I found out my ex was showing nudes of me to other people
I was in your shoes thousands of years ago.
I took the girl, buddy was pissed for a little while
Girl moved on, me and buddy are still best friends.
Girls come and go. Buddies if true friend will still be there after the girl is long gone
Why break it off because your friend has the nudes? What if you date another one you probably will never know who has them. Something else is gonna haunt you you’ll be surprised how much history the people you lest expect has. If she is a good one stay if you already aware of her issues and can overcome. Or find another partner with a brand new set of issues.
Okay I might be fixating on the wrong point but it feels very weird for your friend to show you her nudes, that's disrespectful.
Considering that, I'd say you're probably in the clear and can date her. Normally you might lose the friend but honestly you'd be better off without him around.
The main question you should have is is your friend worth it? It sounds to me like he is too possessive. Whatever the reason they split up, he should be encouraging your future.
If the first thing he does is try and wreck your relationship then sounds like he doesn't value you. If he gives a good reason not to date her, it is for you to consider it.
I feel like you should break it off. This seems like something that would haunt you while trying to date her. It would be awkward also, with the ex being a close friend of yours. Best to find a girl who is unknown to either of you and start fresh.
Did your friend know you were dating her when he showed you her nudes? It's not a sur5he has nudes of his ex, but she probably intended them for him and nobody else. The only reason I could possibly see for him showing you is if he knew you were dating her. If your relationship with her progresses, you'll probably have nudes of her too.
let your friend know, especially if it's a close one, and let her know too and see what happens - if you're all fine with it then that's good but if one person's not happy then you might have to choose between your friend or girlfriend
Friendship comes first. Don't put yourself in a situation. Or, if your friend is really calm about it, tell him, and depending on his reaction, stay with her or leave her. But we all know people already in a relationship won't leave their parrner, even if it puts a risk on their friendships.
In my opinion your friend wasn't a gentleman about you dating his ex, showing you her nudes is in my opinion a sign that he's either jealous or still holds hatred towards her... So if those nudes will keep haunting you and make you feel some type of a way it's better if you leave her..
Just keep doing what your doing , don't worry about it - keep seeing her , its none of his business , and he should no be showing around her nudes.
He can’t be that close a friend if you didn’t know they were dating or their relationship didn’t last very long. In either case. Breaking up is unwarranted.
So by some weird chance he shows you her nudes, not anyone else's?
Real Love is something that we can only control a small part of it in the beginning but once it spread within 2 people it becomes one, and your friend should understand because they not together anymore, if he's your true friend and cares about how you feel too, he should be happy for you
Everyone has exes. May be a little awkward at first with your friend but it should work out. Another topic: why would your friend share intimate and private photos?
If you didn't know them how do you know they wasa ex.
You should just ask your friend if it's ok if not then there your choice an you thinking will just add on to you telling your friend a lie. Or even youself a lie.
That’s just too weird for me I wouldn’t be able to handle it. My intrusive thoughts would have me visualize them together at random times. I might sound immature but I’m being honest I’d leave.
jj
To say the least it is going to be tense abd you may end up with a more distant best friend.
Proceed with caution. See how your friend feels and how significant the relationship was. Also if he dumped her or she dumped him. And if possible why.
You are already invested. Your friend has no claim to her because he was involved with her once.
Also I was in this situation where my best friend started talking about this guy she really liked. The more she described him then said h8s name I asked to see a pick and sure enough it was the guy I was dating before the man I'm with now.
My friend felt bad but I told her don't. I'm mature enough to know him and I weren't right and maybe he's right for her. But I've always wanted my ex's to find the right women someday. Just because it didn't work out romantically for us doesn't mean I completely stop caring about them as friends. Plus I've never been insecure or jealous.
You’re welcome to date whomever you want. I don’t see the issue here.
You feel it is messed up as it is messed up. Don't let yourself be in a messed up situation.
He shouldn't be showing people her nudes. Maybe your friend belongs in jail.
Well you didn't know so I believe it's not your fault. You can't deny yourself love because someone didn't find love with that person and main point is, you didn't know , soooooo
it's okay to continue as long as you tell your friend about it and make sure they're okay with it. If your friend is not okay with it you should leave her since no woman is worth a friendship
It's really messed up now
There is something like bro code
That you have broke
There's nothing you can do now
We are human beings
And we make mistakes
And we learn from them
Just move on now
I think you should leave it up to your friend, because you seem to care about his feelings as well.
Tell him exactly what you told us!
I've never understood how people get mad about this. If you don't want her someone else will so stay with her if this is going to bother you.
If I am somebody’s friend and I never mentioned the ex by name beforehand, they are free to date her.
Need more specifics. Ex girlfriend or wife? How long ago did they date? How close of a friend is he?
The friend who died you get nudes is a jerk to be going around showing nudes of his ex. You started a relationship with her, be with her.
It's inappropriate to date a friends ex particularly if she broke up with him and he still holds feelings towards or pain from that experience.
This is going to be very messy if you continue. I don't advise that. But you should listen to your gut
this is why guys need to pick one , lock it down 😆
Happened oncw with me and didn't end welll. Just be very careful.
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
