context: i’ve been friends with this guy for about 5 years, i was attracted to him as soon as he transferred to my school but he hadn’t noticed me. The same day he transferred a few others had too, his future girlfriend and i became friends that same year as well.
Throughout that year i really didn’t have any close friends and she didn’t either so i felt like we kinda leaned on each other and we were inseparable. The 2 people dated for a year until the girl left for another country and they spent about 4 more years dating long distance. They were a big deal at my school, everyone shipped them and they had accounts together. They broke up 2 months ago.
The thing is that the guy is now interested in me (i have a spy on the inside that has told me so) and i don’t know what to do. I’m attracted to him but then there’s also this past relationship with the girl. Even though the girl and I don’t actively talk at all and to be honest i didn’t really like her before, we were still friends and she still talks to me when it’s my birthday, my grad, tells me she misses me and just basic catching up things. I don’t know what to do!
Date him, sacrifice your already dead relationship with the girl and your possible reputation with your ex classmates (i graduated).
Do not date him, this could cause many problems within your social circle and disappoint your ex friend.
Tread lightly for awhile. If you had really wanted something to happen, it would have happened a long time ago. So far he has been knocking on doors to find out if you have an interest in him, that is as far as it has gone. Two months is not all that long for a multi year relationship to be over. He wants to fill the void left inside of him and you would be an easy target since you two have known each other for so long.
I would not let him know you have heard his "secret" from other friends about his interest in you. You need to decide first of all if you really have a strong interest in him! You have never pursued anything with him prior.
The other lady friend (former girlfriend of him) should not be a factor other than you need to make sure their relationship is truly done forever. Then if you have an interest, pursue gently. Go with the "let's have tea sometime" before you actually go out on a date. You are at an age when you no longer date for the heck of it, you are looking to evaluate every date for long term potential.
If at "tea" you find a mutual interest, let him know right away you need to know if he is truly emotionally available, or if the past relationship still has some smodering flames to deal with.
You are best to stay away from him and find someone that hasn’t been involved with 1 of your friends , even though you said she isn’t much of a friend she is still a friend if she contacts you and says she misses you, so out of respect don’t give her ex a chance , it’s always best to find your own partner not a friend’s left overs , I had friends that did this and it always ends bad , now they aren’t friends anymore and resent each other , 1 rule of thumb I gave myself was to never date a friend’s ex , no matter how beautiful she is , and I am glad I stuck to that. Cuz everyone I have met through the years that has done this are all enemies now , It isn’t worth the drama , there are plenty of fish in the sea , so go find your own
I’ll say find a guy many fishes in the sea… even though you are not as good friend with that girl!!! But I’m one point of your life !! She was your only friend! She and you have good memories and maybe bad ones too. But at the end you should not do a back stab and now date her ex!!! That’s my honest opinion!! Since they where dating for a long time!!! Maybe that guy is just using you to forget her! But as soon as she sees her !! He might brake up with you to be with her… just for get him and fine a new guy! Good luck !!! But you do what you wish !! That’s my opinion
It seems like this could be his attempt to try and make the girl he was dating jealous or hurt because he is hurt about the break up. His interest in you is for the wrong reasons.
If he was truly interested in you he would have been with you from the start. So, To him you are a rebound.
I also doubt he would have respect for you knowing she was your friend and you went after him after they broke up. He would look at you as being not trustworthy.
I personally would not be interested in being a guy's rebound.
If you still consider her to be a friend... ask her opinion. If the long distance thing was the only problem and they went separate ways out of fairness, she may think you'd make a great couple. Or maybe she found out he was a cheating bastard and your friend group never heard that side of the story with her distance. Either way, what could it hurt?
0
1 Reply
Asker
New+1 y
They broke it off because the relationship went blank, they stopped talking so they mutually ended things because they new long distance wasn’t an option anymore
Normally I would say stay away from friends exes but if it's an ex friend it's not really valid anymore. That said, it doesn't mean it's a good idea but you should be able to judge his character better then any of us. Just be aware of the reasons for their breakup and judge if you would have done the same thing.
Too much story - it's irrelevant. If you want him, date him, try him out. If you're really close to the other girl, just give her a heads-up. "I'm gonna date [what's his name]". Don't ask, don't debate, just do what you do in your life for you - it's YOUR life, and you don't need permission from anybody to live it.
Date him! You deserve to be happy! You deserve good things! Don't worry about what people may think just do it for yourself and your need to fill a void that seems to be empty within you. Fill that hole and all the rest with all he can offer you :-)
Feel free to date him, but be prepared to feel like the second choice if she ever returns. There's credibility to saying the reason they're not together is distance. If that distance ever changes the one thing stopping them is gone.
Honey he's not interested In you. Never was and never will be. If he were truly interested in you he would've chose you over your friend. He's just using you to make your friend jealous. This guy cares nothing about you. Just keeping it real
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions